"I'm sorry, what did you just say?!" Dean barked at Kevin.
"I – well, the tablet, I mean, it says that the final trial, um, it's more of a sacrifice, really."
"What the hell do you mean, 'sacrifice'?" Dean thought he knew, but he refused to believe it.
"Well it, um, it says that in order to close the gates for good, uh, the person who completed the first two trials has to…to sacrifice his own life."
"No," Dean said harshly, without even thinking. He started to pace back and forth in the small space in front of Kevin's desk. He'd always known this was a possibility, but he had managed to keep himself from thinking about it up 'til now.
"Dean, calm down, let's just think about this for a second," Sam tried to reason with him.
"Calm down?! I'm not going to calm down, Sammy! He's talking about suicide here, dammit, I'm not going to let you do this."
"Well, what do you suggest then, Dean? We can't just quit, we've already come this far."
"Not this, Sammy, anything but this. We'll find another way, we have to," he was starting to sound desperate, but he was desperate, he couldn't lose Sam, not again.
"Why not? I've already given everything else to this damn job, why shouldn't I give my life?" Sam's eyes were empty of emotion as he looked up at Dean, still pacing the floor.
"Because…because I've given everything too, Sammy, and I can't give you up too, I just can't, not again," Dean faltered, his voice breaking. He glanced at his little brother, the kid he'd looked after ever since he'd carried him outside of the burning house on that accursed night.
"Dean, you've still got friends here, you could finally have your own life, a normal life. Don't you want that?"
"I do, I really do, Sam, but I've already tried that. I don't do well with normal, and normal doesn't do well with me. It would never work," he said, exasperated. He slumped down into a nearby chair. He was tired, tired of going in circles with this damned lifestyle, tired of losing his loved ones over and over again, powerless to stop it. Sammy was the only thing that kept him going, kept him fighting. Without him, Dean was useless.
"I understand where you're coming from, Dean, trust me, if it were the other way around, there's no way I would let you sacrifice yourself, but we just don't have any other choice, do we?" Sam glanced at Kevin to confirm that there wasn't a second option.
"According to the tablet, the final step is self-sacrifice," Kevin repeated, looking exhausted and hopeless.
"See? I don't want this any more than you do, Dean, but I have to do this. I took on this responsibility, and I have to see it through."
Dean looked from Kevin's worn out face to Sam's determined one. He wanted to hurl the tablet across the room and watch it crumble into a thousand pieces. He wanted to shake some sense into Sam's shoulders. He wanted to shout at Kevin that he had to figure out another way. But there was no use. It wouldn't do any of them any good. If this was the only option, then they had to follow through. He'd told Sam that he believed in him and that he would help him see this through, and he couldn't go back on his word now. He would have to let Sam go. He sat up and rubbed his face with weary hands. "Fine," he muttered through clenched teeth, "where do we start?"
Sam sat motionless in the passenger seat as the Impala sped along the highway. Kevin was passed out in the back seat; he'd been unable to stay awake for more than a few seconds after they'd hit the road. Dean was staring unblinkingly out of the windshield, not saying a word. The three of them had gone through the details of what they would have to do before setting out, so there was nothing left to say on that matter. They were each lost in their own thoughts.
Sam was having flashbacks from the time they'd set out on the last night of Dean's life just a few years ago, after he'd sold his soul to bring his little brother back from the dead. Sam remembered how Dean had belted out "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi, eventually getting him to join in as well. Even in that darkest hour, Dean was looking out for him, trying to make him feel better. Sam wished more than anything that he could do the same for Dean now, but he just didn't know what to say. He was more worried about Dean than he was about himself; dying didn't scare him anymore, it was just the thought of leaving Dean alone that made him sick to his stomach. Last time Sam had given himself up, Dean had promised to get on with his life, but this time there were no promises. Dean would beat himself up for years because of this, and there was nothing Sam could do to stop him.
Dean felt empty of all emotion as he drove his faithful old car down the darkened freeway. Kevin had told him where they had to perform the – where they had to go. His soul seemed to have turned into a bottomless pit, draining the life out of him. He had given so much to this cursed world, and now…now he was sick of it. Sick of seeing everyone around him leave…his mom, his dad, Lisa, Ben, Bobby, Ellen, Jo…and now Sam. For good this time, too, no second chances, no miracles, no way around it. He didn't want to live in a world that was full of so much pain, so much suffering and loss. There was nothing life had to offer him anymore, no light in the blinding darkness.
Kevin sat up as the car stopped. "Are we here?" he murmured, still not quite awake. They were in the middle of an open field. Dean answered by getting out of the driver's seat and slamming the door. The other two followed. The all stood at the trunk, staring silently at the items they needed. After a few moments, Sam finally started gathering what they would need. Dean and Kevin began helping noiselessly.
A pit started to form in Dean's stomach as the reality of the situation hit him. He was about to watch his little brother kill himself, without doing anything to stop it. He wasn't sure he could go through with it.
Kevin began looking over his notes and preparing the materials. It was a surprisingly simple ritual, considering the significance of what it was going to do. Sam and Dean leaned against the hood of the Impala, staring up at the sky, just like they used to after a long day on the road. Sam glanced over at his brother, seeing how emotionally exhausted he really was. His shoulders slumped, face drained of life, and arms limp at his sides. Suddenly Sam remembered something; he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small item. Dean glanced over at the abrupt motion. Sam was holding out the amulet he'd given his older brother on that Christmas so many years ago. The amulet that Dean had then given to Cas, hoping beyond reason it would help him find his Father. The amulet that Cas had returned to him when his efforts failed, causing Dean to throw it away carelessly, out of hopelessness. Dean couldn't believe that Sam had picked it up. It was such a small act, but it represented so much. It meant that Sam hadn't given up hope, and now he was giving it back to Dean, as a sign that he wanted him to keep hoping even after he was gone. He looked up at Sam and nodded, understanding, and put the necklace on. Sam jerked his head in return, and they both returned to staring into the night.
Kevin stood and looked over at the brothers, "It's ready," he said.
They all looked at each other for a few long moments, no one wanting to move. The air was crisp and the first faint lights of dawn were coming over the horizon as Sam finally cleared his throat, "Okay, so, I just read the incantation then light the fire, right?"
"Yeah, I think so. That should open the gate, and then you just…" Kevin trailed off.
Sam let out a short grunt of comprehension, "Okay," he said, turning to Dean, who looked like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, "Dean, I – just…thank you…thank you for always looking out for me."
Dean looked at him with eyes that were full of inner torment, "That's my job, isn't it, Sammy? To look out for my pain in the ass little brother?" he let out rough laugh, then his face grew somber once more, "What am I gonna do without you, Sammy?" His jaw twitched as he tried to keep his emotions in check.
Sam said nothing, but leaned in for a final hug from his big brother, who clasped him tight, not willing to let him go. Finally, they released each other, and Sam turned to give Kevin a grateful pat on the back, "Thanks for everything, Kev."
"No problem," he said simply.
With that, Sam began to read aloud the incantation that Kevin had copied from the tablet. It was short, and he was done in under a minute. He glanced up at Kevin, who nodded, then struck the match and lit the fire. The field went completely silent for a few short moments, and then there was an overwhelming sound of air being sucked in to a spot just behind Sam.
Sam froze for a brief moment, and then turned for one last glimpse of the world around him, now bright with the morning sun. Then he started to turn towards the opening with a sense of determination. He stopped for one last look at his faithful big brother, standing behind him looking old and broken, and then started moving towards the gate.
Dean watched as Sammy turned toward the entrance to Hell. He couldn't do this; he couldn't let Sammy go alone, not again. All at once he decided what he had to do. With one swift motion he yanked the keys to his beloved Impala out of his jacket pocket and tossed them to Kevin, who looked confused and startled at the action. Dean gave him a nod, and then stepped toward Sam, putting his arm around his little brother's shoulders. "We do this together," he shouted over the sound of wind rushing around them. Sam looked at him, knowing that there wasn't time to argue, and nodded.
With that, the Winchester boys pressed their way through the entrance, the gates sealing behind them forever.