Let Me Help You

Author's Note: This is my first story so first thank you for choosing to read it. This means a lot to me. The writing may be rough I'm not a professional but I wanted to post it and get feedback so I can grow from this experience. I always kind of wondered how Nathan felt when he found Haley so I just started writing and the story just happened. Let me know what you think and if I should do one in Haley's POV. Thank you

Set in season 7 episode 22 after Nathan pulls Haley from the pool. This is set in Nathan's point of view of all the thoughts and feelings going through his head right after he saves Haley.

Anger. Hurt. Petrified. Responsible. Relieved. Confused.

All these emotions are circling through my head as I hold my wife against my chest. I'm confused as how she came to this. Haley is the strongest person I know what broke her? Did I break her with all stupid things I've done in the past? She can't get past this because of me. I feel so responsible for this. She could have died. That last word stings my heart and keeps echoing throughout my brain. Living without her is something I cannot even image and will not let happen. I am so relieved that she is safe and alive. Petrified that she tried to take her life. Does she not know how much I love her? I'm hurt at the fact that she thought this was the only way out and angry that I couldn't help her because of my stupidity. My mind is racing with all these unanswered questions. How could she leave me? How could she leave Jamie? Is this what she wanted? What if I didn't find her? What if she tries this again because she wasn't successful? I need to drain the pool. I-

My thoughts are interrupted when I feel Haley start to shake against my chest. I suddenly realize we are still in the pool in each other's arms. I go to release my grip on her to help her out but she tightens her hold on me. Haley has never hugged me this tight before and it scares me. In the past, when she would cling to me it would mean she was hurt or just needed to be close to me. I know that she is hurting but right now it's different. I need to drain the pool before she tries this again. I pray to God she doesn't but I can't risk losing her. I don't want to put her down. I just want to hold her in my arms and keep her safe. I pick her up and walk up the stairs of the pool. My heart is shattering at the fact that she can't let go of me. I want nothing more than to comfort her and listen to everything she has to say but first I need to drain the pool before this incident turns into something I don't want to think about. As I am struggling to release Haley from my arms she mumbles into my shirt "Nathan, please"

I look down at her and say, "Baby, I need to set you down for 1 minute. I need to get something. I will be right back I promise. I won't leave you here."

She slowly starts to let go of the clumps of my shirt she has in her fists and I slowly set her down on the ground next to the pool. I'm gone for 2 minutes and it seems like the longest 2 minutes of my life. I can't find the pump. I just left her alone. I am an idiot. How could I do that? There's still water in the pool. OMG I have to get back to her. God dammit where's the fricking pump! I find the pump behind the hose and I sprint back to Haley. I find her right where I left her and I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding. I sit down next to my wife and I begin to set the pump up. I glace over and she is staring blankly at the ground. God, I always thought I could read her inside and out but I can't read this. It is tearing me to threads not to be able to help her. Once I finally set the pump up, all the water slowly starts leaving the pool. The memory of seeing her lifeless body keeps repeating in my head as I watch the water level decrease. Haley is my world. The most important thing I have next to Jamie. Oh, God Jamie. How would I explain this to him? I can feel the tears start to run down my face. I feel someone touch my arm and hear barley at a whisper "Nathan". I turn my head to look at her and I can't stop the words from coming out of my mouth

"Don't you know how much I love you? How I cannot live without you?" She lets go of my arm and I see her look down at her hands but I can't stop. I start to almost yell as the tears continue to fall down my face. "My heart stopped the minute I saw your lifeless body in this pool! You are my everything Haley! Don't you know that! Jamie wouldn't have a mom if something would have happened! How I would explain that to him? Ho-"

I stop when I see her start to cry and I regret yelling at her. Dammit, I always retort to anger and it never helps. I lift her chin so she can look at me and caressed her cheek.

I softly say "Hales, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell I just…. I just want to know why? Why did you do it?"

"I-I don't know. I just wanted to feel something. Something…real. Something…. better." She looks down at her hands again and I feel my heart break into a million pieces. I take her hand and place it on my chest by my heart and say, "Do you feel this?"

"Yes"

"This is real, you can feel this every day."

"Please let me help you Hales." I beg her. "I can't bare seeing you like this anymore"

She puts her hand on my face and says, "It's not that I don't want to talk to you it's just that I don't understand how I'm feeling to talk to anyone. I feel lost and alone... trapped"

My heart stopped in that moment. Did she just say she feels alone? I lock eyes with her and harshly tell her "You are NEVER alone baby. I am ALWAYS here for you no matter what. Always and forever"

She smiles at the last part. Our phrase can always make one of us smile. It is amazing to see her smile. I than realized how much I missed it.

"I know, I'm so sorry Nathan" She begins to shake and I remember we are still outside.

"Come on baby. Let's go inside."

I pick up my small wife bridal style and carry her inside. I bring her to our bedroom, help her out of her wet clothes, and into some dry pajamas. As I finish putting on her pajama pants on she grabs my hand and locks eyes with me. Her sudden movement scares me a bit. I see her open her mouth but nothing comes out as she looks down again.

"What is it Hales?"

She slowly moves her head up to look at me again and says, "I want to stop feeling this way Nathan. I want to be better for you and Jamie. I want to start going to therapy again." She takes a breath before continuing "I think it's time to be the mom Jamie needs. And the wife you deserve."

My entire body relaxes and I feel a sense of peace and relief come over me with every word she says. Thank you, God. I take her hand and give it a squeeze. I rest my forehead against hers and lean closer and capture her lips in a passionate kiss. It's the first kiss we've shared in weeks and I've missed it. I've missed the feeling of her soft lips against mine. I've missed her laugh. I've missed her determination to get past anything. God, I've missed every little thing about her. We end the kiss and I can almost see the sparkle in her eyes that makes my knees go weak every time. I lead her to our bed as we get in together. She snuggles next to me and I wrap my arms around her small form. It feels so right. I rest my head against hers and close my eyes.

I hear a soft " I love you" escape from her perfect lips.

I kiss her forehead and whisper "I love you"

I know we have a long way to go before Haley is back to normal but we have made a start. I know my girl has the strength to fight through it and when she feels weak I will be there always and forever.