Prologue ( from pgs 375 and 376 from 'new moon')
'I remembered wishing that Jacob were my brother. I realised now that all I really wanted was a claim on him. It didn't feel brotherly when he held me like this. It just felt nice- warm and comforting and familiar. Safe. Jacob was my safe harbour.
I could stake a claim. I had that much within my power.
I'd have to tell him everything, I knew that. It was the only way to be fair. I'd have to explain it right, so that he'd know I wasn't settling, that he was too good for me. He already knew I was broken, that part wouldn't surprise him, but he'd need to know the extent of it. I'd even have to admit that I was crazy- explain about the voices I heard. He'd need to know everything before he made a decision.
But, even as I recognised the necessity, I knew he would take me in spite of it all. He wouldn't even pause to think it through.
I would have to commit to this- commit as much of me as there was left, every one of the broken pieces. It was the only way to be fair to him. Would I? Could I?
Would it be so wrong to try and make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo, would it be so very wrong?.......
Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as was possible under the circumstances? Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't be-grudge me this: giving just a small bit of the love he didn't want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn't the same love at all....
But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?....
And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear.
"Be happy," he told me.