A/N: I hope everybody had a Merry Christmas. Enjoy!!!!

Christmas Blues


A Castle Fan Fic
By Dethwalker

The Precinct

"Merry Christmas Everybody" Castle bellowed from across the bullpen. He stood just in the doorway with a Santa Claus hat on and a big red sack on his back. A jaunty smile creased his face.

It was early afternoon Christmas Eve and the Precinct was already on a skeleton crew. The few detectives that were in the bullpen looked up at Castle as he sauntered toward Beckett, he moved from desk to desk placing a brightly wrapped gift on each. Becket had to smile at the conscientious look on Castles face as he laid each package just so; he at last ended his gift giving at Kate's desk with a package wrapped in shiny green paper topped with red ribbon.

"Rick, you did not have to do this, you gave me my gift last night at your party." Kate said.

Castle had thrown his annual Christmas party a day earlier than normal to accommodate Alexis going to Meredith's for Christmas this year. It had been a sumptuous event a full dinner for close friends and general drinking and mayhem afterward. Kate had been surprised at the inclusion of Esposito, Ryan, Lanie and Captain Montgomery and his wife, along with Castles usual cast of characters including the Mayor and a congressman or two. The dinner had been up to Rick's standards, a five course affair that let everyone feeling stuffed and happy. During the after dinner festivities he had pulled his 'cop' friends aside and showered them with gifts for Ryan and Esposito he had gotten them season tickets to their respective favorite baseball teams. Lanie received a spa weekend up in the Hamptons and the Captain had gotten eighty year old Scotch, to Kate he had presented a calf length leather coat. When they protested that he had given them too much, Castle had politely but firmly told them that they deserved much more for putting up with him and his shenanigans.

"Nonsense Kate, people might think we hate each other if I didn't give you a present too. So when are you heading out to your dads?"

"Around nine tonight, I want to let the Christmas Crazy drivers get out of the way before heading out to see my Dad."

"Would it be too presumptuous if I sent him a present?"

"Why would you want to give my Dad a gift?"

"Well, there are several reasons, but mostly because he's your Dad."

"You are doing too much Richard."

"Nope, I feel like I'm not doing enough. You, the Capitan, Javier and Kevin put up with me on an almost daily basis, for that you all deserve to win the lottery. I know I'm difficult to put up with and I appreciate the fact that you all haven't kicked me to the curb."

"Well you do have your moments" Kate smirked

"I know, and as hard as I try to be a good boy, sometime I just can't help being naughty." Castle leered "Well anyway, I got your Dad a little something, nothing much, just a little thank you for being your Dad."

"So has Alexis already gone to L.A.?"

"Yeah, I took her to JFK early this morning," he looked at his watch,"She should be landing about now if fact. My baby is all grown up, jet setting all by herself. They grow up too fast, Detective."

"So what do you and Martha have planned?" Kate queried.

"Martha is planning God knows what, she and her new beau Chet are off to somewhere in the Caribbean and truthfully, being her son, I don't think I want to know what sort of debauchery she is up to. I just hope I don't get a call from her asking for me to bail her out of jail. Me, well my plans are a great deal simpler, I have a date with Nikki. She and I are going to be spending the whole day together."

"You're going to be alone on Christmas?"

"I celebrated Christmas last night with you and all my guests."

"Have you ever been alone on Christmas before?"

"Sure I have, lots of times; I was a regular schoolboy Scrooge as a kid. Besides it's just a day." Rick lied. He had some definite feelings of abandonment but was determined no to let it show.

Kate, who was getting to know Rick well, if not intimately, could see past the façade and saw the hurt, She often marveled at the complex nature of the Author sitting beside her. He showed all the world a carefully constructed veneer, the devil may care playboy, but inside that construct lay a troubled and somewhat fragile soul. She had seen the agony he would go into when he had writers block and it was not pleasant. She was fairly sure that he would make it through tomorrow but the results would not be pretty. She tried to think of someway to alleviate the situation. She knew that even if he wanted to he would not go with her to her father's house. He was stubborn and would feel that she was taking pity on him so he would automatically refuse. She would have enlisted Ryan and Esposito's help but Javier was in Jersey visiting his folks, and Ryan was spending his first Christmas with Jennifer his new girlfriend so both of those were a bust. The harder she thought the more frustrated she became. Although Castle was a grade A pain in the ass, he was also an asset to the team. Over the last eleven months she had come to think of him as her partner at the police station and as a close, almost intimate friend outside of work.

"If you think much harder your head is going to start to smoke. I can already hear the gears grinding." He quipped, breaking her concentration.

"Sorry Richard, I'm making a mental list of things to take to Dad's" Kate lied

"Kate I'll be fine" Castle said easily guessing the thoughts that were going through her mind.

Rick's cell phone interrupted any comment Beckett was going to make. It jingled like the sound of sleigh bells. 'It' Alexis' he mouthed and proceeded to answer it. She knew that Alexis was the very center of his world and that made him even more endearing. He would move mountains or walk through fire for his daughter and that fatherly dedication was a wonderful side to him. If more women knew the real Richard Castle he would be fighting them off with a stick. She smiled as she imagined Castle running from a large mob of middle aged women. The sheer panic in his eyes would be priceless.

"Earth to Kate" Castle interrupted her thoughts. "You know I'm going to start worrying about you, if you keep zoning out. You shouldn't be a distracted driver."

"I'll be fine, Rick. I guess my mind is already on my Christmas vacation."

"Wow, a vacation, I don't think I have every heard you say that word before." Rick quipped.

"Don't get too used to it, the Union only allows us to bank three months worth of vacation time. If I don't use this week of time I lose it."

"So are you going to spend the whole week with your Dad?"

"I don't know, probably not. I love my Dad, but the thought of spending a whole week upstate just drives me batty."

"Yeah, I can't see you being very sedentary." Castle agreed.

"So how about you go with me to time square to watch the ball drop. I usually go with Alexis but she is not coming back until late New Years Day."

"I don't know… I'll see when I get back." Kate hedged, not really sure of her plans.

Rick sat quietly for a short time before excusing himself saying that he had a few more stops before heading home to Nikki. Kate allowed him to go with no protests, knowing such protests would fall on deaf ears. Kate sat in contemplation trying to figure a way to make sure Castle did not fall into a funk on Christmas. At last admitting defeat Kate pulled out her cell and called the Castle Expert.

"Detective Beckett, hey, how are you?" came the young voice

"Alexis, we are well past this... Aren't we?"

"Just sitting here in the car with MOM." Alexis said.

"Oh, sorry, look Alexis I need your help…."

"Is dad okay?" Alexis asked worriedly.

"He's fine, at the moment. I just called because I just found out that your Dad is going to be alone tomorrow."

"Yeah, I wasn't too happy about that either. He can be difficult on Christmas with a house full of guests and family. I hate to think about him alone."

"Difficult, how?" Kate asked confused.

"He get the Christmas blues, it can be pretty bad."

"But he seems so happy almost manic, you might say"

"That's the problem, once Christmas is over Dad kind of bottoms out. It usually is for only a day or two and he is usually his normal self by New Years."

"Whenever I saw Ricky getting down, a romp around the bedroom always perked him right up" Kate heard Meredith say.

"Mom I don't think that is appropriate advice for a daughter to give to a policeman." Alexis was being deliberately vague on Kate and Castle's exact relationship, it being a gray area at the moment.

"Just trying to be of help sweetie." Kate could here the acid sweetness in her voice. Kate could never understand why Meredith held such animosity toward her.

"Thanks, Alexis you have been a help. I can understand a little of what he is going through. I had not realized he got the Blues."

"How could you know Detective, this is the first Christmas you have know him?" Alexis asked puzzled.

"I know, Alexis, but it seems like I have known him for years."

"He can be like that, I know. I tried to change my time with Mom, but both of them were adamant that I come out here for Christmas. Alexis lamented.

"I wouldn't want to be between them either. Merry Christmas Alexis. Call me when you get home and we will go out to lunch. I would say and go shopping but I am sure you will be shopped out when you get back."

"I would like that, Merry Christmas Detective Beckett."

Kate sat back and digested the new information. It did make sense, most artistic people had at least a touch of moodiness. History was rife with artists doing strange things, Van Gough cut off and ear, Poe married his first cousin, and Castle got the Christmas Blues, that was infinitely more manageable that Rick lopping off body parts. Kate sighed and looked at her watch it was just a little after five and she had plenty of time before having to leave for her Dad's house.

###

Castle's Apartment

Richard sat in the dark, mug of eggnog in hand staring out into the Christmas Eve night. Dark had fallen quickly today, the steel gray clouds that the weather man said would give New Yorkers a white Christmas morning had lingered all day, snuffing out the light around 4pm. There was a soft pop and the automatic timer clicked and the Christmas tree and assorted lights around the windows came on. Rick knew intellectually he should get up and make some dinner but he knew he would never be able to muster the energy. He also knew it would not be but so much longer that he would still be putting Eggnog in his rum. Maybe if he drank enough he would sleep through Christmas and wake up the day after all happy. He frowned as he heard the sound of a key in his lock.

Kate looked worried as she tried to juggle the bags in her arms and the key that Castle had given her to his apartment, 'in case of emergencies', he had said as he had handed it to her. Finally she put her bags down and used the key. For a brief moment she thought that perhaps Castle as one of his practical jokes had given her the wrong key, but it soon clicked the lock open and she picked up the bags and walked in. She walked into a wave of silence and near total darkness. The Christmas lights barely illuminated the foyer. For the first time she could remember silence reigned in the Castle home. She scanned the living room until she found the silhouette she had been looking for. She gently placed the bags on the table by the door and moved toward the couch that held the brooding Author. She slid in beside him and pressed her side into his warmth. She intercepted the mug going to his lips and took a sip. She winced at the powerful spiced rum that was only mildly diluted by the eggnog.

"Wow, Richard, do you like a little eggnog in your rum?"

"It puts hair on your chest. Why are you here Kate?" Rick asked a little bit sullenly.

"So you're pissed that I'm interrupting your bender?"

"No you are supposed to be heading toward your Dad's house."

"I'll make it."

"It's supposed to snow."

"Unless it is a blizzard I'll be fine." Kate said riled.

"Again Kate why are you here?"

Kate sighed."I came by to see you. I'm worried about you being alone on Christmas."

"I'll be fine." Castle stated.

"I don't think that I would define fine as being sloppy drunk on Christmas…. Look Rick I don't want to fight. I just came here to be with you before I have to leave to go to see my dad. We have been friends for almost a year, and yet we still know so little about our pasts. I thought that we could share a little Beckett Christmas tradition tonight."

"A roll in the sheets?" Castle joked.

"No, for as long as I can remember, my mother would make Baked Potato soup on Christmas Eve. When I was old enough she would allow me to help. I have many fond memories of cooking on Christmas Eve with my mother. Now I want to share it with you." Kate's voice was husky with the emotion that she felt. Her mother had passed away years ago, but talking about it still hurt. Sometime she wondered why she felt the need to share these memories with Richard, but when he pulled her close and kissed her deeply she knew. They had both had trauma in their past and could recognize a kindred soul. He tasted of nutmeg and rum but it was uniquely Castle. She gently pulled back.

"If we kiss much longer I will be too drunk to drive." Kate quipped.

"Too drunk with love?"

"No too drunk on rum, Lord Castle how much have you had to drink?"

"This is just my first mug." He protested.

Kate got to her feet and gently tugged Richard to his feet. If you'll get the bags from the foyer I'll go into the kitchen and start rounding up the utensils we are going to need. Kate moved into the kitchen. Until now this had been his domain. He had cooked meals for her here but she had never returned the favor. She had observed Castle as he cooked so she knew where most things were. She was bending over to get a big soup pot when Castle came in carrying the bags.

"You know, I could get used to this view." He gently swatted Beckett's ass as he passed.

"I am still wearing my gun… Kitten." Was her rejoinder.

"You certainly have quite a few ingredients here, bacon, sour cream, green onions, cheese and milk… You know I do carry some of these things in my pantry."

"I know, but I did not know exactly what you had in your larder."

"I will make you an English teacher yet." Rick joked.

"That's what I was going to study before my mom died, English Literature and education."

Castle instinctively wrapped his arms around her to hug away the pain. Of the men she had been with in her adult life, Richards was the one who seemed to know what she needed at times like this. She was slowly learning to enjoy the intimacy that Rick offered. She wrapped her arms around his and savored the closeness. When their moment had passed she patted his arm and they got back to work. Even in the kitchen they worked well together. The conversation turned to childhood memories of Christmases past. Castle was regaling her with a particularly lurid prank he had played on a neighborhood friend which involved the two boys climbing onto the roof of the apartment building to set a trap for a reindeer in order to extort more toys from Santa when the soup was done.

"Well the soup is done. You know acting like that it is surprising that Santa ever brought any presents to you."

"The trap worked… well sort of, it captured Mr. Mulvainy who had come up to the roof to grab a smoke. Mr. Mulvainy got in trouble for smoking behind his wife's back, but not until he had tanned our hides. I think that was the Christmas I got my first Ian Fleming novel, come to think of it."

Getting their bowls of soup and moving into the living room to sit and enjoy the food brought mixed feelings to Kate. She was happy to share it with Castle but sad that her Mom was gone. She sat tears glistening in her eyes. When Rick turned around from lighting the fire he saw the tears and moved to sit on the floor in front of Kate.

"I'm sorry." He said simply

"No, Richard there is no need to be sorry. I just miss her and I always will, especially at Christmastime. Mom was a Christmas nut. The day after Thanksgiving she would start to decorate the house and for the entire weekend she would decorate and cook. By the end of the week the house looked like a scene from a Hallmark Christmas card and to me it smelled like Christmas, with the gingerbread and sugar cookies. From the earliest times I can remember those decorations and smells meant Christmas to me. When she died…. It just about killed me. Dad tried to put up the decorations but it just seemed just so… obscene. After that year he put the decorations in storage and to my knowledge has never gotten them out again. When I moved into my new place after getting a job with the NYPD I when through the boxes and got some of the things that were most precious to me, but I just can't put them out. It's one of the reasons I have been here so much, this December. You and Alexis have been able to help me make better memories of Christmas. I even was able to put out a few things this year. Because you and Alexis and the love you have for each other and for the season, I have been able to enjoy the season and not dread it so much."

He took her hands in his. The look he gave her was earnest. Some would say that he looked at her with love in his eyes. At that moment the swirling emotions she had been feeling stilled and she was at peace.

"What can I do Kate, to make this a better time for you?" he asked.

"Do you really mean that?"

"Of course I do, I'm not one for idle words."

"Alright then, come with me to my Father's. Let me introduce him to the man in my life." Kate answered.

Castle sighed. He was being hoisted by his own petard, but he could not say no.

"Alright, I'll go, but I go under protest, you should be there, just you. Christmas is a time for Family." He whispered.

"Richard, over the time we have been working together, you and Alexis have become my family."

Castle straightened and pulled her off the couch and into a deep kiss. She slid down to her knees and pressed her body against his. On their knees the height discrepancy was more pronounced. Her heels could not help her here and she did not want them to. He was just enough taller that he had to stoop just a little. Kate arched herself so there was no gap between them. Electricity seemed to arc up their bodies as they allowed the kiss to continue. Forgotten were the bowls of soup and the snow which had started to fall.

When they at last broke the kiss, Castle wrapped her into a hug.

"Merry Christmas, Kate."

"Joyous Yuletide, Richard."

"JOYOUS YULETIDE?" Castle exclaimed. "Where the hell did that come from?"

"Well I am kind of seeing this writer guy, maybe he is rubbing off on me… a little bit…" Kate laughed, "Now don't get any ideas. My father is old fashioned, so we will be staying in separate rooms."

"You're going to be the death of me Detective, the death of me. I will eventually get you into bed."

"Maybe… Eventually…"

"Look it's snowing; we could get caught in a blizzard and have to get naked to share body warmth."

"Not happening Castle, not happening."

"But…."

"No!"

Castle mock sighed, then smiled "God bless every one" he said in a falsetto English voice.

They both laughed and got up to prepare for their trek out into the Christmas eve snow.

A/N: I hope there wasn't too much schmaltz. I hope everybody has a great New Year. I'll see you on the flip side of 2009.