Reaction to this ficlet on tumblr: post/37150732222
I've just read too many fics where Burt is outraged at the very idea of Kurt and Blaine making out.
There's a gentle knock on Kurt's bedroom door. He doesn't look up from his magazine. There's only him and his dad in the house.
"Yeah?"
"Hey."
Kurt finishes the sentence he's on and smiles brightly at his father, shifting from his stomach so he's sitting cross-legged on his bed.
"Hi." There's a pause. Kurt frowns at Burt, who is shifting from one foot to the other. "Is something wrong?"
Burt sits at Kurt's desk, swivelling to face him, leaning his elbows on his knees.
"Actually, that's what I wanted to ask you. Is everything okay?"
"Sure. I mean, school's pretty busy, but-"
"I wasn't really talking about school. Kurt, you- you know I'm fine with you being gay, right?"
Kurt giggles.
"Dad, I think we've crossed that bridge. Two years ago."
Burt nods solemnly.
"And I like Blaine. You know I think he's a great kid, right? You know that?"
Kurt flushes, slightly taken aback, but nods.
"I know you do. I think so too."
"You're sure? It's still going okay with you two?"
Kurt wrinkles his nose, his dad's serious expression the only thing stopping him from snorting with laughter.
"Of course we are. Why wouldn't we be? Where are you going with this?"
"Okay, I'm probably reading too much into it, but… the other night, when you were baking-"
"Was there something in the way we made delicious festive treats for the family that made you think we're having problems? I don't want to brag, but I thought we were pretty adorable."
"You were- you are. But I swear, every time I walk in on you two, you're like shrapnel. You can't split fast enough."
Kurt blushes a little harder.
"Oh. That."
"You just looked kinda guilty about it, about kissing or whatever."
Kurt looks at his hands.
"We- I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable."
Even as he's saying it he knows how ridiculous it sounds.
"Uncomfortable? Carole and I have put you through a lot worse, PDA-wise. And you two are almost as married as we are."
Kurt laughs.
"Yeah, and that's gross too."
Burt rolls his eyes and nods, sitting up straight. He leans back and links his fingers over his stomach.
"Well, we're not gonna tone it down any time soon. And you shouldn't either. I mean, do you think that I think you don't… do that? You're seventeen; I'd be worried if your boyfriend wasn't kissing you and… and squeezing your butt."
Kurt drops his face into his hand, grimacing behind his fingers, his shoulders shaking with laughter.
"Great. Thanks, Dad."
"I'm serious. You've got a great butt, kid-"
"Please, stop, I'm begging you-"
"God knows when I was your age-"
"Dad!"
"I'm just saying, I'm not under any illusions here. You're not a little kid. I'm not telling you to start having sex on the table in the middle of Friday night dinner," Kurt's gaze flicks to the ceiling, the bookcase, anywhere but his dad's eyes, "but you're allowed to make out with Blaine. Even if I'm within earshot. My fragile old eyes can take it. You really have nothing to feel guilty about."
"Okay, Dad."
"Compared to Finn and Rachel, you've got a lot of catching up to do."
Kurt grimaces.
"Ew."
"Okay, point taken. But you don't have to keep a metre of empty space between you just because I'm in the room, alright?"
Kurt sighs, fighting through the blush to smile back at him.
"Yes. Thanks, Dad."
Burt stands, huffing out a single breath.
"Good. Glad we cleared that up." He squeezed Kurt's shoulder firmly, being sure to keep eye contact, just like every 'parent-of-a-gay-kid' pamphlet had said. He speaks slowly and clearly to show just how fine he is with everything. "And Kurt. I don't want to make you ill or anything, but… I know you're having sex with him."
Kurt's jaw drops and he blinks at the empty space Burt leaves behind as he leaves the room, chuckling.
"Dinner at seven, okay buddy?" he calls from the hall.
Okay. Maybe that wasn't in any pamphlets. But regardless of a kid's orientation, no father misses out an opportunity for that kind of embarrassment.