Aria: Time for another Utena fic! My first one got such decent reviews that I'm committed to writing new and interesting situations for my favorite characters, and since all the characters in Utena have such interesting personalities and problems, they're ALL interesting to write about. Right now, however, I'm going to turn my thoughts to my favorite character, Arisugawa Juri, and some of her more interesting dilemmas. Everyone only ever writes about the Shiori-Juri thing, but I can't stand Shiori, so I'm going to focus on something else instead. Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kakumei Utena...yet. Heehee!
Miracle
"Juri, don't worry."
I don't know what you're talking about. Why should I worry? What, in this situation, should break me out of my despair to worry about...you? Me? Her? I'm sure I don't know what you mean.
"...Don't worry, Juri."
And now it comes, from the purple depths of this despair, a new knowledge that I've failed (again!), failed not just me, this time---but when do I fight for myself anymore?---failed not her, either. I've failed you, and you are trying, the only way you know how, to pretend that it doesn't matter that I've failed you. And that you are dying because of it.
* * * * * *
Yesterday I stood in defiance of you as you systematically broke my heart. Seeing her with you---seeing your cool white hand brushing casually through her burgundy hair, seeing her dark eyes glowing with possession---my teeth ground, my hands clenched, and I hated you both with a cold, blazing, desirous hate.
Why is it that the things we love the most hurt us most, and most deeply, and most often?
Where do you come off coming back, anyway? It's not as though we needed you. If you had never come back, she never would have cried. Never would have fallen to her knees and begged before the whole school for you to take her back, never would have shown herself to be the weakness that she is---I could have lived forever without being shown that. And yet you saw me, you watched me watch you as you kissed her that night, green waters and a cold breeze slipping through my hair, like fingers, like your fingers through her hair while your eyes watched me and laughed.
And you forced me to see.
I will never forgive you for that.
"Don't worry. Juri."
I blink back sudden stinging salt. Drops of heated rain fall onto my cheeks and blend there with reluctant, battled tears that your fingers, cold against my skin, wipe away before they can slip down my cheek and fall onto the scattered petals of my crushed rose. It glows, orange-gold in the rain, like the lock of hair you hold up gently.
You're smiling.
How can you smile when I hate you so much?
My breath is ragged in my throat, a result of duels and betrayal and the knowledge that once again, I have failed to produce a miracle. I can't do it. Not for her, not for you.
Not for me.
No miracles.
Ever.
"Don't worry...Juri..."
Miracle
"Juri, don't worry."
I don't know what you're talking about. Why should I worry? What, in this situation, should break me out of my despair to worry about...you? Me? Her? I'm sure I don't know what you mean.
"...Don't worry, Juri."
And now it comes, from the purple depths of this despair, a new knowledge that I've failed (again!), failed not just me, this time---but when do I fight for myself anymore?---failed not her, either. I've failed you, and you are trying, the only way you know how, to pretend that it doesn't matter that I've failed you. And that you are dying because of it.
* * * * * *
Yesterday I stood in defiance of you as you systematically broke my heart. Seeing her with you---seeing your cool white hand brushing casually through her burgundy hair, seeing her dark eyes glowing with possession---my teeth ground, my hands clenched, and I hated you both with a cold, blazing, desirous hate.
Why is it that the things we love the most hurt us most, and most deeply, and most often?
Where do you come off coming back, anyway? It's not as though we needed you. If you had never come back, she never would have cried. Never would have fallen to her knees and begged before the whole school for you to take her back, never would have shown herself to be the weakness that she is---I could have lived forever without being shown that. And yet you saw me, you watched me watch you as you kissed her that night, green waters and a cold breeze slipping through my hair, like fingers, like your fingers through her hair while your eyes watched me and laughed.
And you forced me to see.
I will never forgive you for that.
"Don't worry. Juri."
I blink back sudden stinging salt. Drops of heated rain fall onto my cheeks and blend there with reluctant, battled tears that your fingers, cold against my skin, wipe away before they can slip down my cheek and fall onto the scattered petals of my crushed rose. It glows, orange-gold in the rain, like the lock of hair you hold up gently.
You're smiling.
How can you smile when I hate you so much?
My breath is ragged in my throat, a result of duels and betrayal and the knowledge that once again, I have failed to produce a miracle. I can't do it. Not for her, not for you.
Not for me.
No miracles.
Ever.
"Don't worry...Juri..."