I've updated the chapter to fix grammar errors and parts I didn't like after reading it later. I hope this is better.

This is my first story, so please comment and tell me what you think.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. :(

Warnings: Language

Chapter 1: Ughh

"Ughh… why do I keep doing this to myself?" the man groans. Lying face-down in his bed, he can't help but wonder how his life has come to this. A splitting headache and no memories of the night before. This is what… the second time this week? And it was only Tuesday. No, wait. Wednesday.

Slowly pushing himself up, he glances over to the clock by his bed. 8:23… Fuck… Lifting himself further, he suddenly stops. Paranoia sweeping over him. Two nights ago, he had awoken to a crazy British woman clipping her toenails next to him. Nude. And then she refused to leave before he made her tea. It was creepy. He still feels a bit traumatized.

Remembering the incident, he braces himself as he glances over his shoulder and then around the cramped space. He pauses and listens for any noises other than his own breathing.

Satisfied with the silence, he collapses back on to the bed with a groan. "Oh, thank god! I'm alone." He tenses again, waiting for any kind of answer. Relieved once again when no response comes, he gingerly lifts himself off the bed. The man stumbles around the wooden folding partition separating his lumpy, queen-sized bed from the rest of the room. He feels his body steadily lean to the right, without his permission, as he staggers across the carpeted floor, heading for the bathroom next to the front door. Cursing, he slams into the wall next to the bathroom door; it seems the alcohol is still affecting his balance.

Grumbling about stupid walls moving, he enters his bathroom and grabs two painkillers out of the medicine cabinet. Popping them into his mouth, he quickly washes them down with water from the tap. He gulps down a few more handfuls of water before closing his eyes and bracing himself. It's now or never. He hesitantly looks up into the mirror.

He has to admit… he looks like shit. In fact, beyond shit. More like elephant-trampling baboon-throwing shit.

His blonde hair must be trying to lease itself out to some winged-tenants. Sticking out in odd angles, with what looks like leaves and twigs tangled in several places. The blonde squints his eyes for a second, waiting; he half expects a bird to pop its head out to tell him to fuck off. Scanning his eyes, he sees the ever-present dark rings under his bloodshot blue eyes have crept further down his cheeks overnight.

And his cheeks…

He grimaces. Unconsciously, he lifts his hand to survey the damage. The man winces as he presses slightly with his fingertips. His left cheek, twice its normal size, has a nasty reddish-purple and incredibly tender fist-shaped bruise decorating it. His bottom lip is also spilt on the opposite side, with dried blood still caking around the wound. He groans, as he thinks of the look on his boss' face; Yamato was going to kill him! Perusing the damage again, he tries for what feels like the umpteenth time to remember how he got this way.

Alcohol… that's how.

He remembers Shikamaru being there at the beginning of the night. They had met at their favorite pub after work. Naruto had begged for his friend's company, not wanting to return to his newly-emptied apartment. His girlfriend… No, ex-girlfriend having moved all her stuff out over the weekend. Bitch.

He remembers the first four or five beers after his Shepard's Pie. Shika tried to slow him down at one point. I guess I didn't listen… And then the next few shots. After that…. Nothing. Well, close to nothing anyway. There were weird snippets of flashing lights and loud music. And maybe a red-head? At one point, there must have been a fight… probably with a tree, judging from his hair.

He stares at his reflection for a few seconds longer before sighing. He turns to leave the bathroom, when something else catches his eye. He does a double-take before swiftly leaning in towards the mirror and tugging the collar of his black shirt down lower. A splotchy red welt takes up a large part of the right side of his neck. Oh, God…

Yup, it was a hickey.

The blonde stares solemnly at his reflection. I am so dead. The man shivered as he tried his best not to imagine the look his boss will wear when he see the state of his junior prosecutor. While contemplating the best way to commit suicide, he hears his phone chime in the bedroom. Giving himself one last self-pitying look, he make his way back to his bed and starts shifting threw the covers. Triumphant at last, (take that blanket!), he unlocks his phone. He winces when he sees four texts and five missed calls from his closest friend.

Shika (8:07 am): Naruto, I know you're hung over, but get your ass out of bed, take a shower, and get to work.

Shika (8:17 am): Yamato just came around looking for you. I told him you have explosive diarrhea. He left pretty quickly. You're welcome.

Shika (8:24 am): Please don't tell me you're still sleeping.

Shika (8:31 am): I really don't want to have to come over there. It would be so… well, you know.

Troublesome. I know. Naruto felt a reluctant smile reach his lips. The excuse would make for awkward conversation, but at least his boss wouldn't question too much. That was Shikamaru for you; the man always had Naruto's back.

They had meet in law school on a group project together, where Shikamaru was assigned the group leader. Naruto, jealous of Shika's leadership role, fought with him for power the whole time. Yeah… he had been kind of a dick. After they received the highest grade in the class, Naruto decided Shikamaru wasn't half bad, and they quickly became friends. The man was a genius. Fucking lazy, but a genius never the less. After law school and a year at a small firm, they were both able to land jobs with Konoha's Prosecuting Attorney's office as Junior Prosecutors running misdemeanor cases. The pay sucked and the cases sucked and workload sucked. But Naruto loved it.

He quickly types a response.

Naruto: I'm up! I'm up! Thanks for covering! Be there in 15.

An immediate reply.

Shika: Hope you didn't forget, but the new senior prosecutor is coming in today. Yamato is in one of his moods, and looking for blood. Hurry.

"Shit!" He had heard a lot about the new prosecutor around the office in the week since the man had been hired. According to rumors, the man was an absolute beast, ruthless and cunning. Maybe even a little psychotic. He always got his conviction, mainly because the judge and jury were too afraid to question him. The man sounded utterly terrifying. And he was Naruto's boss's new boss.

Naruto quickly showers and gets dressed into a charcoal suit, a light blue button-up shirt, and an orange tie. He steps into his dress shoes and grabs his phone, keys, and briefcase, before heading out the door. The blonde locks his apartment door behind him and heads down the stairs to the street below. Although he works only six blocks from his apartment, and usually walks to the office, he hails a cab, hoping to get there sooner. Naruto quickly notices the cabbie shooting him weird glances from the rearview mirror. It makes him uncomfortable, so he looks out the window for the remainder of the ride.

Arriving at his destination, he pays the weirdo and dashes towards front entrance of the prosecutor's office. The tan building is plain and banal, with small windows lining the exterior of the seven-story, brick building. He passes a few people on his way up the concrete steps. They each wear a similar expression as the cab driver Sort of shocked, incredulous, and amused all at the same time. What the hell is their problem?

Entering the glass doors, Naruto hurriedly walks past the reception desk to the stairwell door. As he opens the door, he hears the receptionist squeal rather excitedly, "Did you see that?" Slightly curious, the blonde wants to go back and see what she's talking about, but he needs to beat Yamato to his cubicle. Shikamaru can only make excuses for him for so long.

Sprinting up the stairs two at a time, he rapidly makes it to the fifth floor. He pauses to catch his breath before opening the stairwell door and entering the hallway. As he passes an intern in the hall, she drops her stack of files and covers her gaping mouth. It's that same look. Really, what the fuck? He raises his eyebrows at her as he walks passed her down the hallway. He turns the corner into the large, open room filled with cubicles. One wall is taking up with small windows that show the darkening sky outside. Well, the news did say it would rain today. The opposite wall had offices for some of the higher up supervising prosecutors, Yamato's included. The middle of the room is filled with a maze of gray, carpeted cubicle walls. Naruto keeps his head down, as he hurries to his desk.

He quickly sits down and turns on his computer. The machine is finally chiming that it's awake, when he hears someone lean against his cubical wall. He looks up to see his friend. The man's dark hair is tried up in his trademark ponytail, and he has on a nice black business suit with a white shirt and a green tie. Shikamaru's face seems to be frozen for a second, before his eye brows twitch. Without warning, he tilts his head back and roars with laughter.

"What? What's so funny?," Naruto demands, indignant. Like most people, he isn't used to being laughed at to his face. Yeah, maybe sometimes he expects it, when he does something noticeably stupid or clumsy. But, right now, he is simply sitting at his desk, turning on his computer. Nope, nothing weird here. Except for that weird cab driver. And those weird people on the steps. And whatever weird thing the receptionist saw. And that weird intern… Wait… There must be some sort of connection here…

Shikamaru calmed down long enough to blurt out, "Your face!"

"Is that supposed to be like some sort of 'your mama' joke?," Naruto grumbles, not amused in the slightest.

"No," Shikamaru chuckles. "I really mean your face."

"What the hell's so funny about my face?" Naruto glares the strongest death glare he could muster.

"Naruto," Shikamaru smirks, "you look like a… " A few more chuckles escape. "And…" More chuckles. "Is that a hickey on your neck?" Shikamaru eyes are disbelieving, and the man couldn't stop the laughter that escaped from his chest. He tries to cover his mouth with his hand to spare his friend anymore embarrassment, but he body still convulses and air continues to sprit from his lips.

"…"

Shikamaru once again regained control of himself. "Eh… Naruto?"

"…"

"Are you ok?"

"…"?

"Is your face stuck?"

Naruto is vaguely aware of the blank expression on his face, but his brain seems to have shut down. In his haste to make it work before Yamato went looking for him again, he has completely forgotten about his bruised face and hickey-ed neck. His brain finally reboots, but the only words flying through his mind are: What the FUCK am I going to do?

Since those words seemed fitting enough for the occasion, Naruto grabs Shikamaru's lapel and pulls him forward and practically yells, "What the FUCK am I going to do?" His eyes are wide and pleading, tears sparkling at the corners, pleading for some quick solution from his genius of a friend.

Shikamaru can't help but laugh some more at his friend's expression. "I honestly have no idea."

"What do you mean you have no idea?" He shoot an accusing finger at his friend. "This is practically your fault! You were the one, who dragged me out last night."

"Naruto, you are the one who dragged me out. And I only went because you seemed to be so depressed about being dumped by what's-her-face last week," he replied in his dry voice.

"Tenten." Naruto corrected, as he glares up at Shika.

"Right, Tenten." Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "I still don't understand what you're so upset about. She always seemed kind of weird and weapon fixated to me."

Naruto's face turns wistful and sad. He sighs, and props his chin up on his left hand. "But she was pretty, and smart, and had a great bo-dy," he whines, over-enunciating the last word.

"You two had nothing in common, and you know it," He countered in a stern voice. "Plus, she's now with that stuck up asshole, Neji, from Hyuuga & Associates. That's three strikes against her."

"Hrmm…" Naruto growls and glares at his friend. "Don't remind me. And what're the other two strikes?"

"The having nothing in common part and the creepy weapon thing. Honestly, it's like she thinks she's a Ninja or something."

"Yeah… That was a little weird…" Naruto replies, thoughtfully. "Anyway, I don't want to talk about her anymore. I've decided, I'm moving on!"

"Obviously." Shikamaru cranes his neck to get another good look at that hickey.

Naruto glares and covers it up with his palm. "Sooooooo…" Naruto pauses for a moment, before his expression turns sheepish. He gives Shikamaru a sideways glance. "What exactly did happen last night?"

Shikamaru doesn't try to hide his amusement. "Man, you really were gone last night." The brunet is apparently enjoying the situation.

"Just tell me, Shika!"

"Well, you g-"

"Naruto, I see you've returned from the restroom." The two men visibly jump as Yamato miraculously appears next to Shikamaru. Really, how did the older man move so silently? Yamato's black eyes instantly widen as he takes in Naruto's appearance. Here we go…"What exactly happened to your face, Naruto? Do you realize the new senior prosecutor is starting work today? What the hell is he going to think about our department if one of our attorneys look like he got in a drunken bar fight last night!" Yamato is practically spiting with rage.

Well.. He probably wouldn't be too far from the truth.

"Do you value your career at all, Uzumaki?" the man continues.

Shikamaru cleared his throat. "Naruto was mugged last night, Sir."

HUH?! I was mugged? I thought for sure it was the drunken bar fight thing! What about the visions of flashing lights and red-heads?!

"Is that true, Naruto?" Yamato turns his head towards the blonde and gave him a stern look. He squints his black eyes and leaned closer to Naruto trying to detect a lie. Well, if Shika says it, it must be true so…

"Yes, it was terrible! They had guns and stole a bunch of my stuff!" He keeps his eyes as wide as he can, and stares, unblinking, straight into Yamato's piercing gaze. That'll show him I'm not lying! Well, it doesn't seem to help. Naruto's eyes begin to water and Yamato's expression becomes even more suspicious. The man's black eyes dart back and forth taking in all of Naruto face. Naruto tries to fight the urge to look away, his eyes stinging. Ohh, shit! I can't take this much longer.

Shikamaru clears his throat, again, "Naruto and I went to the gym last night,"

We did?

"and Naruto left the building before me."

I did?

"When I came out, three large men were surrounding Naruto,"

They did?

"and one had a gun out."

Oh, God! He did?!

"I called out for them to stop."

You did?

"Once they saw me, they punched Naruto in the face, and made off with his gym bag."

Huh… I don't remember that at all. Maybe I was too traumatized. I guess I've heard of that happening.

"Hmm…" Yamato still looks a little suspicious, "I guess I'll buy that for now, since that story is good enough to tell the new prosecutor. I'll make the excuses about your face when he arrives. He should be here after lunch, so make sure your-" Yamato's eyes widen again, and he face turns red. "IS THAT A HICKEY?"

"Eh… hehehe," is the only reply Naruto is capable of.

"Yamato, I'll clean him up before the boss gets here," Shikamaru says, as reassuringly as possible.

Yamato makes a sound low in his throat, which seems suspiciously like a growl. "You better, Shikamaru." He then turns on his heels and marches towards his office.

Thanks for reading!