It had been a week since the incident had happened, and since Aaron and Emily had really talked. They had spent the week immersing themselves separately in work, and Jack. In retrospect, they each should have taken time off, but instead they both reverted to what they did best- work.
Emily refused her doctor's orders, and after what had happened Hotch really didn't have the heart to argue with her. Thankfully it turned out to be a slow week filled with catching up on paperwork.
When they each got home, they put a united front up for the oblivious Jack, but in the dead of night, they lay next to each other, still as stone. He knew she was crying silently more often than not, but didn't reach for her. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know if she even wanted to be touched, and so, he lay there simply commiserating.
"Hey bossman, how's our little sugarplum?" Garcia greeted her unit chief the next day in passing. "Fine," he responded, not stopping for idle chit-chat and questions about Emily, which he knew would have come up had he stayed. So he took the easy route. He couldn't tell her that she was still reeling from it. That he was.
The rest of the day went relatively smoothly, except for the fact that even Morgan and Rossi were tiptoeing around them, hell Reid was tiptoeing around them. He didn't know about Emily, but it only served to irritate him further, only reminding him of what had happened.
Later that night, he, Emily, and Jack were sitting around the television, watching some silly kids' show and pretending that things were okay. For some reason, Jack had chosen an inopportune moment to look up at his father, which immediately prompted him to ask, "Daddy, why are you crying?"
"My eyes are just watering bud, I'm fine. How about you go upstairs and play with your new lego set?" Hotch easily fibbed. Being a traditionalist, he firmly held the belief that he was supposed to be the strong one in the family, who never broke down. And for his son to be witness to the fact that he was crying, well, it wasn't acceptable in his mind. He hadn't even known he was crying, for God's sake.
"Aaron," Emily whispered, making her way over to him. She set her palm on his cheek, and stroked her thumb, waiting for him to open up.
He brought his eyes up to meet hers, and all he could say was, "I'm sorry," before he lost it. Emily moved to sit next to him and eased his head against the crook of her neck. She stroked his hair softly, rubbing circles at the base of his neck as the dam broke.
When she found her voice, she started to break the silence. "No Aaron, I'm sorry… I'm the one that couldn't be a good enough provider; I'm the one that lost the baby. I lost our baby, your baby. I feel like I'm being punished for the abortion...I thought you might hate me for that," she spoke honestly, in an attempt to clear the elephant from the room.
His head jerked up at that with a fire in his eyes that Emily had only been witness to less than a handful of times. "No, listen to me Emily. This was not your fault. Things just happen- it wasn't meant to be with this one. I just… I haven't known how to be there for you. I felt like you might resent me," he admitted sheepishly. Now that it was out in the open, he had to admit it sounded almost silly, if the situation weren't so serious.
"Why on Earth would I resent you?" Emily asked bewilderedly.
He shrugged. "Because I couldn't protect you from this. I couldn't protect our child. I feel guilty too," He whispered.
Emily let out a deep breath she hadn't known she was holding. Her palm found his cheek again and he leaned in to her touch.
"It's hard… I know it wasn't my fault, but I still feel responsible. I'm sorry that it didn't occur to me that you might feel the same way," she said, starting to cry again. "I guess we both misunderstood each other," she sighed into his chest as he took her into his embrace.
"This week might have gone easier if we weren't both so hard-headed and stubborn and just talked to each other instead of assuming," he said into her hair, burying his face in it as he drew irregular patterns on her back in a comforting motion.
"I just wanted this baby so much after we found about him," Emily said, her voice coming out choked and her tears now racking her body.
"I know; me too," he said as he kissed the top of her head. "But we can try again when you're ready. For whatever reason, this baby just wasn't meant to be. I rather he went the way he did instead of suffering after he was born. I'm glad he wasn't in pain," he said trying to comfort her with his words and actions.
"You're right. It's just like, I keep waiting for him to start kicking or something and he doesn't, and then I remember again. And then I've forgotten that you've been suffering too," she admitted ashamedly. She felt it was mighty selfish of herself to wallow in her own pity party of one, completely ignoring the fact that it took the two of them to make that baby, and of course he would feel the repercussions.
"It's okay," he said. "I've been… distraught," he searched for the right word, "but I know it can't be compared to what you're going through. But we're talking now, and we'll get passed this. We've got a boy upstairs to take of already. We'll focus on him, then whatever happens, happens. Does that sound like a plan, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she said, smiling up at him. "I like it better when we're talking; it always helps. I love you, Aaron."
"I love you too," he said placing the lightest of kisses against her lips. "We'll make it through this."