Chapter one

I have to wonder why I was unlucky enough to be born. Why was a life wasted on me? Could my parents not be happy with one perfect child instead of one perfect child and one messed up child, why risk it? Pain is all I have ever felt, pain and helplessness. It is too hard to smile, too painful to laugh, too weak to bring myself out of this depression.

I quickly walk home from a long day at school. As I walk into my home I yell out to my older brother to see if he wanted a drink, there is no answer. I walk to his room and his door is closed. My heart leaps. It always scared me when I find his door closed. It meant that something had happened which my mother did not want me to see. I put a shaky hand on the door and open it. Blood drains from my face it had happened it was over. I ran to my brothers side letting out a painful breath as his blood surrounded my body, I felt no pulse. At the age of seventeen I had not understood the phrase, 'My heart felt as if it had spilt into two,' until now. I sat there next to my dead brother, my head and heart were not on the same page. My heart was breaking and my head was disagreeing with what my eyes were seeing.

'Winter, time for school.' I woke up with a start to my mother's voice. I was still holding my brother. I could not remember falling asleep it must have been in the early hours. I felt exhausted, I knew I would struggle keeping awake. I did not wish to wake I wanted to be with my brother.

School is she insane I couldn't go to school, not today. My mother walks in and sighs, tears slide down her face.

'Winter don't make this harder than it has to be. Please go to school, we will clean this mess up.' I held my brothers body as if he were my only life line, perhaps he is. My mother pulls me away, I wanted to scream.

I force myself in the shower. I let the hot water fall down my body. Blood no longer stained my skin and yet my skin felt dirty. Even the coconut bubble wash did not make me feel clean. I was going to be late to school. I didn't care. I cared for nothing anymore. I was numb. I was tired. I was scared. I threw on my school shirt, skirt, tights, shoes, jumper and blazer, my hands had yet to stop shaking. I stuff my books into my bag and run out the door. Running felt good. So I pick up the pace. I round the corner and I look to my left and see the bus hurtling down that hill like there was no tomorrow. There was no point trying to stop the bus so I turn around and walk home. Wait why would I go home. There is nothing there for me anymore. They took him away. With that thought in mind I turned to walk away from my house. Before I can make my getaway a car stops on the side of the rode it was my neighbour, 'Hey want a lift to school?' No I do not want a lift but I did not want her alerting my parents that she had spotted me.

'Umm, if you don't mind?' I sighed.

'Nah not at all hop in.' My neighbour a 22 year old woman named Emma said.

In no time at all she pulled over at my school and I hopped out yelling a quick thankyou as she drove away. This is my chance I can just leave now. Instead of walking through the gates into a different type of hell I made my way across the street. Luck had never really been on my side so when I saw one of my teachers pull up next to me in her car I wanted nothing more than to cry out in frustration. She made me go to school. Once I was inside the school I run up the stairs and turn down to my tutor class which was of course the last room in the hall. I stumble in, all eyes on me as if I were on the stage of X factor. There was a very awkward silence, until my teacher said, 'It is lovely for you to join us. Now why don't you go outside and wait for me to come and talk to you.' I do not know how many times I have heard my teacher say that to me.

The temptation to run again was very high but luck was not on my side. Instead I threw my bag on the ground and sat down trying to come up with another reason why I am late. Miss Miller a young and very kind teacher for the most part. All the students love her. However she has a stern nature about her as well and it can only be seen if it is directed at you. Well she's annoyed at me.

'Winter,' startled I look up to see her blue eyes staring at me.

'Yes Miss Miller?' I replied as I stood up.

'Why is it so hard for you to come to school on time?'

'Umm, well I ah, I do not know.'

She raises her eyes at me, 'Well darling, I think you can stay in with me at lunch and maybe that will help you find your answer. You are in year 12 you need to be setting an example. This is the fifth time this year.' If I had a dollar for every time a teacher had said that to me this year I would be rich. 'Are you even listening to me?'

'What oh yer, I know I'm sorry.' She frowns at me, as if she knows I am not sorry at all.

'Lunch time my office and do not even think about not coming, now go you have class now.'

Classes go by in a haze. I remember nothing that was said, all I can see is my brother's lifeless eyes looking into mine. the more I think, the harder it becomes to control myself.

Lunch time comes and I make my way to Miss Miller's office. My friend Emily yells out to me asking if I was free tonight. Being distracted I trip over something looking down I see a golden ring. I pick it up, I should hand this in after lunch. Lunch was spent in silence as I try to hide the tears that are so close to falling. Miss Miller was waiting for me to come up with an answer. Finally I made up a realistic answer, too bad my voice shook, 'All right all right, my alarm clock did not go off I forget to set it at night time.' It was the best I could do, I could hardly go and say, 'Oh hey, my dad killed my brother and I slept in my brother's blood holding his body as I cried myself to sleep.'

She looks up from her papers, I felt like I was being investigated for murder by the way she was looking at me. 'So how will we fix this problem?'

'Uhh set a reminder in my phone?' I answer unsure of myself.

'Well get on with it.' I set the reminder in my phone. 'You may go. Oh and Winter, if you ever need to talk I am here if you need.'

Her blue eyes held worry, a tear escaped my eye I quickly turned towards the door and paused. 'Thank you for the offer. But there is nothing to talk about.'

Before I can walk out she gives me a note and says, 'I know there is something wrong. I do not know what, but take this. I will see you tomorrow. I can't help you if you do not speak with me darling.'

I finished the school day in one piece. I kept rethinking over Miss Millers offer to talk. Oh how I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted her to take me away from my screwed up family, I want her to tell me that I will be ok that I am safe.

I close my eyes and fall asleep on the school bus.