A/N: Hi, everyone! This is the first fic I post in this fandom so be kind with me! Various scenes of the last episode Night of the Hawk from Snart's point of view,thinking about what he has done to his partner Mick. English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes and leave reviews if you liked it! :-)
"He wakes up every morning and feels empty. There is a part missing inside him. But he just ignores it. No matter what, he doesn't t stop because if he does he is afraid of breaking apart. Of falling and not be able to get up again. But it is hard, god it is so hard... Rip has a new mission for them, and he tries to care for it and be interested, but he feels numb. It is OK, numb is good, at least that way he doesn't have to think.
"He killed his own partner!"
And the numbness is gone, replaced for a stick of ice piercing his heart. He lookes at Jax, hating him for making him relive that horrible night. The feeling of cold spreading throughout his body while he fired. How he had knelt on the floor when he finished and had thought he would never be able to feel anything again. He still thinks so.
Rip and he showes their false badge to the sheriff and see how the color drained from his face. A long time ago he would have enjoyed the irony of pretending to be a cop. A long time ago when he still had him. Now he just feels cold, which is even more ironic, and he knows he would always be. He doesn't mind, though. It is a fair punishment.
"Jax, don't make me do this" he hears himself saying while he thinks why don't I shoot him?
Because he doesn't want to be a murderer anymore. Or because he doesn't mind dying anymore. Who cares?
" About what happened? With Mick? I understand. You were trying to protect us, and that doesn't make you a murderer, it makes you a part of this team"
So now it is alright. He has a twisted morale but these people are even worse. To him, it would never be alright. He had chosen a group of people he barely knew over a man who had been more than a brother to him. A man who had always stood up for him. For what? To know what a hero feels like? But now he knows better. He would never be a hero. Heroes don't do what he had done.