Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts and I do not make any profit from writing this story.
Author's Note: Some of the things my messed up mind comes up with... I've been watching clips of Scenes From A Hat which is from Whose Line Is It Anyway on youtube and was suddenly inspired to write a bunch of little scenes of my own with Kingdom Hearts. I don't think it came out exactly how I wanted it to, and I apologize if my jokes are a little dry, but this is all in good fun anyway.
Warnings: Suggestive themes
"Good tidings, friends." A man with silver hair addressed some cameras. "I'm Xemnas, and I will be your host tonight. We, the characters of Kingdom Hearts, have decided for this one time to put aside our differences and entertain you of the gaming world."
"You suck!"
Xemnas's eye twitched as he refrained from throwing a black magician's hat at a spiky haired brunet sitting up on the stage along with a silver haired teenager, a redhead, and a grumpy looking blond.
"The audience would do well to note that after this little show, we will be going back to our scheduled duties, therefore Sora will most certainly be eliminated."
He cleared his throat as laughter came from the audience from behind him, and a few of the Dancer Nobodies behind the cameras.
"Before the show, we've asked members of the audience to write down scenes they would like to see those four up there perform. We took the best ones, because not all of them were satisfactory, and put them in this hat."
Sora got to his feet, whispering something to the blond, Roxas, and both snickered as they made their way down a few steps and stood on one side of the stage waiting for instructions. The other two, Riku and Axel, walked down on to the opposite side of the stage and waited as well.
Xemnas reached into the magician's hat and pulled out a piece of paper, clearing his throat as he read what was written on it. "Axel's thoughts toward Roxas," he chuckled as Roxas groaned and shot Axel a small glare as though warning him.
But before either of them could make a move toward the center of the stage, Sora took a few steps forward with a grin.
"Hmm…must be his time of the month."
The audience laughed as he walked off, leaving the other two laughing. Roxas gave Sora a very flat look.
Axel strode across the stage, smirking. "I don't think I've shown him my bedroom yet."
Roxas looked like he was going to go over and strangle the redhead, but Sora grabbed his arm, saying something in his ear that made him stop.
"If looks could kill Axel would be a dusk right now." Xemnas chuckled as he reached for another suggestion from the hat. Axel grinned and winked at Roxas who crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes.
"If we don't move on in the next five seconds, Superior, I'll gladly make that reality." Roxas growled, summoning his Keyblade.
"Chill, Rox, I was only joking!" Axel held up his hands in defense.
"Calm down, Thirteen, there's more scenes for you four to do. We don't want to disappoint our audience, do we?"
"No…" Roxas replied grudgingly, dismissing his Keyblade.
"Good. " Xemnas pulled out another suggestion and read it with a little smirk. "Things the Organization does when they are not working on Kingdom Hearts."
Now Roxas was grinning a little as he walked out to the center of the stage, back to the audience. He held his hands out in front of him and looked down pretending to examine something.
"Oh man…I can't let Roxas know it's only 3 inches."
Xemnas pressed the buzzer and Roxas walked off feeling quite satisfied after hearing the laughter coming from Xemnas and the audience. Sora was giggling and Riku chuckled, coughing into his hand to cover it up.
Axel shook his head, "Should have seen that one coming."
Roxas just grinned.
Xemnas grabbed another paper from the hat. "Things not to do when playing twister."
Roxas groaned and followed his other out to the center of the stage, ignoring the very devious look in Axel's eyes as Riku took it upon himself to be the spinner. Sora immediately got down on the floor in some sort of crab crawl position while Roxas did the same, but moved his foot out further. Axel grinned like a child on Christmas morning and arched his body above Roxas's.
Riku pretended to spin. "Left hand yellow."
Roxas reached out with his other foot to an invisible place on the floor, his legs wide open now. Sora lost his balance and fell over, bumping Roxas who lost his balance and collapsed, and Axel's arms suddenly gave out which caused him to crash down on Roxas with his hands in between the blond's legs.
The audience cracked up laughing and Xemnas chuckled with amusement before pressing the buzzer and everyone went back to their respectable places.
"Unlikely things found in your suitcase."
Axel walked forward, kneeling down as he made the sound and motions of someone unzipping their suitcase. He blinked and then grinned slowly. "Why hello Roxy, if you wanted to come with me to Cancun that badly you could have just said so."
Roxas rolled his eyes, but decided to give up on getting angry and just went along with it. He walked out to the middle, got into the fetal position on the floor and smirked up at Axel.
"Actually, me and Riku were planning to elope. I didn't have the money for a plane ticket and when you told me you were going to Cancun…"
Xemnas pressed the buzzer and took a drink of some coffee. They went back to their spots, Roxas narrowly avoiding a hit to the shoulder from Sora, while Riku laughed.
"He's always one step ahead of you."
"Oh shut up." Axel muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.
Sora stepped forward, pretending he was unzipping his suitcase as well. He frowned, leaning down and picked up something imaginary. "Eeew…a speedo! Wait a second…property of…RIKU? EW! EW! EW! EW!" He flung the 'speedo' and bolted off the stage as Xemnas pressed the buzzer.
Sora gave Riku a sickeningly sweet smile, but the silver haired teenager just chuckled. He didn't look like he really cared either way. It was all in good fun anyways.
Axel laughed pretty hard, nudging Riku, "did you bring that with you when you eloped with Roxas?"
"Sure did."
Riku grinned, winking at the blond who shuddered.
"Ew."
"You know you like it."
Xemnas chuckled, pulling another paper from the hat. He read it and heaved a sigh. "I have a very bad feeling about this one…"
"Out with it," Axel prompted. "It can't be about any of us if you're reluctant to read it out loud."
"…What the Superior does when alone in his room at night."
Axel let out a hoot that ended in extreme laughter and him almost losing his balance, but thankfully Riku grabbed his arm before he could. Although Riku wasn't in any better shape either. They both ended up leaning on the other as crazy ideas came to their minds. Sora and Roxas were more than amused as well. Sora kept having little giggle fits and Roxas just smirked, all the while looking at Xemnas.
"Yes, I'm aware you're all amused but let's end this segment so I can get out of here and go back to enjoying my non-existent life."
"Not to mention non-existent sex life." Axel spoke up earning a nasty look from Xemnas and laughter from not only their audience, but Sora, Riku, and Roxas as well.
Xemnas cleared his throat. "Anytime you're ready…"
Axel grinned evilly then suddenly sobered up as he lay down on the floor, and pretended to pull a pillow towards his body. "Saix, you've been very naughty. You must be punished."
Xemnas pressed the buzzer narrowing his eyes and making the motion to say he was watching Axel. Axel smirked and ran back over to Riku who raised his hand. They did a high-five and then turned to Sora, and Roxas who stepped forward and held out his hand, moving his thumb like he was changing channels on a remote.
"1000 channels and there's still nothing on."
Xemnas nodded as Roxas walked off, and Axel came back on. "It's quite true."
Axel made it look like he was writing something. "My To Do list: One. Saix. Two. Saix. Three. Saix. Four, eliminate Sora. Five. Saix. Six—"
Xemnas pressed the buzzer, tapping his fingers lightly against the desk. "That's quite enough number Eight. I believe it is time to put an end to tonight's excitement. Thank you for watching, and we hope to see you all again soon. Good night."
The Dancers stopped recording and Xemnas got to his feet. "I suggest the four of you get out of my face before I decide to turn you into dusks."
"…Umm…Xemnas, not to ruin your plans or anything, but me and Riku are technically not part of your club so we can't be turned into dusks." Sora pointed out with a little nod.
"Hm. Of course. Well then, I shall make do with your hearts. How does that sound?"
"Run, Riku!" Sora grabbed Riku's hand and dragged him off backstage, while Roxas stayed behind looking at Axel expectantly.
Axel raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong, Rox?"
Roxas sighed, shuffling and looking at his feet. "No…"
"Then what's up?"
"What you said earlier…for one of those scenes…"
"Yeah?"
"…about showing me your bedroom…"
"Oh yeah?" Axel grinned slowly, getting a feeling of where this might be heading.
"I'd really like to see it…again."
Axel grinned and grabbed Roxas's hand. "Hot damn, I am so getting some tonight!"
When they were gone, only Xemnas remained. He sat back down at his desk and looked under it at a blue haired man with an X etched into his face. The man sat patiently at the superior's feet.
"You may resume what you were doing, Saix."
Author's Note: I hoped you enjoyed that. I meant to make it so much better than that, but my brain is still mush for writing anything decent. Hence the crappiness. If you did like it, feel free to give some suggestions for the scenes in future 'shows' and I'll gladly put them in.
Oh, and one little announcement that has nothing to do with this story, haha. I closed my KH-FMA poll and put up a new one. I want to know what story you guys want me to update more, so go vote and let me know so I know which one to try and update faster. Thanks. ^^