Trust
by Maria Rocket
***
(Author's Notes: Okay, so I was wrong...THIS is my first fic with a major YAOI warnin' on it! Heh, this just kinda fell outta nowhere...happens to me a lot. ^^; Yup, this is a Quatre/Trowa fic, so if ya got objections, run for the hills! Also, we've got singin' Trowa sign, so if Trowa singin' a heck've a lot scares ya, go runnin' to those hills too! There's also a nude Duo an' Hilde warnin', so...::watches several people run back:: ^^;; No lemon or anything like that, just brief nudity. ^^;;;; ::sees a few of them leave again:: ^^;;;;;; ANYWHOOOOO... When this suddenly fell on me outta the blue, it was gonna be two separate mini songfics, but then I thought they went well together, so I stuck 'em into one fic. Which means it's gonna be kinda weird, cuz the first part is pretty serious, while the second part is kinda silly. ^^;;; Okay, both songs are by Ricky Martin, the first one is called 'I Am Made Of You', and the second one is called 'Shake Your Bon-Bon'(hehe). Well, if ya've survived this far, hope ya like! ^_^; )
***
"Trowa..." Quatre lifted his face to look out from beneath his golden locks. He paused for a moment before continuing. "Do you feel for me?"
Although most of his face was in shadow, Trowa's one visible eye turned towards Quatre with a look of surprise. He dropped the small stone that he was about to skip across the lake. It landed in the water with a splash. Quatre's face was intent on him.
'Why do you look so troubled?' Trowa thought. 'You know how I feel...' He closed his eyes and turned his face away from where Quatre sat on the grass beside him towards the water reflecting the artificial moonlight of the colony. "Of course I do."
Judging from the way Quatre's eyebrows lifted, he was breathing again. But the way his mouth tightened into a line like that... Trowa folded his arms across the tops of his knees a little tighter. Whatever was bothering Quatre clearly hadn't been appeased.
"Trowa..." Quatre shifted nervously on the grass. He started to say something, then made a big show of being preoccupied with the grass stains he'd acquired on his slacks. Trowa looked down at the slacks, then back up at Quatre. A tiny smirk formed on his lips.
"Well..." Quatre finally sighed, "you know... I love you, Trowa." He glanced back over at Trowa. That troubled look was still there.
'Don't ask me...please don't ask it of me.' Trowa looked down, feeling a heavy weight settling in his stomach. 'You know...I KNOW you know...why do you need to hear it? I'm not ready to open myself up like that...it just isn't safe. I can't handle it.' His calm expression didn't change at all as Quatre reached out to him.
The moment he brushed his cheek, however, Trowa's eyes went wide. He flinched and turned away. It wasn't that they hadn't touched before. But at that moment, Trowa suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable.
"Please, Quatre, don't!"
Quatre pulled his hand away as though he had been slapped. His eyes were shining with hurt, but they were also softened with understanding. "I'm not going to hurt you, Trowa."
'Like everyone else did? I want to open my heart to you, Quatre...but I'm afraid. If you were to take my trust and my heart and smash it all to pieces like she did... Like Midii did... I couldn't take it again. I'd die inside completely this time. Completely...' Trowa closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I know, Quatre. I just don't know if I'm ready."
"You can't tell me you love me?"
Trowa could hear Quatre's voice breaking. He didn't dare turn to look. 'Damn...don't Quatre...' "I don't know." He was feeling so backed into a corner, Trowa barely knew what he was saying. And regretted it the instant he said it. "Wait...!" Hearing Quatre standing, he quickly turned around.
Clearly fighting back the tears, but his emotions winning over his inner sensibilities, Quatre frowned and shook his head. His eyes were as tightly clenched as his jaw. "Trowa, I've tried...but I'm only human. I can only reach so far. If you're not willing to reach back..." He opened his bright aqua eyes to meet Trowa's emerald. "Just like flying trapeze. I'll fall."
Trowa blinked as Quatre turned and walked away. He slipped slightly on the grass getting to his feet. He ran a few steps after Quatre. "Don't go..." But he didn't know what else to say.
With a choked sound, Quatre did stop for a moment. "Not now. I think we both need a little time to think." Sticking his hands in his pockets, he walked away into the park with his shoulders hunched over and his head down. Trowa just stood there watching him go.
His hand reached up and brushed his cheek before falling away again. A tortured expression found its way from the depths of Trowa's soul onto his face, hidden by the shadows. "I came a long way from out of nowhere," he sang softly, though Quatre was now too far to hear. "I stand before you, all alone. Like a wolf's cry in the distance, I heard the calling of your soul..."
A tremor went through him, and he jerked his face at an angle towards his chest, his mouth open as if in pain. He could feel Quatre's sorrow, and it was his own as well. "Ohhh... I hear you crying..."
Desperate to escape the agony in his heart, Trowa broke into a run down the side of the lake. He didn't look where he was going, pumping his legs and arms, fighting to rip himself away from that part of his soul that was always with Quatre. It was no good, and he finally tripped and fell to the grass with a strangled cry.
He lay there shuddering. 'Why did you leave me alone? You said you wouldn't hurt me, Quatre...' He clenched at the grass beneath his fists. 'No. This is my fault. I hurt him. And all because I won't let him in...' His eyes opened, cloudy jade sparkles. 'I'm selfish. Or maybe it's even worse...maybe I don't even know how to love. Everything always goes wrong. Maybe I only think it's love, and that's why I keep screwing up.' His eyes shimmered, and he jerked his face down, squeezing them shut. 'But I want...'
"With your love," Trowa continued softly, "show me how to live. 'Cause you are made of me... And I am made of you. With your life, show me how to give." He forced himself up on his hands and knees and lifted his head. "You are made of me, and I am made of you."
Fighting to keep his mask of composure, Trowa started walking slower along the bank of the pond. "We'll walk together through the fire, though the darkness, to the sun..." He glanced over towards the buildings were he knew Quatre's office was. 'After all we've been through, I refuse to let it all go this easily. We're stronger than that.' "Like two raging rivers full of passion," he turned his eyes towards the water, "at the ocean, we are one."
He moaned and turned his back to the water. Quatre's pain was rising up within him again. The sound of his tears pulling at him. "Ohhh..." He stumbled away. "I hear you crying..."
His arms tight around himself, Trowa wandered into the darkness of the trees. There, he was hidden from the light. There was no one to see how vulnerable he was, no one to see the tears escaping down his cheeks. It was cold. He shivered, wishing for Quatre's warm body against his, missing the strong arms about him, making him feel secure. 'He gives you so much,' Trowa leaned back against a tree and slid down to sit on his heels. He felt like a broken puppet sitting limply there. 'And all he wants is a few little words in return. I'm such a...' Trowa's head fell to his chest. His emotions were raging up inside him, and he instinctively choked them down hard. 'Still...I must control myself. How can I open myself to him without falling into a total wreck? If I let one barrier down, then Quatre won't be able to resist prying at them all...' He shuddered. 'I'm afraid.'
"With your love, show me how to live," Trowa breathed shallowly as he sang, "'cause you are made of me, and I am made of you. With your life, show me how to give." He wiped his tears away with the back of his sleeve. "You are made of me, and I am made of you."
He slid his fingers back into his amber-colored hair. If it was anyone but Quatre, perhaps it wouldn't hurt so much. But Quatre was always there, a part of his heart and soul. He wasn't sure when it had happened, perhaps he had always been there with him in some way, but now Trowa couldn't imagine what it was like to be without Quatre's presence. But it was only part. Since he had become gradually aware of it, however, he only felt complete when Quatre was actually there with him. Otherwise...
'I'm empty,' Trowa curled up. 'Empty and cold. And I know you feel it too, Quatre.' He tried holding the image of the blonde's angelic smiling face in his mind for comfort. But then he would remember the warmth of his touch and sound of his laughter, and he just hurt more since none of it was really there.
"I am made of you," Trowa stood and trudged off further into the darkness. "You are made of me." He had to go to Quatre. He had to fix this. Quatre needed him, and he needed Quatre. Whatever happened, he knew Quatre would be there for him. "And everything you are is what I'm meant to be." Just like he would be there for Quatre. "I am made of you, you are made of me, and everything I am, is what you made of me."
Suddenly he could hear Quatre calling out for him again. Yet it wasn't a sound so much as a feeling wailing from deep within. It was more intense than he had ever experienced before. He clutched at his chest with a groan and nearly doubled over. "Ohh... I hear you crying..." He forced himself the next few steps, out of the cover of the trees and into the bright whitewash of a streetlamp. "Ohh..." he moaned. "Through the darkness... To the light..."
He reached out to grip the lamppost, trying to steady himself. The pain dampened once more. 'My light... Quatre.' He stood up straight and opened his eyes. He squinted up at the light for a moment, then went walking down the trail. 'What am I going to do...?'
"With your love, show me how to live. 'Cause you are made of me, and I am made of you..." Trowa paused to let his fingertips drift over the petals of a rosebush. It was going to take more than flowers to convince Quatre to take him back. "With your life, show me how to give..." He plucked one of the white roses anyway. "'Cause you are made of me, and I am made of you."
He stopped, listening to the wind whispering sweet nothings through the trees. Trowa closed his eyes, feeling the song in his soul carried, even on the artificial wind. "With your heart, show me what is true, 'cause you are made of me, and I am made of you..."
'Trowa...'
"With your soul, walk my spirit through..." Trowa opened his eyes and turned his head towards the sky. "You are made of me, and I am made of you..."
A strange sob escaped Trowa's lips, in a voice that did not sound like his own. He shuddered at the intense cry that built up from somewhere far away. "Ohh... I hear you crying... Through the darkness..." He stepped out of the park. The streets were practically deserted, but the large building of the Winner Corporation just up the street shone with light like the middle of the day.
His face contorted in agony. He threw back his head and cried out. "To the light...!" He hung there for several moments, before nearly collapsing to the pavement. He steadied himself with some effort.
Supporting himself on his knees, Trowa glanced back up at the shining building. "I'm coming Quatre...but I'm going to need some help."
***
It was dawn at the Winner residence. It was probably the largest private estate on the colony, but as a frequent stay there, Trowa had no problem just walking on in, even with all of what he brought along. Not to mention whom.
Meanwhile, Quatre came wandering downstairs within the mansion. He was still feeling pretty miserable about the night before, and hadn't slept well at all. Tying the sash of his blue robe, he headed towards the front patio in his matching blue slippers. Maybe some fresh air would help.
Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Quatre opened the twin patio doors and stepped outside. Fuzzy eyed, with his golden hair ruffled, he went over towards the patio railing and looked down into the yard below.
"...." In mid yawn, Quatre's eyes suddenly popped wide open. Below, was one of the most unexpected sights to ever greet his eyes. "Wha...?"
Holding a guitar, Duo was waving wildly with a big hyper grin on his face. Quatre blinked. 'What's Duo doing on my lawn?' And he wasn't the only one. Next to him was Hilde with a pair of maracas that she was already shaking around. And there was Wufei on a set of drums, Heero with a horn, and Relena grinning expectantly up at him behind a keyboard. Quatre looked from one to the other in confusion.
"Uhh..."
"Hit it!" Heero shouted, raising the horn to his lips. Suddenly they all began to play. Relena's fingers struck a loud note across the keyboard.
"Shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon," was sung a number of times by the players, except for Heero who was busy playing the horn. Quatre stood away from the rail slightly. Had they all gone nuts?
Suddenly a white rose came flying towards him from out of nowhere. With hardly a blink, Quatre caught it. He looked down at the soft, thornless bloom. "Where...?" Then he looked back up again to see that Trowa had joined the others, and was slowly walking towards the balcony, a beat to his step. He had black fedora tilted at an angle over his face. But when he looked up at Quatre, there was a mischievous seductive smile on that normally stoic face.
Trowa stopped and moved rhythmically where he stood beneath Quatre's utterly shocked gaze. "I'm a desperado," he began to sing, "underneath your window..." He reached his an arm up towards Quatre sharply with an even wider grin. "I see your silhouette, are you my Juliet? I feel a mad connection with your body..."
Quatre suddenly found himself unable to close his mouth. "T-Trowa!?"
"Shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon," Trowa and the band sang. They were all getting really into it.
"I wanna be your lover," Trowa sang again still looking up at Quatre. "Your only latin lover." His eyes widened slightly, and seemed to be begging the blonde. Quatre blushed.
Keeping his eyes on Quatre the entire time, except for when he had to flip his head around, Trowa turned around in a circle while dancing. "We'll go around the world in a day, don't say no, no..." He moved one foot in front of the other to the beat of the music as he stepped closer to Quatre. "Shake it my way, ohhh..."
"Shake your bon-bon," the band began to sing again, "shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon!" Hilde was moving back against Duo while putting an extra effort into shaking her maracas. Duo moved back against her with a flirty grin.
As Heero started blaring enthusiastically on his horn, Trowa suddenly jumped, and seemed to fly through the air. He went spinning like a wild top and landed like a hawk on the railing in front of Quatre. Startled, Quatre gasped and stumbled back a few steps. Trowa just smiled and slid down. He advanced on Quatre until he had him against the twin doors of the patio.
Quatre gulped as Trowa's hands planted themselves firmly on either side of him, trapping him there. He couldn't help but to smile as Trowa leaned so close their noses nearly met.
"You're a Mata Hari," Trowa crooned to him in a sultry voice, "I wanna know your story..." He lightly ran one finger up from Quatre's throat up to his chin, forcing him to look up. Quatre shivered involuntarily as Trowa danced almost on top of him, moving rhythmically to and fro. "In the Sahara sun, I wanna be the one, that's gonna come and take you, make you..." Breathlessly, his mouth brushed up against Quatre's agape lips. When he saw Quatre's eyes droop in anticipation, he pulled back with a dark grin.
"Shake your bon-bon," the band sang again, "shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon!" Heero's shoulders were moving to rhythm as he played his horn, and he momentarily raised a suggestive eyebrow towards Relena. The girl on the keyboard blushed.
Jerking his hat down further over his face, Trowa began dancing back from Quatre. His eyes were teasing, daring Quatre to take action. "Up in the Himalayas... C'mon, I wanna lay ya..."
Over at the drums, Wufei looked up with a freaked out look. "Huh!?" However, he shrugged and threw himself into the drums once more.
"We'll go around the world in a day," Trowa danced in place as Quatre grinned and stepped towards him. "Don't say no, no..." He extended an arm towards Quatre and pulled it back as if pulling him in. "Shake it my way, ohh..."
"Shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon!" The band cheered as they sang. Wufei spun his drumsticks once in the air, then caught them again before crashing them down again in a few fierce beats.
His face now mirroring Trowa's 'come hither' smile, Quatre began to match his rhythm, dancing with him, his head held high. Trowa slid around behind him in one smooth movement, leaning in to place his arms around Quatre's waist. He pulled Quatre back against him as they continued to dance the entire time. "Hola Amigo, hola amigo... You're my temple of desire..."
Suddenly Heero got really loud on his horn. He was spinning about Relena like a twitterpated butterfly. He wasn't smiling, but his music certainly was.
With a soft moan, Quatre danced back against Trowa. He crossed his arms, taking hold of Trowa's around him. His neck arched back, and he closed his eyes with a blissful expression. Trowa leaned down to his lover's ear. "Hola amigo, hola amigo... Let my spirit take you higher..."
As they danced around, Quatre opened one eye to smile wickedly back at Trowa, who leaned in past his ear. "We'll go around the world in a day," Trowa sang as Quatre's face turned towards him with that undeniable look. "Don't say no, no... Shake it my way, ohhh..." His voice was muffled as Quatre moved sharply, capturing him in a deep kiss.
"Shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon!" The band sang. Then suddenly only Relena and Hilde were singing, especially since Trowa could no longer speak.
"Shake your bon-bon, baby..." Relena and Hilde swayed seductively, gaining very appreciative looks from Heero and Duo. Heero in particular played even louder on his horn for them. "Shake your bon-bon, baby... Shake your bon-bon, baby... Shake your bon-bon, baby..."
Finally, Quatre released Trowa, who looked a bit dazed. With a silly smile, he whipped his black fedora off and tossed it out over the balcony. It landed on Wufei, who didn't seem to notice.
"We'll go around the world in a day," Trowa sang, dancing away from Quatre, moving to dance in front of him again. Quatre danced with him, but as he moved towards Trowa, the other would only dance away from him. "Don't say no, no... Shake it my way, ohh..." They almost looked like two fighters stepping around each other. In a way, maybe that wasn't too far from the truth.
"Shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon!" The band sang. Hilde was shaking her maracas at Duo, because he kept screaming his name out throughout the song in his best rockstar imitation. Duo just gave her his best sexy smile and flipped his braid at her maracas.
Wufei went hyper on the drums.
"I'm a desperado," Trowa swayed. "Underneath your window..." Slowly, he began dancing towards Quatre once again. "I see your silhouette... Are you my Juliet?"
"Mmm..." Quatre caught Trowa to him in an embrace, as they still moved to the music. He hid his face in Trowa's shoulder.
"I feel a mad connection with your body..." Trowa put his arms around Quatre. He nearly closed his eyes, with a small smile.
"Shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon!" Though by this time, Trowa and Quatre barely noticed the band.
"I wanna be your lover," Trowa continued, putting all of his heart into it. "Your only latin lover..." He paused for a moment as Quatre moved to look him in the face with a look of adoration that left him powerless beneath it. He closed his eyes completely as Quatre leaned in to hold him cheek to cheek. Swallowing, he tried to continue singing as Quatre began to lead them in the dance. "We'll go around the world in a day..."
Trowa never had a chance to finish, because at that moment, Quatre, who had danced them all the way back, suddenly threw open the twin patio doors and pushed him through them. Following after, Quatre slammed them shut behind them with a laugh.
"Shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon!!!" The band sang once more. Then they realized they were alone out in the yard. Everyone looked at each other in confusion for a moment. Then a cheer went up as the music finally stopped.
"Mission accomplished," Heero said with a nod.
"All right!" Duo cheered, then gave Hilde a gleefully evil look. "Now who's up for some skinny dippin' in Quatre's pool?" Before anyone could say anything, Duo had suddenly stripped to nothing at all and was running off in the direction of the pool.
Hilde stared after him, slackjawed for just a moment. Then she quickly stripped down too, and went running after him. "YAHOO! Wait for me!!!"
"Oh my GOD!" Wufei freaked out and put his hands to his face. "I saw Maxwell nude! I'll go blind!" He ran off the property screaming.
For a few minutes, Heero and Relena just stared after where Duo and Hilde had taken off to. Relena looked rather wide eyed and shocked, while Heero didn't really look fazed at all. Then his steely blue eyes slowly moved over to look at Relena. It took her a few moments to notice.
"Heero?"
Just as slowly as his eyes had moved, Heero's face shifted into a small, sly smile.
"Heerrooooooo....??!!" Relena cried as he suddenly hefted her up into his arms and went running in the direction of the pool with her. Her protests turned into laughter as her voice faded behind the building. They left a trail of clothing in their wake.
***
Meanwhile, inside Quatre's bedroom, all was cool and dark. Except for under the covers where Trowa and Quatre cuddled. There, it was quite the opposite. Although the light wasn't of the sort one could see with the eye. It was something they could both feel as their lips caressed each other, flowing from deep within their entwined forms.
"I'm glad you came back," Quatre murmured, feeling Trowa stroking through his hair with his soft touch. "I'm sorry..."
"Don't be. You had every right to be upset. I'm the one who's sorry." Trowa rolled over, covering Quatre with his body. He tightened his arms around him. He smiled with genuine affection as Quatre reached up to brush away the long locks of amber hair that fell in his face. Both emerald eyes shone down on Quatre openly. "I'm not going to let you fall. And I know you won't let me fall either. Those who fly trapeze trust each other, and I trust you, Quatre. I love you."
Tears glittered in Quatre's pool-like eyes. "I love you too, Trowa. I never want to lose your trust."
"Que sera, sera..." Trowa sighed as he found Quatre's mouth and possessed it tenderly once more with his own. 'What will be, will be. And whatever the future brings, as long as I'm with you, Quatre, I'm not afraid.'