Realization and Regret

Summary: Beca never took her fights with Chloe into deep thought until now. [Fluffy/Angst]

Rating: T for language

Word Count: 1,618

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this (including the references to other songs/quotes, of course) besides the plot. I think.

"Forget it. I'm outta here."

Beca marched off away from the Bellas, her face growing red. You could've expected tears welling in her eyes, but rather her heart froze into a tundra, unable to keep its beat.

Her heart only beats for Chloe, but she fucked up again.

"Oh, so you're just gonna leave?" Chloe's voice is as fragile as glass.

Of course Beca knew that she brought this upon herself. It was one of the many reasons why she hated herself. She tends to lose everyone she loves, and because of this, she builds up her walls and makes it difficult for herself to love another.

This wasn't the case with her and Chloe, though. It was a spark. At the time when they were only getting to know each other, Beca didn't believe in love. She didn't believe in soulmates or destiny. That's why when she first saw Chloe, she didn't tell herself that it was love at first sight.

But, it was.

It was the greatest thing; an indescribable feeling rising from her toes to her heart to her mind. The first time she saw Chloe's blue eyes, she could've sworn that she was the one she'd try her hardest to keep if she were to ever have the guts to confess her feelings.

But, she didn't tell herself that.

Now, sitting in her car with tears streaking her cheeks, Beca thought to herself, what the hell am I doing? She told herself that she didn't know the tiniest thing about love. She told herself that she'll never get married because she can't control her temper.

Hell, she blamed herself for not being able to change from the past. All she wanted was to have no walls. Maybe then, she thought, Chloe would love her without any doubts.

But 200 meters away, Chloe was leaning her side on a tree, fighting the urge to burst into a million tears. As she lamented, Bellas approached her in small groups.

"Chloe are you okay?" She shook her head and sniffed.

"She'll come back. She always does." Chloe spun around in anger.

"T-This time, it's different." Her voice rose to a shaky yell. "She walked away before I said something and usually she waits for me to." Stacie shakes her head.

"No, Chloe, you don't understand-"

"Yes I do!" Chloe sobbed. "She's my fucking girlfriend and I know her better than anyone!" She brought her hand to her mouth to muffle her cries. Stacie sighed.

"Chloe, I don't know if you know this, but every time you guys fight, she comes to my dorm room to stay the night and she talks about you." Chloe lifted her head. "She talks about how she doesn't deserve you and how you deserve so much better. She says how you, um…" Stacie starts counting off on her fingers. "How you are the most beautiful person she's ever met, how your laugh never doesn't make her smile, how she loves you so much, and she says all of those things while she cries."

Chloe clenches her jaw but this time she lets tears fall. The thing with Beca is that she says "I love you" a lot, but will rarely say it and be truthfully passionate about it at the same time. She always wants to say it at the right times and say it with everything that she has. That's one thing Chloe loved about her; how much she knows how to love even though she doubts her efforts. She always had.

"I think she didn't wait for you to answer because she doesn't want to tell herself that she's not good enough for you. She wants to be the best for you and she knows she isn't, so she's putting herself in denial," Lily chimes in. Chloe nods.

"Thanks guys… But I think I need to be alone right now." The Bellas nod and they saunter away, leaving Chloe to return to her original position.

She didn't hold back anymore tears.

As gallons of salty tears streamed down her face, she thought to herself, I might lose her someday. Like an alarm, the thought triggered a waterfall from her eyes.

She loved Beca more than anything. She did believe in love, but with Beca, she felt more. She knew that Beca was a soulmate, a best friend but more. Beca had her heart, and she liked to think that she had hers.

In the heat of the moment, she felt like one of them would say "Maybe we should just end it," or "This isn't working." It was never like this. She felt irate, more upset than ever. She just loved her so much. But now, all she felt was remorse. She never wanted to be with someone other than Beca. She never wanted to see Beca alone but she never wanted to see her with someone other than her.

In her swarm of thoughts, her body paralyzed as her mind focused on just Beca Mitchell, she felt two thing arms snake around her waist and a small head rested upon her shoulder. She didn't jump at the person hugging her from behind, because she knew exactly who it was.

She memorized her body and her warmth. She memorized the feeling of her face and her hands. She memorized the breathing pattern, which was her nervous and regretful one. She knew exactly who it was.

And so her body tightened at the touch, aching to hug her back. Instead, she just relaxed her muscles and let herself sink into Beca's love.

Beca let herself cry her eyes out. She looked out her window, but she couldn't see Chloe at all.

She must have moved, she told herself. She banged a fist onto her steering wheel and buried her face into her hands. She told herself she was a fuck up. She told herself that she should just wait for Chloe to break up with her because it was inevitable.

She wasn't good enough. She never was and she never will. Chloe deserves better and she knows it.

She just wishes she was good enough.

Beca looked at herself in the mirror. Seeing a tear-stained face and an angry demeanor, she was disgusted with herself. How could a person like Chloe fall for her? She always started fights. She always ran away when she felt weak. She was so problematic that she always ruined everything. Beca thought that maybe she was destined to be alone forever.

And that's when she started to believe in destiny.

But she wasn't going to give up, go to a friend's house, and ignore Chloe for hours like she would've done before. She doesn't want to lose Chloe. She was going to change for her, or at least try, even though it would be hard

She didn't think that Chloe wouldn't approve of a big change. She was too busy abhorring herself that she didn't think that Chloe actually finds her alluring; unique; perfect for her.

Nonetheless, she wiped her tears (in which she convinced herself she wasn't ashamed of because she was badass) and angrily slammed her hand onto the wheel again before storming out the door. She was greeted with the sight of the Bellas off in the gazeebo, most likely leaving Chloe- who was leaning against a tree- alone. Cautiously, Beca slowly started towards the redhead.

It was this moment when Beca realized that she shouldn't be scared to apologize to Chloe. She realized that Chloe, being a lovely and accepting woman, wouldn't get upset when she apologizes. She never did. Deep down, it worried her that this time was a worse fight and she wouldn't be that accepting, but as long as Chloe knew that Beca loved her…

… Beca felt comfortable.

Beca heaved a sigh and walked up to her girlfriend from behind. All of the Bellas noticed; first Stacie, who nudged Flo, who nudged Emily, who nudged Fat Amy, who got the attention of the other Bellas (and probably- most likely- the family of four ten feet away).

Beca smiled sadly before wrapping her arms carefully around Chloe, clasping them together at her thin hands, then resting her head in the nook between her jaw and shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

It was only two words that could make grey skies clear. Chloe smiled as she wiped her tears, looking down at the ground. For several moments, they stood in their frozen position, contemplating what they have together (not to mention the Bellas watching the miraculous make-up in awe, trying not to be spotted).

It was like their heartbeats were in perfect sync.

Chloe was the first to speak. "Don't ever think you're not good enough for me."

Beca heaved a sigh and smiled. It was a pure, genuine smile. It was something you rarely see from Beca, and it was beautiful. "I'll try," she whispered. "I'm sorry." Chloe hesitated.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not," Beca groaned. "I keep breaking your heart. A pretty lady should never be sad." Chloe grinned.

"Well then, apology accepted, madam." Beca beamed and twirled the redhead around, enclosing her front into her arms. Chloe squeezed back and sighed in relief.

"I love you, Beca."

Beca didn't have to vacillate. She knew for sure that she loved Chloe Beale. She knew she loved her with every piece or herself. She knew that this feeling she's undergoing is plain adoration. She said "I love you too" with such ease that it seemed unreal, but Chloe knew she meant it. Chloe knew that she wasn't just saying it back to repay her for their fight, and Beca, well…

Beca knew for sure that Chloe Beale was her soulmate.

(A/N: Hey guys! I hoped you enjoyed that (somehow)! Thanks for reading, and please leave a review and follow/favorite! I'll update on a schedule starting Tuesgay and then Thursgay. If you find any errors or anything you recommend me changing, please inform me. Also, I'm a firm believer in constructive criticism! Help me improve? Thank you guys again. xx)