Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin.
GOD. I love this fandom so much. I never realized there was such a comprehensive fanbase. Cheers to you all for sticking together. You make me tear. :') Contributing as much as I can to this fandom. Love love! I will never attempt to fight for LeviMikasa against people who try to make arguments. It is not the mind that loves and aches but the heart that pines for passion. Let us cherish what we love and accept we love differently. I have never liked yuri/yaoi but I am good enough not to care to bash them. Why can't people have the same sense of courtesy? Every little action counts. We are fools to think otherwise.
Summary: Canon!verse. Levi and Mikasa realize they were in love with each other too late. Romance/Angst.
Song: Summer 78 by Yann Tiersen
Throughout Time
summer 78
It was a realization that dawned onto them at the height of a tumultuous battle.
She dropped midair with her arms raised overhead, her blades ready to strike, when a strong forceful push winded her by the stomach. Her grey distant eyes widened in shock as she watched her prey down below get slammed into a crumbling building by another fifteen feet titan within that same instant. She could hear the desperate screams of her transformed brother as she was carried away from the frenzy.
A sound cracked near her. And suddenly, she was falling again. She turned her head, shifted her body, ready to shoot her gear. But she hit the ground not a second later. The body that held her stumbled brutally with her, skidding to a painful stop about a meter away. Debris, smoke, and rotting bodies greeted her sight. And within the next second, she struggled to stand. Amidst the deafening roars of numerous titans led by the vicious attack of three mutated individuals, Mikasa's gaze shot to the figure leaping to his feet. Her eyes widened as she unconsciously took a step towards him. As if entranced, as if drawn. Her gear rasping, clicking with her step.
His eyes were made of steel as they bore sharply onto hers. His short ebony hair was in a fray. Dark and dried blood smeared all throughout his person. And his clothes, his blades, his body was tattered and worn. Regardless, at that moment, the world seemed to have sped down to a momentary stop as they gaze locked and lingered.
Heichou. Captain. Mikasa whispered in utter bewilderment. His rescuing her left a bitter taste on her mouth. But amidst the confusion, she wanted nothing more but to reach him. She wanted nothing more but to close the distance between them. During that moment, the realization dawned in. Their crumbling world seemed no less true than the sudden ache on her chest; at how enthralled she was to see him near.
His face, she thought, she'd never seen for the longest of times.
His gaze seemed changed, though clouded, though grave, as they bore onto hers, gradually softened. And for an instant, his pursed lips eased. His countenance suddenly freed, allowing himself a second of vulnerability as the moment entrapped his misshapen soul.
A pain within her, a pain other than the sore bruises and cuts on her body, direly sought for a way to reach him. Her usually callous heart melted. And as she parted her lips, ready to voice out her most imminent desire, no matter how impossible, no matter how fleeting, she hesitated, finding his expression colder, grimmer. For the briefest moment, she swore he shook his head, stopping her even before she started.
She stepped back, confused. And as slowly as the world seemed to have halted, its speed caught up and crashed into the most fleeting of moments. The wailing, the crying, the explosions gradually came to ear. Titans and humans fell hand-in-hand. Solitary debris started again to quickly shoot out from the sky.
With one final gaze, Levi placed a hand over his gear and leapt to the skies, telling her as he swung forward.
Lutte. Fight.
The battle continued but the scouting legion was ordered by Hanji to reorganize over the Wall of Sina. Shrill cries of murdered civilians resonated from the land below as several soldiers landed on the safety of the wall. Their footsteps clicked simultaneously. And their faces reflected nothing less than terror and death.
Amidst the shuffle, Mikasa quickly looked around. And for the first time in her life, she desperately searched for someone other than Eren in the throng of soldiers. Realizing her efforts were in vain, she almost let a cry escape her quivering lips. Unconsciously, her trembling legs led her to her acting-in-command officer. Her face was pale as she tried to find her voice. She couldn't escape this waning feeling that told her she'd never see the man again.
Wo ist der Kapitän? Where's the captain? Jean's rough, haggard voice asked in her stead, unknowingly filling her desperate cry.
Hanji released the blades from her sword's hilt, exchanging it with fresh ones. There was deep cut drenching her shoulder with murky blood at the side of her neck. Her expression was grave as she told the tall man without the need to face him as she focused on her brittle gear,
He's with Erwin by the middle gates, supporting Eren.
Mikasa's nerves lit instantly and in quick action, nearly leapt over the wall. But before her feet was inches from the ground, Hanji grabbed her clothes and forcefully pulled her down with all of her weight.
We have special instructions from the Lance Corporal. The bespectacled woman gritted as she kept the struggling girl from breaking free, from running to the aid of her most beloved ones. At that moment, the whole legion heard Mikasa's first shrill and most desperate cry. Hanji could only look the other way with a painful bitter taste on her mouth.
Although the Wall of Sina was freed and rebuilt, the battle continued within the other two barriers. And Mikasa was close to her final breath. With the aide of her comrades, she settled within the barracks of the legion to recuperate with the other fallen soldiers. Her eyes softened at the sight of Eren sleeping beside her.
She fell asleep for four days. And within those four days, her acquaintances and friends dwindled in number. Within those four days, civilians were drafted into the army in the multitudes. There was no more king. There was no more monarchy. And the military brigade was first of the three legions to fall.
On the fifth day, she had awoken from a dream of absolute void, darkness, and stillness. The soft ray of the cool sunrise drifted into her room. And amidst her groggy state, she could swear as her blurry vision gazed to the door, that from the small crack of the opened entrance, her captain was looking through before his head whipped away. She could hear the click of his boots fading in the hallways with the distance. Its sound soothed her of the longest of moments. Because at that time, she was sure he was momentarily spared from death.
She knew she couldn't hold onto this uncertainty. But she knew it was all she could ever afford to have. Had she known any other life, her heart would cry from the fact that in their world, living was a priceless luxury no man can ever afford to buy.
With her eyes nearly watering, she looked down at her fists and feels her throat aching. She realized the more she loved, the most she lost. It was then that she decided that she would never acknowledge the blossoming love she felt for her captain and promised to herself to keep the façade.
Suddenly, the door to the room she shared with seven more unconscious individuals, slowly creaked open, revealing the soft gaze of the man who she'd never dreamt of capturing her heart and soul. His strides towards her seemed long and firm. The clicks of his boots that once faded from her hearing now stopped next to her bed.
And, wholly forgetting her earlier commitments, Mikasa found her chest tighten as Levi gently cupped her cheek. A tear fell from her eye, surprising even her. He seemed to have noticed the light shock grace her beautiful features because he let his lips curve into a knowing smile. His thumb tenderly wiping the hot bead off her face. A quivering breath escaped her lips. And, in the comfort of his presence, she closed her eyes and leaned against his touch. The warmth of his hands was shelter enough.
Her eyes continued to water amidst her closed lids as she wondered why, when, and how she had fallen in love. It was unnecessary. It was sheer and utter pain. But to have him near, to have him hold her in this most loving fashion, was worth every amount of hurt foreboding. If only it could forever stay this way. If only they could have eternity.
Mikasa. He suddenly whispers and he leans in. Her eyes slowly flutter open and finds his eyes gazing deeply into hers. His forehead resting lightly on hers. In their solitude, their breathing eased into one. And in that moment, Mikasa's heart started to fall, realizing what he has yet to say. She was about to pull back when Levi held her and told her quickly, almost desperately. Je t'aime. I love you. Mais— But—
Sore wa iwanai de. Don't say it. She grits out. Her tears are real now. Her pain suddenly shot back in the most unbearable way.
Ecouter. Listen. He continues, trying to be gentle even though gentility was the farthest trait he could ever hope to possess. Je pars. I'm leaving.
Iwanai de kudasai. Don't— Stop. Please. Mikasa continued to cry in a whisper. The room was silent amidst the number of its inhabitants. Levi held his gaze and keeps his hands on her full rosy cheeks. And he continues, as he finds her in her most beautiful,
Il n'a pas à être moi. It doesn't have to be me. He tells her. It must have hurt because he knows it's the truth. She was young and if his love for her was any true, he'd create a world where she could lead the remainder of her life in peace. He'd die to give her a future in this century long battle's last stretch. C'est donc mes adieux. So this is my goodbye. He finishes and starts to pull away. Mikasa's hands grasp onto his wrists in desperation. Her eyes littered with hurt.
Si tu me quittes, je te suivrai. If you leave, I'll follow you. She threatens him. Her grim eyes flash with rage.
C'est pourquoi vous ne savez jamais ou je suis. That's why you'll never know where I am. He lazily tells her with a sad smile as he lets her go. The tips of their fingers lingering before dropping to their sides. Although just a few feet away, their distance seemed it's farthest. He took her silence as an invitation to depart. But as the heels of his boots led him away, Mikasa's voice suddenly fluttered through the room in utter determination and resolve.
Watashi wa anata o mitsukemasu. I will find you.
Levi looks back, almost hopeful.
J'attendrai. I'll be waiting.
Then, the door shuts.
TBC.
I'll be posting my random oneshots under this title because I seem to have a number of them. For any grammatical errors, especially the translated parts, I only know Japanese and a little German, please correct me. Thank you!
Explanations for fear I wasn't able to deliver properly. Still, hope you understood what was happening.
1. She was about to tell him she loved him in the middle of the battle. She was about to utter, "I love you." Levi, knowing what she was about to say, shakes his head in a, "No. Don't say it." And instead, urges her to keep fighting. He of all people knew the pain of such a deep connection which is why he believes it's better to live on without it.
His gaze seemed changed, though clouded, though grave, as they bore onto hers, gradually softened. And for an instant, his pursed lips eased. His countenance suddenly freed, allowing himself a second of vulnerability as the moment entrapped his misshapen soul.
A pain within her, a pain other than the sore bruises and cuts on her body, direly sought for a way to reach him. Her usually callous heart melted. And as she parted her lips, ready to voice out her most imminent desire, no matter how impossible, no matter how fleeting, she hesitated, finding his expression colder, grimmer. For the briefest moment, she swore he shook his head, stopping her even before she started.
She stepped back, confused. And as slowly as the world seemed to have halted, its speed caught up and crashed into the most fleeting of moments. The wailing, the crying, the explosions gradually came to ear. Titans and humans fell hand-in-hand. Solitary debris started again to quickly shoot out from the sky.
2. Mikasa wasn't fatally wounded or close to dying. She was just extremely dehydrated and exhausted from the unending battle.
Although the Wall of Sina was freed and rebuilt, the battle continued within the other two barriers. And Mikasa was close to her final breath. With the aide of her comrades, she settled within the barracks of the legion to recuperate with the other fallen soldiers. Her eyes softened at the sight of Eren sleeping beside her.
3. In the latter part, Levi just tells her that he's going away on a special mission. It's the last stretch of the battle so this may mean humanity was about to taste sweet success. Only, at what cost. The future is unknown. What is revealed is that Mikasa will surely find him and come to his aide, no matter what.