Author: Kathleen Anderson (mr_and_mrs_spooky@yahoo.com)
Rating: R
Spoilers: none
Summary: exactly what the title says!
Disclaimer: The characters of Mulder and Scully do not belong to me. They are property of Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. No copyright infringement intended. No money is made from this piece of writing.
Scully, armed with Chinese takeout, climbed the steps to Mulder's apartment. With each step the delicious aroma wafted out from the bag and made her stomach snarl at her. Wishing that it wasn't physically impossible to kick oneself in the stomach, Scully knocked lightly on Mulder's door. She knew he was home, she could see the soft flickering light of the television coming from under the door. Scully waited patiently for Mulder to open the door or at least ask who was there. As if Mulder really needed to ask who was visiting him at 12:30 am. Scully frowned as she was still standing outside holding the tantalizing bag and she did not hear any footsteps or anything! So, she knocked again, this time just a wee bit louder.
Scully grimaced as she now heard noises coming from the apartment. The cries of "Oh my gooooooooood" were punctuated with small gasps and rustles of clothing. She felt her face turn red and put her ear to the door. It sounded like Mulder was indeed copulating, but she heard no feminine voices (and no, she heard no male voices either!) The light from the television flashed brightly into the dim hallway and Scully's mind pictured the drawer containing any man's dream, a full collection of adult videos.
"Ohhhh man, this is soo hard!!!"
Scully's face turned even redder as she imagined what could possibly be hard. She had never had any doubts that Mulder was into the "do-it-yourself" but to actually hear this. She snickered at the thought that if she could hear him, then his neighbours most likely got an earful as well.
The gasps had now turned to pants as Mulder suddenly cried out, "get back between my thighs damn you!"
Scully was now wishing she could be between Mulder's thighs and clutched the Chinese takeout tighter. She was trying to make herself either leave the hallway and eat the entire meal herself or bang on the door and join Mulder in whatever self-satisfying game he was playing.
Scully steadied herself against the barrage of moans, gasps and panting and banged on the door with her foot. Immediately the television stopped flickering and Mulder called, "who is it?"
"It's me..I..uh...I brought takeout"
"Come in, I can't get up to open the door right now. It should be unlocked."
Scully was scandalized by the fact that Mulder didn't want her wait until he finished, or cleaned up or put himself away but steadied her hand and open the door.
The apartment was dark, she could just make out the familiar figure of Mulder sitting on his sofa. He was sort of slumped over and Scully wondered why she could never exhaust herself. That thought made her a bit jealous of him, she could never reduce herself to a panting lump of flesh.
She made her way across the television and saw the cover of the video Mulder had been watching. She gasped, it was worse than she had originally thought. On top of the VCR sat the empty case of Richard Simmons' "Tone and Sweat" Mulder was.....masturbating while watching Richard Simmons!
Scully turned around to face Mulder with tears in her eyes, Mulder looked at her. "Scully..Scully it's not what you think! Come closer to me."
Scully walked slowly over to him and Mulder reached between his legs and withdrew a..thighmaster. "You wouldn't believe the workout this thing can give you."