Francis
Blank. That's what my mind is. I look down at the little piece of paper on which I am supposed to write down my regrets. I don't know what to write, not because I don't have any regrets but because I do not know where to start. I suppose my anger is another factor that clouds my mind. I am angry at myself, angry at Mary, angry at Olivia, angry at Bash, angry that I am angry; basically I am angry at everyone and everything. If I had tamed my temper when Mary confronted me about Olivia, she wouldn't have run off to Bash. So I guess I am the root of the problem.
"My regrets are not hard to summon,"
The sound of Mary's voice makes my body tense. I want to look up at her and confront her, tell her what I saw, demand for an explanation. But I don't. I continue to stare at the paper, wondering what she will say next.
"I'm sorry we fought, I'm sorry I didn't eat more and drink less,"
I can hear the pain in her voice when she says this and my first instinct is the comfort her. Even after she betrays me, with my own brother nonetheless, I still can't help but care for her. My country used to be my priority, but now it has shifted. Mary is my priority now. I put on a neutral face and look at her.
"I'm sorry I over reacted,"
Looking at her face, all I can see is the image of her and Bash together. It takes all of my willpower to hold back the tears. Once again, I look down at the paper and write down my own regrets.
"Perhaps after this we could talk?"
Mary has always been proud, being the Queen of Scotland and all. She has never been someone that would beg and right now she's pleading. I know that my silence is hurting her, but I don't know what to say. Mary is not the only one who is in pain, I'm hurt too. I need time to process and forgive. Since Mary has been back at court I've dedicated myself to her, I even killed for her! I told her that there is nothing going on between Olivia and me, but she didn't believe me. After all that we've been through, she still doesn't trust me. And Bash, what a great brother he is. He could have anybody but he chose set his sights on Mary, my Mary. Amidst all the confusion, there is one thing I'm sure of. I don't want to talk to Mary, not now at least.
"No need. You've expressed your feelings quite clearly."
Once the words leave my lips, I instantly regret them. I know they will only add to Mary's pain but I think I deserve to be selfish for a while. I need to heal. I need to think about what to do. I need time to forgive. I can feel Mary's gaze on me and I ignore it. I look down at the paper and read my finished regret, "following my heart instead of my head."
It seems that Mary is done with her regret as well. We attach our regrets to our respective boats and sail them away. I can feel her presence beside me and it makes me weak. I want to yell at her for what she did, but at the same time I want to kiss her passionately and tell her I'm sorry. I've always been a relatively strong man, but I am weak when it comes to Mary. I can't stand here, next to her, anymore. I don't want to watch the boats sail away. I turn around and walk towards the castle, leaving Mary behind.
As I'm walking I feel someone grabbing my arm. I look to see that it's none other than Olivia. I'm too angry, too tired, and too weak to tell her to leave me alone. I guess I could use the company. Today I will let her come with me, but tomorrow I'm telling her to leave. I don't want her to continue to complicate things between Mary and I.
We have enough complications as it is.