'Ello. Yes, I rewrote Deadly Love, Deadly Hate. And changed the title, because Deadly Love, Deadly Hate doesn't suit this one, 'cause there really isn't that much hate in this one.
So, yes, reason I rewrote this; Deadly Love, Deadly Hate is one of my favourite fanfictions the I've written, but it sucked. So I improved it~ And I'm happy with this one :3 I made the character a lot more in-character~ ^^
WARNINGS: This story contains self-hurt, character death, and harsh language. If any of these subjects are offensive to you, I highly recommend not reading this.
Disclaimer: I do not in any way own any of the characters used in this story. They all belong to the very talented Bisco Hatori.
"Hey, um, Kaoru..? Can we talk to you about something?" Kaoru glanced up from where he was sitting on his and Hikaru's bed, reading, at the sound of his older brother's hesitant voice. The elder Hitachiin and Haruhi were standing before him, Hikaru looking uncharacteristically nervous, causing the younger twin to frown in concern.
"Um, alright, what is it..?" Kaoru closed his book, placing it in his lap as he waited for the pair to answer him.
"Well, um..." Hikaru trailed off, frowning slightly. He glanced at Haruhi, who gave him a small, encouraging smile, successfully confusing Kaoru even more.
"We don't have to tell him now..." Haruhi murmured quietly. Hikaru shook his head stubbornly, taking a deep breath.
"No, he deserves to know." Hikaru sat in front of Kaoru, taking the younger boy's hands in his own. "Kaoru, listen, I have something to tell you. Please don't be too upset by this..." Kaoru frowned, starting to feel quite nervous now.
"Hikaru..?" Hikaru took a deep breath, cupping Kaoru's cheek gently in his hand.
"Kaoru, Haruhi and I are... Dating..." Kaoru froze, his eyes widening in shock. "Kaoru, listen, this doesn't change my relationship with you at all. I still love you." Hikaru held Kaoru's hand tighter, trying to elicit some sort of response from the younger. Kaoru stared down at their hands for a moment, trying to process this newly discovered information, before he forced a smile onto his face, looking up at Hikaru.
"I'm so happy for you! I knew you and Haruhi were meant for each other." Hikaru's frown deepened, and he examined Kaoru's face closely. Kaoru tilted his head down again quickly though, hiding his eyes from the older twin. "Really, I'm so happy for you. You guys are perfect together." Haruhi and Hikaru exchanged worried glances, but Hikaru nodded slightly anyway, squeezing Kaoru's hand tighter.
"Thank you, Kaoru..." Kaoru nodded mutely, still keeping a small smile on his face. "Well, um, I guess I should take Haruhi home. I'll see you later though." Hikaru kissed Kaoru's head gently before he stood up, leading Haruhi out of the room. Only when the door was securely closed and the footsteps of the pair disappeared from hearing range did Kaoru allow his smile to falter, and the quiet tears he had forced back when his brother was with him flowed down his cheeks silently. He let out a soft sob, hugging Hikaru's pillow to his chest and burying his face in it, suffocating himself in the familiar scent.
"I'm happy for you..." He murmured to the empty space, trying to force himself to believe it before he fell into a restless sleep.
O~o~O~o~O
"Happy for them my ass... What the hell was I thinking?" Kaoru muttered quietly to himself, slamming his textbook closed and gathering his things before heading to the third music room. Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Hikaru and Haruhi had told Kaoru about their relationship, and Kaoru found himself growing more bitter, and more depressed, every day. And it wasn't because of their relationship. Well, not entirely. Yes, Kaoru would admit he missed having his twin with him twenty-four seven. But so long as the elder male was happy, Kaoru would be too.
At least, that's what he had told himself. However, had he known that within the two weeks following the news Hikaru would become such an ass, Kaoru would have thought very differently. He still loved his brother. Far more then he should. But he missed him. He missed the old, childish Hikaru. The one who would go to him for comfort when he was upset, or who would come and rant to him when he was angry. Or who would just go to him when he simply wanted someone to be with. He missed it, so, so much.
A part of Kaoru wanted to blame Haruhi. He wanted to push the fault of every single one of his negative feelings onto her. But he knew she wasn't to blame. Sure, she was part of the reason his brother had changed so much. After all, it was because Hikaru was dating her that he became such a jerk. But it wasn't as though she intentionally changed Hikaru. She probably didn't even notice the change. Either that or she just didn't care. Hikaru managed to pull off acting the same as usual. The only people who really noticed any change in the older Hitachiin was the host club, and the customers who normally requested the twins. Ever since Hikaru and Haruhi had got together, the twins' incestuous act had been slowly dying.
So, due to the fact that their act was in fact ceasing to exist, it didn't surprise Kaoru all that much when he walked into the third music room to find Hikaru and Haruhi talking to Kyouya. The younger Hitachiin walked over to the trio, just in time to hear Hikaru make his request.
"So, Kyouya-sempai, Haruhi and I were thinking. I know the incestuous act Kaoru and I do brings in a lot of money and stuff, but do you think maybe Haruhi and I could try partnering up together? It may bring in even more money, and I'm sure Kaoru wouldn't mind hosting alone. Right Kaoru?" Hikaru grinned at Kaoru, who now stood behind Kyouya. Kaoru smiled weakly, nodding.
"Sure, I don't mind..." Kyouya raised an eyebrow, glancing back at Kaoru sceptically, before he sighed quietly, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.
"If you three all agree to it, and you're sure it'll bring in enough customers, I have no objections. Just make sure it works." Hikaru grinned, squeezing Haruhi's hand tight. Kaoru felt a soft pang hit his heart, remembering when that used to be his own hand Hikaru was squeezing, rather than their cross-dressing friend's. He shook his head, forcing a convincing smile onto his face.
"Alright! Let's go get prepared." Hikaru grinned, dragging Haruhi away from Kyouya and Kaoru. Kaoru sighed quietly, sitting down next to Kyouya. The second year glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, but otherwise showed no sign of paying attention to him, seeming to still have his almost full attention on the laptop that he continued to type away on.
"So, Kaoru, are you really alright with serving the customers without Hikaru?" Kyouya finally asked after several long moments of silence, other than the soft clicks of his keyboard as he typed.
"Eh? Ah, yeah, sure. If it's what Hikaru wants, I'm fine with it..." Kaoru murmured softly, resting his chin in his hand. Kyouya sighed quietly, shutting his laptop and placing it on the table in front of them before turning to the youngest Hitachiin.
"Normally I would stay out of personal matters between you and your brother, but at this point it doesn't seem like the situation is going to get any better. Kaoru, I will ask again, and I expect an honest answer, understand?" Kaoru fidgeted slightly, debating on what exactly he should tell his sempai when the familiar voice of a certain annoying blonde appeared beside them.
"This is so odd, Hikaru and Kaoru not serving together. I can't believe this! Not only has he split my sons up, but he's taken my precious daughter! This cannot be allowed!" Tamaki whined, leaning over the back of the sofa to hug Kyouya tight around the neck, sobbing. "Mommy, we must do something!" Kyouya glared at the blonde, hitting him over the head and effectively causing him to loosen his grip. Tamaki whimpered as he edged away from Kyouya, looking like an abandoned puppy that had just been kicked. Kaoru giggled quietly, a small, genuine smile spreading across his lips.
"It's fine Tamaki-sempai, I'm sure Haruhi is perfectly happy with Hikaru." Tamaki looked at Kaoru worriedly, jumping over the back of the couch, much to Kyouya's irritation, to sit between the two. He looked at Kaoru with an abnormally serious expression, placing his hand on the younger Hitachiin's hand gently.
"Kaoru, listen to me very carefully. Try not to be too hurt by anything Hikaru may do for the next little while." Kaoru frowned slightly, looking at Tamaki in confusion.
"Sempai, what do y-"
"Just do it. Please Kaoru, for your dear, wonderful father, listen to me and try not to let him effect you too much." Kaoru tilted his head, still confused, but nodded anyway.
"Alright, I'll try..." Even as Kaoru made the promise, he had a horrible feeling he wouldn't be able to keep it. But it made Tamaki smile anyway, which was good enough for the younger boy.
"Good boy. Now, the host club is over for the day!" Tamaki clapped, standing up. The club hadn't actually served any customers that day, as they had instead been having their monthly group meeting.
Kaoru sighed quietly, standing up and heading towards the door. "Hey, Kaoru!" Kaoru paused, turning back to look at Tamaki.
"Yeah, sempai?" Tamaki smiled slightly, pausing by the younger twin.
"Wanna hang out with me for a little bit after school?" Kaoru stared blankly at Tamaki for a moment, trying to figure out what brought that up so suddenly, before being hit with realization. The elder boy was trying to keep Kaoru away from Hikaru and Haruhi as much as possible. 'I must not be very good at hiding my true emotions...' Kaoru thought to himself quietly.
He glanced at Hikaru and Haruhi, who were standing a little ways away. The younger twin overheard Hikaru invite Haruhi over to his house, and he instantly knew that he didn't want to be there. Not when the two were there together. He turned back to Tamaki, smiling softly.
"Sure sempai, I'd love to." Tamaki smiled brightly, hugging the younger boy.
"Great! Let's go then, we must find something fun to do!" The ecstatic blonde grabbed Kaoru's hand, pulling the younger boy out of the third music room excitedly. Kaoru smiled weakly, the faint sound of Hikaru and Haruhi's laughter still managing to shoot a painful hole through his heart.
Back in the music room, Hunny was looking between the door that Tamaki and Kaoru had just left through and Hikaru and Haruhi worriedly.
"Takashi, are Hika-chan and Kao-chan fighting? They don't seem to be talking to each other at all anymore." He turned his attention to his cousin, who was frowning at Hikaru.
"... I don't know." He finally mumbled, watching as Hikaru and Haruhi left the room holding hands. "But I hope Hikaru realizes exactly what he may be losing before it's gone..." He muttered quietly. Hunny nodded slightly, hugging Mori's arm tight and allowing the taller male to pick him up and carry him out of the third music room.
O~o~O~o~O
Kaoru sighed, yawning sleepily and loosening his tie as he walked into his room. He was rather surprised to find that Hikaru wasn't already in bed. After all, it was already midnight.
"Damn, Tamaki really does get too many ideas..." Kaoru mumbled quietly. He didn't particularly mind though. Sure, the over-excited blonde had kept him out until the middle of the night, but it had taken his mind off his brother and Haruhi, so he couldn't complain. He sat on his bed, wondering when Hikaru would hurry up and come home already when he suddenly remembered something. "Ah, right, he got his own room..." Kaoru felt a fresh wave of sorrow wash over him, and he had to bite his lip to force away the tears. He didn't want to cry. Not when Hikaru was happy. It didn't matter what Kaoru felt, so long as Hikaru was happy.
Even as he thought that though, Kaoru felt the pain in his chest increase. He sat there for several moments, trying to push the negative feelings away, before he finally gave up.
"... I miss him..." Kaoru cried softly, burying his face in his hands.
He continued to cry for several minutes, soft sobs escaping his throat, before he finally took a deep breath to try and calm himself. He rubbed his eyes on his sleeve, looking out the window.
"I don't understand... How could he leave me behind so easily, when I miss him so much..?" He wondered out loud. He sighed, standing up and leaving his room. He needed something to distract himself from his depressing thoughts. He didn't want to bother Tamaki or Kyouya though, so he wandered around the mansion for a while instead.
He eventually came to the kitchen, looking around the quiet, empty room blankly. He didn't spot anything amusing, or anything that could do him any good at this particular moment. He sighed, dejected, before a small flash of silver caught his eye. He turned his head, sighing when he saw it was just a knife.
"One of the cooks must have left it out..." He mumbled, going over and picking it up. He cried out a moment later, dropping the blade when it cut into his hand. He winced, examining the wound closely. "You've got to be kidding me..." He mumbled. He sighed, walking over to the sink and flipping it on, holding his hand under the faucet to allow the cold water to wash over his cut. He winced at the stinging feeling, but didn't withdraw his hand until it started to go numb from the cold. Only then did he turn the faucet off, looking down at the injury quietly. He ran a finger over it lightly, wincing at the stinging sensation he received. Sighing, he dropped his hand and turned to put the knife away. He paused for a moment, looking at it carefully.
'I wonder if I should take it... It might come in handy...' Kaoru started to reach for the knife before shaking his head fiercely, scared from his own thought.
"What the hell am I thinking! Why the hell would a knife ever come in handy!" He muttered to himself. But even as he said the words, he couldn't help but feel the need to take the knife with him to his room. After hesitating for another moment the younger Hitachiin sighed, picking it up again, this time much more carefully, and hurrying upstairs to his room. "This is stupid, this is stupid, this is stupid." He muttered to himself repeatedly as he hid the knife safely in his dresser drawer. But despite his self-scolding, he still felt no obligation to return the knife. He sighed quietly, slamming the dresser drawer shut and curling up in his bed, hugging a pillow to his chest. He closed his eyes quietly, missing the familiar warmth of his twin's arms around him.
O~o~O~o~O
"So Haruhi, what do you think we should do for our customers?" Kaoru closed his eyes, trying to block out the happy voices of his brother and Haruhi. He was really starting to loathe the host club, to the point of wanting to quit. He jumped slightly when he felt a hand touch his shoulder, and opened his eyes to look up at Tamaki, who was looking at him worriedly.
"Kaoru, you look horrible." Tamaki sat beside the younger twin, placing the back of his hand on Kaoru's forehead.
"Really? 'Cause I feel like shit." Kaoru had stopped trying to act happy in front of everyone by now. Hikaru no longer paid attention to him, and everyone else already knew he wasn't happy, so he saw no point in pretending anymore.
Tamaki frowned slightly, withdrawing his hand while Kaoru looked down at his lap. The blonde turned to look at Hikaru and Haruhi, narrowing his eyes slightly. He sighed, standing up and patting Kaoru's head.
"I'll be back Kaoru, stay here." Kaoru blinked, looking up at the blonde in confusion.
"What? Where are you going?" Tamaki smiled pleasantly at the brunette, grinning.
"Just going to talk to Kyouya for a minute, I'll be back." Kaoru watched in confusion as the blonde walked away, stopping beside his onyx haired classmate and leaning down to whisper quietly in his ear.
Today was another meeting day in the host club. It was rare for them to have more than one a month, but due to the fact that Hikaru and Haruhi still hadn't figured out what they were going to do, the host club was forced to remain closed for one more day. Kyouya had already warned the pair that if they didn't decide on what they would do by the end of the day they would go back to their previous arrangements, which seemed to make Hikaru more inspired to think. Kaoru was deeply hurt by this, but he didn't let it show. But Hikaru wouldn't notice anyway, even if he did allow it to be seen.
Kaoru blinked when Tamaki walked over to him, grinning. "Guess what, my dear friend." Kaoru stared at him, waiting for him to continue. Tamaki sighed, smiling. "You and I have permission to leave early. Let's go!" Kaoru blinked, confused, but allowed Tamaki to pull him to his feet and lead him out of the third music room.
"So... What do you owe Kyouya for allowing us to leave the meeting early?" Kaoru asked quietly, looking at the blonde blankly. Tamaki smiled softly, shaking his head.
"Nothing, he's just waiting on Hikaru and Haruhi, so no one else really needs to be there." Kaoru frowned slightly, confused.
"Then why didn't you just cancel the meeting?"
"Kyouya wants Hikaru and Haruhi there, so he can make sure they are thinking..." Tamaki laughed nervously. Kaoru nodded slightly, looking down.
"I see... So where are you taking me?"
"My house!" Kaoru looked up again, confused.
"What? Why?" Tamaki smiled, pausing now that they were outside.
"Because I am officially kidnapping you for the night." Tamaki smiled softly, squeezing Kaoru's hand lightly. "I heard Hikaru invite Haruhi over for the night, so I thought you might wanna avoid your house." Kaoru smiled weakly, nodding.
"Alright, thanks sempai..." Tamaki nodded, smiling softly. He opened the door for Kaoru when the car stopped in front of them, and Kaoru murmured a soft 'thank you' before climbing in. Tamaki climbed in next to him, closing the door and yawning softly. Kaoru looked out the window absently, his mind in a distant place. Tamaki looked at him worriedly, but said nothing and left the younger be.
They arrived at the second Suoh mansion about half an hour later, and Tamaki once again held the door open for Kaoru. He couldn't help but notice that Kaoru seemed to be more out of it, and had been ever since they left the school. He sighed quietly before smiling brightly, taking Kaoru's hand and leading the Hitachiin inside. The pair were greeted by a couple of maids, who smiled brightly when they saw Kaoru. Kaoru forced a cheerful smile onto his face, and the two maids giggled and left the two alone. Tamaki smiled softly, leading Kaoru upstairs to his room.
"We can wait up here until supper." Tamaki explained. Kaoru nodded slightly, still seeming out of it. Tamaki frowned, placing his hand lightly on Kaoru's cheek, causing the brunette to jump and look up at him, confused.
"Sempai?"
"Kaoru, are you okay? You seem... Distracted." Tamaki murmured softly, stroking Kaoru's cheek gently. Kaoru smiled weakly, looking down.
"I'm fine, sempai. Sorry, I guess I'm just..." The younger twin trailed off, his eyes darkening sadly. Tamaki felt a sudden rush of realization, and he looked at Kaoru sympathetically.
"I'm sorry, you probably would have been happier at home..." Kaoru shook his head, turning away.
"I would have been lonelier at home. Don't get me wrong sempai, I really do appreciate you inviting me over, it's just..." The younger twin trailed off again, nibbling on his lip lightly. "I've never slept away from home without Hikaru. Even if I'm alone at home, at least I'm in a familiar room. I'm sorry, I am glad you invited me over though." The younger boy turned back to Tamaki, forcing a smile onto his face. Tamaki stared at him for a moment before hugging him to his chest. Kaoru jumped, surprised, and hesitantly returned the hug.
"Kaoru, you don't need to pretend around me..." Kaoru tensed, instantly feeling tears well up in his eyes. He let out a soft sob, burying his face in the taller boy's chest. Tamaki rubbed Kaoru's back gently, backing up them up so he could sit on his bed, sitting Kaoru between his legs gently. Kaoru didn't respond; he just snuggled closer to the blonde, clinging to him tight. Tamaki continued his small, comforting movements, until the younger boy finally calmed down. Kaoru didn't move off the blonde's lap though, choosing to stay in the elder male's warm embrace.
The pair stayed like that for a while, Tamaki cradling Kaoru gently, until a knock sounded from the door and Tamaki was forced to stand up. Kaoru yawned quietly, his eyes half-closed sleepily. He laid down on Tamaki's bed, faintly hearing the blonde talking to the maid at his door before the blonde closed it and walked over to Kaoru, holding two plates of pizza.
"Are you hungry?" Tamaki tilted his head, looking at Kaoru curiously. He knew the brunette hadn't been eating very much recently, and as much as he didn't want to force him to eat, he wanted to make sure he had at least a little food.
"... Kinda..." Kaoru's quiet voice spoke. Tamaki smiled lightly, handing him one of the plates. He sat next to the younger twin, watching quietly as the Hitachiin took a couple small bites of it. He ate his own slice, watching Kaoru quietly. The younger male put the pizza down when he's eaten about half of it, yawning quietly as he did so. Tamaki smiled softly, taking both their plates and leaving them outside the door, returning to find the younger Hitachiin fast asleep. The blonde covered Kaoru with the comforter, turning the lights off before climbing in next to him. He stroked Kaoru's cheek lightly before closing his eyes, falling asleep himself.
O~o~O~o~O
Tamaki groaned slightly, a soft whimpering noise cutting into his dreamless sleep. He laid still for a moment before forcing his eyes open, blinking a few times to get adjusted to the dark. Another whimper, slightly louder this time, forced him to turn his head towards Kaoru, who was trembling beside him. He frowned slightly, sitting up and contemplating on whether or not to wake the boy when a quiet sob escaped the brunette. Tamaki stiffened, shaking the younger twin's shoulder nervously, afraid of upsetting the boy more.
"Kaoru..?" Kaoru trembled at the blonde's touch, another sob leaving him. Tamaki frowned more, shaking the brunette's shoulder again, now more determined. "Kaoru!" Kaoru jolted awake, panting quietly. Silent tears streamed down his cheeks, and Tamaki felt a painful tug on his heart at the sight.
"S-Sempai..?" Kaoru looked up at the blonde uncertainly, sitting up shakily as he did so. He willingly clung to the elder boy when Tamaki pulled him into a tight hug, sobbing quietly into his chest.
"Nightmare..?" Tamaki knew the answer. It was obvious from the younger twin's state. But he asked anyway, simply out of hope that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't.
A small nod of confirmation shattered that hope.
"M-Milord, I don't understand..." Tamaki blinked, surprised. Kaoru had stopped calling him 'milord' when Hikaru had started distancing himself. He only just realized how much he missed hearing the younger twin call him that. "D-Did I do something wrong? Is that why Hikaru doesn't want to be with me anymore? Did I mess things up?"
Kaoru looked up at Tamaki pleadingly, quietly begging for some sort of answer. Something to tell him the reason his beloved brother no longer wanted him.
Tamaki hesitated for a moment before shaking his head, placing his hand gently on Kaoru's cheek and brushing his tears away gently.
"Kaoru, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Hikaru's just... Blinded, right now..." Tamaki finally mumbled. What else could he tell the Hitachiin? It certainly wasn't Kaoru's fault, but Tamaki truly didn't know what could cause the elder twin to leave Kaoru's side so quickly. "Maybe he just needs some time..?" Kaoru shrugged, burying his face in Tamaki's chest again. He whimpered softly, but his tears had stopped.
"... I miss him..." Kaoru whispered quietly, clutching the front of Tamaki's shirt tight. "So, so much..." Tamaki nodded slightly, cradling the younger boy closer.
"I know, Kaoru..." Tamaki rocked Kaoru gently, the brunette eventually falling into a light sleep, still keeping his tight grip on the blonde's shirt. Tamaki leaned against the wall behind his bed, stroking Kaoru's hair lightly before pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead, hugging him closer.
O~o~O~o~O
"Well, um, thanks a lot for letting me stay the night sempai. I really appreciate it." Kaoru murmured quietly. Tamaki nodded slightly, a small frown set on his face.
"It's really no problem. Are you sure you want to go home..?" Kaoru grinned slightly, the forced action causing an even larger feeling of anger and grief to surge through the blonde. He had been angry at Hikaru the past couple weeks for hurting Kaoru, but after the previous night he was furious with the elder Hitachiin. He had half-considered phoning Hikaru and yelling at him, but it would do no good. Hikaru would just block him out, and the action would hurt Kaoru.
"Really, I'm fine sempai. All my stuff is at home, and as comfy as your bed is, I miss mine." Kaoru's grin dimmed slightly, and he tightened his grip on his bag. "Um... Yeah, so, I'll see you at the host club on Monday." Kaoru waved slightly at Tamaki, walking out the front door to the car that waited for him. Tamaki watched quietly, standing in the doorway until the car had disappeared from sight. He closed the door with a small sigh, leaning against it heavily before he headed upstairs.
Kaoru stared out the car window quietly, hugging one knee to his chest. He kind of wished he had agreed to stay at Tamaki's, but he needed to go home sooner or later. Hiding from his problems wouldn't do him any good, and he didn't want to be a bother to the blonde anyway.
"Hitachiin-sama, we've arrived home." Kaoru blinked a couple of times, his eyesight only just registering the mansion in front of him. He shook his head, mumbling a quiet 'thank you' to the driver before he stepped out of the vehicle, walking up to the front door quickly. He opened and closed the door as quietly as he could, and walked briskly up the stairs to his room.
"Ow!" The cry of pain came from two voices in perfect sync when Kaoru turned a corner in the hallway, running right into Hikaru in the progress.
"Damn it, watch where you- Kaoru!" Hikaru cut off his angry sentence when he noticed his younger twin in front of him, rubbing the spot on his forehead where their heads had collided. "Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there!" Kaoru accepted the elder boy's offered hand, and Hikaru pulled him up quickly, inspecting his forehead. "Ah, I'm so sorry!" Kaoru smiled weakly. It was small, but the first genuine smile he'd had around his twin for a while.
"It's fine Hikaru, I should have been paying more attention." Hikaru pouted, crossing his arms.
"No! I say it's my fault, so it's my fault." Kaoru laughed quietly, shaking his head.
"Fine, it's your fault. You're a horrible person; you should be shaken with guilt." Hikaru gaped at his twin, pouting more.
"That's a bit excessive." Kaoru smiled.
"You're the one who wanted the blame put on you. Anyway, where are you going?"
"Haruhi's!" Kaoru winced slightly when the elder twin said that, but kept the same happy smile on his face. "Speaking of locations, where were you last night? I didn't hear from you at all. Were you holed up in your room or something?"
'You would know if we still shared a room.'
"I was at Tamaki-sempai's." Kaoru pushed the negative thought away, mentally yelling at himself for thinking so selfishly.
"Oh, I see!" Hikaru smiled, nodding. "Well, it's great that you're getting out and seeing people! Maybe that's why I never see you."
'You never see me because you're so infatuated with Haruhi...'
"Ah, shit, I gotta run! I don't wanna be late, I promised Haruhi I'd be there on time." Hikaru smiled, waving at Kaoru before running past. "See ya later Kaoru!" Kaoru waved back weakly, allowing his cheerful facade to drop once the elder boy was gone. He let out a tired sigh, continuing down the hall to his room. He didn't bother putting his bag away once he got to his room, instead choosing to drop it on the ground before he fell head-first onto his bed. He lay there for a moment, trying to push the thoughts of his brother with Haruhi away.
"... Damn it..." He groaned, sitting up. "Why does this hurt so much..?" He hugged his knees to his chest, resting his chin on his arms. The brunette sat there for a moment, drowning himself in self-pity, when he noticed his dresser drawer open. He frowned slightly, approaching it. "Did I not close this properly..?"
A flash of silver caught the younger twin's eye, and he noticed the knife he had so stupidly brought to his room. He tensed, staring at it with wide eyes.
"No... No no no, don't even think about it Kaoru." Even as he verbally yelled at himself to not do anything stupid, the knife continued to taunt him. It was in plain reach, and the more he stood there the more tempting it got. He remembered the feeling of the previous injury the object left before, and as much as that had hurt, it had dimmed his emotional pain. Something he desperately needed right now.
After several more minutes of arguing with himself, Kaoru grabbed the knife, glaring at it. He hesitated once more before walking into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. The knife made a soft 'ding' as he placed it carefully on the bathroom counter before he rolled up his sleeve. After another hesitant moment he picked it up, looking at it before placing it diagonally on the pale inside of his right wrist. He squeezed his eyes shut and dragged the sharp blade quickly across his wrist, gasping softly and dropping it into the sink as a sharp pain quickly followed the action.
"Shit!" The loud clatter of the knife hitting the surface of the sink made him wince. He held his breath, waiting to see if anyone would come running to his room, before he took a deep breath and opened his eyes.
A small, red line stretched across his wrist, bleeding lightly. The cut stung, and Kaoru bit his lip to force back small tears. But as the pain slowly decreased, Kaoru felt himself wishing for it back. He clenched his hand into a fist, opening one of the bathroom drawers and shoving the knife to the very back of it.
"Damn it!" He cursed quietly, running the cut under cold water before he yanked his sleeve over it, storming back into his room. "I am never doing something so stupid again." He mumbled, furious with himself. He flopped onto his bed, curling up. Even as he made the promise to himself, he couldn't help but focus on the stinging pain, Hikaru and Haruhi temporarily pushed from his mind.
O~o~O~o~O
"Hey, Hikaru, why have you and Kaoru stopped entertaining together?" The high voice of one of the host club's costumers sounded from the area Hikaru and Haruhi were entertaining at. Kaoru forced himself not to cover his ears, not wanting to appear rude to the girl. Not that she would notice; he was on the other side of the room, after all.
"Well... I just kinda fell in love." The girls surrounding the older Hitachiin gasped. A large majority of them were those who had requested the twins when they still did their act together, and they seemed horrified at this.
"But... But what about Kaoru!"
"Oh, don't worry, I still love him. But... I don't know, I just feel a stronger connection with Haruhi." Kaoru winced as the words left his brother's mouth, and he was once again tempted to cover his ears.
"Aww!" The girls squealed as Hikaru nuzzled Haruhi's cheek gently. The girl blushed lightly, but she otherwise showed no abnormal reaction to the elder twin's advances.
"Kaoru..." Kaoru jumped when Kyouya suddenly spoke to him, jerking his attention away from the new pair. Which was probably a good thing, listening to them certainly wouldn't do any good.
"Yeah, sempai?"
"If you aren't going to entertain guests, why are you here?" The elder boy didn't sound criticizing, or irritated, as he said this. Rather, he sounded quite worried. True, he would prefer that if a host was there they do their job, but with Kaoru's state of mind he was more concerned with the Hitachiin's well being rather than the club's finances.
"Ah, sorry..." Kaoru shrugged, looking down. Kyouya frowned, placing the laptop he had previously been busily typing on onto the table so he could turn to face the younger Hitachiin.
"I don't particularly mind you being here, but I must be curious. You obviously aren't enjoying yourself, so why do you stay here?" Kaoru shrugged again, nibbling his lip lightly. He faintly registered the sound of Hikaru and Haruhi's customer's squeal as the two shared a quick kiss, and he winced slightly, squeezing his eyes shut.
"You know sempai, I think I'm going to go home now." He mumbled, standing up quickly. "I'll talk to you guys later..." He added before he hurried out of the music room. Kyouya frowned slightly, glancing over to where Hikaru was still flirting with Haruhi, oblivious to his brother's lack of a presence. The onyx haired boy sighed, fixing his glasses before he picked his computer up again, the soft clicking filling the space around him as he typed.
O~o~O~o~O
Kaoru let out a tired sigh, wandering the halls of the Hitachiin mansion aimlessly. It had been a couple of weeks since his conversation with Kyouya, and he had stopped attending the host club a couple of days after. He hadn't even bothered going to school this week. It was too much. He couldn't bear to see Hikaru and Haruhi gradually grow closer. The knowledge that his twin, the one he had spent practically every moment of his life with, who he had experienced so much with, was truly leaving him behind was slowly eating away at him, causing his depression to slowly deepen.
Even worse than the elder Hitachiin leaving him, though, was the fact that Hikaru seemed to want nothing to do with him. Nothing at all. The elder male had even yelled at him a couple days earlier. He didn't remember what exactly it was he had done wrong, but the fact Hikaru had actually yelled at him was all he needed to know.
Hikaru didn't need him anymore. It was so obvious. The elder Hitachiin didn't even seem to care for him anymore. If he did maybe he would have noticed the fact the younger twin no longer attended club, or even went to school. Maybe he would have noticed that Kaoru had to practically be forced to eat anything, and that he never left his arms uncovered, regardless of how hot it was. Maybe he would have noticed the several scars that covered both the younger boy's wrists.
But he didn't notice, and Kaoru knew that. He knew that this meant the elder boy didn't love him anymore. At least, not as much as he once did. And it was killing Kaoru to not have his brother's affection anymore.
Kaoru let out a soft sob, shaking his head. He couldn't focus on the negative. But as that thought went through his mind, he realized he had nothing to feel happy for. The one person he lived for no longer needed him. What was there to be happy for now?
So, when Kaoru walked by Hikaru's bedroom, and couldn't help but peek in through the slightly ajar door, and saw the heartbreaking sight of his brother pinning Haruhi to his bed, kissing her desperately, Kaoru made his final decision. He wasn't needed, there was nothing he could do anymore, so why bother continue living?
The younger Hitachiin crept to his room quietly, shutting the door and pulling out a pad of paper and a pen. He wrote a quick note addressed to his brother, and as much as he tried he couldn't stop the tears the cascaded down his cheeks as he wrote, the little droplets leaving annoying marks on the paper. He folded the paper neatly once he was done with it, and placed it gently on his dresser, in plain sight. He then quickly wrote another letter, this time addressed to Tamaki and the rest of the host club, his tears continuing to dot the paper, before he folded it and placed it on his bed, somewhere he knew Tamaki would notice.
Once the two notes were written he stood up, no longer bothering to try to stop his tears as he closed the door. He picked the knife up from its place in the drawer, and rested it against his wrist.
"... I'm so sorry..." He murmured quietly before he sat against the wall next to the door and pressed the knife deep into his wrist. Deeper than he had ever cut before. He winced at the pain, but watched the blood flow from the wound for a moment before he switched hands, pressing the knife just as deep into his other wrist. The knife then cluttered to the floor, and Kaoru watched as the blood quickly flowed from the wounds, causing a gradually growing pool of blood to gather under his arms. A slight smile pulled onto his lips, the expression looking both sad and happy. He closed his eyes as he started to feel light headed, pressing his head back against the wall.
"I love you... Hikaru..." He murmured quietly, his breath ragged. "Goodbye..." His voice was a weak whisper, and that was the last word he said before he fell unconscious.
O~o~O~o~O
"Damn it! Why him! Why did it have to be him!" Tamaki cried, smashing his fist into the wall beside him. Kyouya watched him quietly, his normally cool face clearly displaying his grief.
"I don't know, Tamaki..."
"He did nothing wrong! He was a pure, sweet person! He didn't deserve this!" Tamaki clenched his hand into a fist, trembling violently. He looked down at the note Kaoru had written him, tears slowly streaming down his cheeks. "He didn't deserve this..." He repeated, his voice quieter now. He sat down on one of the host club's sofas, burying his face in his hands. Kyouya hesitated before approaching his friend, wrapping his arms around his shoulders in a gently hug. Tamaki returned the hug, sobbing softly.
By the time the other host members arrived, about ten minutes later, Tamaki had composed himself enough to tell them the news. He narrowed his eyes at Hikaru, who seemed completely oblivious to the whole situation.
"Milord, what's going on?" Hikaru yawned quietly, unhappy to be called out at such a late time. Tamaki twitched, his anger getting the best of him.
"What's going on! Do you honestly have no idea! Open your eyes, you fucking dimwitted idiot!" The whole host club, excluding Kyouya, stared at the blonde in shock. Tamaki never swore, so hearing such harsh words come from his mouth was surprising. Hikaru got over his shock quickly, glaring fiercely at the host club's president.
"What the fuck did I do to deserve that!" He snapped. Tamaki was visibly trembling now, his hands clenched at his side.
"... I have no right to tell you... Go home, you'll find out there." He finally muttered, turning away. Hikaru gaped at him, shocked.
"What the hell! You have no right to tell me! You call me a fucking idiot, and then don't even tell me why! What the hell is wrong with you!" Tamaki tensed, biting his tongue to prevent himself from snapping at the brunette. Kyouya looked between the pair before sighing and approaching Hikaru.
"Hikaru..."
"No! Don't even! I demand to know what the hell this is about!" Hikaru panted quietly, relaxing slightly when Haruhi tried to soothe him.
"Hikaru, just go home. Your mother's there, she'll tell you." Hikaru frowned, confused.
"My Mom's home..? Why?"
"Just go home, you'll find out there." Hikaru growled slightly, grabbing Haruhi's hand.
"Fine, I'll fucking find out there than!" With that he stormed out of the room, dragging Haruhi with him. Tamaki sighed quietly as the door to the third music room slammed shut. He placed his face in his hand, shaking his head.
"Tama-chan..?" Hunny's voice caused Tamaki to look down at the older blonde, who was looking up at him worriedly. "What's wrong? You seem really upset..." Tamaki bit his lip, sitting down again. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then after a hesitant moment opened it again.
"Kaoru... He, um... He committed suicide..." He murmured softly. Hunny's eyes widened in shock, and his eyes instantly began to fill with tears.
"K-Kao-chan's gone..?" Tamaki nodded weakly, and the smaller blonde immediately ran over to Mori, burying his face in the taller man's chest. Mori hugged him gently, his eyes wide with disbelieve. Tamaki sighed quietly, standing up and facing them.
"I know this is... Absolutely horrible..." He murmured quietly, his voice breaking. He cleared his throat, shaking his head. "But, in honour of our dear Kaoru's memory, we have to give him the best funeral ever. Agreed?" The other three members in the room nodded their agreement, and Tamaki smiled weakly before looking down. "Well... We'll start planning tomorrow, then..."
O~o~O~o~O
"Why the hell couldn't the idiot just tell me there! Why did he send me all the way back home!" Hikaru growled as he climbed out of the car, storming up to the front door of the Hitachiin mansion, followed closely by Haruhi. He slammed the door open, looking around. "Mom, where are you!" He walked into a sitting room not far from the entrance, and found Yuzuha standing there, crying into her husband's chest. "Mom?"
"Oh, Hikaru, I'm so sorry!" Yuzuha pulled her son into a tight hug, sobbing. Hikaru frowned, holding his mother away slightly so he could look at her.
"Sorry? What for? Why are you crying?" Yuzuha looked shocked for a moment before shaking her head.
"You mean you don't know?" Hikaru quickly shook his head, frowning. "Oh sweetheart, it's Kaoru. He... He's dead..." Hikaru stiffened, his eyes widening.
"W-What? H-How?" He asked after a moment's silence. Yuzuha dabbed her eyes with a cloth, sniffling quietly.
"H-He committed suicide. I'm so sorry, I thought you knew." Hikaru gaped at her, shocked.
"N... No... He can't of... That's not possible..." The elder twin backed away from his mother, shaking his head. "You're lying. Kaoru would never do that. H-He would never..." Hikaru trembled softly, his hands clenching into fists. "No... No, this can't be!" He turned around quickly, running up the stairs to his brother's room. Haruhi hesitated before running after him.
She found him standing, frozen, in the bathroom. Kaoru's body wasn't there, but the blood that covered the floor, and the bloodstained knife, was proof that Yuzuha hadn't been lying.
"Hikaru..." Haruhi hesitantly approached the brunette. Hikaru was staring at the knife, his eyes hardened.
"He... He's really gone... He actually did it..." Tears filled the Hitachiin's eyes as the words left his lips. "My baby brother's actually gone... I'm never going to see him again..." A choked sob escaped the boy, and he gladly accepted Haruhi's comforting hug. He fell to his knees, pulling Haruhi down with him, and hugged her close, crying. Haruhi rubbed his back gently, tears falling softly down her own cheeks. She placed a gentle kiss on Hikaru's forehead before rocking him gently, closing her eyes as the elder Hitachiin broke down in her arms.
O~o~O~o~O
The rain was falling heavily on the day of Kaoru's funeral. Tamaki stood just inside the church doors, watching the depressing scene before him. All of the guests had arrived, with the exception of two people. Tamaki's eyes narrowed when Hikaru walked over, holding Haruhi's hand tight.
"Late for your own brother's funeral, Hikaru? Don't you think that's a bit much?" The blonde almost instantly regretted his words, but he showed no sign of it. He was still furious with Hikaru for what had happened to Kaoru, and he didn't think he would forgive the brunette any time soon.
"Shut up, Tamaki..." Hikaru glared at the blonde, but the action seemed weak. Tamaki sighed quietly, shaking his head.
"I'm sorry... Anyway, the service is about to start..." Hikaru nodded mutely, and he and Haruhi followed Tamaki to where the rest of the host club were seated, next the Hikaru and Kaoru's parents, at the very front of the church. Tamaki took his place next to Kyouya, squeezing his friend's hand tight.
The service seemed to pass by really quickly, in Tamaki's opinion. The guests listened mutely as the priest spoke, speaking of how Kaoru's life was wonderful, and they should celebrate it, rather than mourn his death. Tamaki found the words empty. The priest had no idea just how wonderful Kaoru's life was. If he did, he wouldn't be telling them all not to mourn. Tamaki continued to listen quietly as one by one those who were closest to Kaoru got up and said a few words. It didn't surprise Tamaki that much when those few people consisted of a few family members and the host club. It saddened him though, to know that the younger twin truly was dependent on his brother, far more then Tamaki had originally though.
Once the service was over Tamaki stood outside the church, no longer caring if he got wet. He glanced up when Hikaru approached him. The younger boy rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.
"... As much as I don't want to admit it, Kaoru seemed... Closer to you, recently... So, chances are you know why he did it... So... Can you please tell me..?" Tamaki glared lightly at the elder twin before looking down, a bitter smile taking place on his lips.
"You truly are blind, aren't you?" Hikaru opened his mouth to protest, but Tamaki cut him off. "You want to know why he killed himself? Well, idiot, he killed himself because of you." Hikaru gaped at him, shocked.
"Excuse me? You're accusing me for being the reason my baby brother committed suicide!" Hikaru glared at the blonde, furious. Tamaki glared back.
"Yes, I am blaming you. Because it's your fault. You started dating Haruhi, that's how all this happened!"
"Wait a second, you're telling me Kaoru killed himself because I started dating Haruhi!" Hikaru shook lightly, his anger growing.
"Partly, yes. But see, it's not because you started dating her, it's because once you started dating her you became a totally different person. You were completely blind to him. You didn't notice any of his changes, despite how horribly obvious they were! You were too wrapped up in her to pay attention to the one person who has been unconditionally loyal to you his entire life!" Tamaki breathed heavily, looking down. "You truly have no idea what you trampled, and how important it was. He would still be with us if you weren't so... Stupid..." Tamaki walked away from Hikaru before the Hitachiin had a chance to react.
Hikaru gaped after him, shocked, before he stormed over to the car that was waiting for him.
"Ah, Hikaru!" He paused when Haruhi ran over to him, looking up at him worriedly. "Hikaru, I really am sorry..."
"... So am I..." Hikaru sighed softly, turning to look at Haruhi. "Haruhi, I'm sorry, but... I think I just need a break. From everything." Haruhi visibly flinched, her eyes darkening sadly, but she nodded anyway.
"I understand..." She hugged Hikaru tight before walking backwards, away from him. "I hope you feel better soon..." She waved, walking over to where her father was waiting for her. Hikaru shook his head, climbing into the car.
The moment the car stopped outside the Hitachiin mansion Hikaru walked up the stairs quickly. He didn't bother removing his shoes, or any of his wet attire. He walked briskly to Kaoru's room. The moment he reached it he started searching.
"Damn it, Kaoru, didn't you leave anything..?" He paused when he noticed a folded piece of paper on Kaoru's dresser, the elder Hitachiin's name scribbles messily on it. Hikaru hesitated before picking it up, unfolding it and sitting down. He scanned over it, his eyes widening as he read.
'Dear Hikaru,
Ah, I guess it's kinda ridiculous to start a note to my brother off like that, huh? Ah well. Um, listen, Hikaru, I just wanted to let you know that... No matter what anyone says, don't blame yourself... For my stupid act... Knowing Milord, he may go into a kind of a frenzy, so it's really best if you just ignore him. He'll get over it... Eventually...
Um, I just wanted to let you know that I'm happy for you. Really, I am. You and Haruhi are perfect together, so you're gonna have to grow old with her. Twice as old then you normally would, 'cause you gotta live for me too. But... Yeah, really, I know you and her will be really happy together.
Um, I'm really sorry for leaving so suddenly... I didn't even say goodbye to you properly, but if I did I wouldn't be able to go through with this, and I wouldn't want to bother you and Haruhi anyway. But, Hikaru, I have to tell you something, and if I don't tell you now it's going to haunt me forever. And forever is a really long time in the afterlife. Um... Hikaru, I... I love you... More than I should... I know you're going to hate me for this, but at least you won't have to deal with me, right? Eh heh... But, yes...
Again, I'm so sorry... But... You don't need me anymore. After all, you only ever need one person in your life. Unfortunately, my time as that one person is done... And as much as it pains me, you have Haruhi now, you don't need me anymore... But it's fine, I just want you to be happy. But... The pain of knowing I'm not the one you depend on anymore is too much for me to live with... So... I'm leaving you. I'm sorry, but you'll be fine. You have Haruhi, and the host club. You'll be just fine without me. So, please, if you do grieve over my death, don't for too long. I don't want my big brother sad.
I love you, Hikaru. So, so much... And, I'll miss you... Be happy though, alright?
Love, Kaoru.'
Hikaru read over the note five times, tears falling down his cheeks and creating more tear stains on the paper. He clenched it tight in his fist, burying his face in the heel of his hands.
"Damn it, what have I done..? Milord was right, I am an idiot." He mumbled quietly. Tears cascaded down his cheeks silently, and he stayed like that for a while, mentally beating himself up. "I was so blind, how could I not have noticed? I knew Kaoru was acting different, why didn't I say anything..?"
Hikaru clenched his fist, standing up and walking to his parent's room. He searched through it, practically tearing it apart until he found what he wanted. Satisfied, he walked back to Kaoru room and sat on the younger's bed. He read over the note one last time, smiling bitterly.
"Idiot... As if I could continue living without you..." He mumbled quietly. He kissed the note gently before placing it down. He then held the gun he had taken from his parents' room against his head, smiling softly and closing his eyes before he pulled the trigger. The sound echoed throughout the house, causing his parents to rush up to Kaoru's room. Yuzuha broke into sobs again at the site of her only other son lying, seemingly peaceful, on his brother's bed, a light smile on his lips.
Yes! That's it. I cried while writing this. Poor Kaoru :( I'm sorry Kao-chan, I love you :(
Yes, this is slightly different from the original. The characters are more in-character (Sure, Tamaki eventually gets a little OOC, but come on, someone he cared for just died. Even I would start yelling for that) Haruhi is not a complete and total bitch, and thus she didn't die (I've grown more tolerant of Haruhi xD)
Well, reviews are strongly appreciated. Thank you, and I hope you enjoyed this ^^
Original 'Deadly Love, Deadly Hate' word count: 5542 words.
Rewritten 'Deadly Love, Deadly Hate' word count: 8787 words.