This is an apology to every fan fiction reader or writer. I don't want to offend you. Really. It's just, this idea suddenly popped up in my mind and I HAD to write this down. Again, please, don't be offended. This is just for fun, so humor me, please, and send me a nice review.
Love you all, please forgive me.
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I am Harry Harold Harrison Hadrian Harriet James Jamie Bill Charles Thomas Orion Sirius Arthur Merlin Nigel Lilly Rose Violet Iris Luna Bella Aura Janet Emma Evans-Potter-Black-Malfoy-Weasley-Dumbledore-McGonagall-Dursley-Granger-LeStrange-Delacure-Riddle-Griffindor-Ravenclaw-Hufflepuf-Slytherin.
My Parents are Lilly Evans Potter, James Potter, Sirius Black, Tom Riddle, Bellatrix LeStrange and Severus Snape.
My age ranges between 15 months and 200 years and I am a female, boy-turned girl, a male, a squib, a wizard, a witch, a halfblood, a pureblood, a Kneazle, a Snake, a Vampire, a Werewolf, a Veela, a Harpy, an angel, a demon, light, grey, dark, savior of the wizard world, boy/girl-who-lived, and the prince of darkness.
I am orphaned and living with my parents, my biological parents Lilly Evans and James Charlus Prongs Potter who have died or not, my adopted parents, my godfather Sirius Orion Padfood Black who is currently in Azkaban as well, my honorary uncle Remus John Moony Lupin, the traitor Peter Wormtail Pettigrew, the murderer of my parents/my lover/real father Voldemort alias Tom Marvolo Riddle who isn't really that bad and the minister of magic and my worst enemy and a murdering psychopath who wants to kill me as well-maybe and my other godfather Severus Tobias Prince Snape who is my uncle and my mentor and my real father, but he doesn't know it and hates me, Albus Percival Wulfic Brian Dumbledore who is the leader of light and a manipulative old cougher and the real Dark Lord, my loving, abusive Aunt Petunia, her husband(?) Vernon Dursley and their common over-weighted son Dudley, the Weasleys, the Malfoy family, the Black family, some squibs, my mate, Kneazles, Vampires, a pack Werewolves, Goblins, Elves or aliens.
My current residence is the cupboard under the stairs and Dudley's old bedroom in Little Whinging number 4 Surrey, Godric Hollows, Riddle Manor in Little Hangleton, Malfoy Manor, Grimauldplatz 12, out on the street, in a forest, in caves, Snape/Prince Manor, Hogwarts, Azkabahn in Britain, France, America, Australia, any other place on earth, on the moon and in outer space on a spaceship.
Living with me and my guardian/s are my cousin Dudley, my brother or cousin Draco Malfoy, my adopted biological at birth separated ten months older twin sister Hermione Granger as well as my one year older and younger twin brother and sister Bill Mathew Violet Charles Potter who is the real boy/girl-who-lived, pretending or mistaken to be the boy/girl-who-lived as well as my several other half-, step-, blood-adopted siblings from the age of a few days old to a few years older than me.
My current lovers are Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, The Weasley twins, any of the other Weasley children, Hermione Granger, Cho Chang, Luna Lovegood, Daphne Greengrass, Tracy Davis, a fe-male Blaise Zabini, a fe-male Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix LeStrange, Lord Voldemord, Severus Snape, Sirius Black, Albus Dumbledore, Salazar Slitherin, several of my own family members, and half of the fe-male population of Hogwarts.
I am up to 6 foot high and have red, black, blond hair, brown, blue, grey, silver, green, black red eyes. I've got a scar in form of a lightning bolt on my forehead and scars all over my body-or not. And of course I've got wings and fangs and fur.
Special abilities? I'm a metamorphmagus, a seer, an assessor, master of death, parselmouth and a shadow mage and my animagus form is a dog, a thestral, a griffin, a snake, a kneazle, a unicorn, a dragon, a phoenix, a cat, a thunderbird and a panther.
My best friend in Ron Weasley who is a jealous, good for nothing prat, Neville Longbottom who is the Boy-who-lived and a shy little boy, Hermione Granger who is a bossy know-it-all and the most intelligent, beautiful and caring person I know, Luna Lovegood, who is loony, but it's just an act and she's really misunderstood by everyone, Draco Malfoy who I might either love or hate and Ginny Weasley who is a crazy fan girl since she was 6 or 8 and cheating on me and the absolute cutest girl I've ever seen and reminding me of my mother.
Of course I've also traveled to the time of the founding of Hogwarts, the time my parents were 6-17 years old, the moment they died, and any other point in time between my birth, especially my 11th birthday and the final battle, where I've changed the past alone or together with several of my friends or enemies. Or I just jumped into another universe altogether.
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Well, yep, that's me. At least 90% of my time.
Yeah, I've been getting that a lot. So, dear readers and writers of fan fiction, I've got to say one thing to you:
FUCK YOU ALL!
Thanks for listening.