A/N This is just a story that came to mind while listening to Avril Lavigne's "Take Me Away". This is also my first attempt at a Harry Potter fiction. Please Review and tell me what you think!
blah Song lyrics
blah Harry's thoughts
blah Harry's Dark side speaking
Warnings: Suicide, Depression
Take Me Away
By Hikari no Namida
I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside; all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do, you do, if you knew
What would you do
Harry Potter sat on the edge of his bed in Number four Privet Drive. The sounds of Dudley and Vernon Dursley snoring reached Harry's ears. However, Harry tuned those sounds out. They weren't important. Hedwig sat inside her cage on a table nearby, watching Harry intently.
Harry sighed and laid back on his bed and closed his eyes. Unexplainable grief filled him. It hurt greatly. He felt like his heart was being stuck with broken shards of glass. Did Sirius feel like this when Harry's parents were murdered?
All the pain I thought I knew
All my thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away
'Sirius…' No matter what Harry did, the thought of his godfather came back to haunt him. It was his fault. He should have been able to save Sirius. And even more, he shouldn't have even believed those visions of the Department of Mysteries. He had fallen straight into Voldemort's trap. If he hadn't believed those visions, he wouldn't have gone to the Department of Mysteries and Sirius wouldn't have followed and he wouldn't have died.
'I'm supposed to be the "Boy-Who-Lived" and the so- called savior of the wizarding world. But how can I save the world if I can't even save my own godfather?'
I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around it
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands
An extremely loud snore from Dudley in the next room over brought Harry out of his thoughts. Harry rolled his eyes at his obnoxious cousin. His cousin? No, Dudley was not his cousin. Nor was Petunia and Vernon his aunt and uncle. Perhaps by blood they were, but not by emotions. Harry didn't know them at all and they didn't know them. Harry really couldn't care less if Voldemort burst through the door right this second and used the Avada Kedavra curse on them.
'But then again, if Voldemort burst through the door, he would probably try to kill me as well.' Harry thought to himself. 'But would it be so bad…? I'd be with Sirius…and mom and dad…' Harry realized what he was thinking and shook his head quickly. 'No, that's just stupid! Mom and Dad sacrificed themselves for me! So that I could keep living, not so that I could just wish myself dead!'
'But are you sure about that? They died because of you. Just like Sirius' A darker part of Harry's mind countered. Grief filled Harry again and he sighed.
Hedwig hooted softly, trying to catch Harry's attention. Harry glanced over at her and knew what she was trying to tell him. Ron had sent a letter earlier and Hedwig wanted him to reply. Harry picked the letter off the table and reread it again.
Hey mate!
How have you been doing? Mum has been driving all of us crazy recently. Fred and George created a new treat and decided to test it on us. They're called 'Special Secret Snacks'. If you eat one, you instantly start saying your most important secret out loud to anyone present. It was actually pretty funny hearing everyone say their secrets. Oh, guess what Ginny said for her secret? She said this: "I have a crush on Harry Potter"!! I can't believe that my little sister fancies you! Oh well, at least it's better than her falling for that git Malfoy.
Anyways, write back soon!
Your friend,
Ron
Harry shook his head sadly. The truth was that he didn't really like Ginny that way. Sure, she was really nice, but he only liked her as a friend. Harry pulled out a blank piece of parchment and started writing.
Ron,
How do you think I'm doing after Sirius' death? I'm-
Harry stopped there and crumpled the piece of parchment up. His words sounded so cruel; mean. He didn't want Ron to get the wrong idea.
All the pain I thought I knew
All my thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away
Once again, Harry found his thoughts drifting to his dead godfather. Was it really his fault that Sirius died?
Yes. If it weren't for you, he would still be alive
Harry shook his head, trying to clear his mind of the voice. Unbidden, tears started falling from his eyes.
"No…it's not true…" Harry muttered to himself, earning an odd glance from Hedwig.
Yes it is. You know it too. Harry closed his eyes, trying not to believe what the voice was telling him. But it was no use. The voice was just speaking exactly what Harry knew and Harry was starting to believe it.
I'm going nowhere (on and on and)
I'm getting nowhere (on and on and on)
Take me away
I'm going nowhere (on and off and off and on)
(and off and on)
Those few hours were probably the longest and hardest hours of Harry's life. One part of him, the optimistic, Gryffindor side was trying its hardest to not believe what the pessimistic, Slytherin side was saying. There were times when Harry was ready to pull out a knife and end it all. Then there were times when Harry was completely convinced that it wasn't his fault.
All the pain I thought I knew
All my thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away
Right now, the Slytherin side was winning.
It would have been better for your parents and Sirius if you hadn't even been born!
Harry stared blankly at the knife that Sirius had given him in fourth year. No emotions could be seen in his emerald eyes.
Look at the Dursleys. You're simply torturing them by staying. And what about your friends? One of these days, Voldemort is going to appear and kill them. All because they were your friends. Do you really want to put them in that danger? You're endangering everyone around you. Is that what you want?
'…no…' It was such a simple word, and yet so final. Before Harry could even think, the blade was at his wrist.
Don't cause your friends anymore pain. It's your fault that Sirius is dead after all.
"…My fault…it's all my fault…"
Yes. All because of you. Who is Voldemort going to kill next to get at you? Ron? Hermione? Are you going to let them get killed because Voldemort wants you dead?
"…No…"
You know what you have to do.
Harry stared some more at the knife Sirius gave him. 'Use it well' was what Sirius had told him when he was given the knife. Harry planned to use it well, too.
Take me away
Harry pushed the blade down on his wrist, watching as a trickle of blood seeped out from the wound. He pushed harder until the trickle became more like a current. The pain from the wound seemed to draw his attention away from his grief. It was such a blessing to not have to think about the pain of Sirius' death. The darkness was closing in quickly. However, Harry paid no attention to it, watching the blood flowing until the darkness completely overtook his mind.
Take me away
Light. Burning into his eyes. Harry opened his eyes and winced as the light blasted into his eyes. But this made no sense. He was just at the Dursley's. And it was nighttime. How could it be this bright?
"Harry." Relief, anguish, pain and sorrow all existed within that one word. Harry looked up and gasped. Blood loss must have made him delusional. It was…Sirius. Harry's eyes widened in shock. There was no way this was possible. This must have been a dream.
"S-Sirius?" Harry's voice was weak and cracked as he said his godfather's name. Sirius nodded.
"Yea, kiddo, it's me." Harry gasped and raced over to his godfather and hugged him with everything he had. Sirius smiled, a bit sadly and hugged Harry back.
"I…I can't…I can't believe it! Y-You're here! And I- wait. Is this a dream or something?" Harry asked, the happiness of finally seeing Sirius being overcome by his more practical side. Sirius' face fell as he gently caressed Harry's cheek.
"I'm sorry, Harry, but this isn't a dream. I'm still dead. As are you." Harry looked up sharply.
"W-what?! I-I'm dead?!" Sirius sighed sadly and nodded.
"Yes, Harry. You killed yourself back in your bedroom. You died from blood loss. I'm sorry Harry. But you really shouldn't have done what you did." Tears fell from Harry's eyes. So many emotions were swirling inside Harry. Happiness, surprise, regret and guilt were just some of the emotions.
"I…I know, Sirius…but I missed you so much! I couldn't stand it! I just wanted to be with you!" Sirius sighed, but put on a smile.
"Yea, kid, I know. Now…why don't you come with me? Your mom and dad want to meet you." A hopeful expressing appeared on Harry's face as he nodded. Maybe things would turn out alright after all.
Take me away
Take me away
Owari