Definitely AU but some drabbles from the show thrown in; Finchel centric with family and friends galore. Angsty towards the end but love, love all throughout. Character death with a love song. Unbeta'd.

Glee, not mine. Fantasies of true love, I have them in the tons.

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Part One.

She finds out when she barely turns 16.

Sitting in the unfriendly office with her fathers on either side of her. Staring outside at the orange and burgundy leaves falling from the trees, swirling along the ground with the wind blowing them around gently. She's always loved fall, the colour of the leaves on the ground, the crispness in the air. Halloween, candied apples and pumpkin pie even though her family doesn't exactly celebrate Thanksgiving. She'll miss that.

She absently listens to the conversation happening around her, medical jargon floating unintelligibly through the air and at some point she just ignores it all. When her father drops his hand to hers curling his hand around her palm she squeezes tight and feels a tad bit guilty that she already knows the things she'll miss most of all.

Her daddy doesn't laugh much nowadays and he hugs her like he's afraid she'll break. He looks over at her, a sad smile on his face as he tries to keep on a brave face for her. He has the most gorgeous brown eyes she's ever seen, grey kissing his temple, the lines around his eyes creased, the mocha colour of his eyes looking dull and unhappy. She wants him to smile again, she can't leave knowing he'll be this sad forever.

She looks back out the window and he starts to hum, both of them deliberately oblivious to the heated conversation between the other man and her other father.

She loves her Daddy's voice. Just one more thing she adds to her list of what she's going to miss. But then it occurs to her: how is it possible to miss something when you won't be here?

She goes back for the new school year. She's a senior now and everyone around her is chattering about who is going where and what they'll be studying. She sits near the few friends she has thanks to the Glee club and smiles into her novel as everyone jokes about what they want to study, excited about finally getting out of Lima. And when the conversation comes around to her she answers honestly.

"I want to travel. Take a year off, go to Europe. Go to the Caribbean. Just go somewhere new because you never know when you'll ever have the chance to."

"A gap year. Cool." Finn smiles at her and she smiles at him. She's always liked him. He was sweet. Quarterback, point guard and probably the most popular guy at McKinley. Rumour has it he was either getting a full ride to OSU or maybe drafted to the NFL. She finds herself hoping he goes to college. Anything can happen to him as a professional football player.

She looks around at the other members in the club. She wants all of them to succeed, chase their dreams, and find new ones once those have been accomplished.

Her fathers suggest she tell someone what's going on but even though these people are her friends, or as close to what she'd call friends, none of them really know her. No one knows her birthday outside of Facebook. None of them know that she doesn't drink soda nor that she'd hoped to go to Broadway one day. They're just classmates. She thinks telling everyone else makes it seem like she's asking for pity. So she doesn't.

Sure, she's lonely most of the time, because people always thought she was weird, the girl who had two fathers and sang everywhere she went. But she had her fathers and her dreams and for a time, that was enough.

Before this year, she was involved in everything at school and in her community and top of her classes, reigning queen of an unpopular glee club with the rest of the misfits of McKinley High. She didn't mind it really, she got to sing, and that was what mattered. Okay fine, they didn't make it to any competitions, but those few evenings when she'd flit across the stage, a song on her lips, alone or with the others, she was free, happy and on the way to where she really belonged. Being a star on Broadway. You have to fight for what you want right? So she was fighting. So her dreams changed; instead of Broadway she wanted to enjoy the rest of the time she had, with as little drawbacks as possible and she was going to shuffle up her life plan a little, start from the bottom up. Everything she wanted to do after Broadway was punted to the top. That was her plan. Enjoy the rest of her life.

"Rachel." Mr. Shuester interrupts her thoughts. "You had a song you wanted to sing, right?"

"Again Berry? Quit hogging the spotlight." Santana gripes. The other girls in matching Cheerio outfits titter beside her. She's used to their insults too. The newcomers had something new to throw at her every time they met for glee and she wondered when they'd run out of hateful barbs to spew. She wonders why Finn looks angry at the outburst, his stare cold as he looks at the three girls sitting together.

She ignores the girl and steps up to the mic, her showtime grin plastered on her face.

"Finn. Noah." The two boys get up and she hands them the sheet music.

"This song is awesome Rach, nice." Finn grins and slinks over to the drum kit, pulling his drumsticks from his back pocket and he looks over at Puck as his friend's sure fingers skillfully pluck at the strings of the guitar in his hands.

Pretty soon everyone else in the room is on their feet jumping around and dancing as they shout out the song chorus:

I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

Mike and Brittany just invented some crazy dance, as usual. Artie, a genius on the electric guitar picks it up and battles Noah on the strings as Tina, Santana and Mercedes play air guitar while they sing beside her. Kurt, Blaine, Quinn and Sam are dancing around Brad and Mr. Shue watches with a smile on his face as his head bobs along.

This is why she likes glee, likes music. As soon as it starts people forget that they're all different and for those few minutes it's just them and the music. Finn is pounding away the drums, having fun with the ride cymbal as the song closes and she leans against the piano, grinning at Brad. Because, if this is all she has left, she's going to enjoy it.

So he thinks Rachel is kind of awesome.

When he first joined Glee she was hyperactive and kinda scary but she could belt out Aerosmith, Journey and Barbra Streisand like nobody's business. She could sing anything and she was good on the piano too. Not to mention she was sneaky hot and had the most gorgeous eyes and even though he and Quinn had only been technically broken up for just a week, he really wanted to talk to her.

Hearing her singing Gavin Degraw's song just now was all sorts of cool because the girl just loved music. So he figured he'd ask her for help on the next Glee assignment he was sure Mr. Shue was going to hand out.

So while everyone mills around after the song and Quinn shoots him death glares from her seat he twirls his drumsticks and smile at Rachel til Mr. Shue claps his hand for attention.

She was pretty sure Finn did not need her help on selecting a song for Glee but she let him use that as an excuse anyway because when a cute boy wants to spend time with you, you're careful but you don't question it too much.

She knows he is - was? – dating Quinn the quintessential cheerleader according to his stepbrother, and she's not stupid enough to fall in love with him overnight. He's nice, he's a very good singer and he wants to spend time with her so what's the harm? She is supposed to be having fun after all.

So, instead of working on songs for Glee they lounge around on her couch and watch the original Star Trek films. She brings down apple juice and buttered popcorn and he greets her with the Vulcan salute, flicking kernels at her and he's such a dork because when he leaves he does the Vulcan mind meld and tells her she can choose the movie the next time around.

In his defense, watching a movie where all people do is just sing puts him to sleep. Always has. That's not a movie. So when Rachel puts in Evita and he's snoring ten minutes into it she really shouldn't blame him. But he doesn't think she's really mad because she stuffs Sour Patch kids into his mouth and up his nose then uses a feather pen to tickle his forehead and wake him up.

He jumps up and she's rolling around the floor and snorting and he really can't be annoyed because she looks kind of cute when she's laughing like that.

Her dad pokes his head down into the den to see if they're OK and she waves him off but not before falling over laughing again.

He thinks he likes the way she sounds when she laughs and the way she looks when she laughs so after about three weeks of coming to her house to 'work on Glee songs' he asks her to go bowling with him.

And she sucks.

Like, she's really clumsy and throws just gutter balls. But she's still laughing so he gets this pink ball and stands behind her and shows her how to knock the pins down. Her body is soft and warm under his palms but she seems to get it, bowling that is, when she knocks down all the pins while his hand is at her waist.

She jumps up for a high five (she's that small!) and when her ball comes around again she knocks down the next six frames in in succession, scoring higher than him in just two tries.

When she turns around again she has this look on her face he can't understand.

"I'm sorry. My dads bowl almost every Saturday and I usually tag along." She blurts.

The little cheat.

Then her nose scrunches up cute-like and she's giggling again and he can't be mad because she's laughing and it sounds like bells and makes his skin tingle just like when she sings, so fine, he'll let her cheat.

When he takes her home that night he touches her cheek lightly, just beside her nose, she has a mole there. Then he leans in and presses his lips to her jaw and whispers good night. He stands at the door until she's inside then jogs back to his truck, his smile wide every step of the way.

He thinks he'll probably try and stay wake for the next musical.

She's really tired a few days later after Finn and her went paintballing with Kurt and his boyfriend and her daddy asks her if she's sure she wants to go into school that day.

"Yes Daddy. I'm fine, really."

He watches her like he doesn't believe her. "I'm determined not to let this keep me from enjoying my life." He stares at her for a beat longer.

"Fine, if I feel worse I'll go to the school nurse."

"Rachel, I still think we need to tell someone about what's going on. What about your Glee teacher? Or the guidance counsellor?" he dad asks.

She tries to catch her breath, her body really does feel weak but she stubbornly shakes her head. "Not yet, please?"

She's not deliberately trying to tire herself. And she's not as overeager about everything as she usually is. They reluctantly agree.

Finn kisses her on a Sunday.

They're at the church with Mercedes sorting out books and as she keeps sneezing Mercedes keeps giggling. He likes the chocolate-skinned girl; she's a really good singer. And she's smart too, a walking encyclopaedia and the more time he sees her spend with Mercedes and his brother he thinks they could really become friends, they're so much alike sometimes it's scary.

"Alright lil Diva, let me go see if I can get some face masks." Mercedes gets up and walks out and she drops onto the floor, pulling another box towards her. He watches her try and hide her smile at the nickname but doesn't think she minds it so much now. If he's to be honest, when they first started calling her that it was supposed to be mean but the more people joining glee, and the more songs they attempted, the more times she fought with Kurt and Mercedes for solos and it sorta became a term of endearment. She was the shortest of the trio of course, Kurt was the fashion diva and Mercedes was the attitude diva.

She's pouting, her bottom lip pushed out as she scowls at the books in front her and he really, really wants to kiss her.

So.

He bends over and touches his lips to hers softly, pulling back to gaze into her eyes before moving forward again. She lets out this sound that makes his heart beat faster and when he finally pulls away he keeps his eyes closed because he wants to commit that to memory.

When he opens them and looks at her she's ducking her head, her cheeks red and she's biting her lip in embarrassment. He kisses her hair quickly and goes back to sorting books again, peeking at her over the boxes.

He catches her looking at him from under her lashes and he winks, his heart beating faster when her blush deepens.

"Are you two dating now?"

Her head snaps up at the question, brown eyes meeting green. She's in the library working on a history assignment before Glee. Finn is in class and she's really surprised to see the cheerleader standing across from her.

"What two?"

"You. And Finn."

"Did you ask Finn?"

"I'm asking you."

"It's none of your business." She ducks her head back to her notebook. And really, it isn't. She's not even sure she's dating Finn. They kiss. They go out. He comes over and watches movies. She goes to his house and plays cards with his family.

She knows she'd decided to enjoy the time she has but clearly dating was bound to be tricky. She's never dated anyone before and she simply can't let herself get too attached to anyone because it'd break his heart when she finally gets around to telling him.

Still, she's young. In high school. She can date Finn for a while. He can go to college afterwards and she'll go and travel and she won't worry about breaking hearts.

Quinn is still standing at the desk looking at her.

"What?"

"You're not going to answer me?"

"Ask Finn."

The girl cuts her eye and walks off.

She's really anxious to hear what Finn's answer will be.

Rachel Berry in his letterman jacket was… hot. It was too big for her of course, but she didn't seem to mind. It covered the length of her body, her skirt barely peeking out and he had to slug Puck and Mike a few times for staring just a little bit too long. Her legs were amazing, toned and long and he had to force himself to look away one time too many. At least he was allowed to look.

Mr. Shue had taken them out for pizza one evening after Glee practice. Nationals were in Las Vegas in five weeks and they'd been practicing every day to get everything right. Two songs were all they needed, a quartet with Rachel, Finn, Mercedes and Puck then a medley that was guaranteed a win.

She sat on the bench between his legs nibbling on a veggie pizza she'd split with Kurt and Quinn. She was laughing with everyone, teasing and chuckling at jokes and dodging pieces of pineapple Kurt kept throwing at her. She looked happy, and she was laughing so he was happy. He doesn't have to do much really to keep her happy, he realizes.

The scary, hyperactive drama queen they all thought she was at the beginning of glee was more toned down. Sure, she was still a Nazi when it came to songs and singing but she was really mellow now. She listened to everyone else's ideas, helped them with voice lessons, she actually taught him how to read and write sheet music for his drums and volunteered to tutor the footballers with Mercedes.

He wonders how people never really liked her in the beginning. And feels a little bad when he realizes, he though the same thing. All they had to do was listen to her for a minute and they'd seen how great she was. Yes, she was still headstrong and irritatingly insistent that they be the best for their performance but it just showed that she was determined to excel at everything she did. He can't for the life of him remember why they called her weird. And his stepbrother likes her now, and that's amazing in itself. Kurt rarely trusts anyone. He thinks these past couple of months have sure mellowed out everyone. Maybe it's the knowledge that high school was almost over. He understands that all too well.

Rachel wants to go to Broadway, and the way she sings, he thinks that'll be any day now. He watches her as she whispers with Kurt and Tina. Soon though she puts the pizza back in the box, wiping her hand on a piece of napkin then pushes her fingers against her temple. He bends over, pulling her hair behind her ear.

"You alright, babe?"

"Headache." She murmurs. He hands her a bottle of water.

"Need me to take you home?"

She nods tiredly, pushing her fingers harder at her head.

"Mr. Shue, I'm gonna take Rachel home. She has a headache." He calls out to their teacher.

"Sure. Feel better Rachel. And try to stop worrying about Nationals."

They say their goodbyes and he takes her arm as she stands up. She wobbles when she stands and he just bends down in front her. "Piggy back ride?"

She giggles and climbs on, pressing her face into his shoulder as he walks over to his truck, setting her down by the passenger door. She stumbles a little when she's on her feet but he ushers her in, pulling her to his side as he points the car towards her house. She's quiet on the way home, but she's not sleeping when he has to carry her from the car up the stairs to her room. Her father has a pained look on his face but he quietly thanks him and he makes them promise to call if anything happens.

He can't help the curiosity that gnaws at him as he drives home.

She kisses him on his birthday. He tastes like nachos and cheese and sprite and she rubs his cheek before his brother throws popcorn at them.

"Stop. You're giving me a cavity with all that sweetness."

She tosses the popcorn back at Kurt and laughs at Finn when his mother comes in with a chocolate cake and a 18 candle lit. He tugs her beside him as Burt lumbers in with a camera.

"Blow it out with me?"

"Again with the cavities!" Kurt cries out.

She bites her lip and nods, her eyes flicking to his mother and back to his. They have the same coloured eyes, Finn and his mother.

So she blows out the candle with her boyfriend and everyone cheers and she kisses him again when he presses chocolate icing to that mole on her face he's fascinated with then kisses it from her face. He wraps his arm around her and pulls her close to him and thanks her for coming. It's just the five of them sitting around the table eating cake and drinking milk, his mother has a bottle of soy milk in the fridge for her, and he has her hand under the table rubbing the skin at her wrist.

She wonders what this feeling in her stomach is, because it sure isn't butterflies.

She's been complaining of a headache all night and his mother is worried because she won't take any painkillers. It's a couple weeks after his birthday and Puck and Sam drop by for a game of Halo. She comes over with banana bread and before she can blink it's gone.

Kurt and Carole invite her to play Monopoly and he can't help but look at her every time she rubs her temple.

"No, Carole. Really, it's fine. Just migraines. They come and go. I just need to lie down for a little."

He watches her as she dozes on the couch. She's been having these headaches every now and then, every few days. He asks her fathers about it but they brush it aside and simply tell him the same story she just told his mother. He doesn't believe them, but he can't force them to tell anything else so he just keeps an eye on her. Kurt notices too and so does Mercedes.

But no one will say anything because Rachel assures them she's fine. Just tired and migraines.

He wonders if she knows she can trust him. With anything. Because he's pretty sure he's in love with her. She's more demure nowadays, and he doesn't want her to freak out or anything, so he'll keep it to himself.

He'll tell her one day.

She used to think her daddy had the most gorgeous eyes ever.

Now, Finn Hudson's amber-coloured eyes star in her dreams every night. Warm, sparkling and shining just for her as he sings, twirling her around the auditorium, stealing kisses in her bedroom, passing notes in class.

The real world blurs with her dreams sometimes because every day he greets her at her locker with a smile and a kiss, pressing his finger to the mole on her cheek before he leaves her at class.

She goes with his friends to his matches and she shouts louder than everyone else whenever he has the ball or scores. Surprisingly Santana gives her a pompom that she shakes along with the crowd as they scream his name.

Every time he scores a touchdown he looks back towards the stands, where he knows she is, and kisses his finger touching it to his cheek, right where the mole would be on her face. She misses it the first time he does it, but later that night when he greets her at his truck, he does the same thing before he kisses her mole.

"Why do you do that?" she laughs as she throws her arms around his neck.

"That m'lady is my way of telling you I'm thinking of you and that touchdown was for you." His eyes are shining as he looks down at her before he presses his lips to hers, opening the door for her before slipping in himself pulling her close to his side as he drives her home.

He doesn't complain when she fiddles with the radio in his truck. His laugh is loud when she tells him he needs some variety in music to bring life to this death-trap he drives.

She faints in a warm-up session with Mr. Shuester. He calls her father and LeRoy Berry hurries to the nurse's office to find her. She texts Finn before some rumour floats around and he comes and finds her.

Daddy's here about to go all Mother Hen on me. They're sending me home. Come see me after practice? – R

Her father looks at her with tears in his eyes and she wants to tell him she's OK. But he knows she doesn't really sleep through the nights anymore. She's thrown up a few times and walking into walls isn't normal. Still, she promised she'll consider treatment options after senior prom and Nationals.

"We're telling your teacher Rachel. Today. Your father and I have already agreed."

R u OK? Need me to bring anyting? i'll brng popcorn n wtch funny grl if it mks u feel bttr – F

She laughs, because Finn doesn't understand text-speak.

Yes please. Thanks. – R

Chin up bb, feel bttr. c u 2nite – F

When she looks up Mr. Shuester and Ms. Pillsbury are standing in the doorway. She sighs.

"Can we go the guidance counsellor's office? There's more privacy there."

Her father helps her walk towards the office, helping her in the chair when they get there. She's aware of the looks her teachers are giving her but she's not Rachel Berry for nothing so she'll put on another performance to get through the rest of today.

They're gonna kill it at Nationals.

Mr. Shue stood beside Rachel the entire time before they went on stage after pulling Mike and Brittany aside and asking if they could work out some choreography where Rachel wasn't dancing too much. He exchanges looks with Puck but says nothing because Vocal Adrenaline was out there performing and they were good.

Meh. Rachel plus Mercedes was a powerhouse. They were better.

He goes over to her before they go on stage and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. He kisses her cheek as her eyes shine up at him. He knows what he wants to say to her, what he's wanted to say to her for so long. They have Nationals today and then senior prom next week and he's really looking forward to the summer with her. Maybe even that gap year.

"Ready?"

He nods.

"Break a leg." She winks.

"I love you."

Her mouth drops open as she stares up at him and he swears he sees tears in her eyes. "Oh, Finn."

Then they're calling them out and she hurries to get in position but just before the curtain rises she looks over at him and mouths back his words to him.

He puts on the performance of his life because his girl loves him.

"Guys! Guys!" Mr. Shuester tries to get everyone under control. They're still buzzing from excitement from the win at Nationals and she can't even blame them. Still, she puts two fingers to her lips and whistles loudly, just like Noah and Finn showed her and everyone shuts up and turns to her.

Mr. Shuester laughs. "Thank you Rachel. Well, Principal Figgins and I were talking and since the team did so exceptionally well this year, we're going to put it to a vote for the one person who worked the hardest in Glee and helped the team towards victory. If we're lucky we can have this every year."

"What does the winner get Mr. Shue?" Mike pipes up.

"Well, this trophy for one." He pulls out a little box with a golden star trophy on the cover. "Flowers. And tickets for two to Breadstix."

The noise starts again but she just shakes her head and looks over her shoulder at Finn. He grins and nudges her with his chin.

"I'm handing out paper, write down the name of the person you want to vote for and we'll tally up the scores." Their teacher says.

She writes down Finn's name because he actually suggested most of the songs and printed out the sheet music for most of their performances. She'd put herself, but self-praise was rude. She'd have chosen Mercedes because she actually took minutes for meetings and recorded every single song suggestion put forward. Finn's still her first choice. So what if she's a little biased?

So when Mr. Shuester is calling her up on stage she's confused but Finn pushes her forward. She's sure she has a dopey look on her face as he hands her the little trophy, a gold star on a black base.

"We can get it engraved tomorrow." He winks and hands over the restaurant vouchers and gardenias.

She shakes her head at the headache she feels coming on and grins winningly at her teammates. This time last year none of this was real to her. Now she had a boyfriend, and friends and an award her friends voted for her to get.

"Thank you guys, I really appreciate this. I'm sure it'll find a worthy home on my shelf of countless accolades!" the laughter this time isn't mocking, they're still congratulating her and shouting out that she deserves this and Kurt and Mercedes come up to her and high five her, Noah comes up and lifts her off the floor and pretty soon so is everyone else.

She has friends. And a boyfriend. And everything just became a little bit harder.

Senior prom is like six days away and Kurt and Mercedes and Tina are huddled around them talking about dresses. He'd asked her the same day tickets came on sale and was nervous the whole day before he saw her in Glee and even when she said yes he was still fidgety.

Rachel is leaning against him as he talks to Mike and Puck about the last football game of the season, they didn't make it to the finals but they had a pretty good year all things considering. Most of the football team would leaving at the end of the school year and Coach Beiste was already running tryouts. He'd had offers from some colleges in Ohio but he was holding out for some in New York. Just as an option.

Mike wanted to go to New York too and Puck wanted to head to LA. "College chicks. Bikinis. Heaven." Nice.

Kurt's scream didn't register until he felt Rachel stiffen beside him, her body jerking a few times before she slid off the chair completely. His body twisted around and caught her seconds before she hit the floor. Mr. Shue runs over and kicks away the chairs around her shouting for them to step back as he sits on the floor with his girlfriend's twitching body in his lap. He cradles her head gently afraid to touch but more afraid not to.

Mike and Kurt each hold onto her hand and her feet and Puck's calling her dads and Mercedes is calling 911 and Brittany runs back in with the nurse and Ms. Pillsbury.

And he's still sitting there with Rachel in his lap. She calms down for a second but when the nurse checks her eyes they've rolled back into her head and his blood runs cold and one thought sticks out at him.

Her headaches.

His entire body is numb as the whole class follows the ambulance towards St. Rita's Memorial. He can feel Kurt and Mercedes' eyes on him and somehow he already knows what he already suspected.

She's back in the hospital. The neurosurgeon already spoke to her parents and by now everyone has some idea of what's going on but she can't bear the look on Finn's face as he looks at her. How exactly do you look at the boy who loves you after he finds out that you have a terminal brain tumour?

She's pretended to be asleep too long so when he touches a finger to her forehead her eyes open slowly.

"Rachel." He says her name like a prayer.

"Are you mad?"

His brow creases in confusion. "Mad? Why would I be mad?"

"Because I didn't tell you." She hates that her voice sounds this small but she really can't help it. He could leave. He could tell her he doesn't love her anymore and just leave her here. And he'd have every right to.

"No, baby." He leans over and kisses her forehead.

"I mean, this can be fixed right?"

Finn. Her beautiful boy. The man who creates music with a sheet of paper or two drumsticks. Whose voice creeps over her skin and settles in her soul. Who has a future ahead of him, a life of endless possibilities and opportunities and shouldn't have to deal with this kind of heartbreak so young.

She knows he sees the answer in her eyes before she even speaks. But she says the words anyway. Tries to find the ones she needs to explain gently.

"No. It's inoperable. It's too tied into my brain to be removed, they don't want to try because," she shrugs at her next words, hating herself all the time, "there's a better chance I survive longer on my own than going under the knife."

She watches the tears gather and fall from his amber-coloured eyes. "How long?"

"They gave me two years tops, could make it three or four if I tried chemotherapy." She ignores his wince.

"And you've known all this time?"

"Two years now."

Again his brow furrows in confusion. "But." He stops to put his thoughts together. "You're almost 18. If they already gave you two years you only have a year left?" All the colour drains from his face and he clutches at her hands tighter, his body tense beside her on the bed.

"Finn." His eyes watch hers. "Lay down."

He moves his awkward body until he's lying beside her, his legs falling over the edge, face to face.

"I'm glad to finish high school. I'm trying to hang on long enough so I can at least go to France this summer. After that, I'm on borrowed time. And besides the headaches I feel fine." She presses her fingers against the freckles on his jaw and doesn't mention this is the third seizure she's had in as many days.

"I've enjoyed the past six months more than I've enjoyed the past sixteen years. I'm really happy. Fine, I'm not going to star on Broadway or go to college or have children, but for what little time I've had you I'm glad. Because I love you and you love me and I've never felt this way about anyone before. So no matter what happens tomorrow, I have this to keep me happy. Because loving you keeps me happy."

She gives up brushing tears from his face because they're falling too hard so she just lets him hold her hand to his lips and cry. She hates doing this to him. She hates herself for letting him fall in love with her and then breaking his heart like this.

Senior prom is in a couple days and then it's summer and then college and he doesn't need to be worrying about her now. She hates herself for thinking about what she has to do next. And she hates herself even more for the fact that it breaks her heart to even consider it.

So she lets him cry, her tears mixing with his own on her pillow and when her father comes in and sees them, it breaks her heart again because he's crying harder now.

Everyone's sitting around Brittany's pool a couple days after Rachel comes home from the hospital. No one went to Senior prom. They spent the day in Rachel's room playing board games and drinking apple cider. They danced to music from Mercedes' iPod and when visiting hours were over, everyone kissed her on the cheek and said 'see ya tomorrow.'

So now she's sitting against his legs in a bath-suit and glaring at the people sitting around her.

"You are all insane, you know that, right?"

"We're insane? You do realize you're the one walking around with a fucking mass on your brain. Want to try that again?" Santana sneers. For a minute there everyone tenses then Rachel snorts in laughter, pressing her back into his chest as she shakes her head at them.

"You all know how ridiculous this sounds? We can't go backpacking over Europe. What about Artie?" she cries.

"I've been to London, and Paris. They actually have wheelchair access to a lot of places." Artie deadpans. She rolls her eyes at his flippancy.

"C'mon guys, really?"

She turns to him, her eyes pleading for support, but he can't give it because honestly, it was his idea.

He spoke with her dads while she was sleeping at the hospital. He never left. His mother stopped by between her shifts, and Kurt brought him clothes and something besides hospital crap to eat. They explained the whole thing to him, very much surprised that she never told him from the beginning and they mentioned she'd always wanted to go to Europe: England, France, Italy, Spain, and Greece. They were going to use her college fund to take her since she'd decided she wasn't going waste their money and go to college when she'd be denying someone else a place since she wasn't going to actually be around too long. He couldn't understand how she could easily dismiss some things but, he made his decision there, calling the other glee clubbers to pitch the idea to them. One year. They wanted to give Rachel one year of her dreams.

"Baby, if it's the only thing I can do for you, I want to do this. You've said what you had to. We all know now. But we all want to do this for you. We wouldn't be here if we didn't."

Her eyes flash as she looks around at the solemn group, Mr. Shuester sitting in the midst. She frowns at him and he smirks.

"I'll take a year off. They'll all defer entry to college for one year. For you Rachel. Because we want to."

"Surprised as I am at myself, it's honestly the least we can do. You yourself said you don't know how long you have left but you want to be happy for the time you have left. So if this will do that for you, why fight it?" Quinn's not being mean, he knows that. But does Rachel?

She collapses into his arms then, sobs racking her body as she soaks his shirt and everyone is quiet as they watch her cry. He blinks away the tears as he sees his brother reaching for his best friend's hand, his boyfriend's arms wrapped securely around him and Sam clutching Mercedes to his chest as she hides her face.

Quinn's eyes are red and she holds Puck's hand tightly in hers.

Tina is dabbing at her eyes from her perch on Mike's lap.

Santana has her head in her hands as Brittany rests against her shoulders.

Mr. Shue just keeps shaking his head staring at nothing.

It's a quiet Sunday, only broken by the sounds of sobs and quiet tears as the club sits together, trying to cope with the fact that the heart of their club wasn't necessarily going to be around for much longer. So just like she held him while he cried in her hospital bed, he bent his face to her hair, wrapping her tighter into his arms and did the only thing he could think of. He cried with her.

tbc

A/N: I write the craziest things too early in the morning when not even the sun wants to get up. This was supposed to be a one-shot but it kinda spilled over to 30+ pages so I'm working on tidying up the end. Reviews are better than sunshine :)

Songs – 'If I Die Young' by the Band Perry and 'I Don't Want To Be' – Gavin Degraw