Victoria: Hello world. I hope you enjoy some random Max Ride fanfics. We do not own MR, James Patterson does and we don't own Justin Bieber and Taylor L nor Home and Lifesytle mags OR ANYTHING. And, um, it is all fiction and yadda yadda yadda... Oh, and Fang is with Max and they are living happily ever after...not really because there would be no plot right now, so yeah... I sound like Nudge so I will now shut up.
P.S. I'm terrible at introductions. :(
Juliette: Ugh, Vicki... Sorry about Victoria. She's too lazy today. By the way, the story below contains cursing and sexual references. But we're still innocent, I swear! Let me warn you though: THIS IS ONLY A CRACK FIC THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE HUMOROUS AND WE ARE EXTREMELY BORED! Everyone, and I mean E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E is OOC (Except Max ;) and they are nothing like their actual (rather, fictional) personalities. We are basically bashing a lot of people and Fang sounds like a gay. Not that we have anything against people like that, it's just that Fang seems like someone who would be...homosexual. And ummm...YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...again.
Victoria: Huhhh? Ooh! Lookie! A butterfly...!
Juliette: Yeah, Vicki is completely loopy and is always daydreaming... Oh, and Max is currently 20 and so is Fang. Iggy is 19 and Gazzy is 16. Angel is 14 and Nudge is 17. Or something along those lines.
Victoria: Hi!
Juliette: -smacks Victoria on the back of her head- Sorry for the long author's note, now on with the story!
O.o.O
Chapter One: The Scene Where Max Tells Fang that She is Pregnant . . . Wait? What?
Fang POV
"Max! Are you okay? You look really sick... Maybe we should take you to the doctor or something!" Nudge suggested, pausing to catch her breath. She put her dark hand on top of Max's forehead. Then, she gasped. No, she literally said: gasp! "I can't believe that Max is sick! How could our leader, the Maximum Ride, be sick! I mean what the heck? It's like if Iggy suddenly could see everything without his surroundings being white or 'touching' colors, and if Gazzy didn't smell like Total's breath! It's almost like if Angel wasn't as stalkerish as she is now! Max is going to die right here-" Nudge still had the capability to talk on hours on end. It was still annoying as hell.
"Ugggh! Please shut up the h-e-double-toothpicks up Nudge. I feel like a bunch of Erasers are doing the hokey-pokey in my belly, which I can assure you, is really not a fun experience... Oh the great spirit of Jeb Batchelder, help me!" Max groaned in agony, finger's rubbing in maddening circles around her temples.
We were at our house that Jeb bought us, or rather, lent us. Max and I are currently together, just like it is suppose to be. Dylan committed suicide. Nudge cried.
Our house is actually okay, but it'll never be home. It's not the same as that E shaped house...
The walls are all done in either whites or pastels, and a good portion of the house had wood floors. Windows cover almost every exterior wall, giving us a good view of the deep forest that surrounds the backyard, which by the way had a pool and Jacuzzi. The living room is accompanied by a dark brown leather sofa set, and had small creamy pillows placed purposefully to complement the walls. I sounded like a Home and Lifesytle magazine. I like to read them and compare design theories and color schemes.
Shit, that wasn't supposed to slip out...
"Max, tell me seriously. Where does it hurt?" Iggy asked; he too seemed extremely concerned about Max. Wait, as her official appointed boyfriend, wasn't I supposed to be the one comforting her? Ah, too bad, she hasn't showered in a week.
"My stomachhh...uhhhhhh." Max squeezed her eyes tight. Her firm grip on my hand clenched even harder. Poor Maxie. My poor, poor Maxie. Ah, I just love to say, my Max. My sweet, beautiful, Maxie... My lovely thoughts were interrupted by the pyromaniac who was examining my Maxie.
"Okay. I'll go check on your stomach. Oh, and Fang, I need you to let go of Max's hand. I've got to examine her in the basement... Hey, I won't look at her private parts and besides, the basement is dark blue, not white," Iggy tried to reason. I sighed in exasperation. Max needed to get better one way or the other. And Iggy better not touch my Max.
"Get better, love." I gently brushed some of her brown locks out of her face. She was an angel, the most beautifulest angel that ever existed. (A/N: ZOMG! Twilight moment! -_-)
"Hey!" The little blonder more annoying and childish Angel huffed, glaring up at me. I rolled my dark, bottomless onyx black eyes at her behavior. See? I can be deep too!
Nudge was choking out sobs on the couch, all curled up in a ball. She must've been worried about Max too. I patted her on the back, which I think is supposed to be good. I looked at Angel who was staring at some weird teenage magazine. She began to squeal hysterically and point at one of the pictures. Looking down at Angel's open page and I glanced at the picture. There, on the glossy page, was a picture some little skinny kid with too much hair in his eyes. The page said his name was "Justin Bieber" Ha ha, Beiber, beaver. Bet that kid gets beat up a lot at school. But he actually was kinda cute...if you were that desperate. "Angel, why do you like this guy better than me?" I asked, clearly bewildered.
"Well, first of all, he's so damn hot, and, obviously, you're dating Max. But the REAL dish is Taylor Lautner. Talk about smexy! And those abs~! Oh, I could swoon right now if I wanted to." She sighed dreamily, "Oh, how I would love to run my fingers through that silky black hair... He has like the awesomest biceps and who knows how big his-" I covered my ears and started shouting and singing to 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' to shut out the dirty word.
"Eeeew! Angel is a pervert. Angel is a pervert. Angel is a pervert! She is making my clean, innocent, pure mind, DIRTYYY! I repeat, DIRTY!" Gazzy screamed, looking at Angel from his game on the XBox 360. Yes, Gazzy was still that same irritating child since I could ever remember. Even when he is sixteen years old, he acts as if he was still ten.
"Oowwwwaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" A high-pitched wail made me glance in the direction of the basement. Max. Or maybe it was a dying gorilla. Ah ha! I have never seen a dying gorilla before!
I sped down the stairs faster than lightning. Well, maybe not that fast, but sure fast enough to beat that stupid turtle from that nursery rhyme. Story. Thingy. Eew, thingy made me think of how big Taylor Lautner's thingy must be. But I bet mine's still bigger. I smirked at the thought. Max would know all about that... (raises both eyebrows suggestively) Angel yelped loudly somewhere above me. I heard frantic whispering and then Nudge's screechingly high-pitched giggles a minute later.
"Fang...? Why are you raising your eyebrows weirdly with that perverted look on your face?" I heard Iggy ask. I was immediately yanked out of the dirty but sexy memory.
"Uhhhhhh... H-How did you know...? Wait a sec! You're blind!" I sputtered, shooting an accusing finger at Iggy's face. Iggy's right hand hit his forehead. I then was remembered of the dying gorilla. "IGGY! Where. Is. Mr. Gorilla!" I heard him sigh.
"Fang, I guessed. And if you're talking about Max's scream, she just...wait, Mr. Gorilla?" Iggy is very blunt when he wants to be.
"Yes Iggy." I sounded like an adult scolding a five year old. "The dying gorilla. I named him Mr. Gorilla."
"Fang, why a dying gorilla?" I ignored him and looked around the room in search for Max. I had momentarily forgotten about her. What a bad, but sexy, boyfriend I am!
"I thought I had heard my Maxie's scream. Unless that was you . . . But since I didn't want to make it sound like you screeched like a girl, I assumed it was Max's. Then, I thought about a dying gorilla since it sounded so gruesome and ugly. I have never seen a gorilla die, so I really wanted to watch one, you know, die." I shrugged nonchalantly, so I looked bored out of my mind. You see, I read somewhere that girls – and gay guys – think it's hot when hot boys look all indifferent and calm, cool, and collected. Don't even remind me what magazine it was, but I took in that valuable information and put it to work. But in all fairness, I do remember seeing that Justin Bieber's face in there somewhere...
I smiled brightly at Iggy. "So, where's Mr. Gorilla at?"
"Fang, you fat douche. There is no gorilla or a Mr. Gorilla in here, it was just Max." Jeez, Iggy didn't have to go that far and call me a douche. That meanie butt.
"Well, what's wrong with Max? I mean, it's only a tummy ache, right Ig? And I am not an obese gay-wad!" Max must've eaten something bad. I looked at her on the white "hospital" bed that Jeb kindly donated from one of the millions of testing labs. It still reeked of chemicals. Wait, what does reeked mean anyways? I was just reading the dictionary again, trying to impress my Maxie with my smarticalness when I ran across the word. Reeked. Haha, funny. R-E-E-K-E-D. It's such a funny word, almost like punerple! Punerple, reeked, punerple, reeked, punerple, reeked, punerple, ree – all of a sudden, Iggy had spoke, whisking me away from my word-party and into the real world.
"Uh, Fang, how do I put this lightly? Ummm...ah, Fang... Did you ever do...um, do the forbidden with Max?" Iggy's face was flushed bright red. I heard Angel gasp above me.
"Ahhhh! FANG, you actually had SEXwith MAX? And here I just thought that was some sick, twisted fantasy of yours!" Angel screeched. I heard Nudge exclaim 'WHAT!' and Gazzy run down the stairs, Angel and Nudge not far behind.
"F-f-fang? H-Hey! Whassup? Is sumthin' bad happenin'?" I heard the soft voice of my angel speak. Actual Angel glared at me with cold blue eyes. "Ack! Why are a whole crap load of people here?" Max screamed, her gorgeous brown eyes the size of saucers. Angel, Gazzy and Nudge where staring at me and Max in astonishment. Probably because of my sexiness and Max's hotness but it could also be because of Iggy telling everyone that I did the nasty with Max.
"Umm, Fang? Max is approximately three weeks pregnant," Iggy winced softly. I saw Max turn eat red, faint and fall back into the bed. I'll get to her later.
"You said you wouldn't look at her private parts!" I bellowed loudly, pinning Iggy up against the wall. Iggy looked like he was about to burst.
"Dude, I'm BLIND! B-L-I-N-D! GODDAMMIT, IT MEANS THAT I CAN'T SEE!" Iggy yelled back, angry too, but not as absolutely FURIOUS as I was . . . am.
o.O.o
Juliette: All hell is about to break loose...oh wait, it already did! :D
Victoria: Wow, poor Gazzy and his "pure" mind... *laughs evilly in the background*
Juliette: Whatever, let's just ask for some reviews and be done!
Victoria: Okay! Can – May we, pretty princess please cherries on top with chocolate syrup, receive some reviews? I love you guys!
Juliette: Talking all sweet like that to get what you want is wrong, Vicki. Watch the master: Oh, how I love my readers... It would be absolutely splendid if my lovely readers would leave a simply review on our story... But, sadly, a girl can only hope... Although I really do wish that someone would. What do you suppose Victoria?
Victoria: Am I supposed to answer that, Julie?
Juliette: You idiot! You are supposed to say: Yes Juliette, it would be nice if someone in the world would review... *sigh dramatically*But no, you have to be like: Was I suppose to say something...?
Victoria: Oh, too bad. Now people must think we are total losers. (which we are) Thanks a lot Julie. Notice how I didn't add a "tte." Hmph. I'm mad now. But please, review if you favorite!
Juliette: -beating Victoria with a random pencil- Ah, sorry about that. In all honesty, we really would like reviews...the more reviews, the more inspiration, the more inspiration, the faster an update.
Victoria: Byeee -ouch- byeeeee!
Juliette: Ah, gotta lover her :D But please, tell us if you actually start laughing out LOUD. AND UNCONTROLLABLY. But be honest, because that would make our day – no – week. Bye!