Author's Note: Set during 3.18, "Rebound Bro," when Barney takes on a replacement wing man.
The first night of Rebound Bro Training, we concentrate on Article 2: A Bro will not talk about something lame in front of a woman.
Randy, unfortunately, is lame.
"What if it's beside a woman?" he asks. He's ditched the sweater vest and suits up nice, but keeps tugging at his tie. It's making my eye twitch. "Is that okay?"
I shake my head sadly. So little to work with, but it's the challenges that make awesomeness shine so bright.
I try a different approach.
"Let's try you as the silent type, then. Square your shoulders. Think mystery."
Randy purses his lips, going a little cross-eyed. "Like this?"
I frown. "More Bond, less Miss Marple. We're on the right track though."
He cocks his finger like a gun, lining one of the ladies up in his sights. "It's Wharmpess. Randy Wharmpess." He makes a pow sound and pulls the trigger, blowing gun smoke from his index finger. "And I've got a license to thrill."
"Whoa, there tiger. Not that much."
He grins. Despite his cluelessness, I'm beginning to warm to the challenge. Randy's a lump of clay, and it's up to me to sculpt him into something awesome. He's eager to learn, and I've got a lot to teach.
"I have faith in you, Randy, so I'm gonna give you a play. I call this the Undercover Agent."
I launch into the play by play, laying out each move in sequence, and he's hanging on every word. He's no Ted, but he's what I've got, and I'm determined to make the best of it.