Forever and a Day
Kitty
Staring at the silver disk in my hand, I remembered the day in which it was given to me as if it were just moments ago. I always kept it in this old wooden box along with my most treasured possessions, but none could compare with this dulled piece of metal. Not my wedding band which came after many years of sacrifice, the cameo, or the most expensive jewelry: because on this one single item, my lover had made a declaration that carried me away.
It was more than thirty years ago when Matt returned from a trip to Hays. It was his first trip away after recovering from a near fatal encounter with the Mace Gore gang. In fact, it was a time when my world stood still because I really thought I had lost him for good.
Mace and his gang had taken over Dodge pillaging the town for everything of value. Matt in his attempt to get out of town was shot not once, but four times. Seeing him lying in the dirt on Front Street and hearing Doc say, "there's nothing I can do," left me devastated. With those words, my life ended. With those five little words, my best friend, my lover, and greatest gift were taken from me.
Words can't describe the loneliness and heartache I felt in that moment. It was like I was in a trance and my life was broken into millions of pieces never to be fixed. Later, sitting in my room barely acknowledging what was going on around me, I couldn't imagine going on. Thankfully, I was to find out later that it was just a ruse to keep Gore's men from completing the job.
As Doc directed my steps into the Long Branch after a long night of anguish and sorrow, I saw Matt sitting in the chair by the stairs. I couldn't get to him fast enough. My heart pounding and my mind telling me it couldn't be, I rushed to him putting my arms around him. I needed to feel the beat of his heart and the warmth of his skin to know that he was really alive. His arm went around me pulling me close and he buried his nose into my neck. It was like a dream, yet I knew it was real.
In our embrace, we couldn't get close enough. It was a relief when Doc and I helped Matt up the stairs to my room. Once we got his clothes off and in my bed, Doc cleaned his wounds placing fresh bandages on them and then left us alone. Through it all, my mind kept reminding me, "He's alive! He's alive!
After all these years, I don't think any one of the terrible things that happened to us could have been worse, even Bonner. Matt had been shot or threatened so many times before and after Gore. In later years, after he was shot once again, I ran away telling myself I couldn't take it anymore, yet I came back because my life without him was nothing. Gore's men took over the Long Branch. They stole the money, jewelry, and all the other possessions I owned, but none of that meant anything as long as I had my cowboy. When I thought Matt was dead my life ended because he was my life. The emptiness I felt was unbearable. Until he was given back to me, I was dead to myself and those around me.
That first night, as soon as Doc left my room, I removed my clothes and crawled under the covers with Matt laying my head on his chest careful to avoid his wounds and getting as close as I could. By the look in his eyes as I drew near to him, I knew our minds were one and that he needed it too. We both needed the intimacy and feel of the other's warm skin to know the nightmare was over.
Over the next few weeks, we talked more than we ever had. Matt was so open with his feelings for me sharing his love both verbally and physically. Neither one of us thought about the responsibilities outside that bedroom. At that time the only thing important was the two of us. We were both totally aware of how much we almost lost and how fragile life could be. We spent our time alone holding one another and as he recovered letting our bodies say what words couldn't. The night before he had to leave for Hays was the first time we had made love since that fateful night. Our bodies, minds, and souls became one in the most explosive climax we had experienced in our relationship both before and after that ill-fated evening.
That first trip away from each other was the hardest. It was so difficult to see him leave for Hays. In fact, it was tough on both of us. It was the only time until many years later that he came close to putting us before the badge and his job.
When he returned from Hays, Matt told me that he'd put a lot of thought into what we had talked about. He wanted to give me something to remind me of just how much he loved me. Something I would always have that told me his heart would always belong to me. We both knew at the time he wasn't ready for the ring and marriage, but every time he went away there was always the chance he wouldn't come home. It was important that if the day ever came; I would always have a token with his words of love.
I could imagine him at the jeweler's, carefully thinking out what he wanted to get me, keenly searching for something that would always remind me of him and his love for me. When he saw the small silver charm, he knew that was it. On one side was engraved the date when we realized how fragile life could be. The other side was inscribed with everything Matt felt and would always feel. That no matter how much time we had on this earth whether it would be a minute or an eternity, his love would last "forever and a day."