When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
It all started when I was six years old. That's when my father left us. I don't know if he wasn't ready or he found someone "better". The reason doesn't really matter. I think he regretted his decision because he came back again and then again and again. It worked the first time, but we got smarter. Letting him back in was a mistake and we wouldn't let that happen again. I mean I had little say in it but my mom, she knew what was best for the both of us. At first, I was convinced that my dad loved me and wanted what was best for me. He left but that didn't mean he didn't love me. Until I grew older and figured it out. He never loved me, he loved himself. He was selfish.
And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist
Other men came into our lives, only to leave again. This time it wasn't their faults. It was still my dad's. My mom had never really been willing to let anyone in after him. She couldn't let herself fall for anyone. She couldn't allow herself to get hurt again. She couldn't allow me to get hurt again. So she picked and picked until she found something wrong with every guy. Her heartbreak changed her, and she would've found something wrong with the perfect guy. I, of course, had my thoughts about every guy too. They just wanted to impress my mom. They didn't care about me. I mean there were a few that seemed genuinely nice, but a slim few. I could see why my mom wouldn't let anyone in. I had felt the same way too, up until I met him. Eddie Duran changed my life.
But darling, you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
I had basically given up. Why waste my time? I just thought love could never exist and be so pure and true. All this romance movies were such bullshit. Every single romance movie in my house was one that I tossed into the garbage. I mean people couldn't meet like that and just fall madly in love. They couldn't ever have that happy ending where they were both so in love with each other. It was all so fake, never a reality. I thought going on dates was a waste of my time. I would stay home and watch movies(not romances) and do homework instead or honestly practically anything else. This was before I met Eddie. He liked out of all people, and he liked me for me. Just Loren, nothing more, nothing less. He didn't care that I came from a different world. He didn't care that I wasn't famous. He didn't care I was still in high school. But he did care about me, he made me feel safe. I did that one thing I never thought I would do, fall in love.
Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul
That love never lasts
In my lifetime I have seen a countless number of relationships fail. I've seen high school relationships fail and I've seen years of marriage end in divorce. I've watched my mom, my friends, and everyone else fall out of love. I've watched people get their hearts broken. Every relationship at some point just seemingly collapsed. Relationships end. It's constant arguing, fighting, and bickering. People are falling out of love every minute. Maybe they were never in love. People are in fake relationships all the time. He loves her but she doesn't love him or vice versa. Ulterior motives may fuel their relationships. So many relationships are based on a lie. Relationships usually just die.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
Or keep a straight face
It just made sense for me to never depend on anyone other than myself. That way no one could let me down. It was basically me and my mom against the world for my whole life. The worst part was I couldn't even trust my own friends. They did nothing wrong. They never betrayed my trust in anyway, it was just me. It was just to trust them I had to really let them in and that was not something that I was able to do. It was me keeping everything bottled up because I had to. Now Mel knows probably just about every detail of my life, especially the ones involving Eddie. But before that I was a lonely, self-sufficient girl.
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
My life would consist of me meeting a guy. We Wouk go on a couple dates. After about two months I would break it off. That was the point in the relationship where it was getting too serious. I couldn't let myself get that close to a guy. I could not and would not let myself fall for anyone. I would distance myself every time I was given a viable opportunity. Keeping these guys away was less of an option and more of a requirement. Two years later and I'm happy. I couldn't imagine myself not being with Eddie. I couldn't imagine not being in love.
And up until now I had sworn to myself
That I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
But before I just could not and would not let myself fall. If I fell that would've meant letting something in, which was something I most definitely could not have done at that time. It was something I wasn't ready for with anyone. I couldn't risk being hurt. After my dad left I refused to be hurt again. Nothing and no one was worth me taking that risk. No one until that one special someone, Eddie.
But you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
I met Eddie and he made me feel special. I figured I was just one of many other girls, so I pushed him away. He wouldn't give up. And I found out I wasn't one of many girls. There are very small increments of time which he is not with me or not working. I mean I'll stay at his place and he will call off work to spend a full day together. Just us. Being there. One day he called me about 20 times in a row. When I didn't answer he showed up at my house. He brought flowers and a movie and promised to stay but only if I wanted him to. I also got about a solid five minute hug after I opened to door and he set down the flowers. Wondering if we watched the movie together? Yes, we did. And honestly that's still one of my favorite moments of us together. Just him caring enough to check up on me. I mean it was nothing extravagant just the two of us sitting on the couch, eating popcorn, watching The Breakfast Club. Claire and Bender weren't the only ones kissing that night because that night was the night of my first kiss with Eddie. I mean that make it a great night too but it would've been just as memorable without it. Don't get me wrong the kiss was memorable but just spending a simple night in together is all I need to have a good time.
I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here
Relationships may die, but that doesn't mean love doesn't exist. I now have this wonderful guy in my life, that I don't want to let go of. I know it should fall apart but this time maybe it won't. I know millions of people fall out of the love, but honestly I love being in love. Like they say it's better to have loved and to have lost than to never have loved at all. I wouldn't give up my time with Eddie for anything. Everyday it's the little things that make me fall even more in love with him. I can't give this up because of fear. We may have our ups and downs but those downs are worth it because I love the ups.
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof, it's not a dream, oh
I love laying in bed his arms wrapped around me. One simple position makes me feel comfortable, safe, and happy. When I cry about what a mess my life is he just lays there arms around me, gently stroking my arm, and listens. This only makes me cry even more because I wonder how I got so damn lucky. How do I deserve someone this wonderful? With his arms wrapped around me I feel safer than ever. For the amount of time before I fall asleep I let my mind relax, no worries, it's our time. I was up to a sea of emptiness. I take in a deep breathe and inhale the lingering scent of his cologne. I turn over and see a note on my dresser. I read the words he wrote over and over. "Had to go to work. Had a great time with you last night and every other night I spend with you ;-) I'm clearing my schedule after 5 to take m favorite person out to dinner. Be ready at 6. (The reservation is at 7 but I know you'll be running late so hoping you'll be ready by 6:30). See you soon. I miss you already. Love, Eddie" I run my thumb over the note. A little bit of the writing smudges. I smile at the fact this note was just written. I smile because I remember last night. I smile because of the smudge. The smudge reminds me this is real. It always seems like a dream but it's not. I'm in love with Eddie Duran and he's in love with me.
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
Everything he does makes me feel special, safe, confident, beautiful, smart, happy, and probably just about every other positive mood. It's about the way he kisses my forehead. It's about the way he watches me sleep. It's about the way the first voice I want to wake up to and the last one I want to hear before I go to sleep is his. It's about the way that he doesn't care what time it is. If it's four in the morning and I need to talk he's there to talk to. It's about the way he serenades me. The way he uses me as inspiration for his songs. The way he makes my heart race. It's about the way he gives me his jacket if I'm cold. It's the way he smiles and the way he makes me smile. It's the way he knows me better than anyone. It's the way he doesn't buy into my fake good mood for even a second. It's the way he doesn't care what I need, he's there no matter what. It's the way he gets me little things. It's about the way I see things and they remind me of his, and he sees things that remind him of me. It's the way he holds my hand walking to the car, walking in the park, under the table when we go out to eat, everywhere.
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing
And yesterday, when he pulled that little box out and got down on his knee I said yes. Because I can't imagine my life without him. Because I don't want to imagine my life without him. Because he's my best friend. And I want with all my heart nothing more than for this to work, and for the first time in my life I think that it might.