"Schuldig, you know something?" Nagi asked
"What?" The tall, orange haired German asked
"You suck."
"Is that anyway for you to talk?"
"You and Farferello just shrunk Weiss and Schwarz into chibies! We're all six years old!" Aya screamed, trying to kick Schuldig in the shin
"Just wait until I grow back into an adult!" Crawford roared, "I'm finding my gun!"
"I tossed it," Farfie began, "so have fun searching for it."
"Six year olds can still use string, you know." Yohji growled fiercely
"That's enough kiddies, time for a car ride." Farferello said
"You actually intend to take these Japanese brats somewhere, and live?" Schuldig gasped in awe
"Do you want them running around nekkid?" Farfie asked him
"Well…" Schuldig pondered
"Schuldig! My katana is bigger than me!" Aya raved
"And I could use my mission coat as a sleeping bag!" Yohji yelled
"I'm tiny." Omi said, obviously not six years old
"And how old did we make you?" Schuldig asked Omi
"I think, I'm like four."
Farferello started laughing hysterically, rolling around on the floor like a three year old.
"He's four! How did we manage that?" he laughed
"I'm not sure, but I don't want to see their butt cheeks all day." Schuldig said in disgust
"Pervert." Nagi growled
"Hey, watch it squirt! I could crush you." Schuldig said to the child, towering over him
"And I could nail you in the balls if necessary." Nagi growled again
"They have the minds of adults." Farfie said
"No shit! Well I guess we have to get them clothed, somehow." Schuldig said
"Ugh, must we? I've got an appointment at a church-"
"Must I curse you in German? We're taking these kids for clothes."
"I'm hungry daddy!" Ken yelped
"Daddy? That's hilarious!" Farfie laughed again
"Are you insane? Schuldig's not our father!" Aya told Ken, "It's obviously Farfie."
"WHAT? Oh no, I am never, ever, ever in a million years, fathering a child!" Farfie yelled
"I'm hungry Daddy!" Ken whined again
"I think their starting to get the minds of children." Schuldig realized,
"Me wan foo now!" Ken screamed, crying and stomping his feet
"Oh Gods," Schuldig gaped, "What do you want to eat?"
"Macaroni and Cheese!" Ken yelped playfully
"I want Mac and Cheese too Daddy!" Aya shrieked
"Why are they calling me Daddy?!" Schuldig questioned Farfie exhaustedly
"Probably you're the one in the room acting like an adult." Farfie guessed
"Okay," Schuldig pondered, "There has to be a way to solve this without me or Farfie killing anybody."
"Ideas would be appreciated!" Farfie yelled, Schuldig turned to find his teammate being drowned by three six year olds and a four year old. Aya was attached to Farfie's leg; Yohji was attached to the other, while Crawford was biting Farf's arm like a rabid dog and Omi was perched on Farfie's head.
"Oh my Gods!" Schuldig panicked, grabbing Omi by the ribs, and placing him on the floor next to Nagi while Crawford fell the floor crying after Farferello smacked him upside the head for biting him.
"You can't abuse them!" Schuldig cried
"Oh fine, I'm sorry Crawfoo." Farfie apologized
"Now say it like you mean it." Schuldig commanded, "Or I'll let the brat bite you lower this time."
"I am sorry Crawford." Farfie said, fearing that Schuldig would actually let Crawford bite him in the balls
"Now, help me get them into the car- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Schuldig exploded turning and finding Omi, Crawford, Nagi and Ken standing on each other's shoulders, trying to reach the cookie jar on Schwarz's kitchen counter.
"Oh no," Schuldig practically screamed, taking the children down from their dangerous positions
"I'm taking Aya, Yohji and Omi to get clothes!" Schuldig yelled, grabbing Aya and Yohji from Farfie's legs, and Omi from the floor, each by an arm and ran out the door.
"Where are we going Daddy?" Yohji asked
"We're going to get you clothes." Schuldig said quickly turning over the ignition on the car and revved away from Schwarz's Tokyo apartment
TOKYO GRAND DEPARTMENT STORE
6:01 PM
"LITTLE TIKES" DEPARTMENT
"Okay," Schuldig started, "neither Farferello nor I have any clue when you're going back to normal size so, I stole Crawford's credit Card." his smirk turned into an evil smile
"Why?" Omi asked, sucking his thumb
"Because Daddy has no money." Schuldig quickly explained, "And must you suck your thumb? You're going to mess up you're teeth!"
"And since when do you give a damn about us?!" Aya yelled at the top of his lungs
Every mother in the story turned to the 'father' with the bad-mouthed 'child'. One even swatted Schuldig with her purse.
"Oh Gods, Aya." Schuldig knew what he was about to say was so out-of-character for him, but… This was getting ridiculous!
"Aya, I'm sorry that I've been a bad person, and I know that you really don't like me or Farf, but you have got to trust me."
"And why should I do that? You did try to kill me."
"Please? I will not hurt you. I know that you haven't lost your mind… Yet. But, umm… Well, every mother here thinks that I'm your father, would it kill you to call me Dad?"
"Yes it would." Aya said with a smile, falling backwards and pretending to die
"Please? I'll let you play with your katana!"
"Really? Okay!" Aya said playfully
"Daddy!" Yohji whined, "Omi had an akksesdent."
"Do you mean accident, Yohji?" Schuldig said
"The thing where you pee your pants!" Yohji whined like Schuldig should know better
"Keep your voice down Yohji!" Schuldig hissed, "People are looking!"
"Sorry Daddy." Yohji apologized
"Okay, Aya?" Schuldig asked
"Yes… Dad?" Aya smiled
"Could you take your 'brother' to the clothes? I need to uh… Do something with Omi."
"Okay Daddy!" Aya said, taking Yohji by the hand and running off to the little boy's clothes
"Okay," Schuldig started, picking Omi up under his arm like a potato sack
"Yes Daddy?" Omi asked, completely happy with his current position
"Got any ideas on how to change a diaper?"