A/N: I came up with the main joke for this fic and really needed some lighthearted stuff for these kids, and thus this fic was born.
Special thanks to my beta for putting up with me screaming about this fandom, poking me into actually writing this, and helping out with the dialogue.
"Remind me why I have to be here again?" Yuugi asked, frowning.
"Here" being on the couch in the living room, watching his white-haired roommate paint careful lines on their kitchen tile in pig's blood. The kitchen table had been moved out to the side to free up floor space and the chairs stacked haphazardly next to it, though an incense burner was also precariously balanced atop the stack of chairs. A single red-tipped stick hung out the opening, already burning and releasing a musty, earthy scent.
"Because," Bakura replied as he finished drawing in the final sigil, "according to the original text, this ritual requires the blood of a virgin, and I don't exactly fit the bill for that anymore." He dropped the paintbrush in a cup of water and stood up to survey his handiwork.
"Yeah, but doesn't that usually refer to women?" Yuugi threw his head back, trying to sink further into the couch by sheer force of will.
"We're a bit short on those, if you hadn't noticed, so you'll just have to do. Besides, I've had to make substitutions in these sorts of things before, and they've turned out fine! Well, mostly, anyway." Bakura seemed to find the circle satisfactory, as he'd moved on to lighting the candles and arranging them around its edge. "Now come on, turn off the lights and come over here."
Groaning, Yuugi levered himself off the couch to shuffle over to the light switch, flipping it down and making his way over to the kitchen by the flickering light of the candles.
"Great, just stand right there." Bakura grabbed his shoulders to help position him at the outer edge of the circle. "Okay, so what's going to happen is I'm going to recite the summoning chant, and then I'll have to cut your finger so you can add your blood to the circle. That should be enough to complete the ritual." Though Bakura delivered those lines with his usual cheerful smile, the dim candlelight gave his face an ominous cast as the shadows flickered over his face.
As Bakura began chanting in some forgotten language or another, Yuugi sighed to himself, fiddling with one of his many bracelets. His friend had always had an interest in the occult and Yuugi was happy that he was pursuing his hobbies, but he wasn't sure how he felt about making a blood donation to a summoning ritual. Usually the extent of Yuugi's involvement in Bakura's pastimes was to help look through old and crumbling books or to pick up more candles on the way back from buying groceries. Still, a smear of blood was probably not a bad price to pay to see his friend this animated.
Maybe too animated! Yuugi almost shrieked as an unnerving light flashed in his peripheral vision: candlelight winking off the (thankfully sterilized) knife that had suddenly appeared in his roommate's grasp. With his free hand, Bakura pressed Yuugi's left hand open and carefully sliced across his index finger, watching the blood begin to bead at the surface.
Yugi knelt so he could smear his bleeding finger across the empty space left in the circle, then sat back on his heels. "Jeez, you almost gave me a heart attack, whipping that knife out of nowhere. Maybe a little warning next time?"
"I told you at the beginning what was going to happen; you're the one who was spacing out," Bakura replied, unruffled, even as the circle began to glow eerily. "And I specifically picked the ritual that required the least amount of human blood, so–"
The second half of whatever Bakura was going to say was cut off by the candles blazing up and a clap of smoke materializing in the center of the circle, accompanied by a heavy, sulfuric smell. Yuugi immediately gagged and started coughing, so he missed the slow dissipation of the smoke to reveal the figure standing there.
"Sorry about him, it's his first summoning ritual," his roommate cheerfully explained as he moved to turn on the lights again. "Do you have a name we can call you?"
"Trying to get rid of me so soon? Rather defeats the purpose of calling me to this plane in the first place, doesn't it?" drawled an unfamiliar voice. Well, actually, not quite unfamiliar, Yuugi mused, as his coughing began to subside. It wasn't as though he could say he'd heard that voice before, but it felt like it should be something he recognized...
Then he looked up, got a good look at the man(?) standing in the circle, and instantly whipped his head around to stare at Bakura. "Why does he look like me?!"
Indeed, the demon in the circle could have been mistaken for Yuugi's twin, being just about as short, just about as pale, and having just about the same distinctive three-colored spiky hairstyle that often earned him stares from passersby. No, not quite the same, Yuugi realized, as he noted the additional blond streaks amongst the black sections of the hairdo. Then he met his doppelganger's eyes and had to repress a shiver at the piercing blood-red color. Definitely not quite the same...
Bakura scratched his head sheepishly. "I was kind of expecting something like this, actually... This ritual's already a heavily-modified version of one of the possession-type rituals, where the demon actually takes over the body of a sacrifice, so I guess it's not too surprising that the magic uses the information from the blood offering in constructing the vessel."
"Well, thank you at least for not using the possession ritual," Yuugi grumbled, massaging the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he got back to his feet.
"And knock out one of the only people around who's willing to play Monster World with me? Perish the thought."
"As entertaining as it is to listen to you two bicker, can we start negotiating terms?" the demon broke in, eyebrow raised. "I don't exactly think you called me here just to stand in a summoning circle."
Yuugi looked at Bakura. Bakura looked back.
"... why did you summon him, anyway?"
"Mostly just to test the theory, and because I was bored. I didn't really have anything specific in mind, actually."
"Of course not," Yuugi sighed, ignoring the demon spluttering in the background. "Well, he's here now, though, and I agree that we can't really just let him stand around in our kitchen until whenever this wears off. That blood needs to be washed off before it starts attracting flies."
"Are you seriously telling me," the demon asked, as Yuugi and Bakura turned back to look at him, "that you two summoned one of the most powerful demons of retribution in the lower circles of Hell, bearer of the Eye of Wdjat, commander of shadows and arbitrator of vengeance, who can wipe out entire civilizations and drive any mortal to madness, for absolutely no reason?" His eye was twitching.
"Yeah, pretty much," Yuugi shrugged.
The demon seemed to be struck speechless by this, looking slightly gobsmacked by Yuugi's nonchalant attitude towards the situation. "I think I still have some of the general extraplanar summon contracts in my room," Bakura commented into the silence, turning away from the circle. "Let me go see if I can find them..."
"Can you also grab me a band-aid from the bathroom? The last thing I need is to get salt in this finger later while I'm cooking," Yuugi called after his retreating roommate, who waved in acknowledgement as he disappeared into the short hallway leading to his room and the bathroom.
This left Yuugi staring at a demon who looked very much like him and was standing in the space that could roughly be considered their kitchen. The demon, for his part, was glancing around their common space, looking as though he was examining everything and finding it wanting. Despite their general physical similarities, Yuugi was finding it difficult to see himself in the being standing across from him; something about his general bearing and the way he held himself screamed of more arrogance and self-assurance than Yuugi had ever managed to project.
"Like what you see?" Yuugi's focus was brought back to the demon's face as their eyes met, and Yuugi abruptly realized where he'd heard his voice before. He sounds like me! Not exactly the same, but close enough to my voice that it feels familiar.
"Well, your body is based off of mine, so it'd take a pretty special kind of narcissism for me to be admiring you in that way," Yuugi responded dryly, ignoring the smirk that twisted the other's lips. "Although I have to say, I'm a little insulted that you couldn't get the hair right. What's with the extra blond?" He swept his hands up and back above his head, indicating the additional streaks in the demon's hair.
The demon blinked, then rolled one shoulder back in a shrug. "I didn't know that was there. There's not exactly a mirror around here, if you hadn't noticed."
"Found them!" came the yell from down the hall, and Bakura rushed back out of his room with a folder in hand. "No idea how it got buried under the ofuda materials, since I haven't touched those in forever. By the way, here's your band-aid, Yuugi."
"Thanks, Bakura," Yuugi replied, peeling it open as Bakura pulled a few sheets of paper from the folder and handed them to the demon along with a clipboard.
"All right, here's a pen. I'll just need you to initial each of these pages to show that you've acknowledged all the terms, and then the last page needs your full signature and today's date," Bakura explained, indicating the lines that needed signatures on each page. "A blood imprint will do if you don't have any other alternative, but since I know your name can be rendered in two-dimensional space I'm going to have to ask for that instead."
"You're very prepared," the demon noted with raised eyebrows, flipping through the papers. "I don't think I've ever been handed a contract with this much fine print before." Despite this, he was still uncapping the pen to ink careful lines onto the first page.
Leaving the demon to it, Yuugi placed a hand on Bakura's shoulder to draw him aside. Their kitchen/living room space wasn't that large, so they weren't able to move too far away from the summoning circle, but Yuugi pulled his roommate into a two-person huddle anyway while taking care to keep the demon in his peripheral vision. "Okay, level with me here: how long does this last, and how do we dismiss him if we have to?"
"Based on the original ritual, he'll remain until his end of the contract is fulfilled," Bakura replied in the same low tone that Yuugi was using. "But given the modifications I made, his vessel shouldn't last for more than a week, tops. His stay can be cut short if the body is killed or if he's exorcised."
"What, by a priest or something?"
"It can be done by a priest, but we can do it ourselves if we use his true name, which he should be signing on the contract now."
As if on cue, the demon waved the clipboard at them. "Are you two done? I've signed your contract, so I'd really like to get out of this circle now, if you don't mind."
The two of them walked over, Bakura taking the proffered clipboard. Flipping to the last page, his mouth creased into a frown. "Is this a valid transcription of your name? The last paragraph indicates that self-styled runes aren't accepted as a proper signature."
"As if I would be so classless to resort to that," the demon scoffed. "You should be honored, human; that's actually the truest rendition of my name, written in the original script from ages past when I originally claimed it. I was old when your civilization was young; decades, centuries, millennia spent honing and perfecting my practice, learning how to twist the knife in the hearts of fleeting mortals and eternal gods alike. To think that your cursory learnings can even scratch the surface of the amount that I've forgotten during my lifetime is laughable, and frankly, I doubt you'll ever be able to read it," he finished airily.
Throughout the entirety of the other's speech, Bakura's aura seemed to slowly blaze up, eyes gleaming dangerously at the prospect of the unplumbed depths of knowledge of which the demon spoke. "Is that a challenge?"
"Well, Mister Great-and-Powerful, we're still going to need something to call you in the meantime," Yuugi cut off his friend, rolling his eyes at their antics. "We can't exactly just call you 'demon' all the time."
"That would be rather inconvenient," mused Bakura. "What to use, though... Spiky?"
"Hey, I resent that remark," protested Yuugi. "I get referred to as 'pointy-haired kid' way too often for that to not be confusing. Should we do something more biblical-sounding, maybe inspired by the Key of Solomon?"
"No, using something out of the Lesser Key of Solomon would also be confusing, and it might just offend those demons that we tried bestowing their names on someone else."
"Such an honor would be more than those weaklings could hope for in the entirety of their miserable existences," the demon cut in, snorting. "I'm far older than them and outstrip them in both power and skill. It'd be an insult to me if you tried giving me one of their names."
"Okay, okay, don't get your panties in a bunch," Yuugi interjected, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes again. Who knew that dealing with demons was this annoying? "I guess there's always Yamada Tarou?"
"... you expect me, known above as the Emissary of Absolute Annihilation, below as the Unrelenting Abyssal Executor, and in every realm as the King of Games, a force so powerfully magical that the very elements of this plane warp and twist around my presence, shrieking in rebellion against the power that is my will, to answer to a name as mundane and plebeian as Yamada Tarou."
"Well really, you were summoned here by our will, so I don't think you can really take the credit for the torment of the elements of this plane. And we can make your full name 'Yamada Tarou, the Terrible and Magnificent' if you'd prefer," offered Bakura.
"I'm not answering to any name that includes that first bit." The demon's tone was as flat as the surface of an underground lake, and about as bright.
"It's probably too obvious a fake name anyway," Bakura sighed. "Still, we can come up with a normal name that doesn't stick out so much... how about Mutou Takashi?"
"Wait, why does he suddenly become part of my family?" protested Yuugi.
"How else were you planning on explaining his uncanny resemblance to you?" Bakura countered, folding his arms. "We can just say he's a cousin from your dad's side or something."
"... I guess," Yuugi conceded reluctantly. "But there's no way we can go with Takashi if that's the cover story we're using, you realize."
"What's wrong with Takashi? We're going for a name that won't attract suspicion, and Takashi's a nice, normal name."
Yuugi stared flatly at his roommate. "Bakura. My grandfather is named after a dice game. My parents named me for games in general. A so-called 'nice, normal name' is going to be the biggest giveaway that he's not actually related to my father's side of the family."
"... oh, yeah, that's true."
"Shouldn't I get a say in this, since I'm the one who's going to have to respond to it and all?" inquired the demon, smirking slightly. "I'd say something like Emperor would fit nicely."
"How ostentatious can you be? And that doesn't even fit the theme!" objected Bakura. "If you want to be kinged so badly, then we can name you Checkers."
"Checkers? You would use a tablecloth pattern to refer to me? Surely you jest. I am the master of powers more ancient and terrible than your feeble human mind could possibly comprehend, and–"
"Look, at this rate I'm going to just call you Snakes and Ladders and be done with it."
"The snake might be appropriately befitting, assuming you choose a suitably regal species of snake, but the ladders have no place in the name. Remove those at once."
Yugi groaned inside as Bakura continued to bicker with the demon. At this point, his roommate was clearly just lobbing the most ridiculous names he could think of at their odd houseguest just to watch him puff up and reject them as below his dignity or whatever nonsense. What was with his preoccupation with royalty, anyway? The things that said about his view of Yugi and Bakura, and humanity as a whole, were irritating at best and highly troubling at worst.
More than anything, that attitude is going to be a pain to have to cover for. I'm going to rip my hair out if we don't find some way to deal with that... Suddenly, the metaphorical lightbulb went off in Yugi's head.
"How about Yami?" Yugi broke in, interrupting the pair's latest argument. The demon cocked his head in apparent thought at Yugi's suggestion, while Bakura turned towards him, disbelief written clear on his face.
"Really? You want to name him Darkness?" he asked incredulously.
Yugi grabbed Bakura's shoulder, forcing him to squat down a bit so he could mutter in his ear. "Yes, it's ridiculous, but hear me out. With his ego, we're not going to be able to stick to the gaming theme, since he's going to need some trite name to appeal to his vanity. Plus, if he starts spouting off about his demonic powers in front of other people, we'll just say that he never grew out of his chuunibyou phase."
Bakura turned to look at him, mirth and admiration in his eyes. "That... is a great plan. I knew we were friends for a reason."
"While your naming choice is rather uninspired, it's clear that it's all your mortal minds can come up with," the demon declared haughtily. "Very well, I will permit you to refer to me as Yami for the duration of this contract."
Despite his lofty words, Yugi could practically see the glee and satisfaction sparkling in the demon's – Yami's – eyes. Leaning back in towards Bakura, he whispered out the side of his mouth, "He definitely likes it, doesn't he."
"Yeah, that chuuni plan seems like a safe bet," his friend whispered back.
A/N: I grew up with the dub but don't feel it makes much sense in a lot of places, so we get this odd situation with this fic where Domino is vaguely set in Japan but the joke is more based on 4Kids' localization choices ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Thanks for reading!