It was New Years Eve, again... I had to think of an excuse as to why I couldn't participate in the Wammy's House evening festivities. I made up an excuse every year. When we were little, I used to hang out with Mello every night because he's my best friend; but as we've gotten older it's become rather awkward, because I've fallen in love with him.
Last year, I had the "stomach flu," and locked myself in the bathroom with all of my favorite games. The year before I "fell asleep" and "accidentally" locked Mello out of our room – and before that, I had gone for a walk and gotten "lost" in the woods, fortunately I had a tent and space heater. Any year before that, I hadn't needed to make up some sort of reason for why I couldn't take part in the New Year's fun. If I was going to be sick this year, I had better start acting it soon.
I rolled onto my side, and started coughing. I rested my forehead on my laptop that had been running all morning. Mello was in the shower. Once I heard him turn the water off, I shoved my laptop behind my bed and lay back on my pillow, curling up beneath my blankets. I tried looking helpless. The secret was, I couldn't over act, or it would be obvious that I wasn't really sick. I groaned quietly for a moment, then closed my eyes. I legitimately shivered. Not a moment later, I heard the door open to my back. Mello was done with his shower and doing his hair. I wanted to see how perfect he looked today, but I couldn't if I wanted to keep my charade as flawless as possible.
I felt a presence behind me.
"Matt... are you okay?" Mello was standing over me. He actually sounded concerned. It touched me, I felt guilty, but it was far better to tell a lie or two than to have him find out the truth.
Pointedly, I didn't answer.
I felt something warm and smooth and my forehead. My eyes snapped open, Mello was feeling my forehead.
"Matt... You have a fever. Are you sick again?"
I groaned and nodded.
"Awe... Matt... You're going to miss out on the festivities again... You've missed them every year for the past three years, don't make it tradition. You shouldn't miss a fourth.
I cringed, I felt bad. Mello had even kept track. He sounded sad that we couldn't spend New Year's together this year. Mello started to pull away, but I stopped him, I caught his hand.
"Wait."
"Y-yeah Matt? Anything I can get you or do for you?"
"N-no. I just wanted to say that maybe I'll feel better later."
Cracking a smile, he said, "That'd be great. Now I won't have to spend my night with that annoying twit, Near. I HATE THAT BASTARD!"
There goes calm, understanding Mello.
I grunted, still trying to seem sort of sick.
"Oh! Sorry Matt! I'm going to go downstairs and get a chocolate bar."
"Oh. Okay."
Mello shoved his hands into his skinny jeans' pockets, pivoted on his heel and stalked out of the room. I smiled. He looked beautiful, as always. I sat up knowing that it would be a long while before Mello would be back. He was likely shoving all of the little kids into the walls as he slunk down the halls to Roger's office. The kitchen staff was no longer allowed to keep more than cooking chocolate in the kitchen because Watari wanted to monitor Mello's chocolate intake. Mello was very much angered by this, because he saw it as hypocritical. He saw it as: L can eat as much damn sugar as he wants, but I can't even eat chocolate?
I settled down and started playing Yoshi's Island. I had beaten it numerous times, but I needed something to do. After defeating my game for the umpteenth time, Mello was still not yet back. I sighed and figure if he wasn't back now, he wasn't going to be back for a while; so I hopped out of bed and walked to the bathroom to take a shower. As I padded into the bathroom, I grabbed some clean clothes. I placed them on the sink counter, and locked the door behind me.
Standing beneath the warm water felt good. It was a frigid winter day, with snow predicted for later on in the evening. I spent roughly half an hour in the shower, then got out and dried off. I pulled on a pair of faded denim skinny jeans and blue and gray striped long-sleeved shirt, then proceeded to brush and towel-dry my fiery red hair. Tossing my towel in the hamper, I then remembered to grab my orange tinted goggles and slid them over my head, shielding my eyes.
Absentmindedly, I rubbed the back of my head as I slowly trudged back into our room, yawning. I collapsed over on my bed and stared at the ceiling.
"You're not sick... are you?"
I jumped, quite startled. I stared across the room, focusing my eyes on Mello.
"Of course I am." I rasped.
"Matt, I know you're lying. Pretending. But I don't understand why."
You're right... I'm not sick, and I've avoided you the past three years on this wretched day. I mumbled lazily in my head.
"What?"
Damn. What had I actually said aloud?
"Mello, I felt sick this morning, but I'm feeling better now. I'm sorry you were so worried about me this morning..." I drawled on.
"Worried? I was never worried Matt. I felt badly for you. You were going to miss out on the fun again. Why would I ever be worried? What the hell!"
Well, there was the perfect proof that my undying love for him wasn't and would never be reciprocated.
"It just seemed like it..." I uttered almost apologetically.
"Yeah, well you were wrong. Seriously. I can't believe you actually lied to me!" He was storming out of the room before I could even respond. My mouth hung agape, my temples throbbed.
I picked up my gaming system, sitting beside me, and chucked it at the wall.
"I didn't lie. I am sick. Sick of you!" I shouted at his bed. Though I sounded assertive and honest, it was an obvious falsehood. I could never be sick of Mello when I was so helplessly and hopelessly in love with that moody bastard.
With nothing left to do, I shoved my feet into my well worn converse, slamming the door behind me. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I walked down the halls that I'd grown up in. I felt agitated. I felt... Like Mello. I wanted to shove the younger kids into the walls to make way for me as I made my way down the "runway" with the utmost regality and importance. I wanted to throw a fit, and yell and scream at the teachers, and Roger, without getting in trouble. But, instead, I just wandered out the heavy gothic front doors of the orphanage, into the flurrying snow.
I shivered, having forgotten my jacket, but I didn't care. I stalked around the well kempt landscape of Wammy's. During the winter time especially, it was beautiful. What with all the great pines and oaks, and the shrubs and bushes decorated with ornaments and twinkling lights. The birch trees, barren, and covered with snow; the high wall encasing the majestic building, laden with ivy frozen mid climb... I took it all in.
Crows flew from their perch on the high, sloped Victorian roof across the broken sky. Dim light spilled through the thickening clouds above. And I listened to the crisp crunch of snow beneath my now soaking converse. I stared at my feet as I paced around the rolling hills on which this institute stood – but it was a tactical error on my part. I feel down on my ass.
"God damn it!" I must have slipped on ice, but my breath was knocked out of me. I looked up, into the pasty pale face of a man whom I had never seen.
His shirt matched the buried landscape, and his own denim jeans looked wet around the hem, and had an antique wash from being over worn. He looked down upon me, not angrily, but curiously and sympathetic.
"Matt." He said, almost to himself, as if he had never really seen me before.
He held his hand out to me.
I took it, and stood up.
"Who're you?" I inquired, and brushed the snow from the seat of my pants.
"I am L, of course." He sounded amused.
My eyes widened, I had forgotten that this year that L was coming for New Year's.
Of course!
I would have blushed had I not been so cold. I apologized profusely.
"S'quite alright." L murmured.
"W-why haven't you gone inside? It's freezing out and you don't have a coat."
He smirked, "well, I just happened to have arrived, Watari and I... I told him to go ahead, because I could see someone in the distance. You, Matt, are the only one out here, and I was curious as to why. I could say the same thing to you, as well. Where is your jacket, Matt? You look as though you've been out here a while. This isn't healthy."
Talk about healthy? Only eating sweets all the time, so healthy...
"It's nothing."
"Then we should get back inside, Matt, because if you are out here much longer, there is a 2.3714 percent that you will catch cold."
I didn't miss that L, whom I have heard is always unbelievably condescending, just included me in that statement. We.
"O-okay."
L guided me inside, then led me to the kitchen where he ordered the work on duty to make two hot chocolates.
Hot chocolate. Chocolate. Mello. Ugh.
I accepted mine and sipped it slowly anyway.
"I have some work that needs attending to, Matt. But I will be looking forward to seeing you later. I would like to see my top three this evening."
He turned and left, I walked the opposite way down the hall and found my fist knocking at Near's door.
"Oh. Hello Matt," Near said in his hushed, monotonous manner.
"Near." I cordially responded.
"Come in," Near stepped aside. I looked over his sea of toys, games, and puzzles. Though they were scattered across the floor, it was not messy, it appeared almost systematic. I sat down next to him in front of a game of solitaire he had laid out on the floor.
I sat with Near at dinner, and tried to ignore the infuriated, jealous glares of Mello. Preceding dinner, I walked back to my room, regrettably – as I found Mello sitting on his bed.
Waiting
for
me...
"Matt..." he began.
I grabbed my SP and turned to leave, as that was all I had come to retrieve. I did not acknowledge Mello's presence. Upon my sharp, daring movement, Mello jumped off his bed and caught my wrist.
"Mello," I snapped with unintended authority, "let go. I don't want to head your lecture. So what I sat with Near? Get off your damn high horse and let me be."
Utterly shocked, Mello's arm dropped to his side, and I walked out of the room.
I was actually having fun. I laughed and joked with Linda and Near, and when Watari came for us, I almost didn't remember that it was for our meeting with L. Just me, Near, and Mello...
Throughout the meeting, I stole glances at Mello. He was staring at me with an unreadable expression. L had just wanted to congratulate us on a great year. He was proud of us, and wanted us to keep up the good work – he even wanted to meet with us individually and to have us singularly work on a case with him as an ungraded test.
When he released us, it was an hour to midnight. Everyone had begun gathering in the large parlor where they would count down the rest of the year. Groups of kids gathered around the piano as the musically talented played, others sat in small clusters on the couches and chairs, and some on the floor near the fireplace. Near found a corner and began working on one of his puzzles, I briefly considered joining him.
I sat on the roof outside my window. I sat, staring at the empty, dark sky. I was talking to my mom, shivering beneath the quilt I had wrapped myself in.
I didn't hear the door open, nor the window behind me.
"Matt..."
I heard Mello's soft, sweet voice. It sounded hesitant, and apologetic. I knew it wasn't too long before midnight. Mello must have been looking for me for a while. I had entered the parlor then took my own secret route back here, to my room.
If only it weren't for that godforsaken New Year's tradition. Then none of this would ever have happened. Whoever came up with "kissing the first person you see" at midnight was a real dumbass. I hated them, even though I didn't know them. Because of them, I had missed out on three New Years,' maybe four since this one wasn't so great. I sighed.
Mello's knees cracked as he crouched next to me.
"Mels! It's slippery! Be careful!" I didn't like him being out here.
"I'm fine Matt."
I looked at him. He was wearing tight skinny jeans, a red t-shirt, and a black vest. His feet were bare. His silky golden hair looked somewhat tousled, but still perfect. His bangs covered his crystalline eyes.
"Hey, I'm really sorry..." Mello looked down.
I counted the goose bumps on his pale arms, silent.
"Matty... Please. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I shouldn't have flipped out. I... I was just upset that you lied. Why wouldn't you want to hang out with me? You're my best friend..."
"Mello, I can't hang out with you, not on New Year's..." I mumbled lamely.
"But why? I've gotten that. You've pretended the past number of years."
"I... just..." I looked out across the dense woods on the horizon, marveling at the vastness of the Wammy's House's property.
Mello took my chin and turned me to face him. "Matt... Please...?"
I groaned, mentally. "Mello... Mihael..." I addressed him as his name, something I had never done. "Mihael, it... it's because... I– "
Sapphire eyes studied my own barf-green ones, hidden behind goggles. Mello reached out and lifted my goggles off my eyes slowly. My ugly eyes widened.
"Matt..."
"It's because I love you Mels!" I blurted, then bit my lip and closed my eyes, preparing myself for Mello's emotional explosion.
"Matt... You have stunning eyes." He whispered in response.
"Huh?"
"They're captivating. Green, beautiful and sparkling – like emeralds."
"Mello, I just..." I wasn't sure what to make of this. I just confessed my deepest darkest secret. Did he not comprehend this?
"I know what you just said Matt." He stated simply.
"But Mello, I'm confused."
Mello leaned somewhat closer to me, "why's that?"
His warm, sweet breath brushed across my face. I shuddered.
"Because you haven't really responded to what I– "
The watch in Mello's pocket chimed quietly, a sweet, muffled sound.
"Mail Jeevas, happy New Year!" Mello grinned.
That was the first time Mello had ever used my real name. Did this mean? I didn't even stop to think; I pulled Mello close to me and lightly kissed him before pulling back.
Mello stared at me.
Did I make a mistake?
"Matt..."
My arms were still holding Mello.
"Oh! Sorry!"
Mello pulled my back and kissed me gently, then whispered almost seductively in my ear, "don't be."
I could hear the cheers coming from the parlor downstairs. I imagined them cheering for Mello and I.
"Alright..."
Mello kissed me roughly and passionately one last time before sitting beside me. I wrapped my arm around him, covering him with my mother's quilt. He looked at me and smiled, resting his head on my shoulder. I grinned.
"I love you, Matt." Mello breathed.
I couldn't help smiling even broader. Mello took my hand and played with it. Lacing his fingers with mine, he kissed my hand.
We sat there until dawn, welcoming the New Year. It was then that we climbed back inside and shared a goodnight kiss. We lay down on my bed. And Mello quickly fell asleep. In my arms.