We never really expect things to happen to us. What happens just happens. We spend so much time worrying about the small things. The trips, the falls, scratches and bruises, the common cold. We never truly expect the worst. Because on August 14th, 2008 I got cancer. I say I 'got' cancer. Like I was shopping at a department store. Like 'Oh I need ceral, bread, jam, milk and a fresh new shiny bowl of cancer!'
It was a pretty shitty deal though. Every thirteen year olds dream. Just going into the world of the teenager with all the vain attempts to get your image just right and you lose your hair and get extremely self-conscious about the way you look because of the chemotherapy. My parents pulled me out of school the next year. I was hospitalized for a good long while. Around three years. I almost died twice. And my leg muscles were affected by the sometimes experimental drugs, leaving me to walk with a cane. But my parents were the reason I kept holding on. Well my parents and Alice Young.
Alice Young was one of the few I shared my room with during the hospital days. She was my age. But she didn't have cancer like I did. She had HIV. Her parents had placed her in the hospital so she could have the experimental treatment that was not a cure, but something that slowed the progress of HIV that was more effective than the current medicine. She became one of my best friends. But there wasn't much competition in that area. By the time we had became friends, most of the friends I had had in school thought I wasn't really a bother. They all stopped visiting and soon we grew distant. I never kept up the contact. So my friends consisted of my parents and Alice. She was more than glad to be my friend. Not very often kids in the terminal ward survive. But I suppose we both had survived. And the past year we had been homeschooled, like we were when we were in the hospital. We also had support group.
Now, support group always had this dark cloud over the place, so it was depressing as hell, but Alice always wanted me to go with her. She didn't want to go alone, and I didn't want to be left in my big house with parents just looking at me, and glancing at each other. And lots of sad looks all around. So I sucked up the fear of entering the depressing room, grabbed my cane and left with Alice to the auditorium in which support group was held.
Support group was also were we met Mark. He was new, and was recently in remission for Osteosarcoma. He walked with a noticeable limp, and it was easy to see that the cancer had taken his full leg. He was fun loving and always had a spark in his pale green eyes. He had a sickly look to him, but he would start to look healthier soon. He was pale, which didn't add to the 'healthy' look he had going on, and his black hair contrasted with the paleness greatly. Alice liked him. He contrasted her greatly with her exotic tan skin and deep brown eyes. Her hair was blackish brown, and she had an Asian look to her. Her father WAS from the Philippines. He sat next to her on the first day he was there, and they were smitten almost right away. That was when our small group went from two to three.
Eventually all of our parents wanted us to have our last year in an actually school. Mark was taken out immediately when his cancer had first shown itself. And after all the homeschooling and hospital visits, all of the days that we may or may not have, we all agreed to have that one last year in order to seem the most normal. So we all agreed to keep our illnesses to ourselves unless asked.
Though when we arrived at the school, we all had second thoughts. Two cripples and a short scrawny half-Asian that wouldn't weigh more than one hundred and twenty pounds soaking wet would get eaten alive in this version of a high school. We were branded as the new kids, even if we used to go to school with each and every one of the people that were there now. In order to get back into the swing of things and a way to find ourselves back into the school system with a form of social life. And that led us to be standing in front of the sign-up board for clubs.
"What do you think Claudia?" Alice said scanning the board.
I glanced over at her and registered her intense face. She wanted to join at least one of them. Thus Mark and I were expected to join the same one as well.
"Cheerleading is out." Mark pointed out. I glanced down and my cane.
"True Mark." Alice gripped his hand in hers, "I keep forgetting that."
"Well," I said from beside her, "That can be a good thing. At least you don't see us as any different."
Alice smiled at me and began to scan over the sign-up sheets again. Her eyes light up and a smile spread itself across her face.
"Mark, I think she found one." I looked up at him, mock terror on my face.
He looked down at me over Alice's head and smirked, then spoke sarcastically "Oh no. I hope it isn't chess club."
"Oh hush both of you." Alice pointed at one of the sign ups, "Glee Club. It says no talent needed."
I looked at the sheet she was pointing to. It didn't say exactly that, but it was pretty much the entire deal of it. It also appeared to be one of the things that didn't need overall movement of the legs. Mark and I looked at each other and sighed. Alice had already picked up the pen and signed our names unto the list.
The time for meeting the rest of the people in glee club came all too soon, and I don't think any of us were ready except Alice. She strode into the music room with her head held high, and her hipster clothes in a fashionable state. She was all but dragging Mark in behind her, him and his baggy jeans and large plaid hoodie not only hiding his lanky frame but hiding the prosthetic leg very well. I came hobbling in behind them; cane holding most of the weight for my right leg, my hand was wrapped around the handle with a skull at the end. My clothes were mostly black. And I wore a band shirt for a band that I had grown to like through the past few years. Unlike Alice and her curly mane of perfection, my hair was blonde and messy, pulled hurriedly back into a messy bun. I sat down nest to Alice and began to fiddle with my cane.
"First we get the girl who can't sing and dance, then we get the crips and a hipster. What was Mr. Shue thinking." I heard a guy whisper to another member of the club. A sinking feeling tells me it must have been the one male in the room with a Mohawk. But when a boy in a wheelchair rolls into the room followed by some cheerleaders, I began to think that this was a room where everyone was accepted. Even if they had problems.
The man I believe to be Mr. Shue walked into the room with wide eyes filled with excitement and a sweater vest filled with a sense of out of style. He looked at us and clapped his hands. "You must be the new students! Alice, Claudia and Mark, am I right?"
Alice spoke up for all of us, "Yes Sir! That would be us."
"Yes well, it is wonderful to meet all three of you." Mr. Shue waved his hands out in a sweeping motion, "Welcome to Glee Club! Glee Club would you like to introduce yourselves?"
The room seemed to sigh with displeasure, minus a few. But before we could mention that we didn't really need an introduction, it began. Their voice rang out one at a time, singing their name in a note.
"Rachel"
"Kurt"
"Finn"
"Brittney"
"Santana"
"Blaine"
"Artie"
"Quinn"
"Sam"
"Mercedes"
"Mike"
"Tina"
"Punk"
Mr. Shue looked over at us, "And I am Will Shuester." He pauses, "Now it is a tradition for everyone to try out of Glee Club. So you can all sing a song you think tells us about yourselves."
Alice looked at us and a large smile upon her face and then drags Mark and myself up in front of the entire room. She whispered in my ear what we were to do and to follow along. I am assuming Mark knew the plan before hand because he was telling the piano man what we were going to do.
"Now, this is going to be a little bit of improv because we never really had time to rehearse it. Spur of the moment and all, but here we go." Alice told the room. Mark signaled the piano man to start playing.
Our voices joined together with the first note, in harmony.
There's only us, there's only this….
The band began to join in with Pink Floyd's Just another brick in the wall. Mark stood out for this one, and awkwardly dances from his side beside Alice to the other side of me.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.
He reached over me and spun Alice around like a ballroom dancer. I began to lean on my good leg and started to mock air guitar with my cane. Alice and I joined in with Mark this time as he continued to sing.
We don't need no education!
Forget, regret, for life is yours too miss.
The band died out to just the piano playing softly, as did Mark's voice. Alice and I held hands and sung together.
Look I find some of what you teach suspect,
Because I'm used to relying on intellect, but I try to open up,
To what I don't know…
Because reasons says I should have died, three years ago….
The piano started a mix of the slow song and the upbeat one the band had been playing. Mark came up behind us and wrapped his arms around our shoulders. Then we slowly sang the last note.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.