Team Foreplay 2 - The REAL Beginning
A/N: After looking at a piece I hardly remember writing, I now have come to a conclusion; I WILL FIX THIS!
"You maggots have crossed the wrong team!" The RED soldier screams at the various BLU corpses, mangled, dismembered and scattered. He turns to walk away, but stops. "AND THE WRONG PATRIOT!" He kicks one of the bodies, before turning and walking back to his base, intelligence in hand. Behind him were heavy footsteps.
"YOU!" Came a booming Russian's voice. His eyes went wide and he turned around. The BLU heavy stood their, fists raised, face twisted into an ugly snarl. The heavy pointed at him with one of his hands, and made a cutting throat gesture. "You are DEAD!" The soldier raised his bazooka, which was revealed to be empty after several pulls of the trigger. He threw the launcher down, and it landed by his feet. He reached down and grabbed his shovel, bringing it up as it unfolded. The heavy cracked his neck and yelled, swinging at the soldier. The soldier leaned to the side, the Heavy's fist a hair away from his face. He rolled past the heavy, hitting him as hard as he could with his shovel in the knee. A loud snap and roar of pain came from the heavy, who fell to the ground. The soldier reached for his shotgun, placing his boot on the back of the heavy's neck.
"You were good son, REAL good." He pumped his shotgun, holding it one hand against the heavy's head. "But not good enough." The gunshot rang through the empty battlefield, and blood splattered on the soldier's uniform. He stepped off the now headless corpse, whistling "The Stars and Stripes" as he walked back to the base, the BLU briefcase on his back.
Throughout the base were his wounded allies, who greeted him with joy as he strode through, the intelligence now in his hands. A few of his allies would say he was even marching. He walked into the office where their own intelligence stayed, throwing the briefcase down into the designated 'Capture Zone.' The announcer's voice boomed through the base's speakers. "VICTORY!" And with that, came the synchronized cheers of several mercenaries.
"H-hey!" Came a female Bostonian voice behind the soldier. "Good hustle, soldier." The femscout snickered at her own pun, drinking from a can of bonk. The soldier wondered how she could be so addicted to that stuff. When she and the other scout told him to try it, he said it 'tasted like fermented hair dipped in cat piss.' "But I would've gotten that for ya!" She adds.
The soldier scoffed a bit. "Please! You kids these days dunno how to dominate maggots like those BLUs." He almost scolded, but he wore some sort of smirk. "However, my-"
"'Years of service for this proud country of taught you a thing or two about kicking ass,' You tell me everytime you do, like, anything, at all!" She mocked, doing a soldier impression and laughing a bit. The soldier looked as if he was about to open a can of fury and patriotism, but the femscout had already jogged out. He groaned a bit and followed her. They all got into the sniper's new and much larger RV, accommodated to transport the whole team to and from missions. as they were headed to the place they called "home." It was the Reliable Excavation Demolition Mercenary Dormitory Facility. "But who the hell's gonna call it that?" As the scout always said. There was a video screen next to a keypad, which turned on after about twenty minutes, showing Miss Pauling in her office.
The scout immediately tried to fix his mangled hair, and the Engineer snickered a bit. He shot a death glare at him and looked at the video screen. "Oh, uh, hey miss Pauling. Lookin' good, as usual." The engineer chuckled at this. God, the scout was hopeless.
Miss Pauling blushes a bit, looking down. "Thanks. So, I was calling to, y'know, check up on you guys. See if anyone's dead. IS anyone dead?" She asks, an eyebrow raised.
"Oh, uh, no, everyone's good." The scout nods a bit, smiling. "Oh, and uh, that new girl you hired last week? Femscout? Almost as good as me. ALMOST. And also almost as good looking." Miss Pauling chuckled a bit.
"Yeah, well, just...stay alive, okay? The boss is giving you a week off so have fun... I'll talk to you later." The screen turned off, and after a moment of silence, almost everyone in the van was clutching their stomachs laughing so hard.
"What? What'd I do?"
"Boy, you're hopeless." The engineer says after regaining himself, still chuckling a bit.
"May I borrow your earpiece?" The spy takes the headset and hat straight off of the scout's head, who immediately rolls his eyes. Not this again. "This is scout! I have wet dreams about femscout and miss Pauling! Rainbows make me cry!" The femscout covered her red face, and the scout swiped for his hat, taking it off the spy's head. He put it and the earpiece back on and crossed his arms. "Will you three being enjoying the week off?" They laughed even harder, and since the RV had come to a stop, the two immediately booked it away from their crying teammates.
A few hours later, the Demoman passed around bottles of scrumpy that looked slightly different. "Strong stuff, lads! Let's have a bit of fun, aye?" Reluctantly, they started to drink the foul tasting drink, which had them tipsy in a few sips, and hammered in one bottle. Soon the team was singing and dancing, linking arms and tangoing. While the scout and femscout sat against a wall, six bottles around them.
"Did I ever *hic* tell you that you are just so handsome?" The femscout looked at him, grinning.
"N-no. But you're pretty good looking yourself…" His words, like hers were slurred, but still possibly sincere. Without saying a word, they clumsily got up and walked into the scout's room, locking the door behind him. The rest of the night was a blur of foreplay and excitement, but the next morning was everything but. The scout awoke with a terrible headache, his body sore. "Urff...What the hell...What happened last night? Why am I naked?" He looked to his left, then to his right. He saw two beautiful women, completely naked, and when he put two and two together, his eyes went wide. "Oh god…"
So begins an UNUSUAL adventure of friendship, love and hats! What becomes of the holy trinity? What will the team think of this new situation? What will Femscout and Pauling think? Who REALLY shot Mister Burns?! Find out next time on...TEAM FOREPLAY 2!