And in the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph of the house of David: and the virgin's name was Mary.
And the angel came in unto her, and said, "Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women."
And when she saw him, she screamed and did run upstairs.
And the angel, greatly troubled at her disappearance, for he did not know why she had run away, shouted unto her, "Fear not Mary! For thou hast found favour with God!"
But Mary did not reveal herself upon his utterances and neither did she answer.
And Gabriel was greatly confused and did not know whether he should continue his speech, for he had other matters to attend to and the young woman Mary was nowhere to be seen.
But he had been told of the importance of this message and lo, Gabriel ascended the stairs.
And upstairs did he find Mary, secreted away beneath a hessian blanket: and he did shake Mary and did speak at length on the importance of his missive and did regale her with tales of disobedience and wrath.
And lo, Mary did reveal herself to him and did listen to him and did look at him, though she appeared greatly troubled.
And Gabriel did not know why she was greatly troubled and so did ask her after he had spoken.
And the young woman Mary would not answer him, for she had been told not to speak on such subjects.
And Gabriel did ask her again.
And he did ask her again.
And then he did give up and did go off in a sulk for he did like to know these things and nobody would tell him anything.
And Mary did stare at the spot upon which the angel had stood and did ponder.
And after she had thought upon the puzzle for some moments, she did begin to understand.
And Mary arose in those days, and went into the hill country with haste into a city of Judea; and entered into the house of Zacharias and saluted Elizabeth.
And it came to pass that, when Elizabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Ghost:
And she spake out with a loud voice and said, "Blessed art thou among-"
And Mary did silence her for Elizabeth liked to wax lyrical.
And Mary did sit and did gesture for Elizabeth to do so also and did recount her visit.
And Elizabeth did gasp and did clap her hands to her mouth and insisted Mary should retell all the good bits.
But Mary had regaled her of all the good bits and did not want to repeat herself.
And, when Zacharias returned to his house, he was greatly surprised to behold Mary and Elizabeth at table, talking of many things.
And, when they saw him, he too was told of Mary's pregnancy and of the angel and lo, Zacharias was greatly surprised for this same angel had visited him.
And he did turn purple and did croak and his eyes did magnify in his fury for Zacharias was not greatly enamoured of this angel and did not wish to hear of him again.
And Mary and Elizabeth did look upon Zacharias and they did shrug and did leave him at table for he was an old man and did need his rest.
And Mary abode with her about three months and did return to her own house.
And Zacharias was greatly relieved.
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.
And all of them went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; to be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
And she did lie down and she did scream profanities unto the Lord whilst she was delivered and Joseph knew not what to do with her: for she was not usually this coarse.
And lo, she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
And, suddenly, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were greatly confused.
And they did speak amongst themselves for they knew not what to do.
And the angel waited for them to finish, and did wait, and did wait and then did interrupt, for they would not finish and said, "Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people."
And the shepherds did scowl and did answer him snippily for they had not been afraid to begin with.
And their words did incense the angel verily, for they had made him forgetteth his speech.
And he did repeat his words again and did enforce them and the shepherds became greatly cowed and did this time take heed of them.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men."
And the shepherds did bow down and did agree and did wax lyrical upon the Lord also and the angel Gabriel was somewhat placated and did send them on their way and did wonder irritably at their backward glances as he had still not been told of what was afoot.
And he did disperse the heavenly host and did traverse the streets for he did like to know these things: and he did grow more and more irritable for he was pointed at and gaped at and privily did he glare and scowl and think up dreadful fantasies wherein he wrung the starers' necks.
And presently he did stumble upon a boy who did not run and who did tell him of his trouble and Gabriel did thank the boy and did hurry back, for he did not want this trouble to go unnassailed.
And lo, Gabriel did burst into the office of the cherubim and of the seraphim and did regale them of his trouble.
And the next time Gabriel or any other angel did send of their missives, it was with clothes on, for they now knew people were bothered by such things.
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A/N – I HAVE NOT INTENDED TO OFFEND PEOPLE BY WRITING THIS STORY; it is purely hypothetical humour. If you are going to write a review saying that this offends you, please at least add in something else I could change in the story to make it better, or something you already like.
If you are just going to write that my face is ugly, I'm sure that would be better directed at my sister, who enjoys reading these things.
The idea with the story originally, was that, since Gabriel and all the other angels had not eaten the apple in the garden of Eden, they would not know/care they were naked. And, therefore, they would appear in front of people and declare messages that nobody would be listening to because they'd all be too busy running away from the crazy person.
I don't know if the story worked without mentioning that…