I have been spending years of hiding my feelings. I remember sending you a secretive smile when you're not looking, I remember taunting you all the time so we can argue and I get to see your cute angry face, I remember how I always walked across your house every time I got the chance just to see a glimpse of your curly silver hair.

I used to think I was happy as long as you're in my life. I was content just being near you even though it would never be enough.

I honestly didn't know what happen, at first I was only thinking about you but ended up thinking about someday you'll have a family of your own, a wife and a kid or two. Everyone deserve a family, especially you and I guess I can't give you one. It was just an imagination but it hurts, it aches. It's almost impossible how much one little thought hurts me. I don't know what hurts me more, never having you or seeing you become someone's else.

That's why one second I was pouring mayonnaise into my lunch and the next second I stood up and started to shake my head, I curled my hand into a fist and ordered my feet to move. There's only one place I had in my mind. I walked on strides while thinking how me and him equals a weird family but a family nonetheless because a family doesn't have to be a wife and a kid, a family could be an ex criminal with a habit of picking his nose and a police who had a big ass crush with the said ex criminal.

My confidence was high but it decided to flew away the second I laid my eyes on you. I just stand in front of you like an idiot while you kept asking 'what's wrong' or 'are you okay'.

I blame it on my melting brain because I blurted, "No one can understand your obsession with sweets than me"

From your face I know you're confused but I continue before you can react.

"I can't be your wife or give you a child but I can put up with your bad attitude and your disgusting habits, I can fill that empty space on your bed every night, I can even make you forget the nightmares of the past. I can stay and give you a real family"

I feel breathless when I'm finish but I can only looked at the ground, feeling so small and afraid of seeing the rejection in your eyes. When you punch my face I thought 'this is it, he hated me' but then I looked up and saw the smile on your lips and the blush on your cheeks.

"Finally! Took you long enough, you asshole!"

That day was the only time I ever felt happy being punched and to be called as an asshole.