Chapter 1: Death Sentence

I'm a journalist, I always have been. I wanted to work for the papers in New York. However, life got in the way. That's why I'm here. My friend Blaine inspired me to write down my story before it's through. It may sound strange to hear that from a 16 year old, but it's true. My story is about to close.
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I remember the day my doctor told me like it was yesterday. I had just been to my regular physical the week before and they had ordered a blood test. When we came back in for the results, the nurse looked flustered and surprised. They ordered another one. That's when I knew there was something seriously wrong. Then they gave us the reference to Doctor Lang. I looked at his card and all I could see was Oncologist. Nothing else mattered to me. Then there I was. Sitting in his office... Waiting. I wanted to know I was going to be okay, but even then something inside me knew I probably wouldn't.

"Kristy Walker?"

I stood up and went over to the nurse. She smiled, but it looked as though she knew something. I could only think that she knew that Dr. Lang was about to tell me the worst news of my life. Well, sorry Nurse but no shit. She told me to wait a few minutes and the doctor would be in to see me. I looked at my mom for the first time. She looked more worried then I had ever seen her in my entire life. It was painful to watch.

We heard a knock and the Doctor walked in. He looked like he was imprisoned in this job. He looked like he actually cared. I felt bad for him, but I was glad that I actually might have a great doctor.

"Well Kristy. I'm sure you know why you're here. I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you. I'm so sorry but you're dying. You have Stage 5 Cancer," he said as my mother cried out, "We can treat it to buy you some time, but I'm afraid that's all we can do."

"What kind?" I managed to croak out.

"Lymphoma. I'm so sorry I couldn't give you better news."

"It's okay. I know it's not your fault."

"When can she start chemo?" my mother interjected.

"Well, we can start right away if she would.." he started.

"No, wait. How long do I have now? And how long would I have with Chemo?"

"Right now? 6 or 7 months. With chemo? Maybe 9 or 10. It's not much time, I know."

"Ok, then I don't want chemo. I want to live my last months with dignity. I'll do radiation, but that's it. I'm not losing my hair or quality of life for that matter."

I still swear that Dr. Lang smiled at that. "If you are a 100% sure about that, I'm sure we could make it happen."

"Kristy! Are you nuts? You have to! You.. you can't just let yourself die." She yelled as she began to sob.

"Mom, we may never see eye to eye on this, but I'm doing this. I may die, but I'm already dying. Dr. Lang already said we could just prolong the inevitable. This doesn't mean I want to leave. I already am. Someday, you'll know why this happened. It's going to be okay."

"It's not, It'll never be ok. I need some air," she said as she left.

Dr. Lang watched her leave and looked back at me. He looked at me with sorrow and I found it hard not to cry. He knew how serious this was.

"Do you think I'm right?"

"I think your doing what you think is best," he pointed at me and continued, "Off the record, I agree with your decision. I'd love to help the hospital make more money, but you're right. It will only buy you more time. You are going to.. die. I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't change a damn thing, but I hate to see someone your age dying. I promise you, It's hard enough with someone in their 60's or 70's."

"Thank you Dr. Lang. When do you need to see me again?"

"In about two weeks. Same time. Same place." He smiled a little and wished me luck.

We shook hands and I left. It was time to get back to school. To Glee Club, to everything "normal." My mother wouldn't look at me the whole time. She just sat there and cried. I felt horrible. I knew I couldn't change my decision, but it didn't make me not regret it.

I walked into Glee Club that day with what felt like a huge weight on my shoulders. It was terrible. I looked at Sam and Artie, Finn and Puck, Rachel and Quinn, Tina and Mercedes and I knew I had to tell them. I could see Kurt talking on the phone. I presumed he was talking with Blaine. Blaine and Kurt had been dating for awhile and Kurt never looked happier than when he was talking with Blaine.