On My Own.
A/N: A few nights ago, I woke up and I had this idea in my head. And neither the story nor the song would leave my head until I wrote this. So this story is my cure to removing On My Own, this idea,and the rest of the Les Miserables soundtrack from my head. I own nothing. Please review and enjoy!
The first time she heard it was on Gamma Shift three nights ago. Since she was a nurse and had worked her fair share of long nights in Sickbay, she was exempt from the torturous Gamma shift, but had been convinced by her friends Nyota Uhura and Janice Rand to accompany them.
Gamma shift was usually hated by all- it was long and tedious, but ever since Sulu had secretly installed that device that doubled as a movie projector and video game console, the once-hated Gamma shift had turned into a movie night (unbeknownst to the Captain and his unsuspecting First Officer, of course).
It was one of those rare nights when Doctor McCoy had released her early. She'd worked tirelessly in Sickbay for almost 36 hours, treating to the victims of the Klingons' attack on the Enterprise. The Captain had only been released a few hours ago, and McCoy's orders had been for her to get a good night's rest.
She'd planned on a quiet evening, but standing outside her quarters was Communications Officer Nyota Uhura, who was carrying a pillow.
"Hurry up, it's about to start," she exclaimed.
When Christine gave her a puzzled look, she let out a sigh, "It was finally my turn to pick the movie for Gamma shift. Are you coming or not?"
Christine let out a yawn, "I literally haven't slept in 36 hours. Even if it was Titanic, I'd fall asleep!"
"Please? I promise you- it's better than Titanic. It's just up your alley."
Christine let out a laugh- nothing was better than Titanic. "Oh, really? There's nothing better, or more romantic, than Titanic. I mean, it's just so-"
"Three reasons it's better: 1. More people die, 2. They have British accents, 3. They sing 4.-"
Christine knew that Nyota wouldn't give up- she wouldn't be enjoying a peaceful evening in her quarters at any rate. She was probably better off just sleeping through whatever ancient film Uhura had picked.
She entered her quarters, returning with her standard Starfleet pillow and a pair of sweatpants.
Uhura gasped, "Where'd you get those? Those certainly aren't regulation," she said in a teasing voice.
Christine rolled her eyes, "What? How do you expect me to lay down in this skimpy thing without flashing half the crew?"
"I know, it's irritating- hey, do you have another pair of those?"
Christine shook her head and Uhura shrugged, "Guess I'll just have to live with it. Let's just hope that Chekov can keep his eyes on his own paper, if you know what I mean."
"Chekov is a big boy and can keep his hands to himself. Wait, that came out wrong. Anyway, I know that you'd like to attract a different accented big boy."
Uhura's eyes widened, "I have no idea what you're talking about," she said, her eyes glued to the ground.
Christine punched her playfully, "I know you've got your eye on a certain scotch-drinking, red-shirt wearing-"
"Shut up! Someone could be listening and they'd never let me live it down!"
"So it IS Scotty!"
"Quiet! And I never said that. I just said that-"
"I know what you said, but you implied it."
Uhura rolled her eyes, "You know, I think McCoy's peskiness has rubbed off on you."
Christine let another yawn slip out- even the smallest mention of sickbay made her exhausted again.
She stopped suddenly, "Where's Janice?"
Uhura shifted uncomfortably, "Um, you said that the Captain left sickbay about earlier today, right?"
"Yes, but.."
"Well the last I saw of Janice was when we were coming to find you. She said she had some business to attend to."
"What business? She usually-Oh, OH, that kind of business."
Uhura gave Christine a mischievous smile, "I guess we'll be seeing her later. Hey, didn't you say that she'd visited sickbay this morning. I wonder..."
Christine shook her head, "McCoy would never allow that. Just be glad that the Captain's attractions don't fall on you."
"Maybe not the Captain's, but I'd sure like the First Officer's."
Whipping around, Christine stared Uhura right in the eyes. "What did you say?"
Uhura started to laugh, "Gotcha! That was for the teasing about Scotty."
"Do you really want to attract Spock's attention?"
"No! You don't need to be so paranoid, the only competition you've got is a gaggle of science ensigns who don't understand the Vulcan logic."
Christine sped up so Uhura couldn't see her blushing, "What competition are you talking about?"
"It's no secret that you've only got eyes for Spock."
Christine opened her mouth, but quickly closed it. She had nothing to say. Uhura was right, there was no doubt about it, she just didn't like when she put it so bluntly.
When the doors opened, Uhura mouthed Spock one last time, as they ascended onto the bridge.
Both women put their pillows on the stairs near the Communications Station, where Uhura gave a stern look to the young lieutenant sitting in her chair.
Christine began to protest as Uhura sat down.
"Why do you get the chair? I've been on my feet for almost two days and nights!"
"I don't need Chekov staring up my skirt, little miss sweatpants."
Grumbling, Christine put her pillow on the ground, as Sulu began to dim the lights. Uhura was right, though. Even in the dark Christine could see Chekov's eyes on Uhura.
"Nyota, I forgot to ask, what movie are we watching?"
She got no answer, only to feel Uhura's hand on her shoulder.
"Sulu just beckoned us over- apparently they're giving us their seats."
"Ooh, someone's flirtatious."
"Nah. I think they're just afraid everyone will see them crying during the movie."
"I think you're exaggerating- maybe Chekov, but Sulu LAUGHED when we watched The Notebook. And he said A Walk to Remember was stupid, and thought that Marley and Me- remember, the old one about the dog- was uplifting."
Uhura shook her head, "I promise you, even Sulu will cry at the end of this."
Both women sat down at the helm, putting their feet up on the controls (both just hoped that no one- meaning the Doctor, Spock, or the Captain- would catch them).
The FBI warning began to roll, and Christine poked Uhura's arm one last time.
"You still haven't told me what movie this is!"
"Oh, sorry. It's from 2012-ish and it's called Les Miserables."
"Okay, but what is it about?"
"You're about to find out."
Christine knew she wasn't getting any more out of Uhura. She started to sit back, but was interrupted by Uhura one last time.
"I forgot to tell you one tiny detail. Basically the whole thing's sung."
"Like an opera?"
"Sort of."
"I hate opera," grumbled Christine.
Although she couldn't see her, Christine knew for certain that Uhura had just rolled her eyes, mouthing the words "mini McCoy."
And with that, the opening chords to the Prologue began to play.
By the time the Epilogue had ended and the credits began to roll on the screen, Uhura was clutching Christine, who, in turn, held her pillow tightly, tears streaming down their faces.
Uhura turned, wiping the tears off her cheeks and smearing her eyeliner. Around her she saw the same things- people crying and holding their friends and pillows.
Chekov was still weeping (while desperately trying to cover it up).
"It vas so beautiful," he cried, while Sulu, who wasn't currently crying, but had tear marks running down his cheeks, nodded in agreement.
Uhura looked back at Christine. Unlike many of the others, she hadn't said a word. Her eyes were fixated on a point on the wall and her cheeks were wet.
"So, did you like it?" asked Uhura.
She got no reply.
"Wasn't that even better than Titanic, and the singing- amazing! Aren't you glad I forced you to come?"
Christine eventually turned to her. "That song. It was...," she whispered, trailing off.
"Which one? They're all so good!"
When Uhura looked Christine in the eyes, she found a far-off expression on her face. It a look of amazement and love combined with pain and suffering. She- who'd seen everything- had never seen her friend look like this before.
"That song...the emotion. So real."
"I know. It's a VERY emotional movie. I bet even Mr. Spock would-"
Christine gasped, grabbing Uhura's arm suddenly.
"Nyota, that's it."
"What's it?"
"Teach me."
"Teach you what?"
Christine let out an exasperated sigh. The odd expression which had occupied her face previously was gone, replaced by an expression that proved she would stop at nothing.
"Teach me the song. You know, teach me how to sing the song, and I can play it-"
"Sure, whatever you want, but what song?"
"On My Own."
Uhura's stomach rolled, knowing that it would be a hard song for anyone to learn, especially someone who usually didn't sing. Why did singing that song matter so much anyway? Christine had always liked music, but had never expressed any interest in actually singing.
"Chris, that's a really hard song to learn. I mean, I've never even heard you sing before? Maybe you could start on something easier. How about "Castle on a Cloud?"
As Uhura knew she would, Christine shook her head. "Please, Nyota! I mean, how hard can it be? I can play piano pretty well and I can read music. I used to sing when..."
She trailed off, looking at the ground.
"When Roger was around?"
"Yes."
Uhura tried to be optimistic, "I bet you can still sing. It's just that On My Own is a hard song. Why that song anyway?"
Christine nervously looked around, standing up. She began to walk out of the room and beckoned for Uhura to do the same.
Chekov started to say something about it being her shift, but Uhura put her finger on her lips, winking at him. He sat back down.
She and Christine took the turbo-lift down, getting off in a deserted corridor.
"You said it yourself, actually."
"Said what?"
"You said that even Mr. Spock might express emotion after hearing some of those songs. And, within all that logic and rough exterior, we both know that music is important to him. It's something he cares about and even loves. And music- it can change a person. It can make you feel terrible, beautiful, anything. It's full of emotion, yet he loves it."
"What's your point?"
"That song...words simply can't describe it. I felt like I was flying, but like I was falling at the same time. And the way Eponine feels about Marius...that's the way I feel about...that song, I've never felt that way before about any piece of music, or anything. And singing that song, it might not make me any more of a contender, but at least I'll feel something. I just can't explain it..."
Uhura knew how she felt- that was the beauty of music. "So you want to sing the song to feel better?"
She got no response from Christine.
"Do you want to meet me in Recreational Room 4 after Delta shift so I can teach you? I can teach you there- and we can dig up a piano somewhere. If think Scotty's got one in his quarters that I can probably get for you."
Christine pulled Uhura in for a hug. "Thank you so much! You're a really good friend- the best, probably."
"Thanks, just don't say that to Janice."
"Speaking of Janice, is she still with the Captain?"
"I guess."
"She's been in there a long time..."
"I know who's going to show up late tomorrow!"
"And who's going to visit sickbay, complaining about a torn muscle."
"I'll be seeing her tomorrow then. And, um, can you not say anything to her. She's not the best secret keeper."
"Sure. Tomorrow then?"
"Goodnight!"
When she was finally given a break from the boredom she'd been forced to ensue on the bridge (after a victory over the Klingons, there was usually a lull of activity on the Enterprise), Uhura quickly made her way down to Engineering.
She walked past the lines of young ensigns hard at work, only to find Commander Scott hard at work, inspecting of of the Jeffries tubes.
When he saw her, his face broke into a grin, "Hello Ms. Uhura. Have ye' come te join me for lunch?"
She shook her head, "Unfortunately not. The Captain, well, he's not in the best mood today. Had a late night, I think. Anyway, he's demanded that we eat lunch at our stations today, in case anything comes up."
Scotty laughed, making Uhura smile shyly at the ground. "Lassie, if he thinks anythin' is likely to come up this soon after an attack, he's better off in Sickbay than' on th' bridge!"
"I know. Anyway, I have a sort of strange request."
Scotty straightened up, looking Uhura in the eyes, "Anythin' for you."
"Do you have a piano I could borrow?"
Uhura saw Scotty's face fall (she had no idea why), as he answered, "I've got a nice one- an antique from th' 1900's! It's in my quarters, an' I keep it tuned an' everythin'! But, if ye don' mind me askin,' why do ye need a piano?"
Uhura shifted uncomfortably- she didn't know how to answer. On one hand, she didn't want anyone knowing abut what she and Christine were planning, but on the other hand, Scotty could be trusted.
"Can you keep a secret?"
He nodded.
"I'm teaching Nurse Chapel a song and she wants to accompany herself."
"That's not an easy task, but what song are ye' teachin' her?"
"On My Own from the musical Les Miserables."
He smiled, "Les Mis! That's one of m' favorites. After Brigadoon, o' course. What's inspired her t' learn that song? It's a hard one!"
"Something about Spock and understanding herself and the beauty of music."
"O' course. I should've guessed. I can bring the piano to-"
"Recreational Room 4."
"Recreational Room 4."
Uhura thanked him and was walking through the doors when she heard him yell after her.
She stopped, and he ran back to her. "Ms. Uhura, if I could make a sugg' stion?"
"Sure."
"Ye should have her sing th' song to Mr. Spock. Or somehow have him hear 'er singin.' If she's any good, o'course."
Uhura's heart raced, "That's a great idea! I'll take it into consideration."
"And Ms. Uhura?"
She turned one last time.
"If ye ever have more time, yer always welcome to come down to Engineering. It's always nice to have a bonnie lass like ye visit."
Uhura smiled, finally exiting. She heard one of the ensigns snicker in the background, to whom Scotty said something unintelligible to.
It was a start, to say the very least.
Christine practically flew out of Sickbay once Delta shift had finished. She'd promised Dr. McCoy she'd be back in three hours to check on some of the patients, but that was the least of her worries at the moment.
In truth, she couldn't explain why she wanted to learn the song. After Roger had, well, to say the least, after Roger was gone, she never wanted to sing again. For a few months after the incident had happened, she couldn't listen to lyrical music at all. Luckily, she'd soon gotten over this.
But listening and singing were two very different things.
She didn't know if she was a good singer. She'd always had a deeper voice- Roger had said she was a "second Alto," whatever that meant.
Anyway, she knew learning this song would bring back good and bad memories. But she had to do it.
Uhura was already waiting in Recreational Room 4, along with-
Christine ran up to it, stroking it's dark wood surface and admiring it's contrasting keys.
She hadn't played a real piano for a long time.
She looked up at Uhura, "Thank you so much."
"Thank Scotty. He's the one who's trusting us to not to break this thing."
Christine sat down on the bench, playing a scale.
"So I also brought the sheet music. Look, it's a book of dramatic songs for altos- you're probably an alto, by the way. It's a voice part, it means that you have a lower singing voice. Anyway, it turns out that Scotty's really into musicals from the 20th and 21st century and has a few old books of songs. Do you want-"
Christine, however, was one step ahead of Uhura, and was already slowly playing the beginning chords to the song. She winced; she was out of practice, but after a few tries she could slowly play the first two pages of the song.
Uhura smiled, "Now that you've got much of the piano out of the way- the song basically repeats, so don't worry about the other pages- we can work on the singing. Um, I hate to ask, but when was the last time you actually sang?"
"When Roger was around," Christine said sharply. Uhura thought it best to drop the subject.
"Do you want to warm up your voice? We can do a G major scale and then continue from there. Just do it on "ah."
Christine took a deep breath, and Uhura was relieved to see that Christine was using the correct breathing technique. Uhura wasn't a singing teacher by any means (it was just a hobby), but even she knew that breathing was the first step to a strong voice.
"Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, aaaaaaah," Christine sang.
Christine winced; boy was she out of practice.
"Good job. You have a clear voice, which, with a bit of practice, will sound really nice. You just need to be less hesitant. Let's do it again, and then just follow the piano."
Christine warmed up for the next 45 minutes, until Uhura deemed it possible for her to start the song.
She began to sit down, but Uhura stopped her, saying she should try it a capella first.
She took a breath and began to sing
And now I'm all alone-
Uhura held up her hand, "Do you want to do that part, or would you prefer to do the version from the movie. They're basically the same, aside from the first two verses."
"Can we skip to where she does it in the movie? I think it would be easier, since I heard it."
Uhura nodded and Christine took another deep breath.
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning-
Uhura held up her hand once again, "Great job, especially for your first try. Make sure you don't rush, especially in the beginning. But don't be afraid to sing out- there's only you and me here right now, so if you screw up, it won't matter."
And they practiced these first few verses for another hour, when both were exhausted.
Christine thanked Uhura and turned to go, but Uhura stopped her.
"Chris, can I make a suggestion? You know, I didn't think you'd actually be good. But you've got a voice. It might have been locked up inside you for a long time, but it's still there. And I think maybe you should sing this to-"
Christine scowled, "No way, absolutely not. This is for me and me only. Can you imagine what he'd do? He'd reject me, once again, or say something about the song being too emotional and it would be horrible and I can't believe you'd even say that-"
"Actually, it was Scotty's idea-"
"Wait, you told Scotty?"
"What else was I supposed to say? It's his piano, after all!"
"Make up something! I can't believe you did-"
"Relax. Scotty's trust worthy, he wouldn't tell a soul."
"You only think that because you're madly in love with him."
"Okay, too far. You've gone too far. I won't make any more suggestions like that on one condidition."
"What?"
"NO MORE MENTIONING SCOTTY!"
"Fine. Also, thanks, by the way."
Christine felt the doors slide behind her, as she made her way to sickbay. Uhura thought she was good! Of course there was that other part about...but Christine decided to push Uhura's suggestion out of her mind completely.
It wasn't that she was afraid to do it. She wasn't. It was just that she hated heartbreak, which was a feeling too close to home for her. True, she had some trust issues, but she had a bad habit of pushing those iffy feelings and thoughts to the back of her brain. The memories hurt way too much.
And one of those feelings was that she'd die alone, and there'd be no one left to remember her. She refused to try another stint with love- the others hadn't ended so well.
But what if she died today? Or tomorrow, or on any of Kirk's missions? She'd die without him knowing how she truly felt. Well, he kind of knew, but not that directly.
She sighed- it was like the song. If she died, his world would keep on turning.
She'd be forced to love him, on her own.
For the next week, she and Uhura met in Recreational Room Four, practicing the song over and over again. By now, Christine could sing the whole song, and was able to accompany herself.
Uhura shook her head, though. The notes were there, and so was the piano. Sure, she sounded nice- good, in fact, but the emotional quality wasn't there.
From her own experience, Uhura knew that sometimes the best way to access that emotion was through emotional memory recall, an acting technique she'd learned at a summer camp in her teens.
She'd wanted to get Christine to try it, but had remembered that it sometimes brought back disturbing memories that could damage the actress or singer.
Uhura had always had the feeling that Christine was the type of person who pushed these intense feelings and memories to a place where no one could access them. She was the only one who had the key, but would prefer to keep them locked up.
Still, it might be good for Christine to get this hurt and pain and whatever else was in there out, once and for all.
No pain, no gain, after all.
By the time she walked into the room, Christine was already in the middle of the song, and stopped when Uhura came in.
"How do I sound?"
"Good. Really good- the notes are almost perfect. It's just the-"
"Emotion."
Uhura looked at Christine, puzzled. "How did you know?"
Christine stared at the piano bench, not wanting to meet Uhura's eyes. "I kind of have a problem where I push bad things to the back of my mind. And I know those feelings are what will make this song amazing. But, and you have to understand this, I just can't, okay?"
Uhura sat down on the bench next to her friend. "I know. I guessed it a long time ago."
"I'm sorry- I feel like I've wasted your time."
Uhura took her friend's hand, "You haven't- you sound really nice. But don't you ever, you know, want to push out those feelings once and for all? Then you wouldn't have to live in fear-"
"I'm not living in fear."
"But you're afraid of those feelings. Christine, you are one of the bravest people I know, and you've already lived through them once. Would it hurt to do it again? It might be good for you."
"No. I'm sorry."
Uhura rubbed her back, "You'll find someone, I promise."
Christine turned to her, surprised. "How did you know that I was afraid of dying alone?"
Uhura laughed, "Isn't everyone? I know I certainly am! But hey, there's a whole galaxy out there. I'm sure we'll find SOMEONE."
"If not, there's always Chekov."
"Ew. That's just wrong. Besides," said Uhura, nudging Christine, "You know I prefer older men."
Christine smiled, "Thanks for understanding. And for taking all this time with me, even if it might have been for nothing."
"It's never for nothing. You found your voice, right?"
"I guess."
Uhura began to stand.
"Where are you going?"
"To return the piano to Scotty- I thought we were done here."
"But-"
"What?"
Christine looked at the ground. "Never mind."
"Wait, are you ready to try again. I promise you, if it's too much, you can stop."
Christine rushed back to the bench, sitting down.
"From the top?"
Uhura heard the beginning chords of On My Own.
And then she was blown away...
...And so was the Captain, who had just returned from a "nice dinner" with Janice.
He knew the two best musicians on the ship were Uhura and Mr. Spock. (Scotty thought he was the best, but unless you loved bagpipes, you were out of luck).
It was a woman singing, so it clearly wasn't Spock, but it didn't sound like Uhura's pretty soprano.
There were a few ensigns who thought they could sing, but this voice- it wasn't pretty. Not at all. But it had a certain quality to it that made you feel like you were flying, yet crashing downwards at the same time.
He sat down to listen, wanting to hear more, but was met with silence and something that sounded like weeping.
He must've fallen asleep, because he was woken by a scream and a voice that said-
"Thank God it's only you. What are you doing here," yelped a surprised Uhura.
"I was going to ask you the same thing. Was that you singing in there?"
Uhura's eyes grew wide, "How long have you been out here?"
"I don't know. I was walking by and I heard someone singing. They were really good, by the way. So I sat down to listen, but I guess they stopped and-"
"How much did you hear?"
"I heard part of a song and then silence. Are you okay? I thought I'd heard crying."
"I, uh, stubbed my foot on a table?"
The Captain knew she was flubbing, "As your commanding officer, I demand to know what was going on in there."
Uhura sighed, "Can you keep a secret?"
Kirk nodded, and Uhura sat down next to him.
"It wasn't me singing. It was Nurse Chapel. She's learning a song, On My Own, and I'm teaching her."
"Why? I didn't know she was a singer."
"Neither did I- she's not, really. It was something about the beauty of music and Spock-"
"Spock?"
"I didn't mean to say that. Forget that last part."
"What about Spock? It's no secret, at least between us, that she-"
"The song makes her, well, I don't know. She was singing it nicely before, but today was the first time she'd actually accessed those emotions that make the song so strong. That's what the crying was from."
"Oh. Is she still in there?"
"No. She left and I was cleaning up. I'm surprised she didn't wake you."
"Me too. Hey- can I suggest something? Is she going to sing that to Spock? I mean, are you going to arrange something where he accidentally-"
Uhura sighed, "No. That was Scotty's idea, but she said no, absolutely not."
Kirk scratched his chin, thinking. "Damn. Even Spock's bound to show some emotion after hearing that song. Poor girl."
"I know..."
Kirk suddenly jumped up. "I know- why don't we send Spock down to fix the replicator or something. You know, while she's singing or something."
Uhura shook her head once more, "She said she can't sing it anymore. It hurts too much."
Kirk's face fell, "I guess it's a moot point, then. If there's anyway I could hear her again. Too bad, she's quite...anyway, goodnight."
He left, and Uhura sat there for a few minutes. Then, the idea came to her. She ran down the hall after the Captain.
"I've got it!"
"A plan?"
"Not really, but I know that singing the song makes Christine get those memories out. And I know that I loved teaching her, and that you enjoyed hearing the song. I can ask to hear it one last time tomorrow, and maybe you can listen outside the door."
"It's something, at the very least. Maybe we can record it?"
"Sure."
"Okay. I'll come at this time tomorrow."
"Great."
And now to convince Christine, thought Uhura.
Christine had returned to her quarters, where she planned to push her memories out of her heads and enjoy a nice night's sleep.
But the emotions refused to leave, and she'd ended up crying into her pillow.
After about half a night of sleep, she awoke suddenly. She wanted to sing the song again. One last time.
She'd tried to meet up with Uhura, but she was nowhere to be found.
She'd almost given up, when a thought occurred to her. She didn't need Uhura to sing and play. All she needed was herself.
After Delta shift had ended, she headed down to Recreational Room Four, where she sat down.
She started to play, but after singing with such emotion, it felt all wrong.
She tried twice more, singing the song through twice, but nothing seemed to work. She began to get angry, and slammed down the cover, quickly exiting the room.
Since she didn't have a night shift in sickbay tonight, she spent the empty time roaming the corridors.
Why? Why can't I sing it like before?
She knew the answer, but, like Uhura had said, was too afraid to find the feelings again.
Angry and upset, she kicked the wall. Her foot throbbed, as she sat down, humiliated and distraught.
She hated to accept defeat. And more than that, she hated to admit that she was afraid. What was there to be afraid of, really? Feelings? A song? When you thought about it that way, it was dumb.
I am afraid, she thought, if I wasn't, I'd go straight up to Spock and tell him how I felt. I wouldn't be afraid of rejection or a polite speech, I'd just do it, once and for all. And then, once that was over, I'd go and sing that goddamned song to him and I'd sing it so fucking well and I wouldn't care, because I'd know that nothing I said or did could change his mind. But it wouldn't matter, since I'd have done it. If only I was brave.
She leapt up. She'd do it, damn it! And she'd do it now!
She started to head towards the bridge, where she ran into Janice.
"Hey, can you tell Mr. Spock to head down to Recreational Room Four?"
"I would, but he just left. Is there anything el-"
But Christine was already headed down the hallway.
Christine ran to Recreational Room Four. By now, she didn't care who heard her. She'd sing the song one last time and keep the sliding doors from closing. She knew that Recreational Room Four was on Spock's way to his quarters.
She flung open the cover and began to play, the memories more vivid than ever.
Uhura and Captain started to head down the corridor to Recreational Room Four, where they could already her Christine playing the opening notes.
But something was different, because Kirk quickly tapped Uhura on the shoulder, "Look who's coming!"
Mr. Spock was strolling down the corner, on his way to his quarters.
"Quick, do something! Christine will panic if she know Spock's here."
"What should I do?"
"Anything, just hurry!"
"Wait. She's already started the song, let's get him to go in there."
"Bu-"
It was too late. Kirk jumped out in front of Spock. Shirtless.
Spock raised one eyebrow, "Jim, may I inquire as to why you are not wearing a shirt?"
Kirk stumbled, "Uuh, you see, um, I left it, um, in Recreational Room Four. Yeah, that's what I did. And I can't go in there now because, um, she kicked me out. Yeah, and, um, I need you to get it for me! Please, Spock, please!"
Spock nodded slightly at Kirk, and silently went into the room. Unfortunately for the rest of them, the doors closed behind Spock.
"Move over!"
"I can't hear!"
"Stop it!"
"Shut up!"
Kirk and Uhura's ears were plastered to the door, but Uhura soon sat up.
"Do you hear that?"
"No...wait...wow. This is..."
"Truly beautiful. I think she's finally found the courage."
"Is she crying?"
"Maybe, but..."
The two sat down, in shock.
Christine had tears pouring down her face as she sung. She didn't know if Spock could hear, but all those memories and feeling that had been inside of her were put into the verses of this song.
She was free.
The music fell off the stand, but she didn't need it anymore. She looked up, and when she did, she stopped abruptly.
Mr. Spock was standing directly in front of the piano, looking at her straight on.
She wanted to stop. She wanted to crawl up and hide, but she didn't. She continued, putting everything she had into the music.
She stood up, holding her voice out.
She stopped playing.
Without me
His world would go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have ever know
She sat back down.
I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own
There. She had done it. Just like she'd planned.
When she finally looked up, he was standing right in front of her.
"Ms. Chapel, I was not aware of the fact that you sang."
"Neither was I. Until a few nights ago, really. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to see me like that. Gosh, I'm so embarrassed..."
"You have an exquisite voice."
"Oh. Thanks."
She turned around, shutting the piano bench, when she felt his hand on her shoulder.
"However, that is not what gave the song its beauty. In fact, it was your emotion that gave the song its power."
"I thought emotion was illogical," she said, teasingly.
"It is, of course, quite illogical, as was that song. The lyrics-"
She cut him off- she knew he'd say that! What a fool she was.
"Goodnight, Mr. Spock."
She was walking out of the room when she heard him say it.
"The lyrics are quite illogical. Without him, his world would keep on turning? I world that's full of happiness that I have never known? The world, assuming the subject was on a planet, would continue it's orbit. But if she was gone, his world would cease to be happy. In fact, without her, he would be unable to understand what happiness was to begin with.
She stopped, "Excuse me."
He nodded politely, "What I said was that happiness, though illogical, would-"
"I heard that part. Are you saying..."
"I am saying that perhaps it is not only she who years for him. What I have observed is that in many cases, both man and woman share the same feeling, but are unable to express it."
"Are they both talking to themselves and not to-"
"her."
"What?"
"Ms. Chapel, you must understand something. Sometimes, someone knows something and feels the same way-"
"But sometimes that person doesn't feel emotion and will never understand how I feel and-" She clapped her hand over her mouth.
"Perhaps. But another possible scenario is that the man may care for and even want the woman with all his bottled up emotion. Perhaps he would tell her that he understands how she feels, but would find it best to stay silent."
Christine's head snapped up, "What do you mean?"
Spock looked her in the eye, "I am sorry Nurse Chapel. I do not wish to intrude in your relationship with the Captain."
"I'm sorry. I don't understand."
"Nurse Chapel, I think it would be best if I left and keep my emotions to myself. I am sorry if I said some things that might have seemed out of character. Please accept my apology."
"Apology? Relationship?"
"Ms. Chapel, I understand that you and the Captain had preformed the mating ritual soon before I walked in. I came to retrieve his shirt. I was uninformed that you two were..."
He trailed off, quickly walking to the door.
Christine leapt up, "Mating ritual? With the Captain? No, I wouldn't! Mr. Spock, please, I'm sorry. I-I-lo-"
"I understand. As do I."
With that, the doors shut quickly behind him. Christine sank back down onto the bench, confused. What had given him that impression?
She ran into the corridor, just in time to see Uhura and a shirtless Captain escape down the hallway. She sank to the floor.
Of course. Uhura had probably brought the Captain to listen, and they'd tried to create a diversion, either to keep him away or to get him to go inside.
Knowing them, they'd meant no harm. Spock wouldn't spread any rumors, so she was safe from Janice's wrath. She'd done nothing wrong and she knew she should be happy. She'd done what she'd wanted.
But I'm still crying, she thought.
He loved her. She finally got her wish. But she also knew there was no way anything could happen now.
Perhaps the Captain could clear things up, but he knew that, from Spock's experience with the Captain "getting over women," Spock wouldn't ever want to intercede.
She put her arms together and cried into them.
Even though she'd gotten the answer she'd wanted, she was more lost than before.
Mr. Spock slowly walked down the corridor to his quarters.
He knew he'd expressed emotion, and planned on heavy meditation to offset and prevent any future errors.
He knew what he was about to do was illogical, just as what he'd said was illogical. Still...'
"On my own, pretending she's besides me..."