Chapter One: Practically Impossible
James Potter climbed on his broom and pushed himself off into the sky. He loved the feel of the wind pulling at him, the freedom of flying, and the rush of sudden dives. He desperately needed the distraction after the past few days. He thought back to the irate letter he had received from Lily Evans after she had found out about his new position as Head Boy. According to Lily, she couldn't believe that she had to work with him all year, and that he should give up the position. Now, James was both stubborn and persistent. He wasn't sure if he should have been chosen as Head Boy, but he was not about to give it up as he now needed to prove to Lily that he could do it.
Remus had helped James come up with a cordial response, and he had sent it off. He did not get a response until he ran into her on the train. It seemed that Lily Evans had decided that ignoring him would be the best strategy. It was only the first night, and already she had brushed him off several times.
Why did James have to fancy the most difficult and impossible bird in the entire school? James dived before neatly landing on the grass. After putting his broom away, he started to make his way back inside the castle where he knew Lily Evans would be waiting for him for their first patrol. He couldn't believe he had two hours of walking the halls with Lily Evans. He glanced at his watch, and groaned. He was late.
He rushed up to the Heads common room and found an impatient Lily waiting on the couch. Her dark red hair fell in soft curls around her shoulder as her emerald green eyes rose up to meet his. She wore a soft green sweater and jeans under her black robe. She frowned, as she pointed at her watch. "Potter, we were supposed to meet twenty minutes ago.
"I know," James answered. "I lost track of time on the Quidditch Pitch. I ran up here, though."
Her green eyes flashed. "On the Quidditch Pitch, you're not allowed to be on after nine?" her accusatory voice questioned him. "But then you always thought you were too good for the rules."
Lily pushed herself off the couch and walked right past him, and moved out to the hallway.
"Evans, come on," James frowned, following her. "It's not like you obey every rule either." Her response was to ignore him. She seemed to understand that she had to patrol with him, but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of talking to him. "I know for a fact that you and Alice sneak out after curfew every time it snows."
No response. "Or when it rains," James pushed, softly as Lily glanced into a broom closet. "Or when you skip dinner to work on homework and go to the kitchens later on." Still no answer. "Or when you go to the Forbidden Forest."
"I don't go to the Forbidden Forest," Lily stopped and turned on her heel to face him. James hadn't realized that she was going to turn and nearly ran right into her. He found her nose to nose with him, and closer than he had ever expected to be. He could count her freckles if he wanted. Lily stepped away from him, succeeding in putting distance between the two of them.
"I know," James shrugged, studying the girl in front of him.
Lily rolled her eyes and began to move back down the hall. James caught up with her, and allowed their arms to brush. Lily stepped farther away and continued down the hall.
"My point is that we all break rules, Evans," James explained. "So, I don't understand why you always get upset with me. Doesn't that seem a bit hypocritical?"
James watched as Lily stared resolutely at the floor. He knew what that meant. Lily knew he was right, but was not about to admit it. "You are the most stubborn bird in the entire world," James announced.
Lily finally looked up from the floor, and up at him. "And you are the most stubborn bloke in the entire world," she replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Another reason we should be together," James grinned, putting an arm around her.
Lily shrugged his arm off, and stepped away from him. "Or a reason we should stay away from each other."
"I'll convince you one day, Lily," James watched Lily to see how she would respond. Her cheeks turned slightly pink as she rolled her eyes and brushed off his comment.
"In your dreams, Potter," Lily's soft response reached the waiting boy.
James didn't argue, but instead changed the subject. "We need to agree on something, Evans," he said. At this point, they were reaching the foot of the stairs up to the Astronomy Tower.
"As if that has ever happened before," Lily said, sarcastically.
James didn't reply at first. He was too frustrated. Lily moved up the stairs in front of him, and he followed. Why was it that Lily was so negative towards him? Every single word he spoke or move he made was wrong in her mind. First, she complained that he broke the rules, and then he was stubborn so she couldn't date him. Now, she was saying that they couldn't agree on anything.
"Potter?" Lily questioned as they reached the top of the Astronomy Tower. "What is it you were going to say?"
"Doesn't matter," James spoke in the most controlled voice he could muster. He watched as Lily walked towards the window. She turned around, her emerald eyes meeting his hazel eyes. Why couldn't she see how good they would be together? Did she not understand that the passion they shared meant something?
"What was it?" Lily asked impatiently.
James sighed. "I was going to suggest that we get along. Then, I remembered how impossible you are."
"Excuse me?" Lily demanded, eyes narrowing.
James could feel the anger inside of him. She always knew how to upset him in a way that few others could. It took a lot to rile him up, but not with her. He stepped towards her until they were only centimeters away from each other.
Lily stepped back into the wall behind her, putting more distance between them. James didn't know what made him do it. He didn't know if it was how angry she had been or how uncertain she looked now. He wasn't sure if it was the closeness and the fact that he could smell her shampoo, but he closed the distance between them by stepping towards her, and placing his arms on either side of her.
"You are impossible, Evans," he spoke in a low, quiet voice. "You fight everything, you argue when there is no need to argue, and you don't ever forgive."
Lily stared at him. She seemed frozen in her spot, but he could see her fury. "You are just as impossible, Potter," she said, angrily. "You are always pushing, always trying to upset me, and I can't stand you."
James noticed something at that moment. Lily generally spoke in a quick, even tone. Now, she spoke slowly as if she was forcing each word to come out. James could hear her quick, rapid breaths, and feel her chest moving with each breath. It wouldn't take much, he thought, to press his lips to hers.
James moved a hand to her face to brush a stray tendril out of her eye. His fingertips lightly brushed her cheek. He watched as Lily's eyes moved to his lips, and James was lost in the moment. All thoughts of the argument they were having flew from his mind as he closed the remaining gap with a kiss.
He wasn't sure how she would respond as he caressed her lips, his arms moving to her slender waist. She instantly responded to the kiss. She let out a soft groan as he deepened the kiss, her hands moving around his neck. James had kissed other girls, but never quite like this. He could feel every spark, as if each spark was electrocuting him. His senses were on fire. His emotions were everywhere. All he could feel was Lily's body pressed into him and her lips on his. He did not ever want the kiss to end, knowing what he would have to face when he did. He kissed her until he could feel his body aching for breath.
He pulled away from her, out of breath, but exhilarated. He watched as Lily's face changed. One moment, her eyes were opening, and he could see the passion in her emerald eyes. The next moment, he could see the confusion as she realized what she was feeling. Then, he watched as her cheeks reddened in anger. But as he watched her, he realized for the first time that the feelings he felt for Lily Evans were not as unrequited as he had originally thought.
Before he knew it, her hand came up and he could feel the burn of her slap on his cheek. Lily pushed James away, and began to storm off, but James reached for her wrist and whirled her around.
"How dare you!" Lily yelled, ripping her wrist out of his hand.
"Are you angry because I kissed you or because you enjoyed the kiss?" he demanded, refusing to let her walk past him.
She stared at him, her emerald eyes furious and confused. Lily opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it, and opened her mouth again. He had never seen her speechless before, and wondered briefly what would happen if he kissed her again. Then, finally, she yelled, "You prat!"
"Come on, Evans. You kissed me back. You had plenty of time to push me away."
"A moment of insanity," Lily denied, shaking her head. "It meant nothing."
"Really?" James questioned a twinkle of mischievousness in his eyes. Lily knew that something was about to happen. Before Lily could do anything, James pulled her flesh against him, and kissed her softly. She melted in his arms instantly. James kissed her slowly, desperately hoping she would understand every feeling and emotion that he had for her. James ended the kiss and watched as Lily stepped away from him.
"Nothing?" James hissed, hazel eyes watching her. "Don't tell me that meant nothing."
Lily stared at him, and then stormed out of the Astronomy Tower.
James watched her leave, deciding it was best to let her go… for now. He continued to patrol the halls, a slight bounce in his step as he felt hopeful about his chances with Lily for the first time in two years.
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Lily slowed down when she realized that Potter hadn't followed her. She could still feel the tingle of where their lips had touched. Lily was confused and frustrated. Lily had always found Potter attractive, but what had made her respond so eagerly to his kiss? What made her wish they could kiss again? Lily frowned as she quickly made her way to the Gryffindor common room. She desperately needed to see her best friend. She didn't know what to do or what to say. She could hear Potter's last words in her mind. "Nothing… Don't tell me that meant nothing."
Lily stepped through the Portrait Hole to the Gryffindor common room and glanced around. She saw James' friends sitting in a couch near the door, looking up curiously at her. They probably knew that she was supposed to be patrolling with Potter. Then, Lily saw her best friend Gracelyn Jansen near the fireplace with two other girls.
"Lily?" Remus called her name.
Lily ignored Remus. She couldn't talk to Potter's closest friends right now. She ran over to Gracelyn.
"Gracie, I need to talk to you now," she whispered.
Gracelyn looked up at Lily before nodding as she followed Lily out of the Portrait Hole, and to Lily's dismay, right into Potter.
"Hi, James," Gracelyn smiled, brown eyes glancing curiously in Lily's directions.
Lily refused to look at Potter.
"Good evening, ladies," Potter responded, tipping an invisible hat. "May I speak with you for a moment, Evans?" he asked.
"N…" Lily opened her mouth to refuse.
"Yes," Gracelyn answered. "I'll just meet you in your dormitory, Lily." Before Lily could say anything more, Gracelyn was walking down the hall towards the Heads Dormitories.
"Potter…" Lily warned, stepping as far away from him as she could. He did not attempt to move closer.
"Relax, Evans," Potter smirked. "It's not about the kiss. We can talk about that later. It's about head duties." At this point, he stepped closer, and she backed up again right into the wall. He laughed. "Don't tempt me, Evans. I'm not going to try to kiss you…right now at least."
Lily lifted her chin defiantly. "There is nothing more to talk about in regards to that mishap," she spoke in an even voice. "What is it about head duties?"
"I will agree to disagree with you on the first part," Potter responded. "As for the second part, I think we need to agree to get along better this year….set a good example… stop arguing."
Lily stepped away from the hall, and turned away from her fellow head and waited thoughtfully.
She understood where the boy was coming from. In order to set a good example, especially during these perilous times, they had to get along.
"On one condition," Lily whirled around to face Potter. "No more asking me out, flirting, or kissing."
Potter laughed softly. "I can't agree to the flirting or kissing as most of the time you are just so beautiful I can't help but flirt with you. I can't agree to the kissing because I didn't plan to kiss you upstairs. If it happens, it happens. I will agree to stop asking you out on the understanding that when you are finally ready to stop fighting this, you have to ask me out."
Lily groaned. "Potter!"
"Those are the terms, Evans," Potter shrugged.
Lily sighed as she considered him. Potter could flirt all he wanted. It didn't mean that she had to flirt back. She could avoid kissing the boy. "Fine. No more asking me out."
"Don't forget my condition," Potter pointed out.
Lily sighed. "If, which is unlikely and will never happen, I ever feel anything for you, I will ask you out."
"I said when, Evans," Potter grinned, "because it will happen."
"Potter…" Lily warned.
"When, Evans, when," Potter ignored the warning in her voice. "Are we in agreement?"
"Fine. We will try to get along," Lily agreed. "Now, I am going to bed."
Before Lily could move away, Potter grinned mischievously, leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. "Good night, Lily," he whispered softly.
Lily watched as Potter stepped through the Portrait Hole and disappeared. Lily softly touched her cheek where Potters lips had been moments before. She really needed to talk to Gracelyn. Confusion coursed through her body as she started the short trek to the Heads common room. James Potter had always fancied her, but Lily was not convinced that he really fancied her. She was the only girl to ever reject him, and she thought that he simply wanted to prove himself that he could win over any girl. Lily trusted James as far as she could throw him.
Lily had always found him attractive in an unusual way with his jet black hair and hazel eyes hidden behind wire rimmed glasses. He was much taller than she, and much broader. His personality had always been the problem. Arrogant and talented, he tended to show off constantly. In third year, Potter had stopped pulling on her hair and tripping her in the hall in exchange for date offers. Lily had always responded by turning him down. Fifth year was the peak of the date offers from James and hateful rejections from Lily. Potter had calmed down sixth year, and started to grow up, but Lily still rejected him. Lily could still remember the excitement she felt when she received the letter that announced her Headship for this year, and the dread she felt when she realized who her head counterpart would be.
Lily reached the door to the Heads common room and found Gracelyn waiting. "Let's go to my room," Lily said, knowing Potter would return soon. The two girls walked into Lily's new dormitory. The Head common room was similar to the Gryffindor common room, but on a smaller scale. The rooms were also similar, but smaller since it only needed to room one teenager as opposed to five.
"So, what are you so freaked out about?" Gracelyn asked. The two girls had been friends since first year. Gracelyn knew how to read Lily like a book. "I know it's about Potter."
Lily groaned as she collapsed on the bed. "Potter's a prat," Lily announced.
"And?" Gracelyn pushed softly.
"We were arguing," Lily explained, before being interrupted by Gracelyn.
"That's nothing new, Lils," Gracelyn commented.
"Gracie!" Lily groaned. "Let me talk…or you're not hearing anything."
"Okay, okay," Gracelyn lifted her hands in defeat. "Continue."
"Anyways, we were arguing. Potter started it, just like always," Lily explained, ignoring the small laugh Gracelyn emitted at the 'just like always'. "And, he…" she paused. "He kissed me," she said after a long pause.
"What?" Gracelyn jumped off the bed. "You snogged James?"
"I wouldn't call it snogging necessarily," Lily said, even as she thought back to the kiss and James pressing her against the wall and his insistent lips on hers. "Well…." she added.
"How was it?" Gracelyn demanded, tucking her blonde hair behind her ears and sitting cross legged on the bed.
Lily blushed.
"That good?" Gracelyn asked.
"Not the point," Lily ignored her question. "I hate him."
"Oh, Lily," Gracelyn laughed. "You have never hated James. You have always fancied James."
Lily rolled eyes. Ever since third year, Gracelyn's theory was that Lily was head over heels in love with Potter.
"I do not fancy James," Lily shook her head.
"Denial," Gracelyn muttered. "I don't know why you fight it so much. He's cute, loyal, caring…"
"…arrogant, prideful, prattish, annoying…" Lily interrupted, adding her own adjectives.
"He's not arrogant anymore," Gracelyn pointed out. "He's confident. Prideful is pretty much the same thing as arrogant so I don't think I have to address that one. He's not a prat, anymore….hasn't been since the beginning of sixth year, and he's calmed down so he's no longer annoying."
Lily sighed in frustration. "I'm tired and I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"All right, but just think about giving him a chance," Gracelyn suggested.
Lily shrugged. "Good night, Gracie,"
"Night, Lils," Gracie waved as she left.
Lily groaned as she leaned back on the bed. What a beginning to the school year, she thought, her frustration welling up again. It wasn't even the first day of school yet, and Potter wouldn't leave her mind. She pulled on a pair of pajama shorts and a camisole, and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She touched her cheek where Potter had left the last kiss before they parted. She touched her lips where only two hours ago they had kissed.
Lily sighed, pushing the thoughts away and climbing into her bed. She spent most of the night restlessly tossing and turning, and never really falling asleep.
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James Potter stepped through the portrait hole after softly kissing Lily Evans on the cheek. He grinned to himself as he glanced around at the near empty common room. The only remaining students were his three fellow Marauders.
"Prongs, my friend," his best friend Sirius Black waved him over. "So, what happened tonight?"
"What do you mean?" James asked. He had no intention of telling his friends about the kiss he shared with Lily. He didn't want to tell them until he and Lily were finally together.
"Evans stormed in, angry about something, way too early for the end of your patrol, to grab Jansen, leaves, and a few minutes later you come in happier than I've ever seen you after interaction with Evans," Sirius informed him.
Remus laughed at Sirius' explanation. "Wow, Padfoot, your exceptionally observant this evening."
"I don't know what you're talking about," James said, hoping he could get away from telling them anything.
"Did you snog?" Peter asked, out of the blue.
"Of course not, Peter," Sirius laughed.
Remus simply watched James for a response.
James sighed, running a hand through his messy hair before nodding.
"What?" Sirius demanded. "Who kissed who first?"
"I kissed Lily first," James answered, thinking back to the kiss, "but she definitely kissed me back."
Remus closed the book he had been reading. "What happened after the kiss?"
"Well," James shrugged. "She slapped me… told me it meant nothing… and then I kissed her again."
Sirius' eyes widened. "You kissed her twice?"
"Look," James said. "As far as Lily is concerned, you don't know about the kiss. I actually think I might have a chance with her. I don't think she hates me as much as she lets on. I don't want any jokes, or laughs, or anything towards her."
Remus nodded thoughtfully especially looking at Sirius and Peter. It would be difficult for Sirius and Peter to not say anything, but Remus understood where James was coming from. "Lily will bolt at the slightest inclination," Remus added. "You weren't planning on telling us, were you, James?"
James shook his head. "Do you understand, Padfoot?"
Sirius shrugged. "Say nothing to Evans. It's not like I have conversation after conversation with her anyways."
James sighed, glancing at his watch. It was nearly midnight, he realized, and tomorrow was the first day of classes. "Well, I need to head to my dorm, I guess," James said, finding it strange that he wouldn't be sharing the dormitory with his best friends. The four friends went their separate ways, and James walked out of the common room.
Step one to winning over Lily Evans, he thought to himself, was to get Lily to admit to herself that he wasn't that bad of a person, and that she fancied him.
James groaned to himself. That was practically impossible.
A/N: For those of you who were reading my first version of Don't Tell Me, I did not like where the story was heading, so I started over taking the same idea but writing it slightly differently. I am not sure exactly how long this story will be, but I think this version is much better. R/R. Let me know what you think.