Goldilocks And The Three Human Impaired Carnivores
(a politically correct feirie tale)
Once
upon a time, but not so long ago, so don't be prejudiced about reasons for their acting differently than at the
present time, lived three human impaired carnivores. One morning, they were
making porridge for breakfast, fully aware of the medical implications, and not
meaning to state that porridge was in any way "better" than other foods meant
for consumption early in the daylight hours but perfectly acceptable at any
other time decided by the consumer.
They had just finished, when baby bear (not actually an infant, but
referred to as 'baby' because of a thinking disorder that allowed him never to
think at the rate above an eight year old. He also, had a small body frame by
nature) exclaimed "Though you are a completely acceptable cook, mother, I
believe this porridge is too hot. Let's go for a walk while it cools, as this
is a perfectly appropriate social activity for a mother, father, and child."
So
they went, and forgot to lock the door. A few minutes later, a young womyn
named Goldilocks walked in, unaware that she was breaking and entering. She had
been staring through the window for some time, unaware that this was also
illegal, and watched them leave.
She loved porridge, though she was fully aware of the medical
implications, and not meaning to state that porridge was in any way "better"
than other foods meant for consumption early in the daylight hours, but
perfectly acceptable at any other time decided by the consumer. So she tried
some, first washing off the spoons as they were unsanitary. Instead of eating
from the carnivores' bowls, she took her porridge directly from the pot.
Author's Note (A/N): No no no! You're supposed to eat from the
bowls! Goldilocks (G): No way! Who knows who has
touched those bowls? A/N: But how
can you compare temperature if you
don't taste the different bowlos? G: Too bad. Now get back to the story.
I'm getting tired of talking in italics.
"Yum! This porridge is not bad, as porridges go, not meaning to imply
that any other brand wouldn't be better," Goldilocks said as she ate. After
consuming much of the porridge, she decided to sit down. She tried the smallest
chair first. It broke, and she decided to go on a diet. Next she tried the
middle sized chair. It worked out fine, and soon she was asleep.
A/N: Hey! You're spposed to go to sleep in a bed! G: Can I help it if the chair was
comfortable?
Soon, the three carnivores came home, and noticed a young womyn sleeping
on the chair next to broken wood, and a bowl of half eaten porridge. They
called the police and had her arrested for breaking and entering, and
destruction of property. Goldilocks hired a good lawyer and pleaded innocent.
She spread some money around, and kept the whole thing hush-hush. And that's
what happened.