Disclaimer: The cast and concept of Tenchi Muyo are all mine! Blam
Ayeka (steps out with a smoking .44 Magnum Ruger Super Redhawk in her
hands.) Actually, we're property of Pioneer and AIC. So don't sue
this poor man. (gestures at the bleeding corpse of the writer. He's
got it bad enough as it is. (Looks down and sees some blood soaked
cards.) Oh my! I'd better take care of this. Let's see. It says here
to email all criticisms to lighthawkwings@masakishrine.com. And this
card says it's dedicated to...Shin! Oh, wait. There's more writting
under the blood. (wipes away the blood.) Ahh. It's dedicated to
Shinobu. This is the first fanfic he's ever read, so have pity on him.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
(Scene: The Masaki house. Tenchi has gathered all the others around
for an announcement.)
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take one!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry Ryoko.
Ayeka: But what about me? I love you, Lord Tenchi.
Tenchi: So? I don't give a rats ass what you think, bitch. *Blam!*
Director: Cut! Cut! (Glares at Ayeka who is holding her smoking magnum) Ayeka! You're not supposed to shoot Tenchi. *Blam!* Or
Ryoko. *Blam!* Or yourself!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take two!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, well, only about five minutes of it, I
have decided to marry Ayeka.
Sasami: Shouldn't we be worried about Ryoko?
Tenchi: Oh just ignore Ryoko. She'll be upset for awhile, but
she'll get over it and be happy for us.
Sasami: Then shouldn't we be worried about the fact that Ryoko is right
behind you with a switchblade?
Tenchi: What? (Ryoko proceeds to slash Tenchi's throat, leaving him
slumped over, his life bleeding out onto the table.)
Director: Cut!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take three!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry, under Juraian
law, Haruna and Sakuya. *Blam! Blam!*
Director Cut! Cut! Ayeka, you aren't supposed to shoot Haruna or
Sakuya. *Boom* Ryoko! You are definitely NOT supposed to blow Tenchi
up with a LAW rocket!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take four!
Tenchi: Ah! What a great idea, Ryoko. Eloping instead of getting
pizza. Hi Ayeka! Um, what are you doing with that flame
thrower? *Foom!*
Sasami: (out of the room) Ayeka? Did they bring the pizza?
Director: Cut!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take five!
Tenchi: I'm so glad I married you Ryoko.
Sasami: Shouldn't we be worried about Ayeka?
Tenchi: Ayeka? I haven't seen her around. She just kinda disappeared.
Oh well. Who cares.
Sasami: Shouldn't we at least be worried about the C4 she planted
under the house.
Tenchi: What? *Boom*
Director: Cut!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take six!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry Kiyone *Blam!*
Director: Cut! Ayeka!
Ayeka: (who has drawn her magnum, but has yet to aim or fire) I didn't
do it. (mutters) unfortunately
(All turn to look at Kiyone)
Kiyone: (smiling innocently and holding a smoking blaster) What?
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take seven!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, and a night of wild passion, I have
decided to marry Sasami
Ayeka: There he is officer.
Tenchi: What's going on.
Officer: This lady reported that you had sex with a minor.
Tenchi: What? No! She's over 700 years old.
Officer: Yeah, right. Save it for the courts, Pedo.
Director: Cut! Ayeka!
Ayeka: (flashes innocent eyes) What'd I do?
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take eight!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry a girl I just
met on the street. *Blam! Blam! Blam! Boom!*
Director: Cut! (Stares at Ayeka holding her magnum, Mihoshi and Kiyone
holding their blasters, and Ryoko holding her LAW rocket
launcher, and sighs)
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take nine!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to become a monk and
swear off women. *Blam!*
Director: Cut! Nobuyuki! You're not even supposed to be in this scene!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take ten!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry every girl
in the series and-
RYoko: (pulls her switchblade out from Tenchi's stomach) The hell I'm
gonna share you with every bit part slut that shows up.
Director: Cut!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take eleven!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry Ryoko. I'm
sorry, Ayeka. I know this must hurt you, but it would hurt you
and Ryoko even more if I kept on lying to myself and to you.
Ayeka: I'll kill you all!
Tenchi: Sheesh! Ayeka. Why are you acting like such a bitch?
Ayeka: (Taken aback) I don't know. I think I should go. (runs off)
Director: Cut! Tenchi!!!
Tenchi: What? What'd I do?
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take twelve!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry Washu.
Washu: I'm so happy! Ryoko! Aren't you happy for your mommy?
Ryoko: (aiming her LAW rocket launcher) Just stand right there and
I'll be happy. *Boom!*
Director: Cut!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take thirteen!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry both Ayeka
and Ryoko *blam!* *boom!*
AYeka: (lowering her gun.) Did he say...
Ryoko: (lowering her rocket launcher) oops!
Director: Cut! Goddamn it!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take fourteen!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided not to marry for
another twenty years, and another 3 series, thus ensuring that
the series will never die.
Ryoko: (fighting with Ayeka over her magnum) Give me the gun!
Ayeka: No! It's my gun! I get to shoot him!
RYoko: No fair! I'm outta rockets!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take (yawm) fifteen
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry-*blam!*
Director: Cut! For the love of-
Stagehand: ZZzzzzzzzzzz
Tenchi: Um
Director: (nerve-wracked and stressed out) Just go!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry, well, Um,
that is...I'll, um...Aggh! I can't do it! (Tenchi runs over
to Ayeka, seizes the magnum.) *blam!* (the director drops to
the floor. Tenchi proceeds to drop the gun and jump out the
window.)
Ayeka: (goes to the window and watches Tenchi run over the horizon) My!
How quickly he runs.
Ryoko: So I guess the show's canceled?
Ayeka: Apparently.
Ryoko: Wanna catch a movie?
Ayeka: Okay, come on Sasami
Sasami: Coming.
(The three leave. Mihoshi, Washu, and Kiyone start arguing over who's
going to tell the producer.)
Ayeka (steps out with a smoking .44 Magnum Ruger Super Redhawk in her
hands.) Actually, we're property of Pioneer and AIC. So don't sue
this poor man. (gestures at the bleeding corpse of the writer. He's
got it bad enough as it is. (Looks down and sees some blood soaked
cards.) Oh my! I'd better take care of this. Let's see. It says here
to email all criticisms to lighthawkwings@masakishrine.com. And this
card says it's dedicated to...Shin! Oh, wait. There's more writting
under the blood. (wipes away the blood.) Ahh. It's dedicated to
Shinobu. This is the first fanfic he's ever read, so have pity on him.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
(Scene: The Masaki house. Tenchi has gathered all the others around
for an announcement.)
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take one!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry Ryoko.
Ayeka: But what about me? I love you, Lord Tenchi.
Tenchi: So? I don't give a rats ass what you think, bitch. *Blam!*
Director: Cut! Cut! (Glares at Ayeka who is holding her smoking magnum) Ayeka! You're not supposed to shoot Tenchi. *Blam!* Or
Ryoko. *Blam!* Or yourself!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take two!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, well, only about five minutes of it, I
have decided to marry Ayeka.
Sasami: Shouldn't we be worried about Ryoko?
Tenchi: Oh just ignore Ryoko. She'll be upset for awhile, but
she'll get over it and be happy for us.
Sasami: Then shouldn't we be worried about the fact that Ryoko is right
behind you with a switchblade?
Tenchi: What? (Ryoko proceeds to slash Tenchi's throat, leaving him
slumped over, his life bleeding out onto the table.)
Director: Cut!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take three!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry, under Juraian
law, Haruna and Sakuya. *Blam! Blam!*
Director Cut! Cut! Ayeka, you aren't supposed to shoot Haruna or
Sakuya. *Boom* Ryoko! You are definitely NOT supposed to blow Tenchi
up with a LAW rocket!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take four!
Tenchi: Ah! What a great idea, Ryoko. Eloping instead of getting
pizza. Hi Ayeka! Um, what are you doing with that flame
thrower? *Foom!*
Sasami: (out of the room) Ayeka? Did they bring the pizza?
Director: Cut!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take five!
Tenchi: I'm so glad I married you Ryoko.
Sasami: Shouldn't we be worried about Ayeka?
Tenchi: Ayeka? I haven't seen her around. She just kinda disappeared.
Oh well. Who cares.
Sasami: Shouldn't we at least be worried about the C4 she planted
under the house.
Tenchi: What? *Boom*
Director: Cut!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take six!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry Kiyone *Blam!*
Director: Cut! Ayeka!
Ayeka: (who has drawn her magnum, but has yet to aim or fire) I didn't
do it. (mutters) unfortunately
(All turn to look at Kiyone)
Kiyone: (smiling innocently and holding a smoking blaster) What?
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take seven!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, and a night of wild passion, I have
decided to marry Sasami
Ayeka: There he is officer.
Tenchi: What's going on.
Officer: This lady reported that you had sex with a minor.
Tenchi: What? No! She's over 700 years old.
Officer: Yeah, right. Save it for the courts, Pedo.
Director: Cut! Ayeka!
Ayeka: (flashes innocent eyes) What'd I do?
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take eight!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry a girl I just
met on the street. *Blam! Blam! Blam! Boom!*
Director: Cut! (Stares at Ayeka holding her magnum, Mihoshi and Kiyone
holding their blasters, and Ryoko holding her LAW rocket
launcher, and sighs)
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take nine!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to become a monk and
swear off women. *Blam!*
Director: Cut! Nobuyuki! You're not even supposed to be in this scene!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take ten!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry every girl
in the series and-
RYoko: (pulls her switchblade out from Tenchi's stomach) The hell I'm
gonna share you with every bit part slut that shows up.
Director: Cut!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take eleven!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry Ryoko. I'm
sorry, Ayeka. I know this must hurt you, but it would hurt you
and Ryoko even more if I kept on lying to myself and to you.
Ayeka: I'll kill you all!
Tenchi: Sheesh! Ayeka. Why are you acting like such a bitch?
Ayeka: (Taken aback) I don't know. I think I should go. (runs off)
Director: Cut! Tenchi!!!
Tenchi: What? What'd I do?
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take twelve!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry Washu.
Washu: I'm so happy! Ryoko! Aren't you happy for your mommy?
Ryoko: (aiming her LAW rocket launcher) Just stand right there and
I'll be happy. *Boom!*
Director: Cut!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take thirteen!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry both Ayeka
and Ryoko *blam!* *boom!*
AYeka: (lowering her gun.) Did he say...
Ryoko: (lowering her rocket launcher) oops!
Director: Cut! Goddamn it!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take fourteen!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided not to marry for
another twenty years, and another 3 series, thus ensuring that
the series will never die.
Ryoko: (fighting with Ayeka over her magnum) Give me the gun!
Ayeka: No! It's my gun! I get to shoot him!
RYoko: No fair! I'm outta rockets!
Stagehand: Tenchi's Decision. Take (yawm) fifteen
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry-*blam!*
Director: Cut! For the love of-
Stagehand: ZZzzzzzzzzzz
Tenchi: Um
Director: (nerve-wracked and stressed out) Just go!
Tenchi: After much deliberation, I have decided to marry, well, Um,
that is...I'll, um...Aggh! I can't do it! (Tenchi runs over
to Ayeka, seizes the magnum.) *blam!* (the director drops to
the floor. Tenchi proceeds to drop the gun and jump out the
window.)
Ayeka: (goes to the window and watches Tenchi run over the horizon) My!
How quickly he runs.
Ryoko: So I guess the show's canceled?
Ayeka: Apparently.
Ryoko: Wanna catch a movie?
Ayeka: Okay, come on Sasami
Sasami: Coming.
(The three leave. Mihoshi, Washu, and Kiyone start arguing over who's
going to tell the producer.)