Disclaimer: I do not own any of the InuYasha group, or the song to which I based my story.
Author's Note: I was surfing the web one night, Youtube, to be exact and I stumbled upon this song for the second time and was reminded how much I liked it. It was the first AMV I had ever seen about three years ago, and I instantly fell in love with it because it seemed to be made just for Kagome and InuYasha. So, naturally, I decided I wanted to make a song-fic to parallel the two. Hope you like it! Please review!
How Can I Not Love You?
Kagome's POV:
This is the one hundredth time I've come through that well since that first fateful day when Buyo got lost in the well-house. Since that time I've met a lot of new people, made a lot of new friends, and plenty more enemies. One in particular has made a real impact on me. InuYasha. When I first got here to the Feudal Era, I knew nothing about his past, nothing about who he had been or what he was or even what he had done. All I knew was that this dog boy and I now had to search for the Shikon no Tama together. Thus began our adventures. We traveled through the wild country of Japan and faced demon after demon and slowly began to get used to each other. I fancy that after the Thunder Brothers kidnapped me, that's when I started to like InuYasha and he started to "like" me, or maybe it was after Yura of the Hair was defeated... I don't really know. All I know is that when Kikyou came onto the scene, I knew something had forever changed between us.
Cannot touch, cannot hold
Cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss
Cannot have each other
He was too deep with her to fall for me. And when that witch took my soul and gave it to Kikyou, I'm sure if InuYasha had had the choice, he would have chosen her. Kikyou came between us and stopped any feelings that we might have had for each other, crumbling them to dust. But when I was revived and found out that he loved her and not me, I made it my duty to be strong and pretend like nothing had ever happened, like none of this hurt me, when deep down inside, each time he ran off in search of her, it was like another arrow had struck my heart dead centre. I had to be strong. I have to let go of my feelings for him, or else I'll go bitter, because I will never hear from him what my heart wants him to say. I can't tell him what my heart wants me to say.
Must be strong
And we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know
InuYasha, if only you knew! If only I could tell you how I feel! Would you leave her behind if I told you that I loved you? I know now that I do love you, but what can I do about that? I can't not love you, even after all the times you've gone after Kikyou, and all the times that you will still go after her and leave me behind. What am I supposed to tell myself? I can't just walk away from all the times we had together when Kikyou wasn't there. Every time I go home, every time you go off in search of her, I miss you. How could I not? You're still there for me when I need you, I only wish you could hold me like you held her...
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you.. here in my arms
How does one waltz away from all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone
InuYasha's POV:
When Kagome first showed up, I couldn't get the thought out of my head that she looked just like Kikyou. I used to dream about her, how if I had never met Kikyou, how she could have taken her place and I wouldn't have been so bitter to life. But, I can't dream about her anymore. I can't think about the tender moments we could have spent together. Kikyou is back and I have to find her, I have to have her back, even though I want Kagome at the same time. I can't feel this way about her, I have to pretend it never happened, pretend I never liked her that way. And I have to be brave enough to see the way she looks at me when I leave for Kikyou. I can't tell her how I feel about her. No. I can't do that, not when Kikyou still needs me. Why can't I have both?
Cannot dream, cannot share sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel, must pretend its over
Must be brave and we must go on, must not say
What we've known all along
Kagome, I do like you, no matter what my mind is trying to tell me. How couldn't I? You're sweet and kind and you've been by my side all this time. You've always been there for me. When do I not want you in my arms? But I can't hold you because Kikyou needs me. I have to keep Kikyou safe and I have to avenge her death. I can't just dance away from all the sweet moments I had with her all those years ago, I just can't. I miss her now, even though I have you with me almost every day, and you care more for me than Kikyou ever did, or you care more than this corpse that is Kikyou now. Even though she's bitter and hates me for something I didn't do, I still miss her. But I miss you too, when you go back to your era. That's why I always make such a fuss. I miss you when you're gone.
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one waltz away from all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone
How can I not love you..
Kagome sat alone beneath Goshimboku. Had it really been two years ago that she had released InuYasha from his fifty year sleep? All the times they had had together since then, all the memories, they were like precious coins all stored away within Kagome's heart. But then there were the times when InuYasha had run off in search of Kikyou, just like he was doing now. Kagome couldn't bring herself to tell him that she loved him, and she couldn't bring herself to leave him. She was needed after all. But she could feel her resolve fleeing her this time, fleeing her like a frightened bird. She didn't have the strength to carry on the facade. And she couldn't tell InuYasha what she felt.
"Why? I have to be brave, I know, but I can't! I can't be strong anymore! InuYasha, I know you love me, and I love you in return, but I can't say it, and I know you can't either." Hot tears trailed down her cheeks and made dark stains on her green school uniform.
Slowly, her hand trembling with fear and hurt, she pulled a knife from her big yellow back pack. She twisted it this way and that, watching as the twilight sun glinted off its cruel cold edge. The blade was sharp, sharp enough to pierce her skin with little pressure. How easy it would be to plunge it in to the hilt in her heart. Taking the handle in both hands, Kagome placed the tip directly over her heart.
"At least I can die at the base of the tree that I first saw you on. Goodbye, InuYasha. I love you."
Must be brave and we must be strong
Cannot say what we've known all along...
InuYasha ran for all he was worth. Shippou said that Kagome had gone off to the forest to be alone. He said she had been unhappy. He had been gone too long. How could he have run off after Kikyou again? Why had he done that? Kagome was here, and she needed him now, but he wasn't there. He knew something was wrong, he knew he had made a mistake. He shouldn't have left her. He loved her, he knew he did, how couldn't he? All he wanted was to hold her close, forget the memories he had with Kikyou, start over with Kagome. Now he could, Kikyou had been laid to rest. He had done what he needed to do, even if he had made the mistake of leaving Kagome. He couldn't forget the memories he had with Kagome, they were too precious, and he knew she loved him.
"Kagome, please be safe! I want you, not Kikyou!" He whispered as he neared the clearing where his tree was.
Birds scattered hither and yon when he burst through the bush into the clearing, just as the sun's last rays lit up the area in a deep red glow. He paused and looked around. There, at the base of the huge tree sat a figure, nestled into the weaving roots, gazing up at the leafy branches.
"Kagome!" InuYasha rushed forward and caught the young school girl as she fell backward.
"You came. You came back." Kagome whispered, her breath nearly gone.
"Yeah, what'd you think I'd do? You humans are so weak." He replied quietly, tears beginning to form in his eyes.
Kagome lifted a bloody hand to touch the dog boy's cheek but found she barely had enough strength to reach halfway. Yet as her hand fell back to the ground, InuYasha snatched it up and pressed it against his flushed cheek. A smile spread across her pale features. She parted her lips as if to say something but a cough racked through her frail body leaving her weaker than before, a small stream of blood trickling down from the corner of her mouth.
"Shhh... Don't waste your energy. I'll get you back to Kaede so she can heal you. You'll be right as rain in no time." InuYasha muttered as he rose with the girl in his arms bridal style.
"Inu..Yasha..." Her voice was failing.
"I'm right here."
"I... love... you." Kagome managed to reach her hand up to his cheek and stroke him for a few seconds before it fell again.
The tears he had been holding back flowed openly now, creating smooth clean trails over his dirty blood stained cheeks. He couldn't lose her now, not like this, not when he had just made up his mind and put the ghosts of his past to rest.
"I love you too, Kagome. I'm so sorry. I'll get you to Kaede in no time." He pulled her a little tighter to his chest as he started to sprint off in the direction of the village.
"I'm not going to make it, InuYasha." Kagome buried her face in his haori one last time.
"Don't be so stupid. Of course you'll make it! You're not dieing like this!"
"Thank you, InuYasha." With that, her body went limp, the final tear coursed down her cheek and was lost to the wind.
"No! Kagome! Don't you dare die! Not yet!" InuYasha shouted down at her as she sprinted all the faster towards the village.
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one waltz away from all of the memories
A few minutes later, Sango spotted the hanyou walking down the main road that led straight up to Kaede's hut. At first she was relieved when she saw that Kagome was with him. But when she saw his face and the way Kagome lay in his arms, dread grabbed her stomach like a vice and refused to be shaken.
"Kaede! Miroku! Quickly, InuYasha is back!" She shouted behind her into the hut and sprinted off to meet InuYasha in the last few metres before he reached his destination.
His eyes were hollow, he didn't even look at Sango when she stopped right in front of him. He didn't see the tears that Sango was crying over Kagome's blood stained hand. He didn't see how Miroku's twinkling eyes suddenly glazed as he watched the exchange between Sango and her best friend. He only saw Kaede as she hobbled up to them as fast as she could.
"Take her to the hut, InuYasha. Shippou, get some hot water! Now!" Kaede's old voice cracked as she issued her orders to each of the group.
The sad procession finally reached the tiny hut and Kagome was laid down on the thickest futon Sango could get her hands on. The wizened old woman pulled aside the sheared blouse to reveal the deep wound in Kagome's chest. She stared for a few tense moments before turning to the quiet group and speaking the words of doom.
"There is nothing I can do. She's beyond our reach now."
Sango's silent tears turned to mournful sobbing and Miroku, his lech side forgotten, draped a comforting arm around the demon slayer's shaking shoulders, though he too needed comfort. Shippou buried his tiny head in Kagome's side and cried for his lost mother. Kaede sat in silence, her old cracked visage having seen too much pain and suffering in her many years. InuYasha got up from his seat next to Miroku and sat down by Kagome's head. Gently he took her hand in his and bent to kiss her forehead and then her once pink lips.
"Goodbye, Kagome. I will always love you."
How do I not miss you when you are gone
How can I not love you... when you are gone
Fin
Author's final notes:
That turned out a little bit more angsty than I had originally planned... Sorry about that. I had planned this as a one-shot... But as I look at it now, I guess it could be turned into a story... If anyone wants me to. I could have him go to Sessy to bring her back or have him move on or something. I dunno. Review and tell me what you think I should do, or even if it was worth reading. Peace out! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!