Watching You Walk Away
They hadn't always been friends, but he always loved her. She loved someone else, and he had to suffer the pain of watching her walk away.
(Written for the Next Generation Stories Challenge, Round One by LilyLuna232 in the HPFC)
The first time she saw him, she was six years old.
It was the middle of summer and they were at the Burrow for a huge annual party her paternal grandparents were throwing. Their entire family was there - and that included her annoying cousins.
Grandma Molly was greeting a couple at the door who she didn't recognize. The woman had long, dirty blonde hair and was wearing funny earrings. The man had light brown hair and a nice smile. In front of them stood two young boys who looked exactly alike. They were both dirty blonde and silver eyed. They had the same scared and shy expression on their faces as they looked around the living room that was packed with people who were mostly gingers.
She saw her Aunt Ginny walk over with Lily screeching in her arms. The woman took Lily and raised her high above her head, surprisingly making Lily stop crying. Roxy smiled. She could grow to like this woman.
Aunt Ginny shook hands with the man and the boys, and then the group made their way over to where Roxy stood in the corner trying to avoid her cousins.
"Roxy, this is my friend Luna and her husband Rolf," Aunt Ginny said when they got close enough.
"Hello," she answered, offering her hand. Luna and Rolf shook it heartily.
"And these are her boys, Lorcan and Lysander. They're the same age as you!" Aunt Ginny continued excitedly.
She stared at them.
"Boys, this is Roxanne," Rolf said.
They stared at her.
"Have fun," Luna told them dreamily, patting them each on the head. She tickled Lily, making the toddler chortle happily, and the three walked away.
"Don't call me Roxanne," she said as soon as the adults were gone.
The boy on the left furrowed his eyebrows. "Then what will we call you?"
"Roxy," she replied firmly, holding her hand out.
He smiled. "I'm Lorcan."
She turned to the other boy, who she assumed was Lysander, but he just stared at her. She felt awkward with her hand just hanging in the air and was about to say something when he turned around and ran back to his mother. Her jaw dropped.
"Lysander's just shy," Lorcan said.
Roxy shook off her injured pride and turned to face him. "What do you want to do?"
He shrugged. "I don't know."
She looked around at all her various cousins and family friends. The adults were talking, which was boring. Hugo and Lily were playing with blocks, but they were too little to play with anyway. James and Albus were fighting over a broomstick. Victoire was following Teddy around with a starry-eyed expression. Molly was nowhere to be seen, but Lucy was reading a book with Uncle Percy. Louis was keeping to himself in a corner of the living room. Rosie was playing with Aunt Hermione's wand. Dominique was speaking uncertain French with her Aunt Fleur. Frankie Longbottom was hanging out with her brother Freddie, and baby Alice Longbottom was giggling happily in her mother's arms.
"Want to play Quidditch with James?" she asked.
"No."
She frowned. "Want to play Exploding Snap?"
"No."
"Want to hear Teddy talk about his first year at Hogwarts?"
"No."
She put her hands on her hips and huffed, glaring at him with all the might a six year old girl could muster. He simply blinked at her, completely unfazed.
"Well, what do you want to do?" she asked impatiently.
He glanced around. "D'you want to watch them play chess?" he asked, pointing at her Uncles Harry and Ron.
Roxy stared at him for a moment and then shook her head almost sadly. She turned on her heel and made to move away from him.
"Where are you going?" he asked, furrowing his brow.
"I'm going to go play Gobstones with Freddie," she replied.
"Can I come?"
"No."
His expression became even more confused. "Why not?"
"Because you're boring," she replied flatly.
He looked affronted and exclaimed indignantly, "Am not!"
"Yes, you are," she said with a firm tone. She spun around and stomped off to find her brother and didn't give a second thought to the dejected little boy she left behind.
He stared after her sadly and mumbled to himself, "I can be fun." But she didn't hear, and she didn't come back. Something inside him told him she never would.
HPHPHP
Roxy never did think about Lorcan Scamander that much in the beginning. He simply existed, and she acknowledged his existence. Of course, they saw each other around Hogwarts and at her grandparents' parties, but they didn't hang out. She was in Gryffindor and he was in Ravenclaw. She was so Go! Boom! Fast! and he was so Wait. Shh. Slow. She had her friends and he had his friends. Plus, he was always with his brother Lysander, so it wasn't like he was lacking in company. They shared some classes and were paired together to work on some projects, but they weren't friends.
So it was a huge surprise the day he asked her to go to the first Hogsmeade in their third year.
"What?" she asked, eyes widening.
His cheeks turned pink and his hair fell into his eyes when he shook his head with embarrassment. "Will you, uh...go to, um, Hogsmeade...with me?"
Roxy couldn't do anything but stare at him. Her mind went blank. This was Lorcan Scamander - the boring Lorcan Scamander - asking her out to Hogsmeade. They weren't friends. They barely talked except for school! Why would he ask her out?
He cleared his throat, effectively snapping her out of her shocked thoughts.
"I - I'm sorry," she stammered. "I'm already going with Rex Jordan."
Lorcan looked downcast and he blushed even more. "Oh, right, then. Sorry. Forget about this, okay?"
She nodded and walked away from him, glancing uncertainly over her shoulder once before disappearing down a corridor.
He watched her walk away with a forlorn expression and then leaned against the wall of the corridor. Rex Jordan. Rex Jordan. Of course she would go with Rex Jordan. He was her brother's best friend and one of the most popular fifth years. Rex was a great practical joker and always had something witty to say. He was interesting. Outgoing. Fun.
And who was he? Lorcan Scamander, the twin. Lorcan Scamander, the boy who'd rather read a book than play (or even watch) Quidditch. Lorcan Scamander, the boring boy that she'd cast out of her life when she first met him.
Well, no longer.
He clenched his fists and swore to himself that he would no longer be boring. He would become fun and interesting like Rex Jordan. He would be outgoing and wild. And then Roxy - beautiful, clever, funny Roxy - would see him and know that he wasn't boring. Then she'd regret not going to Hogsmeade with him.
Yes, he thought with shining silver eyes. This will work.
HPHPHP
After he made that decision, he worked as hard as he could to try and break out of his shyness. He tried pranking her, but that didn't work. It only resulted in a blonde Gryffindor whose name he couldn't remember hating him for the rest of his life. Once at Hogsmeade he went into her father's store, but accidentally smashed several displays. The only good thing that came out of that incident was that she helped him pay for the broken merchandise, which got them talking. They were slowly becoming friends.
"Weasley, you'll work with Scamander."
Roxy looked at the twins and raised her eyebrows. "Which one?"
The class laughed and Professor McCadden looked embarrassed. He pointed. "That one."
She turned and saw he was pointing at Lorcan. That was good. At least Lorcan talked. Lysander was so shy he would've just sat there and watched her mix the potion. Once McCadden was done assigning partners, Lorcan moved to sit next to her.
"So, do you know how to make this potion?" Roxy asked.
He nodded. "Yeah, the Shrinking Solution's not that bad. I'll chop up the daisy roots. Could you skin the shrivelfig?"
Roxy sighed and picked up the said ingredient and did what she was told. A blank expression was on her face.
"Sorry," he said suddenly.
She looked up at him with a confused expression. "Sorry for what?"
"This is boring, isn't it?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.
"Well, yeah," she replied with an amused smile. "It's school. It's supposed to be boring, right?"
Lorcan nodded slowly with a funny look in his eyes. She squinted at him, but he turned away and focused on chopping his daisy roots.
It's okay to be boring in school, he thought with relief, putting his mind to work on this potion.
"Okay, now add a dash of the leech juice," he told her. The potion had been mixed perfectly so far, but now it was time for the final ingredient.
She glanced uncertainly at him with her mesmerizing chocolate brown eyes. "I'm really not good at this. You should do it," she said, holding the vial out to him.
He shook his head and gently pushed the vial back toward her. He smiled encouragingly. "You can do it."
She looked at the cauldron. "How much is a dash?"
"Just a little pour," he replied.
She bit her lip and looked at him. "I don't want to mess this up."
He took a step closer to her and put a hand on the small of her back. "You can do it."
Roxy nodded and raised the vial, tipped it, and poured a small amount of the liquid into the pot. Lorcan reached around her to stir it, and it slowly turned a bright acid green. He sidestepped away from her as Professor McCadden came over to look.
The professor nodded approvingly. "A perfect potion, I believe! Ten points each to Ravenclaw and Gryffindor!"
Roxy looked at Lorcan and beamed at him. "Thank you! I've never been good at Potions."
"I could tutor you," he suggested, and then alarms went off in his head, screaming, 'Boring, boring, boring!' He quickly stammered. "You know, only if you want to, if that's too boring."
She shook her head. "That would be great, thanks!"
"Class dismissed!" McCadden announced.
He stared at her. "Really?"
"Yeah," she said, and then her eyes became fixed on the door. She let out a little gasp and gathered her things, speaking quickly. "We can talk about it later, okay?"
"Sure," he said uncertainly, wondering why she was in such a hurry all of a sudden.
"See you later!" she called, running out the door. "Hey, Rex, wait up!"
His heart dropped down to his stomach. As she disappeared out of sight, he wondered painfully how many times he would have to watch her walk away.
HPHPHP
Things continued like that for years. He did everything he could think of, and actually managed to grow out of his shell. He tried playing Quidditch but failed, so he settled for watching her play and cheering as loudly as possible. He tutored her in Potions and she got an Exceeds Expectations on her O.W.L. He was rewarded with a hug, but then she ran off to find Rex and tell him. No matter what he did, she only had eyes for Rex Jordan.
He thought it would get easier in their sixth year, once Rex graduated, but he was wrong. They wrote letters back and forth constantly. The only upside to Rex being gone was that Lorcan was her closest friend and she went to him for help. But it was painful, knowing that at the next possible second she would turn and leave him behind.
Why? he wondered, staring up at the sky. No answer came, however, and he continued walking.
The sun was going down and he knew that curfew would be coming soon, but he didn't care. He rounded a corner and ran smack into someone.
"I'm sor - " He stopped and stared at Roxy, who had tears in her eyes and was clutching a letter in her hands.
She let out a sob and pressed herself against his chest. His arms wrapped automatically around her.
"Roxy, what's wrong?" he asked softly.
"N-Nothing," she mumbled. "I'm just being stupid."
"It's not nothing if it made you cry, and you could never be stupid," he said firmly. "Now tell me what happened."
"I got a letter from Rex," she started.
His eyes became steely. I'm going to kill him, he thought.
"What did it say?" he asked stiffly.
"Just a lot about how he and Freddie are having fun traveling the world," she replied.
He pushed his eyebrows together. "That's it?"
She shook her head. "Not all of it. I mean, kind of, because I miss him so much and it's hard to be away from him. It hurts."
Lorcan stiffened, but she didn't notice.
She continued in a whisper, "He says that we still can't be together."
That's right. She and Rex were never technically a couple, but everybody figured they were an item because they were always together and she so obviously sought after him.
"He's scared of how Freddie will react," she added.
"Roxy..." Lorcan said with a note of exasperation in his voice.
Her eyes flashed and she took a step away from him. "What?" she asked accusingly. "What's with your tone?"
"He's stringing you along, can't you seet? !" he exclaimed.
She gaped. "How can you say that? !"
"Because it's true," he replied. "He's been saying that you can't be together because of Freddie for years, Roxy, years. Your uncles Harry and Ron were best friends and Harry married Ron's sister! They're still friends!"
"This is different," she protested. "He says that people won't approve because I'm still in school. He wants to wait until I graduate."
"Which gives him two full years to mess around with plenty of other girls," he growled.
Crack!
Lorcan recoiled away from her, clutching his cheek. Her eyes were bright with fury.
"You can't say that - you don't know him!" she yelled. "He loves me and I love him! We're meant to be together. He's the one, Lorcan."
"The one?" he repeated angrily, clenching his fists. "The one? !"
"Yes!" she exclaimed. "But you wouldn't understand that because you've always been jealous of him! Don't pretend! He's always been there for me. He's the only person I truly trust with everything. He's never lied to me. He's the one, Lorcan, and - "
She wasn't able to finish that thought, however, because at that very moment he grabbed her face and kissed her. It was a hard, angry kiss that froze her on the spot. He released her after a moment and stared into her bewildered eyes.
"Wake up, will you? !" he shouted. "I'm the one who loves you! I'm the one who's always been there for you. I'm the one who you trust. I've never lied to you! I'm the one for you, Rox, but you've been too busy making googly eyes at Rex Jordan to notice!"
Her face was red and she stared incomprehensively at him.
"I've loved you ever since we first met, but you never gave me a chance! You called me boring and ran off! After that I've tried as hard as I can to not be boring, to be fun and interesting. But nothing I did ever made a difference! So would you open your eyes for once and bloody look at me? Really look at me? !"
He stood there, breathing heavily, his messy, dirty blonde hair falling into his eyes. That was so unlike Lysander's carefully combed locks, but she'd never noticed. Boring...she had said that, hadn't she? And she'd thought that ever since. The attempts at Quidditch, covering for her when she got in trouble, distancing himself from Lysander, even helping with some pranks...She had simply retained the thought that he was boring, and never noticed anything else that said otherwise
This boy who stood in front of her was not the same boy she'd met ten years ago. The shock came over her in waves. How had she not seen this? When did this change take place? He loved her...had she really been that oblivious? Surely she would've noticed! But now that she thought about it - the special smile he reserved for her, the way he was the only one to get her out of a bad mood, the gentle touches that instantly reassured her - she realized that it was there the whole time.
Her eyes stung with tears. "Lorcan, I - "
He shook his head and clenched his jaw. "Forget it. Have a nice life with Rex Jordan."
She felt her body grow numb as, for the first time, she watched him walk away from her.
HPHPHP
How could she have been so stupid? In all her thoughts, he was there. In all her memories, he was there. In her heart, he was there. She was just too focused on Rex. Rex...
"She's no one, Roxy, just a girl in my class." "I have to take her to Hogsmeade to Freddie won't think you and I are together." "She kissed me, Roxy, don't you believe me? "We'll be together eventually. I'm just not sure how Freddie will take it." "That's just an old girlfriend of mine. She means nothing." "Roxy, you know I'd never lie to you..."
She squeezed her eyes shut and pushed the intoxicating words out of her mind. Lorcan was right. All the signs were there. The supposedly old girlfriends, the girls he took out to cover up their 'relationship'...
The realization that Rex was using her all this time was painful, but what hurt even more was the cold shoulder Lorcan was giving her. He sat as far away from her as possible in the classes they shared, and bolted from the classroom before she had a chance to talk to him. But when they did meet each other's gaze...the pain that shone from his silver eyes was almost more than she could bear.
"What did you do to Lorcan?"
She snapped out of her thoughts and stared at the boy in front of her. Dirty blonde hair, silver eyes, round nose...Lorcan! But, no, she realized. This was Lysander.
Wait, Lysander? In all the years she's known him, he's never said more than a couple words to her! And now he was talking to her?
"What did you do to Lorcan? !" he asked angrily.
Her mouth opened and closed several times before she managed to say, "What are you talking about?"
"For the past few weeks he's been moody, irritable, and won't talk to anybody but me. What did you do to him?" he questioned.
She glared. "Why do you assume I did something?"
"Because you're the only one who could possibly have this effect on him."
Her eyes widened.
Lysander shifted and became less aggressive. His eyes softened. "What happened?"
"I got a letter from Rex that made me cry and I ran into Lorcan. I told him that I thought Rex was the one, and then he kissed me. He told me he loved me and then left. He's been avoiding me ever since," she answered.
"I see," he said, nodding. "Well, then, you need to talk to him."
"What?" she asked with alarm. "Why? He won't even look at me!"
"You're the only one he'll listen to," he replied. "You're the only one he's ever listened to since you called him boring. He changed for you."
She flinched at the mention of that awful word. Boring.
"Please," Lysander said, looking imploringly at her.
"Alright," she mumbled grudingly. He looked so much like Lorcan that it was starting to get to her. "Where is he?"
"Courtyard, I think."
She turned and ran without another word.
Boring. How could she ever have thought that? Lorcan wasn't boring. He was the most interesting person she'd met! His skill with Potions was astounding. The way he tried playing Quidditch for her despite his fear of hights. She loved how his eyes lit up when he understood the material they were learning in class. And, of course, there was the adorable willingness to do anything she asked him to.
He never was boring, even on the first day they'd met. Wizard's chess wasn't really boring - the pieces moved by themselves! Besides, it was his first time at the Burrow and she'd put him on the spot. Watching her uncles play chess was probably the only thing he was comfortable with.
Roxy swore never to call someone boring again. Even Lysander - super shy Lysander - who she probably would've written off as boring, too, before that extraordinary display of brotherly loyalty.
She spotted him as soon as she reached the courtyard. "Lorcan!" she called.
He looked up, saw her, and then leapt up from the bench and made for the exit closest to him.
"No, wait!" she yelled. Now everyone was looking at them. "For the love of Merlin, Lorcan, I will Petrify you!"
That stopped him. Everybody knew that Roxy was true to her threats.
She reached him and took a few moments to catch her breath before speaking. She looked up at him, but he refused to me her eyes.
"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?"
His eyes flickered with surprise and he finally met her stare. "What?" he asked.
"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?" she repeated impatiently.
Something close to dark amusement flashed across his face. "Sorry. I'm going with Lindsey Boot."
"Lindsey Boot," she replied with shock.
He nodded and raised an eyebrow. Then he turned and made to walk away. He stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Don't look so disappointed. You didn't really want to go with me. I'm too boring, remember?"
Her heart thudded heavily in her chest and she watched him walk away. This must be how he felt for all these years. It was too cruel, too painful. But she deserved it.
She deserved it all.
HPHPHP
The months went by with no change. If anything, it was worse. Now instead of ignoring her, he glared at her every chance he got. Lysander didn't even talk to her again. It was hopeless.
She'd gotten a few more letters from Rex, but they went unanswered. Maybe he would just get tired and go find some other girl to bother. Surely he'd get the hint.
At any rate, she was glad for the winter vacation. She'd finally get a break from Lorcan's fury and relax for a little bit. But she'd forgotten one important detail about winter vacation: her grandparents' Christmas party.
Her grandparents' Christmas party which both Rex and Lorcan would be at.
Joy to the world.
Not.
"Why haven't you written me back?" Rex asked.
She really didn't want to have this conversation. She wished she could disappear, or Apparate, or melt into the floor. She wouldn't even mind it if Lily accidentally barged in without knocking like she did all the time. Anything to get away from this.
"Because I'm tired of being strung along, Rex," she said tiredly.
His eyes darkened. "What are you talking about? We're meant to be together, remember?"
"No," she replied, shaking her head. "We're not. I used to think that, but I was wrong. Now, please leave me alone."
Roxy turned and started what was supposed to be a dramatic exit, but that was thwarted by what he said.
"Fine, whatever," he snapped. "I never really cared about you, anyway. You're such a tease. I put up with you because you're Freddie's little sister, and I figured I could get a good snog out of it."
Her eyes widened and her heart beat sped up with fear as he menacingly approached her.
"I don't need you," he growled, towering over her.
Then he shoved past her and out the door. She heard him stomping down the stairs to rejoin the party and her brother. She sank down to the floor, tears in her eyes. How could she have been so wrong about everything? !
"Roxy!" her mother called. "Where are you?"
"Coming!" she said weakly. She wiped her eyes and rose unsteadily to her feet. She slowly made her way downstairs, dreading to see Lorcan.
She turned to enter the living room when she stumbled into someone. She turned her head up and met a pair of painfully silver eyes that were filled with hatred.
"Lorcan," she breathed.
He didn't say anything and simply glared at her. She swallowed and turned to leave, but something invisible knocked her back. She put her hands out and she met an invisible wall. She followed this wall all the way around them. They were trapped!
"Ah, ah, ah!" Grandma Molly said, appearing suddenly. "That's charmed mistletoe. You can't leave without a kiss!"
A kiss? ! But he hated her!
Roxy turned to look at him, and his face was twisted with fury.
"I'm not kissing you," he said. "Never again."
She was filled with a sudden rage. "I broke up with Rex. But we were never really dating, so it wasn't a real break up, I guess."
Something flickered in his eyes. "So?"
"You were right," she said, her eyes filling with tears again. "He never cared about me. He just dealt with me because I was his best mate's annoying sister and he wanted to snog me."
He frowned slightly.
The tears slid down her cheeks. "You were right about everything. And I wish I could be mad and hate you and call you stupid, but I can't. Because I'm the stupid one. You were there for me the whole time, but I never noticed because I was so infatuated with Rex! Stupid Rex, who was using me all this time!"
"Rox - " he started, but she spoke over him, her voice raising an octave.
"And now I realize how wrong I've been! But it's all too late because you hate me now. You were never boring, Lorcan, never. I was wrong to say that, and wrong to judge you before I even knew you. I never gave you a chance, and now I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life because I think I love you!"
There was a collective gasp from everyone standing in the room. She looked around and saw that, while she'd been ranting, her entire family and all their guests had come and seen. She felt so naked, so exposed, but she couldn't take it back now. The words she just said hung there in the air, mocking her.
"You...what?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
"I think I love you," she replied quietly.
His eyes hardened. "Are you just saying that because you're depressed over Rex and you feel guilty for calling me boring?"
She shook her head earnestly. "No! I think I've loved you for a while, in a way. I just didn't know. I didn't know how real love felt because I was so obsessed with Rex."
He took a step closer. "You love me...Why?"
She swallowed and glanced around at all the eyes transfixed on them. Then she looked back at him and knew she had to answer.
"I'm not exactly sure," she replied slowly. "You're incredibly kind and get along with everyone. You're the best listener ever. You don't just listen to what I'm saying, you hear what I'm saying. You give the best hugs in the entire world. When everything is going wrong, I can find peace in your arms. You're so understanding, and you've never made me feel stupid, even when you were tutoring me. And - "
She stopped as the tears started to fall again. She looked around with embarrassment.
"Do I have to continue?" she asked.
He shook his head. "No."
Roxy sucked in a breath as he stepped forward and put his hands on her cheeks, wiping away her tears. Then he slowly leaned forward and pressed his lips to her. This was how their first kiss should've been: gentle, loving, and soft. When they pulled apart, the entire room started to cheer.
She blushed and rubbed her arms, staring at the floor until she noticed Rex quickly leaving the room. Freddie was chasing after him, wand in hand. She started to move after them when a hand closed around her wrist. She turned and stared questioningly at Lorcan.
"Don't walk away," he whispered. "Not now. Not ever again."
She nodded and intertwined their fingers. He was right. They'd never have to watch the other walk away ever again. From that moment on, they walk together.
And there it is: finished!
Roxy and Rex are extremely different from how I would normally write them. Rex is a jerk in this story, but please don't hate him! It was necessary! And Roxy was way girlier than I wanted her to be, but - again - it was necessary for the infatuation with Rex.
R&R!
~Kicon