He couldn't stop her.
That was the trouble that solidified on Elro's mind, over and over, ceaselessly echoing within his mind, as the moon drifted slowly across the sky, stars coming and going, making way for the bright sun.
He had no power. Whatever he wanted for her - she could just do everything against his will.
He was Robin's older brother, and yet, he had no power to stop her. Physically, he was too weak and crippled. Intellectually, no amount of warning of danger and pain seemed to have any value to her. Emotionally… was emotions could he use to appeal to her? It seemed as though he didn't have any left. Just a hollow shell of regrets and losses.
Elro did not sleep at all. Despite being immensely tired, his brain was just too restless for it. Perhaps it was just how surreal their ordeal had been, perhaps he'd gotten just enough rest after being shot in the back to prevent sleep, perhaps it was the pain he was doing his best to ignore - whatever the cause, Elro's eyes never did rest that night.
So… that's it. I have nothing left. There's nothing of me left.
When Robin woke up in the morning, after rubbing her eyes as the sun was well on its way to the zenith, was lock eyes with him. Neither said anything, at first. They had no idea what to say, what to talk about.
They were family. They were supposed to be close, supportive, understanding. But Elro felt and saw none of it coming from Robin. Instead, she looked… apprehensive. Unsure. Unfamiliar. Eventually she got up and went for the fridge, and made a hearty breakfast. He only watched as she scarfed down food in a manner he hadn't seen since their father was alive.
He observed her leaving some on a plate, resting on a table, just within his only arm's reach. His gaze met hers. She said nothing, again. Just looked back. As if to say: "Eat. You need it". Even her stare spoke so loudly, and yet in so few words.
No motion was made to pick up the food. After a minute, Robin sighed, and left the house. She didn't tell him to stay inside, to not leave, to remain safe. Perhaps she reasoned she didn't need to.
Indeed, she didn't. Where would be go?
The plate remained untouched as the minutes went by. Elro only leaned against the surface, consumed by thoughts.
I tried to protect her, keep her safe. Now she's fought more battles than anyone ever should. And she remains steadfast, determined, resolute. I won't ever be able to stop her again.
He doesn't have his own home anymore. He doesn't have a wife and child… taken away with Penance. He doesn't have his body, not like he used to. It's just a pitiful fraction of his former self. He has Robin… not really. It used to be that he always knew where she was, safe, and reliable. But not anymore. Now she used to wandering the world, and getting into conflicts much bigger than she was meant to tackle. He doesn't even have his job anymore…
Well… he wasn't sure. One Concern surely wouldn't last long in this new world that Robin had wrought upon everyone… but Chemico Contra had been busy for the past few months, establishing bases of operation and contacts with communities… there many areas of research still thriving and waiting to be investigated, especially Shockwood… there was promise of reliable and sustainable energy sources in that region. They might help fulfill the demand that the Ivory shortage had left behind.
Don't fool yourself. Who would hire you? Crippled and injured. "Self-absorbed and irrational." And of course… the Agents he helped kill. They were the enemy… but who would forgive him for such crimes?
Friends, maybe, would not reject him on the spot. Teegan had always stood up for him, even when he insisted she didn't. As per usual, he wasn't listened to. Everyone was always trying to tell him that he was wrong. That he didn't know what was best. What did they know?
Family. Co-workers. Neighbours. Superiors. Icons. So many of them, dead. He had survived. He had lived through the apocalypse.
And what do I have left to show for it?
Nothing. Just scars and emptiness.
The first few days Robin remains distant, and mostly mute. He can tell she still hears his disapproval in her mind, trying to stop her. She was never meant to be this stubborn.
I was always meant to be the one to stand between her and danger. I promised I would.
After half a week or so, her treatment becomes a bit warmer. If only because he was immensely bored of being inside, he humors her when she suggests she take a walk. Good for the body and spirit, she said.
"Is that what that doctor told you?" The accusation flew almost thoughtlessly, remembering the man who cleaned and changed his bandages as Robin's "friends" gathered in her home, hoping beyond hope that she hadn't been stranded forever in the moon, or worse, lost in the void of space.
She doesn't answer. She just offers to help him.
"I can handle myself just fine." Pushing back his arm. He wasn't weak, not too weak to do this.
Robin tries to hide her growing dejection, as Elro leaves her home since he was brought in.
I suppose I shouldn't be so sour. We are home, after all. It's still Blackrock, and full of trees, and we're safe now… the adventure is over.
But as their traverse the familiar paths, Elro can't avoid but contort his face and expressions, as memories of outings with loved ones resurface and litter the pathways. The bench where they shared many kisses at dawn. The bushes where they played hide and seek with-
"Stop, I can't-" The words escape Elro before he can prevent Robin from hearing them. Naturally, she turns around to face him with an expression caught between confusion and concern. She's shocked to see an actual trace of emotion on Elro's face for once. She immediately steps closer to him, and he instinctively steps back.
"No, you- Please, Robin, can we not-" Elro stutters, no hint of frustration or annoyance in his voice. He recalls the smile that he enjoyed so many times before and after sleep, the cheerful voice that woke him in the morning, wondering what would they do together, dad…
Elro's weak give way, and he's forced to kneel, and in front of her favorite patch of flowers, no less. He's used to burying his grief, and emotions - he had to, he had a job to focus on, a home to provide for, a sister to shield from the horrors out there…
But none of those things exist anymore.
Robin knelt beside Elro, making sure not to get so close. He was never very affectionate, and she doubted that would change right now. But then again, she'd never seen him quite like this… or enjoying an intimate emotional moment with his beloved. So she stayed there, on the soft grass, as Elro maintained his composure, but still the slight shaking in his voice betrayed his true feelings.
"You need time to mourn, and grieve." Teegan would say that so many times. No, he'd counter, he had better things to do with his time than to mope, and get nothing important done. So he's stuff down whatever he felt as best as he could, and kept soldering on.
But there was nothing else now. No other responsibilities, no distractions, no assignments… nothing else to face but the growing pain within. There was no escaping it down; the dust had settled, the battle was over, there was nothing more to fight. No more running away from the losses. After the war is finished, you must clear the fields of the ones you've lost, and put them where they need to go, clear the earth, and bury the hearts, so that it may start anew…
Elro took quiet breaths, and sheepishly sat on the ground, staring at the delightful red flowers that he'd sneakily take a few off, and take home to surprise her with. A short detour before coming home, to make his appearances all the sweeter and more welcome.
"Robin, I know I told you to stay, many times, but please - this time, can you please stay with me?" Pleading was not something he wanted to do, it was often his last resort when he couldn't think of anything else.
I'm not hollow. I'm bursting with agony and I can't handle trying to stuff all of it down and keep it sealed.
To his relief, Robin just nodded, and sat beside him, looking at the same flowers. They were quite pretty flowers… though they reminded her of someone who had to be sacrificed. She wish she didn't have to, but… she didn't know what else she could do.
Both of them stared ahead, without saying a word, each contemplating on the people they had lost along the way. Elro realised that the gardens looked different now. There were so many new trees growing, healthy and bright.
Why couldn't they be here to see this?
He hugged his knees with his arm, and let himself be free to speak what had been confined inside.
"...I miss them. I miss them so much." Elro spoke. Robin turned slightly in his direction, but said nothing. She didn't want to interrupt. Elro had barely spoken of dad at all after he died, insisting on being protective and strong for her. But that had never been what she needed from him; she needed someone to sit beside her when things were painful, and to bolster her spirits when action was necessary. Not to stand in the way, as if he was meant to be some sacrifice. So if he was to finally level with her… she'd let him do it, however he could manage to get it out.
"I wanted to come home so much because I… I just wanted to make sure that they could be at peace." He didn't quaver anymore, but Robin knew that his gaze and tone meant that he was truly vulnerable at this point. "I… I had been meaning to come back… and mark a small plot of land for both of them. I kept some of their things at work… at one point I thought I could sneak into my old office… grab their stuff… bring it back home…"
He took a deep breath, and clenched his fist. It was very difficult for him… he had trained himself to be stoic, but now he had to unlearn his own instincts. "I needed to come home, because it hurt too much. One day you think you're fine, the next you've lost everything. I didn't care for One Concern, or Mother, or any of that bullshit - I just wanted to be with my family again. Any way I could. Even if I just stood upon what was left of my home - it was something, anything."
"When they died, as far as I was concerned, the world had already ended. Nothing else mattered to me." The wind gently rustled his hair, and Robin's, who at this point was just listening intently, and in some way, glad that he could finally empathise with her. She thought she had lost someone forever to Penance, as well. She lucked out, in the end, but the fear and panic were no less real, or fleeting.
"I couldn't even bear to think of risking your life, Robin. You're all I have left. I was so tired of fighting One Concern, tired of having to puff up in front of Agents, tired of having to listen to another one of Mother's speeches, tired of just… everything. Life's been real hard to keep ahold of since, well… Agent Grey." He felt guilty and proud at the same time. A horrible act, but perhaps… a necessary evil, he thought, if it served to take down the facade of power cast upon the world.
"In the end, I think… I couldn't look past the grief, because I never dealt with it. I was too busy telling myself that when I was done, when I was finished, only then would I take the time. But now it's here, and… I've made so many fucking stupid mistakes, for Tri's sake-" He said, bringing his hand to his face, his breaths quickening, his pulse racing-
No tears. That's what you taught yourself.
His eyes remained dry, but letting out a breath, he was shaking slightly. He had been such an idiot, thinking so much about the way he wanted it all to work out...
But… Sunflower's here, still alive, still able to smile. And the roses… they're still blooming. Still pretty. Still loving. Everything collapsed… but that too, shall pass. And here, now… I still have all this.
"Sunflower…" Soft, brotherly, caring. Robin scooted closer, waiting for him.
"I'm sorry, Sunflower. I'm sorry… that I failed you when you needed me. That I'm still carrying all this weight around I should've let go so long ago." Staring at the ground, the shame of long overdue reconciliations bubbling up. "I'm so broken, and I need to heal so much."
"I know I can't make you stay - you've shown me that you're own woman now. But… perhaps you could help me get back on my feet? For a little while at least?"
Robin had no words with which to respond. Instead, she answered the best way she knew how: Wrapping her arms around him, and letting him know that she wouldn't abandon him. If someone could use her help, then she'd so her best.
"Thanks…" He said, feeling a little awkward from the affectionate gesture, but finally, at long last, feeling something warm inside for a long time.
The rose was bright, and blooming. Giving him hope that someday, he too, would find new roots to grow from.