if I was to die in the morning...
Love is a refuge with fears and doubts. Waiting for you to hold me tight, I need one more wish before Wonderland fades...
and if I was to die in the morning... would I still be sleeping with you?
A perfect leader.
She wasn't one.
Lightning Farron watched the group from distance. By no means was she on Sentinel duty, the night as still young and the ragtag group of L'Cie was still up and active around the fire. The older ones were much more animated than the younger ones; it was to be expected however. With her naked fingers just brushing the dark handle of her Blazefire Saber. Sazh was busy fitting the last catalyst to her Erkindler Gunblade. He was confident that it would bring the weapon up into its final state.
She didn't really care, Erkindler or Omega, it was still a weapon.
She wouldn't let him touch her Blazefire anyway.
~Dressed with invisible pearls and lighted colors~
~She's a broken flower, in a huge wounded body~
Someone might have called her name, or not, she didn't really hear them as she leapt off the small drop point near the small campground the group had chosen for the night. When she wanted to be alone she'd walk off and everyone would respect her wishes. A perfect leader wouldn't abandon the group for petty personal needs like this.
Wait.
She quickly turned on heel and bounded up the rocks and back to camp. Cutting across the grass, passing the two Plusians and Hope who was playing Sazh's harmonica in a soothing jazz tune; Sazh jumped slightly when his Ommi Kit sparked, disliking the new shape Lightning's Erkindler was transforming into. Already, the pilot had a handful of weapons baring new appearances at his feet; he was putting the Trapezohedrons they had found today into good use.
It took Snow a moment to realize Lightning was standing in front of him, arms crossed with a death glare. He stammered a series of incoherent words as Light held out her hand.
"Uhh... Sis?"
"Serah." Lightning commanded, it completely dumbfounded the giant oaf. He stared back for a second too long for Lightning's liking before his eyes went wide in realization. He scrambled around in his pockets and pulled out the large blue teardrop crystal, tossing it to her. She snapped it out of the air and hardly regarded him with a nod before turning around, the fabric of her slim red cape snapping slightly at the movements. Snow watched the area of darkness she had disappeared off into.
An hour later Fang got up and followed Lightning's tracks while Vanille took a hop, step and a leap over to Hope.
~Traveling for years to find some place to stay~
~She loses herself in someone else's, someone else's tragedy~
Lightning wished that the Steppe wasn't as flat and barren as it was. Holding Serah's crystal tight against her necklace, she jumped down a couple more levels before coming to a rest. If everything had played out differently, no one would have gotten caught up in this mess. If everything was right she would still be at home in Cocoon.
However, she would have never learnt the truth; she still would have remained a dog of the military.
A pet.
Shaking her head, she stood up, and kept walking, holding the crystal just right so it captured the setting sun just perfectly. This felt stupid, but that one time before, when Snow was around, it almost felt right. Muttering Serah's name the sunlight refracted differently for a mere second. Lightning stopped her walk for a second was Serah truly aware of the feats this group was performing?
The crystal shimmered again, almost like a response; Lightning swiftly dropped her hand down and hung her head. Somehow, this one silent conversation was flooding her mind of unwanted memories and emotions she didn't want. She could feel the solitary tear fall, this wasn't her family's problem in the first place, and now they're all caught up in it. Why was she crying?
~Spinning round like a gypsy fallen queen~
~Schizophrenic, shining secretly for the man who gently say~
~How wonderful she used to be~
Lightning stopped walking when her feet splashed into a clear shallow pond in the Steppe. Making a soft noise in surprise, something she usually only made when a Chocobo had found something.
Chocobo...
"Serah, you've never seen a Gran Pulse Chocobo have you?" Lightning asked softly, her voice almost mute a she held the blue crystal, capturing the appearance of the yellow bird lounging beside the waterfront near a small cliff. Deciding to be a little daring for once she slowly walked out of the water and edged her way around. The Chocobo slowly raised his head, acknowledging Lightning's presence, shifting his body like he was inviting her in. Slowly and hesitantly, something she wasn't familiar with doing, she held her free hand out and placed it on the Chocobo's head, he make a sound of content and moved around in her hand. A small smile pinched at the corners of Lightning's lips as she knelt down beside it. She never got that chance to do this with Serah, if that vacation she had planned wasn't blotched by the whole Fal'Cie fiasco they would be in Nautilus right now.
The Chocobo wasn't content with just the petting, or somehow, he was able to read Light's emotions just as well as another person Lightning just wanted out of her head right now. Moving his head, he tugged on Light's glove, slipping it off by mistake, making a sound of disappointment; he raised his head and nibbled at right shoulder of her sleeveless jacket.
"Oh..."
Feeling awkward and disregarding the fact she had never done this with another human; family didn't count. She moved her body and leaned against the side the Chocobo was offering her, the warmth he gave off reminded her of her forgotten bed at home. The Chocobo made a satisfied sound before moving his head and nipping at her slim cape, throwing it over his neck before resting his head on her lap. A little lost with the affection the creature was giving her, Lightning buried her bare hand into the yellow feathers. Already she was feeling more relaxed since that time of the fireworks.
That felt like eons ago...
Holding out the blue crystal again, she closed her eyes, enjoying the weight of the Chocobo on her lap, it reminded her of when they were younger, on how Serah would often fall asleep on her lap.
~Tell me little sister, is it warm and safe in there~
~your face is like winter and your eyes seem so dry~
Lightning didn't know it, but tears were escaping her again, was she crying for herself, for Serah or for the both of them? Her mind spun, she didn't want memories, not now.
~Any words to fill the blanks, speak out little sister~
~Are you waiting for me somewhere deep inside~
"Oh no, unfortunately we're on vacation. It would be too far to take it all the way to Palumpolum."
The word 'vacation' echoed in Lightning's mind as she watched a mother and her son converse with a shopkeeper. Mindlessly she allowed her feet to whisk her away to mindlessly travel the shopping mall as her mind pondered off. A vacation, it would be the perfect way to make everything up to Serah, to apologize for making her little sister so lonely.
Sure, they wouldn't be able to leave for long, but if she went a booked a handful of her days off together they would at least be able to leave the sea-side city for a period of time. There she could be completely open to Serah, listen to anything she wanted to talk about, learn everything and fill in the blanks about her sister's life she's been missing out on.
Her birthday, she could tell Serah. As a thank you for all the thought she had put into it and for everything else, a thank you for always waiting for her. A minor smile, she had to thank that mother and her son.
At the time, she didn't know it was Hope and Nora. She couldn't have even guess that half the blanks would have been filled in on her worst birthday.
~Standing on the corner she's trying sometimes~
~ to touch my world to reach my side of the wire~
~Walking the whole universe to cross the line~
The Chocobo nudged her back to reality. Slightly disoriented but happy to be rid of that particular, life changing, memory, she scratched the large bird's neck. He chirped in content before moving his head brushing up against her neck, returning the gesture. Lightning knew if Snow, or Etro forbid, Fang, saw her now, she would never live it down. Holding up the teardrop crystal again, she knew that even the Chocobo was looking at it. Serah knew that such a side of her older sister existed a long time ago and would be overjoyed to see her now.
"Serah, can you forgive me?"
If you can forgive yourself first.
With one last stroke of affection towards the Chocobo she stood up. He chirped in disapproval, but Lightning just shook her head gently before walking closer to the water's edge. While she enjoyed the warmth, she was starting to remember and think of things that could have been, she didn't want that, it wasn't the reason why she had wandered away so far from the camp. She sat down on a patch of grass, noting how the Chocobo stubbornly moved to sit beside her, holding her discarded glove in his beak.
"Serah, he's just as persistent as you." Lightning mused to herself as she took her glove back, she didn't put it on; she just slipped it into her bag.
~Spinning round like the gypsy fallen queen~
~Schizophrenic, shining secretly, for the man who gently say~
~How wonderful she used to be~
Conversations of silence, that's what Snow did. For what reason was there to have a one-sided conversation with a crystal and a Chocobo that probably didn't understand half the things that were said?
The Chocobo was nudging her again, she made a minor sound of irritation but he ignored her. She couldn't tell the creature to go away; after all, she was the one who had stumbled on him.
She wasn't inclined to move however.
The bird stood up and squawked at her and, without warning, pushed Lightning over. Instantly her hand shot for her Blazefire, but the bird was faster than the disorientated and confused solider, in a quick flash of feathers her gunblade was knocked out of her hand and into the water. She grumbled, getting the mud out of the mechanics will not be fun.
"What was that... for?" Light's raged died instantly when the Chocobo stared at her, so maybe she needed to give the breed of animals more credit than she had initially, heck, even Sazh's Baby Chocobo was rather smart too.
~Tell me little sister, is it warm and safe in there~
"Okay, I'll admit it, I'm upset and I don't know how to deal with it." Lightning finally told the bird. He chirped and padded the ground slightly before bowing his head to nudge Light's only gloved hand that was holding onto Serah's Crystal. She opened her hand and held it out between them, she felt foolish. But at least the Chocobo wouldn't tell the world that Lightning Farron had finally broken down.
She hadn't felt this distressed since the time the doctors had filled her in on her mother's condition. Being the oldest and with no relatives, they had no choice.
"You don't have to do it all yourself."
Of course she didn't, she had Serah, but she wanted to. She wanted to be an adult; she wanted to be Serah's guardian even if she had to give up her last connection to her parents. Her bare hand buried itself into the Chocobo's feathers again. She had made that vow on her mother's grave, discarded her given name and became 'Lightning'.
Serah, didn't say anything, she only smiled, even then, Lightning knew what she was trying to tell her under that expression.
~Your face is like winter and your eyes seem so dry~
She bowed her head, finally allowing her tears to roll relentlessly down her cheeks; she just couldn't hold them back anymore. The Chocobo moved and nudged her shoulder before grasping her cape in his beak again, trying to lead her over to the rocky outcrop not too far away from where they stood. Her movement was sluggish, he knew that Lightning was lost in her thoughts or memories again; the glazed look in her grey-blue eyes was more than enough to tell the bird.
~Any words to fill the blanks, speak out little sister~
~Are you waiting for me somewhere deep inside~
"Serah." She murmured again, the grip around the odd crystal becoming tighter as her hand moved up to unusual lightning bolt necklace around her neck. The Chocobo gave one sharp downward tug on the crimson cape, the force and the sound of snapping stitches was enough to wake the ex-soldier out of her stupor and stare at the bird again. He squawked at her again and sat down on the longer grass exposing the side of his body like he had earlier. Lightning shook her head and moved to walk away, but a sharp sound from his beak stopped her.
"Why are you doing all of this?"
He ruffled his feathers proudly before fixing a stare.
"I can't stay, I have to get back to my..."
Could she really call them her friends?
"Cute little spoiled girl. We used to call you that before Serah was born."
Lightning swiftly shook her head; memories were attacking her like a torrential rain. Sighing she walked towards the Chocobo and sat down against him, the bird repeating the same movements before moving her cape before resting his head on her lap. He nudged her gloved hand and she opened it to reveal the crystal again. Was Serah really seeing all of this or was this just some delusion Snow had come up with and she unwillingly believed him? She just closed her eyes and let a soft hum escape her lips, one last memory.
~Carousel has slowly stopped spinning around~
"Serah!" Lightning roared as she stood in the middle of the messy family room. While she didn't need it on her day off, she had upturned and cleaned every room in the house during her frantic search for her missing Blazefire Saber. It had disappeared from its rightful place in its holster a few days ago. Serah dropped off the face of Cocoon and Lightning's hours worked just perfectly so that they wouldn't see each other or give her the time to properly ravage the house.
Going to work gunless for those few days left her open to Sergeant Major Amoda's jokes and his uncanny ability to lead her on in circles. However, that spark in his eye, told her that he was behind the unusual hours or her missing Blazefire.
"Claire?" Serah asked as she poked into the family room, the glare Lightning sent her way had more than one meaning. The older Farron was frustrated over her missing gunblade and it just didn't help that today was her twentieth birthday and the day of the annual fireworks. "What's wrong Light?"
"I'm on to you." Lightning snapped. "You're behind Blazefire's disappearance."
"Blazefire?" Serah asked, confused, she wasn't aware that Lightning had named her military issued weapon. Maybe it was just the model name, but Lightning would never call something by a precise name unless it was habit or important to her.
Maybe she really did mess up.
"My gunblade." Lightning growled as she started to set the room straight after her, not so smooth, search. "It's not where I put it last and you're the only other person who lives here!"
"Wait! Light! Okay! I'm sorry!" Serah held her hands up in defence. "I took it."
"Why? You know I need it." Lightning asked her, crossing her arms, Serah swayed side to side for a second, holding her hands behind her back. She didn't answer and Light kept the pressing silence. Sighing in defeat, Serah held up a finger, telling her to wait. She disappeared upstairs and returned with a wrapped box. Lightning had already cleaned the room and was sitting on the couch, arms still crossed and the TV remote sitting on her lap.
"I was going to wait until after dinner, but if it will calm you down now..." Serah muttered as she sat down beside Lightning, placing the wrapped box on the coffee table. Lightning looked at it with a wary eye; the box was a very familiar size.
"I didn't know what to get you, so I figured, just maybe..." Serah started, but stopped. Lightning spared her a glace before leaning forward, untying the ribbon and removing the lid. Her Blazefire Saber sat in the box in its gun form. With a first glance Lightning could tell it had been polished, but what spiked her curiosity was the engraving on the silver metal just above the handle.
It was faint, but it was there, skilfully done in Cocoon's Calligraphy was her chosen name.
"Serah..." Lightning started as she held it up in her hands, it was only done on the right side of the weapon.
"Flip it out, like how you usually do." Serah added with a soft smile, enjoying the look of amazement and wonder on her older sister's face, she rarely got to see it anymore. Lightning didn't nod or say anything as the gunblade opened up and folded upon itself as the blade pivoted on the arm that now had Light's chosen name on it. "I just..."
Lightning ran her fingers over the blade, reading the small sentence on the metal.
"White flash. Call upon my name."
"Light?" Serah asked, her response was a small smile and an even rarer hug. The little sister had no hesitation in returning the affection, she had nailed it perfectly. Serah didn't think she could beat the necklace she had given her last year.
~Alice won't be back this time, Wonderland's fading~
~as she closes the lights and drops the bottle down~
"Serah." Escaped Lightning's lips one last time as her head rolled to the side, sleep was granting her body with open arms. Even the usual demons decided to give the broken Lightning a chance. Her hand slowly slipped off the dormant Chocobo's head and the crystal that was sandwiched between them tumbled down and into the grass.
~Wonderland's fading, Wonderland's fading~
Fang stopped on the other side of the water, it wasn't hard to miss Lightning, dare she say, snuggled up against a Chocobo. Placing her hands on her hips she shifted her weight back and forth a few times, she had a few options. She could turn a blind eye to this and return to camp, humiliate Lightning for her own pleasure, or attempt something that just might get her killed.
~Tell me little sister is it warm and safe in there~
~your face is like winter and your eyes seem so dry~
She noted Light's Blazefire Saber in the water, something like that was highly unusual to see. The woman never let the weapon out of her sight and after she had picked up the Axis Blade in Palumpolum she tucked Blazefire away like she had a fear of the weapon being ruined. So when Sazh demanded that Lightning was to hand over her Erkindler so he could work on it, she handed it over with a fuss. Right afterwards she walked over to one of floating devices that Sazh frequently used to shop for upgrade components and withdrew her Blazefire Saber from the storage function.
Hope had told her what it was, but Fang had swiftly forgotten, it was just another thing on her weird Cocoon technology list. Stabbing her Kain's Lance into the ground she walked into the water to fish out Lightning's Blazefire. She didn't know how long it had been under the water, but certainly it was long enough that Light would be spending a few good hours cleaning it. Half-heartily tossing it over to her own weapon she studied Lightning's dormant appearance. It was the only time anyone got to see a look of pure innocence on their stern leader's face.
~Tell me little sister is it warm and safe in there~
~your face is like winter and your eyes seem so dry~
She walked closer to the two and placed her hands on her hips; the Chocobo woke up and fixed a threatening glare at Fang. The older woman huffed, just who in the world did the bird thinks he is?
Judging from the tear stains on Lightning's face, the Chocobo was certainly enough to wreak the brick wall Lightning had built up around her, something she had been trying to do since she had met the soldier. The damned bird was a wrecking ball while everyone else was hacking away brick by brick. The Chocobo then looked away, like he was telling her to take Lightning and leave, but just watch her back for the rest of her time here.
"Hey, hey! It's nothing like that!" Fang told the bird, her accent making her sound more playful that she had initially wanted, the bird didn't believe her as he settled his head on the ground, still glaring. "Oh how do I put this?" she crossed her arms and took a slight step back so her body turned slightly
~Any words~
She looked back at the Chocobo, his eyes still trained on her, huffing she rolled her eyes and a shrill chirp came from him. Fang looked back, noticing that he was struggling with something in the grass. Walking over he snapped a 'don't you dare' look at her, but she ignored him.
"She's my friend too yeh know?" Fang told the Chocobo as she kneeled down on a single knee, pulling the blue teardrop crystal off the ground. "Well I'll be, Sunshine does miss her little sister." Fang whispered as she held up Serah's crystal, everyone knew that Lightning would wake at the sound – no, that wouldn't be right – she would more or less wake up at the sound of a sharp, loud laugh rather than a pin drop.
"I hope I can meet you properly one day, Serah." Fang said with a smile. With the way both Lightning and Snow, especially Snow, talked about her, Fang knew that just seeing the girl unconscious in the Pulse Vestige wasn't enough. Heck, even Vanille got a chance to speak with her.
"I hope so too."
~Any words to fill the blanks, speak out little sister~
"How long have you been up?" Fang asked smugly as she rested her arms over her knee. Lightning's eyes cracked open slightly as the Oerbian woman saw a faint smile grace the soldier's lips.
"You're... not all that quiet in the water." Lightning responded, Fang swore mentally, so she was up for all of it. Light's gloved hand moved and rested on the ground beside her, simply guessing, Fang took it as an invitation to sit beside her. Fang decided to try to keep a distance however, knowing Lightning's defensive nature over her personal bubble that the Chocobo had clearly destroyed earlier, but she wasn't going to try. "Whatever you prefer then."
So Lightning did want her closer, the Chocobo really did make her snap. She hesitantly moved closer so she was just brushing against Lightning and leaning against the yellow bird as well, she didn't dare to push for more. To her surprise, Lightning chuckled.
"What?" Fang nearly snapped, Light titled her head back to rest against the Chocobo, the soft light reflected from Cocoon gave her appearance an earthly glow, for such a battle harden warrior of Cocoon, anyone would say it, she was beautiful.
~Are you waiting for me somewhere deep inside~
"All of this..." Light started, another unusual thing, she hardly started anything but a fight. "Everything seems like Alice's Wonderland." She said, Fang assumed she was talking about Gran Pulse and the whole L'Cie business, it was serious business anyway, but she returned Lightning's previous chuckle.
"I don't think I'm familiar with that story." Fang commented, just looking at the other warrior, she had her eyes closed now. "But yeah, it just seems like one big dream." She hesitantly wrapped her arm around Lightning's shoulders, to her surprise, she leaned in closer.
"It's fading..." Lightning whispered, Fang couldn't help but be a little smug, no one else has seen their leader like this, soft, gentle, a fragile being that was ready to shatter at a moment's notice. She wouldn't be like this tomorrow; she'd be wound up so tightly and act like nothing happened.
But she'll still be ready to break.
"The dream or the memory?" Fang asked softly, Lightning didn't respond. The dark haired woman remained motionless, feeling Light's body loosen up as she fell back asleep. Opening her hand to expose Serah's Crystal, for once, she didn't know what to say or think. There had to be a reason why Lightning had remained in such a vulnerable state long after she had found her. If it was anyone else, she probably would have buried herself back in her soldier shell. Closing her own eyes, she let sleep overtake her.
~Are you waiting~
Lightning was the first to wake that morning. Panic consumed her first, not used to waking to such warmth. She had fallen sideways overnight and was partly on top of Fang. Her semi-dormant brain froze, memories of her persona last night and then Fang, no; Fang was acting in a similar way too. A smile didn't reach her stoic expression, but her eyes shimmered slightly. Even the Chocobo had moved overnight so his head was resting near Fang's head and not Lightning's feet.
Nothing was coming together to explain what emotion she was feeling right now. Part of her wanted to stay and study Fang's features, another part of her wanted to run away. She stayed, closing her eyes again, not sleeping but clearly relaxed. Even with Fang's arm secured tightly around her waist, nothing felt out of place.
Anything that Fang would throw at her later on, she'll just deal with it.
A/N: This originally started as a little muse in the back of my head and I couldn't get it out. This is initially planned to be a one-shot, but I've pretty much dismantled a handful of other songs, so I might make this into a 5-chapter Light/Fang-centric short story.
Depending on the response, the second chapter will probably be the hardest to do.
Heck... I've really never done something like this before.
Chapter Song: Little Sister
Artist: Your Favorite Enemies (The band behind Cosmos, Chaos and THE MESSENGER from Dissida: Final Fantasy)
Disclaimer: Everything used belongs to their rightful owners; I'm not in the mood to draw up my usual fancy disclaimers.