Change
Long ago you made room for the darkness
Til you shut out the light
And since then I've been here, caught between you
And a problem you've struggled to hide
Wilson heard the song on the radio, on the way back from Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital.
You cry out, you cry out that it's not your fault
But nobody's left here to blame
Can't you change that perception?
Please break the chains that you know hold you captive
Oh, change or choose a direction
But please, stop pretending you're blind
And uncover your eyes
Uncover you eyes
Wilson was proud of House's decision, and it scared him too. He knew it scared House, even if he tried to act like a complete bastard to hide his fear. But that idea that House might have to give up practicing medicine... It was the most constant thing in House's life. Even when everything else was a mess, diagnostics was there. It wasn't just what House was good at - when House was working, he shone.
All your battles get tangled inside
Til the mess is too big and too loud
And you fly off exploding while I cross my fingers
And pray that you will come down
Since House had told him about the hallucination, Wilson had been praying that it was the vicodin. And a part of Wilson couldn't help wondering if it had partly been his fault. If it wasn't the vicodin, had his treatment of House after Amber's death played a part in the hallucinations? That time period, with Amber dead, and Wilson cutting House out of his life and blaming him, constantly depressed and angry, had been hell on earth. But House was still his best friend. House was still the person Wilson knew best in all the world, and who knew Wilson best. Staying away only worked for so long.
And now House was the one cutting himself off from everyone and everything.
You cry out, you cry out that it's not your fault
But nobody's left here to blame
Won't you change that perception?
Please break the chains that you know hold you captive
Oh, change or choose a direction, yeah
But please, stop pretending you're blind
And uncover your eyes
Uncover your eyes
The lyrics to the song were so familiar to Wilson. He had thought those words so many times, watching House roll over and play dead to his addiction. House was a fighter, anyone would say that. But when it came to the vicodin, he didn't even try. He simply let it control his life.
House always laughed it off as just another one of the annoying, messed up quirks he defined himself by, and it had always been more then that.
And now House was going to be detoxing, in an unfamiliar place, away from everyone who might support him.
Maybe that was a good thing. Wilson had always wanted House to get off the vicodin, but he knew he had become an enabler. He didn't even blink anymore, let alone protest, when House would pop half a dozen of the little pills in a single day. Hell, sometimes when he knew the pain was worse, Wilson would leave his prescription pads out where House could find them and write himself enough to last another few weeks.
I don't wanna lose you
Yeah, yeah, it can still be all right
I know that I love you, I love you, I need you to
Change that perception to break the chains
That you know hold you captive
Oh, change or choose a direction, yeah, but
Stop pretending you're blind, you're not blind
Dr. Nolan was right. He needed to give House time to come to terms on his own. Wilson could be there, supporting him from a distance, but it had to be House's choice. House's triumph. And Wilson would not let himself become a new crutch, or a reminder of the weakness of the past.
With a sigh, he turned the music up louder and decided he would find the song when he got back to the apartment. And he would start preparing the place for when House was finally ready to come home.
Can't you change that perception?
Please break the chains that you know hold you captive
Oh, change or choose a direction
But please, stop pretending you're blind and uncover your eyes
Uncover your eyes, yeah.
...
a/n I am a firm believer in dealing with addictions and not letting them define you. They really do control your life, and everything about it. This song is called "Change" and it's by Stephanie Smith. She wrote it for a friend whose husband was dealing with a drug addiction. It hit me when I was working through some problems of my own, and so I wanted to share it. And it seemed utterly appropriate for the House universe.