Author's Note:

So, after reading a few hundred Fanfiction stories over the last year and a half, I decided to give this a shot. Whether I am good at it or not, I have no idea. It was a goal I set for myself, and I couldn't give up. I am hoping that the descriptive "talents" will fall into place at some time if I carry on doing this.

My inspiration for this story came from the James Arthur song – Can I Be Him. Ideas for this story kept nagging at me. It's changed about three times, and hopefully this time it's okay.

I took the dialogue from the various episodes of the show in the last few chapters, and bits here and there. Others will be parts / ideas thereof.

There may be times where Kate seems out of character. Maybe she is too willing with Castle whereas in the show she is a little more resilient towards him. I saw a bit of a sensitive side of Kate – caring and nurturing and I loved it when she was like that (Don't get me wrong, I loved the kick-ass Beckett too – she's definitely my hero). So that's why I wanted to write Kate a little differently, accepting Castle's advances and suggestions for the purpose of this story. Seeing where it leads if I made her a little more open to the good things right in front of her.

I tried to do a spell check as best I could, please forgive me if there are typos.

I also do apologise if part of this story seems to script-like or too much like dialogue. It is my very first ever story and I really am hoping I get better at this.

Please enjoy

Disclaimer – I don't own anything Castle related.

Chapter 1

December 1999…

Nineteen year old Kate Beckett could not wait to get off the plane after a four and a half hour flight from California. It has been almost six months since she had been back to New York, her last vacation was over the summer which didn't last as long as she wanted, there were pending assignments that needed to be worked on and Kate wasn't a class average kind of girl. First year at Stanford University, pre-law, was completed successfully. Kate smiled at that thought. Her lawyer parents were going to be proud. Exiting the plane was taking longer than Kate needed it to and a loud exasperated sigh fell out of her mouth. The middle-aged passenger in front of her turned around with a frown, Kate smiled sarcastically. It must have been the frequent alternating footwork that unnerved her. Travelling at this time of the year was horrific, the airport terminals reminded her of a can of sardines. Guess that's what happens when you decide to fly home on Christmas Eve. Home for the holidays she reminded herself. Her ears zoned in on the sound the wheels of her suitcase were making struggling to keep up with her pace as she dragged her luggage behind her, she made her way hastily through the arrival terminal, dodging people left and right to get out of the hustle and bustle as fast as possible. As she got closer to the exit, excitement began to flutter in her stomach at the thought of seeing her mom…and dad…

A deep monotone voice could be heard in the distance over the crowds and it caught her attention, "Katie" and there, saw him, the thin grey-haired man waiving his hand furiously. Her dad, Jim Beckett a mellow man, not a fighter at all constantly got swept back by the sea of people when trying to get closer to Kate, so he succumbed to the mob and waited patiently for her to come to him. This made Kate smile, not the great big smile she was hoping to release, but a smile nevertheless, her gentle dad.

"Hey dad" and before she could resist or say anything else she felt his arms wrap around her. The force that enwrapped her gave her the sense that he really missed her and set off a feeling she never expected. Comfort. "Where's mom?"

"Ah honey…She was at the office when I left." Noticing the disappointment on her face, he squeezed her shoulder lightly and took her bag, "But she promised that she'd be home cooking something delicious by the time we got back." Well, he hoped.

"Gosh! I forgot how cold it was here!" Shivers went from head to toe when the airport doors opened onto the street. The noise outside was more intense than the general hum of the people on the inside. "And noisy!"

Jim chuckled, "We've been in the negative temperatures for about a week now." Jim had a hand out to hail a cab.

"I hope we don't have to wait too long for a cab…"

"Nope sweetie – here's ours now. Quickly – get inside." Nostalgia cemented itself into Kate's gut after seeing the city pass by through the window of the cab. The feeling was heavy, along with the other plaguing her mind.

"Is mom working on a case?" Jim shuffled in his seat.

"Yes she is honey. She tells me it's important." The inside door of the cab has the weight of Kate's elbow pressing on it.

A soft whisper and drooping head told Jim that his little girl was upset, "It's always important."

He wanted to tell her that the work wasn't as important to her as Kate was, but Kate's no fool and not a little girl anymore. "You get your work ethic, dedication and determination from her you know." Silence took over the cab.

The smell of Christmas was pouring out the door of their apartment. Her dad breathed in deeply. "Nothing like the smell of delicious food to overwhelm your senses hey Katie?"

Kate didn't reply. She didn't feel like speaking when she was upset. How could her mother not make time to see her? She had promised to be at the airport when she arrived. The apartment door opened quietly, the food aroma more intense on the inside. Soft jazz music was playing in the background, Christmas decorations up and in full swing. It was warm and cozy in the Beckett household but at the same time the apartment felt unwelcome. Kate's eyebrow shot up at the sight of her mother on the couch, feet up, drink in hand and completely absorbed the latest Richard Castle novel.

Kate looked at her; the good wife, talented cook and amazing lawyer. She imagined her mother looking up and seeing her standing in the doorway. Her mom jumping out of her seat to welcome her daughter home, holding nothing back when she gave her the life-threatening hug she hoped for. But instead she didn't even seem to register Kate's arrival. She just kept reading. Hurt, betrayal and anger emerged in the nineteen year old and Kate thought it was better to walk away.

"Hey mom" she tried.

Wait…pause…still very little excitement coming from Joanna Beckett. Strange.

"I guess I'll be in my room."