Tales of the 'Un'Lucky Ninja
A.N. So... since I know that everyone on this site has some form of inner pervert (author raises hand). I created this to go alongside my work with 'The Hunter', it will have absolutely nothing to do with cannon and will start off after it anyways... with a few twists of course.
With my other fic I know I should finish it before I begin any others but I need a way of taking a break and to do that I thought this up!
If you have not read 'The Hunter' yet go do so now! PRINNY-SAMA demands it ~desu! However if you have read up to the most current chapter which is 13 if memory serves, I explained what kind of story this will be there.
So go get your boxes of tissues ladies and gents your in for a wild ride! Though I am going to try and form some kind of plot for this whole thing.
Let the insanity begin...
"Blah blah blah!" ← regular speech
'who am I? where am I? who are you?' ← thoughts
"I AM KYUUBI HEAR ME ROAR!" ← furball/demons speaking
"THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN IN YA ASS!" ← jutsu
Middle of bumfuck nowhere ← location location location (3 points if ya heard this before!)
Prologue
WHAT!
Mindscape
Kyuubi greatest of all the tailed demons sighed within the mind of Namikaze-Uzumaki Naruto. Why was the all powerful demon sighing well, to put simply he was bored out of his mind.
He had watched the kit grow up hated, unloved, and uncared for. Hell the demon himself had hated the boy for the majority of the entire thing! Now 19 years later, Naruto was one of the most influential and well-known Nin of his time. Even surpassing his father the Konoha no Kiiroi Senkō, better known as the Yondaime Hokage of Konoha.
The blonde had been forced to battle his best friend Sasuke Uchiha to the death, nearly failing once more because of his desires to fulfill a certain promise to a pink haired banshee who in the demons mind wasn't worth the effort. Though in the end he had managed to bring the brat back.
"The kit has no idea how many neurons and synapses I've had to repair because of that girl." Kyuubi thought out loud and shuddered thinking of the chakra enhanced punches the girl known as Sakura doled out as punishment.
Those things would even hurt him!
Then as icing on the top of the cake what did the village do to him for his troubles, they nominated the traitorous Uchiha for the position of Rokudaime Hokage!
"Ah the blonde one with large breasts nearly killed the council if I remember." spoke Kyuubi from within his cell. "A good mate she would be if I was out of this damn jail!"
Even after his dream had been stolen from him Naruto had pressed on entering ANBU and becoming its commander at the age of 17. Proving himself time and time again that he would do everything and anything to protect those he held dear.
His "Precious" people.
Even the demon lord himself could respect that kind of loyalty.
The boy had then, during the fourth ninja war fought against Uchiha Madara. Like the Shodaime himself, the boy had battled the wretched man at the Valley of the End. Though unlike the Shodaime, Naruto had succeeded in killing the vile Uchiha with a super-powered demonically charged Rasenshuriken.
Almost killed himself in the blast to.
"Hahaha good times." Kyuubi chuckled darkly as he reminisced.
The problem with all this was even after becoming a hero, saving the village on multiple occasions, and the world itself! The boy whom Kyuubi now endearingly refereed to as "kit" still lacked a mate to love him and produce kits of his own.
Sure the boy could bed any woman in the village he asked, but for all the wrong reasons. A short mishap on his 18th birthday and a woman known as Anko had learned of one of Naruto's lesser known attributes. Then had proceeded to tell every woman in the village that Naruto was a gift to women from Kami-sama herself for what he had.
The third leg that swung in between his knees.
Growling inside his cage Kyuubi thought back to the day that Naruto had been denied his birthright shortly after the war had ended, his fathers name and clan compound. Instead it had been pillaged and squandered all of its wealth to be given to the Uchiha brat when he became hokage, the worm had accepted it with a smug smile.
"The kit is the unluckiest human I've ever come acrossed..." Kyuubi said to himself 'First thing I do if I ever get out of here is rip that little scum's head off after tearing each and every appendage away from his body!' he thought visciously pacing around in his cell. He turned around to face a giant screen to watch the world through Naruto's eyes.
Kyuubi could feel, hear, see, taste and emotionally sense everything that Naruto did because of their deal made when Naruto had needed his help to defeat Madara. So now Kyuubi gave his demonic chakra and power freely in exchange for a few certain annuities.
Right now though all Kyuubi could feel from his container was sadness, years of depression and yearning for a family of his own. Naruto was currently looking at a young mother and her son playing on a playground. The woman Kyuubi could recognize; buxom figure, silky and flowing honey brown hair, crimson eyes and in the recesses of his mind Kyuubi vaguely remembered the name Kurenai-sensei.
He watched the screen as Naruto walked up and began to coddle the small boy, playing odd games like "tag" which was chasing around and trying to touch the other player and "catch" throwing a small round object to the other person in hopes that they would catch it and throw it back. All through this time the mother watched with a happy smile on her face.
Humans certainly were odd creatures.
Nearly an hour later the small family left leaving Naruto alone once more and the demon lord could feel the despair swelling up from the very bottom of the boys soul. The pain and depth of the feelings made even the hardened demons heart clench.
"I will be damned if my kit's life is filled with loneliness!" Kyuubi bellowed his fury shaking the very walls of his domain. "On my name and title as the Kyuubi no Youko I will make sure That. Shall. Not. Happen!"
Tearing his massive crimson orbs away from the screen the king of all demons went to work.
'Yo! Kyuubi you ok in there?'the voice of his container asked. 'I thought I heard something.'
"Nothing is wrong kit just thought of something." Kyuubi answered not wanting to be found out.
'Alright well if you need anything you know how to get a hold of me.'
Kyuubi laughed at this of course he knew, not like he could go anywhere even if he tried. The Fourth's seal had been to perfect, earlier this year when he should have been consumed by the seal the demon lord remained. Even after Naruto had absorbed all his chakra Kyuubi was still there, but had more or less become a second living entity within Naruto. The fox could still cause mayhem if he wanted to, but the symbiotic relationship he had with his kit was pleasant enough.
Though mayhem was exactly what was on Kyuubi's mind.
With Naruto
He was in his apartment, an upgraded version of what he had lived in when he was younger but very much alike. One very large room his bed and dresser off to the side, a long counter extending from the wall wrapping around a small kitchen. His dining room beside it had a small wooden table with three chairs. Down a small hall was a full sized bath with everything he could need.
Currently he was leaning with his back against the counter waiting for his ramen to finish cooking, although he no longer ate it in the copious amounts he had during his childhood he still enjoyed the delicious noodles for a treat.
Naruto groaned as a familiar spasm wracked his body and gripped the counter behind him, they had been occurring for the past month. Oddly enough during this entire time Kyuubi had also remained silent and whenever Naruto had confronted the demon to see if he was the cause the answer had always been the same.
"I'm working on it."
Still for something to take an entire month for the demon to fix in his body, it had Naruto a bit unnerved. Anything that could give the fox this much trouble could be a major cause for concern. The looks he had been getting from half of Konoha's populace were not helping his condition at all either. Why just last week he had to barricade himself in his apartment from something he had never thought he would have in bulk.
Fangirls.
Sure he gained a few when he became the ANBU Commander, the whole dark and mysterious look somehow drew them in. Naruto concluded then that if anything Sasuke had one thing right when he was younger, how to get girl's attention. The broody avenger at that age had dark and mysterious in spades.
Thinking of his one time friend and soon to be hokage Naruto grimaced, but shook the feelings off quickly enough. As long as even one person he loved remained in the village of the leaf he would protect it with his life!
Thinking again about his encounter with the rabid beasts known as fangirls, Naruto decided that his situation had been quite different, fangirls didn't try to tear off your clothing and take you in the center of the village plaza. During the middle of the day. In the middle of a speech from the hokage.
That was called insanity.
Naruto had barely made it back to his apartment, locked the doors and flung every piece of furniture he owned in front of the door. Then in his boxers, all they had left him with during the attack had locked himself in a closet with only a kunai for protection.
Another spasm bowled him over and he leaned heavily against the counter of his apartment.
"Maybe I really should have this looked at by Baa-chan..." Naruto said to himself, he smiled thinking about how Tsunade had fought tooth and nail against the councils decree that Sasuke would become the Rokudaime. Though she had failed the blonde hokage had made certain stipulations that had forced the council to give Naruto a few possession's left to him by his father before Sasuke had gotten his hands on it.
Like the scroll on how to perform the Hiraishin no Jutsu and all of his scrolls on seals.
Naruto chuckled to himself remembering how infuriated Sasuke had been when he had heard the news. Then gasped as an even more painful spasm shook him to the core.
.
"Ya, the ramen can wait I need to have Baa-chan take a look at this." grabbing his cloak styled like the Fourth's only with red with black flames instead of his fathers white with red. Naruto walked to his door and with a cautious glance around began walking towards the hokage tower.
Hokage Tower
"The monthly kunoichi meeting will now take place!" Tsunade stated with authority looking at each of the woman seated in front of her desk. In the office sat: Kurenai, Hana, Anko, Tenten, Shizune, Yugao, Hinata, her younger sister Hanabi, and Ino. In addition to her kunoichi in the room there was Temari of sand, Priestess Shion of demon country and Princess Yukie of snow all three of them in Konoha on business. The trio had asked to sit in and see what was going on, and the blonde hokage had obliged.
Of the missing her apprentice Sakura was out and about participating in her latest passion, stalking the Uchiha. The girl had to Tsunade's absolute disgust the girl had begun chasing after the traitorous prick after Naruto had brought him back to the village. While Moegi was on a mission with her team consisting of Udon and Konohamaru.
"To begin with you go first Kurenai." Tsunade said while Shizune who was sitting at her side pulled out a scroll to play the roll of note taker.
Kurenai sat a bit straighter in her chair before replying "Hai Hokage-sama!" she brought a hand up to her mouth and coughed lightly clearing her throat. "Ahem. To begin with Kakashi is still perverted as ever,"
Many grumbles from the gathered responded to this.
"As I was saying he still carries around those thrice damned orange books." Kurenai wrinkled her face up in a look of disgust at this.
A hand was raised, "Ano, what books are you talking about?" Shion asked Yukie sitting besides her nodded in agreement both curious about what 'book' were in question.
"Smut." Tsunade answered simply as she stood up, walking over to a safe located in the corner of a room she opened it and pulled out a cardboard box with the word "Evidence" written on its side. She walked over to Shion and pulled out a book with an orange cover. "Take a look, just open it anywhere." the hokage handed it to the Priestess who opened it to a random page.
Yukie taking a single look at the cover brought a hand up to her mouth and blushed while giggling. This was met by many of the women present with odd looks. Noticing them she cleared up the issue with a simple statement.
"Well I was the actress for the movie."
Many gasps and a loud "Eep!" from Shion, who dropped the book to the ground followed this claim.
"Ahem." Kurenai who was looking at Yukie like she grew a second head brought the rooms attention back to herself. "Anyways, Kiba has been nipping at Hinata's heels like a dog in heat." she said simply.
Heads turned to the heiress who nodded shyly blushing and pushing the tips of her fingers together.
"Tch, poor girl." Anko spoke up fiddling with a dango stick in her mouth. "Want me to neuter the mutt?" she asked. Dead serious about the offer.
Chuckles and quiet giggles followed the statement.
"Hinata I am sorry about my little brothers foolish behavior." Hana spoke up from her spot shaking her head sadly at the news, her long brown pony tail waved behind her head from the action. "Anko, I'll hold him down if it comes to it."
"Pshh, he'd probably like that."
"N-no," Hinata stuttered out "K-Kiba-kun isn't t-that bad."
"You just wish it was Naruto instead don't you Hinata?" Ino snickered when Hinata turned a shade of red that would make a tomato jealous. "You still like the baka don't you?" She asked with a sigh.
Almost every woman in the room knew of Hinata's infamous crush on the blonde, in fact nearly all of Konoha did other than Naruto himself. Her confession during Pain's invasion of Konoha all those years ago were forgotten after the battle and sadly Naruto after using Kyuubi chakra to defeat him experienced a bout of amnesia afterward as a side effect of using nearly nine tails worth of its power, losing all memories of the event.
"Naruto?" Shion and Yukie asked at the same time, each wearing an identical confused expression. Yukie then spoke for the both of them. "As in the boy who saved my country from my uncle?"
"And mine from demon Mōryō?" Shion added.
"Yeah Hinata's had a crush on him since the academy." Tenten deadpanned.
Further conversation was interupted by Anko who began laughing uproariously "The gaki is anything other then a boy nowadays!" she cried wiping tears from her eyes.
Hinata glared daggers at the purple headed kunoichi. While the other members from Konoha blushed crimson.
"Excuse me?" Shion asked not understanding the awkward tension in the air.
"Man's got a weapon of mass destruction between his legs!" Anko replied still wiping away tears. Hinata lunged from her seat at her only to be intercepted by Tenten and Ino. While the women who hadn't heard of this; Shion and Temari blushed furiously, Yukie however had an odd contemplative look.
"ANKO!" Kurenai chastised glaring at her friend. "Behave!"
"Hai Hai! Sorry Kure-chan." turning to the frothing Hinata she gave a slight bow, "You as well Hinata."
Calming down momentarily from the apology Hinata's mood went from murderous to 'stealthy Juken strike at a later date' and sat back down.
"No problem Mitarashi-san," Hinata hissed. She and every other woman in the village knew of the promiscuous woman's misdeeds on Naruto's 18th birthday, as well as full details of the event. Hinata herself having a front row seat having been the one to break it up before it went to far.
The heiress had never seen so much skin before in her life.
"Alright ladies!" Tsunade shouted over the whispers spreading throughout the group bringing them to a halt. "Kurenai anything else to report?" she asked looking at the crimson eyed genjutsu mistress.
"No nothing else Hokage-sama." the woman answered with a slight bow.
"Good anyways Yugao how abou-"
"Tsunade baa-chan!" many of the women sighed knowing who it was, while Shion and Yukie giggled.
A tick mark formed on Tsunade's brow as she recognized the voice who had addressed her so. Turning slowly in her chair she was greeted by a familiar foxy smile and brilliant sun-kissed hair sitting on all fours on the windowsill to the office. "Brat! What did I tell you about calling me that!" she yelled.
Tsunade may never acknowledge the fact that she didn't mind being called grandma by the man anymore, learning that it was his form of endearment. But she definitely still did not like having her age rubbed in her face.
Naruto cocked his head to the side and rubbed the back of his head ruffling his blonde locks around, "Sorry bout that..." he muttered sheepishly.
'Kawai!' was the thought on most of their minds.
"Anyways Baa-chan," Naruto said.
This time the entire group face-palmed, 'He did it again!' was their thought this time.
"I haven't been feeling so go-" the women gasped when his sapphire blue eyes rolled back and he slumped forwards falling to the floor with a thump.
As one multiple cries of "Naruto!/Gaki!/Brat!/Naruto-kun!" could be heard as the women in the room rushed to check on him and make sure the blonde was alright.
"Look out let me see him!" Tsunade ordered pushing her way to the front kneeling down besides him, a green glow covered her hands as she began to run a diagnostic jutsu over her adopted brother.
"Tsunade-sama is he alri-"
Tenten's words were cut off and many of the woman gasped when a swirling black mass erupted from beneath Naruto, it spread out covering the entirety of the office encompassing them. Yukie and Shion screamed not knowing what was happening while the kunoichi's pulled out weapons ready to defend each other from a hidden enemy.
"What the fuck!" Anko cried as the world span reality warping into a blur before she passed out.
Unknown Location
"-AT!"
'Huh? What the hell happened?' Naruto thought as he slowly returned to the land of consciousness, his head hurt like crazy and his body was in pain. Groaning he rolled onto his side trying to zone out the noise.
"BRAT!"
'Oh kami it's loud someone turn it off!' rolling over he reached out to shut up his alarm, hitting something soft he heard multiple gasps. 'Nani, why is my clock soft?' he squeezed his hand holding the object and heard a low moan. 'And moaning?'
"Naruto you have three seconds to remove your hand. One!"
'Now its counting and it sounds familiar...' another squeeze.
"OoOh. TWO!"
"Tsunade-sama you can't be serious just wake him up!" another voice.
'Baa-chan? Why is she counting an... wait I'm sleeping?' He opened his eyes and immediately paled as all the blood in face drained away. 'Oh kami!' instantly awake he realized what was going on, currently in his palm was a handful of the blonde hokage's plentiful 'assets'. A massive tickmark forming on her brow and against his will his hand squeezed once more.
"THRE-"
"GYAH!" Naruto jumped away right before his life was about to end by the enraged woman and collided with another person who cried out as they collapsed in a pile. His hands reached up to push himself onto his feet and encountered two soft mounds vaguely he realized his face was planted in a marsh mellow like hell. Bolting upright he instantly bowed, "G-Gomen!" he cried while getting a good look at his victim. "P-princess Yukie!"
Moaning beneath him was the princess of snow country, his legs straddling her thighs and his hands placed directly onto her breasts, somehow they had gotten into her kimono. Yukie's eyes were closed and a mouth open ruby red lips opened in a groan while her silken brown locks splayed out around her face like a halo.
"Auuu my head..." Yukie moaned out huskily. Rubbing her head with her right hand, looking up Yukie spotted him and smiled "Ohayo Naruto!" she quipped, totally ignoring their more then inappropriate position.
"Naruto please get off of the princess."
His head snapped around and Naruto gaped like a fish "S-shion?" the priestess was currently covering her face with her hands, he looked down once more and spotted Yukie smirking beneath him "AH! Gomen!" he leaped up and backed away taking in his surroundings.
It was night stars and a half moon filled the sky, he could hear waves off in the distance and smell salt in the air. Currently he was in a clearing and around him were palm trees, sitting in the middle of it by him was a small fire and besides it was: Kurenai-sensei glaring at him, a woman he didn't recognize but had the same kind of marks on her cheeks as Kiba, Hinata-chan poking her fingers together, Ino shaking her head, Tenten doing the same, a purple haired woman he recognized as Yugao, Tsunade who was cracking her knuckles menacingly, Shizune nee-chan who was holding back Tsunade, Shion who was blushing, Yukie who was sitting up adjusting her dress, Temari giggling into her hand, and lastly a girl who looked a lot like a miniature Hinata.
Unable to comprehend what was going on Naruto exploded "What the hell is going on!"
"We were wondering if you could explain it brat!" Tsunade snapped.
"Nani! What why me?"
"Cause it all started when we fell through that crazy black thing you made!" Ino shouted.
"Thing?" he asked confused.
"Yes, you passed out when you came into the office and a portal formed beneath you." Shizune added.
Naruto felt his jaw hit the sand at his feet.
"Yeah and we all got sucked into it and now were here!" Tenten said.
"B-b-b-but-"
"I would also like to know how it happened." Kurenai said looking at him curiously.
"I-I don't k-know!" Naruto exclaimed.
"I can explain it kit."
'Kyuubi! What the hell is going on?'
"Well... I kind of messed up this thing I've been working on, trying to send you to a new world to start out fresh, and instead of just you it transported everyone around you..." the fox answered sheepishly. "So now you and all of them are stuck here for a month."
It took nearly thirty seconds for Naruto's brain to compute the information it had just been given, "NANI!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.
"Well its not that bad... but your still stuck here until I can set it up again." Kyuubi deadpanned.
"What is it brat!" Tsunade asked.
Naruto turned to look at her with his eyes wide and his mouth gaping open, "T-t-the idiot," he pointed at his stomach. "says were in a different world and stuck here for a month..." he whispered.
Dead silence.
Hinata, Ino, Hanabi, and Tenten passed out falling onto their backs on the sand. Yukie and Shion looked at the women around them and their dumbstruck expressions though they wore their owns at the idea of being stuck on a different world for a whole month wondering who Naruto was talking about.
"Idiot? Different world? Who and what are you talking about Naru-"
"Oi, I'm back and I brought food!" Yukie was cut off and Naruto's head snapped around looking for the origin of the voice.
"AHHH! IT'S YOU!" He shouted placing his hands protectively over his crotch. "CRAZY LADY!"
Laughing Anko walked over to the group in her hands was a funny looking deer, that seemed to be wearing a backpack an red hat. "What the hell is wrong with all of you?" She asked noticing their expression.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ANOTHER WORLD!" Tsunade shouted leaping at him she gripped him by the shoulders and shook him roughly. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BR-"
"OY!" a new voice and the women and lone blonde man turned to see a man running at them clad in a red shirt blue shorts and a yellow wide brim hat. On his face was a scar below just below his eye. "GIVE ME BACK CHOPPER!" he shouted.
'What the hell is a chopper?' they thought.
The man slid to a halt in front of them. Kicking up a cloud of dust and dirt.
"Who the hell are you!" Tsunade demanded still shaking Naruto like a rag doll.
"My name is Monkey D. Luffy!" 'Luffy' shouted then pointed at the deer Anko was still holding. "She took my nakama, give him back or I'll Kick. Your. Ass!" he demanded cracking his knuckles.
However instead of worrying about a fight the thought on all of their minds was 'Who the hell names their kid Monkey?'
End prologue
A.N.
…
…
So this is going to be an absolutely epic sized harem fic. As well as a cross over... I just thought it would be fun instead of just Naruto getting sent somewhere, his harem follows :D
Doesn't mean more lovely ladies can't join it either.
Just a bit of fun I've been tossing around in my head after I talked to someone about how much fun it would be for Naruto and co. to stop by in the One Piece world... I just spun a twist to the whole thing to make it more fun!
By the way, here's my disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or One Piece if I did, Naruto wouldn't be such a bitch, and Luffy would have saved Ace (sorry for the manga spoiler). Anyways til next time,
Pr1nnyDUD3. Out.