Magazines and Insecurities

Rin didn't mean to find Aiichiro's "Love" magazines. It wasn't surprising that a teenage boy would even have those types of magazines. It didn't bother Rin, only embarrassed him. Rin didn't have magazines like that. There was always a sense of shame having pornography around. And overall he was disinterested in it.

Ai, however, seemed to have very specific tastes. As Rin found within the magazine. After finding it while cleaning and properly hiding it Rin found his curiosity grow.

While Rin had the room to himself he decided to look through the latest issue of "Love" his boyfriend had under his mattress. It wasn't snooping. Just looking at what Ai found attractive in a partner.

They had only discussed stuff like that when they first got together. Rin had told Ai that he wasn't ready for that kind of relationship. He had mainly said that out of embarrassment more than anything. And Ai had told him the same. But from the various magazines and the unique internet history, Rin was pretty sure Ai was at least more comfortable with the topic.

Flipping through the magazine he found all the pictures were of women. Something Rin was definitely not. These women were nude or barely clothed, and all very busty. Something Rin most definitely did not have. Breasts.

Ai had a thing for big breasted women.

Feeling slightly less attractive than before his little magazine adventure, Rin put in his headphones and turned on music. Trying to ignore the images and thoughts running through his head.

Did Ai find him attractive. Like in a sexually appealing kind of way? Rin knew he liked Ai like that. Ai gave him a good feeling in his stomach. Warm and something he wanted to keep for as long as possible. Ai made his heart beat faster, made him aware of every inch of his skin, made him ache to be kissed.

He really liked Ai.

Ai was cute, handsome, and funny. Clumsy and a total airhead. But at the same time he was sweet and caring. Ai would never lie to Rin about liking him.

But what if Rin wasn't everything Ai wanted in a partner?

Frustrated, Rin sat up and glared at the clock. He had too much time on his hands if he could worry about stuff like this.

Skimming through his phone, he found Makoto's name. In a fit of confusion and passive aggression with himself he hit dial.

"Rin," Makoto's cheery voice rang through the phone, "how are you?"

Rin jumped straight to the point, "A guy's porn collection isn't an actual representation of his personal choices is it? Isn't it all just fantasy?"

Makoto stumbled over his words, "What?"

"Does your porn reflect what you would go for in a partner?" Rin tried to simplify it for his frazzled friend.

"What is this about?" Makoto finally managed out.

So Rin explained. Cheeks heating in the process. He couldn't believe he was letting his own negative emotions make him act like this.

"Your boyfriend has those kinds of pictures of women?" Makoto whispered.

Rin nodded, "Yeah and it's really kind of making me..." Making him what? Jealous, mad, unappealing?

He went back to his original question, "What kind of porn are you into?"

He could hear Makoto's intake of breath. Probably thinking that he was safe from that question. The line was silent. Thinking that he had finally scared Makoto away Rin was about to hang up.

"Just usual stuff, I guess," He finally mumbled out.

"Usual?" Because really, what was that supposed to mean? "Like girls, guys, group, bondage?"

"Rin!"

Rin knew he was prying. He was upset. And jealous. And feeling pretty low about himself. Why did he think any of this was a good idea?

"Why don't you just talk to him about it?"

Rin hung up on Makoto at that. Because he couldn't just ask Ai if he liked big tits. If that was his thing that was his thing. Did he wish Rin had that?

Scrolling through his phone he hovered over Rei's name before dialing.

When he heard him pick up he immediately asked, "What kind of porn are you into?"

The line was still silent. Knowing that the call was still in call, he asked, "Hello?"

"What the heck, Rin-chan!" Nagisa practically screamed into the phone.

Rin groaned. Because of course Nagisa would answer Rei's phone.

"Is this what you and Rei-chan talk about?" Nagisa teased.

Groaning louder Rin tried to ignore the bubbly laughter directed at him. He had a strong urge to hang up.

"Where's Rei?"

Nagisa hummed cheerily, "In the other room. He had to do something before his mom got home."

Rin sighed. He was stuck with Nagisa then.

"So, what were you asking about porn?" Rin imagined Nagisa was smiling, enjoying every second of this.

"Nagisa," Rin paused, "You watch porn right?"

Nagisa's answer was immediate, "No."

What? This was Nagisa he was talking to. Outgoing, energetic, loving Nagisa. The kid couldn't keep his hands off of Rei half the time. And here he was saying he didn't watch porn.

"Does Rei?"

This time Nagisa had to think about it, "Actually I don't know."

Rin hears some rummaging in the background. Something that sounds like a clicking of a keyboard.

"Are you snooping through his computer?" Rin laughed when Nagisa confirmed that he was. "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"But you wanted to know what kind he's into, right?" Nagisa continued typing.

Rin sighed. He told Nagisa the story of finding Ai's "Love" magazines. Busty women and all his jealousy and self-loathing. He fiddled with said magazine as he talked. Flipping through the pages trying to find some similarity between him and any of the girls.

"Rin-Rin," Nagisa's voice was serious despite using his nickname, "You know he really likes you. It's just porn."

Rin slammed the magazine shut, "Then what are you doing?"

"You got me all curious," Nagisa whined.

Rin pouted but stayed on the phone. He was kind of curious too now. As if he hadn't learned his lesson already. But this could give him some ease of mind.

"Found it," Nagisa giggled. "Whoa."

"Whoa?"

"There are a lot of guys," Nagisa voiced what he found for Rin. "Weird positions. A lot blond guys, cute!"

Rin was feeling a wave of jealousy. Because of course Rei would be weird and have a thing for flexible blond boys. While his own boyfriend had a thing for blondes as well it seemed.

"Nagisa!" Rin heard Rei's voice.

"Whoops! Got to go, Rin-chan," And with that Nagisa hung up.

Rin tossed his phone to the side. He was suddenly feeling exhausted. He spent so much time getting worked up over what was seemingly nothing. Just his own pride. Glaring at the magazine, Rin picked it up again. Lying back down he flipped through the pages. If his friends were being of no help to him then he'd just have to help himself. He was determined to find a reason Ai got turned on by this stuff.

He held open a page with a perky blonde. Legs spread out, arms over her head, lips colored pink with gloss. She was pretty in the pink lingerie that draped over her body. Her skin was exposed through the sheer material. Her breasts were popping out of her top.

Rin could get a little turned on by this. It was nice to look at, but that was it.

He tried imagining Ai looking at this. Alone in the room, wondering when Rin would come back in. It would probably be rushed. A hand drifting into his boxers. Sliding down his already hard dick. Pumping fast and hard, moaning and panting.

And now Rin was hard. Like really undeniably hard.

He closed the magazine and slid his hand into his sweats. He went back to thinking about Ai. Moaning his name, begging Rin for more.

The door opened. And ΜΆ shit! Rin forgot what time it was. He rushed to straighten himself out just in time for Ai to walk in.

"Welcome back," Rin's voice cracked. He pulled his legs closer willing his erection to go down faster.

"I'm back," Ai dropped his bag and jacket on the floor. "How was your day?"

"Boring," Rin answered. Because it was.

Ai walked up to Rin. Giving him a kiss on the forehead, he sat down.

Rin hurried to push the magazine out of the way. Trying to hide it under the pillow before Ai noticed. But of course it was too late.

Ai stared wide eyed at the magazine in Rin's hands. He looked to Rin who couldn't believe he could get any more red.

"Is that..." Ai's voice was low.

Rin slowly nodded.

Ai giggled, "Want me to leave you alone so you can finish?"

Rin glared at him and tossed the magazine into his face, "I couldn't even get turned on to that crap."

"Really?" Ai was surprised.

Rin laid down, facing the wall.

"What did turn you on then?"

Rin reached his hand out. Grabbing Ai by the arm and pulling him down. He laughed and wrapped his arms around Rin.

Rin kissed him, soft and quick. He thought for a moment before finally asking, "Do you wish I had boobs?" He whispered.

Ai stared at him. Face completely blank as he processed what Rin had just asked. Rin was regretting asking him.

Ai burst out laughing, "You would look so weird with them."

Rin waited for Ai to stop laughing.

"You don't wish I was a girl," Rin quickly asked.

Ai brushed a stray strand of hair out of his face. He smiled and kissed Rin's nose. "Why would I wish that?"

Rin shrugged and turned his attention to the magazine. Ai's eyes followed and suddenly made the connection.

"Rin," Ai held Rin's face in his hands, "I like you."

A familiar warmth filled Rin's body. It made him feel lightheaded.

"I like your hair," Ai kissed his forehead, "your eyes," a kiss over each lid, "your nose, your cheeks, your lips." He placed a big kiss on Rin's lips.

Rin opened his mouth to allow Ai's tongue in. Licking, tasting each other. They pulled apart, breathing warm and heavy against each other's mouths.

"Do you think I'm... sexy?" Rin's voice was quiet, insecure.

Ai pushed himself up to stare at Rin in disbelief. "Do I? Rin, look at you!" He ran his hands down Rin's sides, pushing up his muscle shirt.

His cold hands made Rin shiver. But he liked the way those hands brushed against his stomach and chest. Fingertips brushing against his nipples, making him feel funny. His dick reacted and he hoped Ai would be kind and not laugh.

"You're sexy. You don't need boobs. You don't need to be a girl," Ai ducked down to kiss over Rin's heart.

"You turn me on," He looked up. Blush rising in his cheeks.

Rin smiled. Feeling a little more reassured now, "You turn me on too."

Ai's hands traveled down lower to Rin's waistband. Rin nodded a little too eagerly. But that only encouraged Ai to work faster.

Rin watched as Ai scooted down to help Rin pull down his pants. He wrapped a hand around Rin's hard cock. Giving a few experimental pumps, working faster as he went along.

"You too," Rin could hear the high pitched moan in his voice.

Ai nodded, pulling his shirt off. And then unbuttoning his pants, kicking them onto the floor. Rin sat up to kiss Ai. He helped lower his boxers, exposing himself. Rin gulped at Ai's hard dick.

He wrapped his hand around it. Looking up to Ai to make sure that he was doing okay. Ai smiled and continued to work Rin.

They jacked each other off. Sweaty foreheads pressed together as they moaned and whimpered into each other's touches.

Rin came first with Ai following shortly after. Ai scrambled off of Rin to grab tissues so they could clean up. Then he went to lay back down next to Rin.

They were silent. The magazine fell to the floor sometime during their little event. Long forgotten in the lust filled fog of it all.

Rin's chest felt tight with emotions. He could feel his eyes water, tears falling freely. It wasn't long before he was crying. Loud sobs that he tried to muffle into his pillow.

Ai hugged him tight. Soothing him, kissing the back of his head.

Rin turned around to hold Ai, "I like you so much."

"Me too," Rin heard Ai's voice crack. He looked up to see Ai fighting back tears, "I like you too."

Started out as a chapter for Kiss Me then got dirty. So it has to be a one shot. I need more insecure Rin in my life so here.