A/N: I saw this while I was racking up ideas for Freefall's 10th chapter (writing about Serizawa was harder than I thought); I had this written in one of my notebooks back when I was just starting to get hooked on KH. I know I should focus on the former, but after re-reading this and crying at the middle, I felt that I just HAD to post this. So yeah...(sheepish grin).

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Enjoy!

...

Disclaimer: Kaze Hikaru is the intellectual property of Watanabe Taeko and its respective publishers.

Comments and concrits will be most appreciated!

June of the 4th year of Keio (1868)

Tohoku Region

...

As a bushi, she knew that it was inevitable.

But as a woman, the news was still hard to digest.

She blamed her femininity for her quivering, for her tears, for the weakness she's displaying, as the messenger from Edo delivered the news that was akin to a death sentence to her:

"Okita Souji is dead."

The cries of her comrades, particularly the surviving members of the First Troop, the grief-stricken face of the oni vice-captain, the look of worry Saito-sensei sent her...everything was tuned out, as the messenger's voice played in her mind like a broken record.

"Okita Souji is dead."

She didn't get all the details. Only snippets:

"was found at the garden that morning..."

"...died alone..."

"...bloody, pallid..."

…

"He was smiling when he passed away."

…

And she never doubted that. Even while living, Okita-sensei, her Okita-sensei...he was the type who would face each day smiling – whether it was another day with the kids, or with Captain Kondo, or with the anti-bakufu ronin.

Okita Souji would always smile, no matter what.

And she wasn't there when he smiled for the last time. She should've been there, so that, so that...

So I can say goodbye...

This...it wasn't supposed to end this way! She stayed in the Shinsengumi...she stayed to protect him! This wasn't...isn't...

"...Kamiya?"

A tap on the shoulder brought her back, and she turned to the source of the hand. Saito-sensei was standing beside her, looking stoic as usual, save for the grip on her shoulders.

It was tense and livid.

"Kamiya-dono?" The messenger approached her carrying a spotted handkerchief containing some things. "These were found in Okita-dono's belongings." He presented it to the young samurai, who took them with shaking hands.

"T-these are?"

"We do not know. But there was a note saying that they belong to you."

Okita-sensei left her something?

She looked at Hijikata-san, then at Saito-sensei, hoping that they would know what she wanted to say. She cannot trust her voice at the moment – once so loud and lively and full of passion – her spirit was broken right now, and strength was something that she desperately need. She was sure that whatever this bundle contained, it would have the strength that she was looking for.

"Go. You have one hour," was the vice-captain's answer.

She bowed in thanks before rushing away to be alone, aware of the pairs of eyes following her as she ran.

A katana. A photograph. A lock of hair. A letter.

Sei recognized the first one: it was "Okiku" - the one Okita-sensei went so far as to avoiding to draw his katana for ten days straight just to get it. She remembered how jealous she was over the matter, for she thought that he was originally after the pretty 18-year old merchant's wife Okiku, only to realize that he was just after a katana.

Funny how Okita Souji loved a katana more than a woman. She can't help but smile.

The next – her heart started to beat faster upon remembering – was the one that caused her a lot of -sweet- agony for quite a long time. It was the dreaded picture that she wanted to hide forever and throw away at the same time, never to be seen again. If only the oni vice-captain never discovered this, then maybe..!

"We look like we're married!" was his reaction after seeing the photo, blushing furiously to his ears. As she looked at the photo now after two years, she cannot deny that fact – they do look like they're one – with her housewife's attire and his pose, they looked every inch a bushi couple.

The lock of hair...how she loved to gaze at it while it was being caressed by the wind. And always, back then, he would smile and close his eyes, feel the breeze as it wrapped itself around them.

...

"I want to be the wind," he told her that fateful summer.

"A wind? Rather than being a kite and fly?"

"I want to be the wind...because Kondo-sensei is the kite. I want to be a strong wind so that I can carry sensei high into the sky..."

"...and for that, I wouldn't mind giving up my life."

...

Okita-sensei was the wind, Captain Kondo was the kite, and Vice-captain Hijikata was the crow.

While she – she was the blade of grass, the one that will always sway for she was bound to the earth. The biggest and tallest of them all, so that when the wind rushed over her she would sway much easier, and the wind would know that he existed.

As she hugged the lock to her chest, her eyes set on the last item: his letter. Her tears had dried off now, and her vision was clear enough to read what was inside.

"Kamiya-san..."

"Once you read this letter, by that time I'm no longer of this world..."

The sudden pressure of the brush against the paper, and a few shaky lines.

"I apologize if I can't be with you all in the battlefield, I can't even bear to imagine how Hijikata-san must look now..."

More shaky lines. She noticed how frequent they're occurring.

"If Kondo-sensei is with you, will you send him my regards and apologies as well?"

She brushed away a tear with the back of her hand. Up until the end, she figured he never found out that Kondo Isami had been executed by the government two months ago. Decapitated rather than seppuku – a cruel way for a bushi to die, yet he faced it with bravery.

"The sky is so wide and blue here in Edo. I'm writing this while I'm sitting at Mitsu-nee-san's porch. It's been a long time since I felt this kind of peace. How about you, Kamiya-san?"

Black clouds, smoke caused by fire and gunpowder. The blue sky was a thing of the past ever since the Imperialists began to close in on them with their guns and cannons. She realized they were fighting a losing battle.

"If there's one thing I failed at the most, it's the time I failed to convince you to become Tominaga Sei once more. As I look at the blue sky, watch the birds and feel the breeze, I can't help but think that it should be you who's sitting here and not me. It should be me that's beside the others, holding a katana while rushing into war, because the battlefield is no place for a girl."

How bittersweet was it to learn that despite his condition, he was thinking about her constantly?

"If you were here and heard that, how angry you would've been. With your katana and your hairstyle, you would insist that you were a man, and everytime I tried to push you away from the Shinsengumi, you'd push back with twice the strength and refuse to leave. I lost count on how many times I tried to convince you. Back then I felt that I never really understood your true reasons to stay, but after all that's happened..."

But?

"I wonder if it's okay to hope? That that time, the reason you came back when I found you sleeping in the dojo, the time you got that scar on your shoulder...you were so stubborn during those times, and it always amazed me how you bounced back after each time. I can't help but see a bit of myself in you during the days I was with Kondo-sensei at the Shieikan, when I was only ten and had my world revolve around him. The times you would cry in my arms, it was the only time I felt so close again to someone...I wonder if this is what they call 'love'?"

Ba-bump.

She was halfway through the letter, and his handwriting's become more and more illegible. Drops of ink (and blood) were on the last half, now combined with her tears that were now falling freely. She could clearly see in her mind – Okita-sensei clutching his brush tightly while trying to stifle the cough that's racking his body. His eyes, worn-out by sickness, burning with determination to finish what he started.

"I hope you can still read...my letter...I know that you're having a hard time reading after that...your tears...I know they're falling now...I wish I could be there to wipe them again..."

She tried to calm herself down. And failed miserably.

"Sometimes, I wished that I was a bit faster that day...if only I arrived a bit earlier, your father and brother would still be alive. You'd never become a bushi and would grow up with a child in your arms instead of a katana. If only you became a bride, how beautiful you would have been on your wedding day..."

She in a white wedding kimono, holding a fan and looking a pretty, standing beside her would-be husband. How many times did she imagine that man to be him?

"If Japan wasn't forced to open, everything would still be peaceful until today. I wonder, if such was the case, if we would still meet each other? You would be Tominaga Sei, daughter of Tominaga Genan and sister to Tominaga Yuuma. I would still be Okita Souji, disciple of Kondo-sensei, master of the Ten'nen Rishin Ryu. You'll never become Kamiya Seizaburo the bushi, you'll be Sei the bride."

Bushi. Bride. The former she chose to become, the latter she chose to leave forever.

"Maybe if things never turned out the way they've been, everything would be different. We'd meet and fall in love..."

Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

"For your heart will stay the same whether you are Seizaburo or Sei."

A strange warmth filled her chest at those words. Okita-sensei..?

…

She never felt the presence of Saito-sensei when he came to stand behind her, nor she noticed the brotherly look he gave her way. All she could focus on right now was Okita Souji's letter, and the message he was desperately trying to say.

…

"I've seen your growth while we're together, and you have grown beyond my expectations. I know that you'll assist Kondo-sensei, Hijikata-san, and the others in our biggest battle. I know that you'll do well, and I want you to know that you never failed in making me proud."

"Thank you for all the times we shared, the laughter, the lessons, and the adventure. I'll always cherish them even in the afterlife so that when we meet again, we'll have something to look back to."

Sei didn't care anymore if she was crying. And Saito didn't seem to mind.

"If this will be your last, I hope that you face it with courage and a smile. If you survive, I pray that you'll have a life full of happiness living the path you choose, as Kamiya Seizaburo or as Tominaga Sei."

"And whatever the path you may choose, know that I'll always be with you."

…

"Signed, Okita Souji Fujiwara Kaneyoshi."

…

Saitou stayed behind her as her silent pillar of support as Sei cried after finishing the letter, clutching it to chest while sobbing her heart out. He was well aware of the girl's feelings for the late captain, and knew that as a bushi she can't let it come first above her duties.

But right now, as he kneeled beside her while she clutched onto his haori, he knew that right now this wasn't Kamiya Seizaburo the Shinsengumi Ashura.

This was Tominaga Sei, crying over her lost love.

And so he let her.

...

May 30 of the 4th year of Keio

Edo

...

Souji sat at the engawa while holding his katana, the empty sounds of the house being his background music. His sister left yesterday to join Rintaro-san and the Shinchougumi as they retreated up north of Japan.

The smell of blood from his futon didn't bother him the slightest, as he stared at the blue summer sky above Edo.

A rustle of movement from the bushes caught his attention. A black tail danced among the leaves then stopped. Seconds later, a black cat came out, its amber eyes staring straight at him. Again.

He stood up slowly and walked towards the feline, katana still in hand. The cat made no attempt to move and held its gaze at Souji's weakened ones. Only when he stopped two feet in front did she tense up, and growled loudly when he raised the katana above his head.

But before he could even deliver the blow, a series of coughs rocked his entire body. Blood – lots of it – came out, making the hand covering his mouth useless.

Souji felt his knees weakening and his head getting light. This was it, he knew. As his life flashed before his eyes – Mitsu-nee, Kin-nee, the shieikan, Kondo-sensei, Hijikata-san, Shinsengumi, the battlefield, Yamanami-san, Saito-san, Kyoto, Edo, Kamiya-san -

- a vision of her standing in front of him with arms outstretched, donned all pretty in kimono and accessories under the sakura trees, with its petals dancing around her.

"Okita-san."

"Sei..." Souji whispered, and smiled for the last time.

...

June of the 4th year of Keio

Tohoku region

...

She stood beside the remaining members of the Shinsengumi and looked at the mass of Imperial soldiers who stood with their guns aimed at them. Her katana was already drawn and at the ready, and she was only waiting for Hijikata-san's orders to attack.

Gunshots then rang out, followed by her comrades' battle cries as they charged in retaliation. It felt like eternity, and she had lost count of the number of men she killed – they were irrelevant now. She just charged and slashed and stabbed, armed with the same feeling she had during the Ikedaya years ago.

She could feel his spirit within. Okita-sensei was counting on her. She promised him that she'll help Hijikata-san with all her strength. And she'll deliver, for she's a bushi.

...

I'm not a girl, Okita-sensei. I'm a bushi. I'm a member of the Shinsengumi. You're my captain and I'm your subordinate.

And according to the laws of the Shinsengumi, I must fight to the death when the captain dies or was mortally wounded.

...

Wait for me. I'll see you soon.

...