So, this is my first fanfiction. First of all, I'm italian, so English is not my first language so there may be some (or a lot) of mistakes. I wanted to write my fanfiction in English, in order to improve it, so please: corrections are well accepted and required, if you want to help me :) actually, critics in general are well accepted :) I don't think I've got something more to say...well, enjoy ! (I hope you will hahah)

''You know, Nix, Freud would say he was never cuddled by her mother, never got attentions from her; maybe we should feel sorry for him.''

''You know, Bea, maybe he's just an asshole.''

''I'm sure he is. As far as I'm concerned, he's doing a great job with the men. At least, they seem to be all united against him, so that's good'' she chuckled '' and, anyway, Easy has the best men, they're all good trained. This is going to mean a lot in combat''.

Lewis knew she was right. At least, Sobel made of Easy company what it was: the best company of the entire American Army. That meant something.

''I'm not discussing this…He lacks of manners. He should be…more…I can't find the right word but he should not behave that way with the men, just like they were animals. He's making their life here even more harder than it should be and trust me if I say they're eager to get into combat sooner as they can so they will have the chance to get rid of him, in some way. You hear me? They don't even think about their true aim, they just want to kill their CO, and this is unbelievable.''

She knew what Nixon was talking about. She heard about these rumors too, which got her troubled.

''There's no way to get rid of him, Nix. They have to accept it. Anyway, they still have your boyfriend.''

''How funny, Bea'' he said turning up his nose ''but yes, they're lucky they have him.''

''I don't know, Nix'' she paused for a moment, sneering, and trying to find the right way to communicate what she thought, in order to not offend Nixon's best friend '' He cares a lot about the men, he's papa bear watching over his cubs. He's smart, he's strong, he's got discipline...'' she paused again. Lieutenant Winters was a great officer, so maybe her considerations about him were nothing, but at the same time there was something totally wrong with him , unperceived by almost everyone, and maybe Nixon was not aware of its real seriousness.

'' Nix, he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke. He always does whatever he's asked for by his superiors. I don't think I've ever seen him laughing. He never gets angry. Nix: he's got no passion. He's like a robot, and that's not a great thing.''

''I can't get you…He's Saint Richard, sure he's not a party animal but that's exactly what made him a great officer'' he answered, almost horrified by what she had just said.

''I'll make myself clearer, Nix. Passion is what truly leads us, passion creates aims, fears, emotions. Then, the reason finds the way to reach the aim, to beat the fear, to express our feelings. Dick is not moved by anything. He only knows he wants to win this war, he only knows how to do it. What he doesn't know, it's why. He hasn't got the attitude the other men have: they want to kick those Nazis' butts off because they are insulting the concept of freedom, they want to be the best, they want to grow up here. They have passions, they have something that moves them, that makes them humans, and that will be necessary to get through the hard days. And what is going to push him to his limit? Being a good soldier is not enough. He should be moved by something to get his job done, and well done. Is it clear, now?''

He put his cup on the table, licking a drop of coffee away from his index, then looked at her in silence, took a breath and ''You read too much'' was his reply. She scrolled her shoulders, considering the fact that he was right and all those thoughts were just the results of too much philosophizing. Yes, she had to quit it. Anyway, a part of her was sure she was right. Dick was a perfect soldier, a great officer, but she couldn't help herself from wondering what would keep Dick alive, what would push him to the edge. She knew war would have proved everyone's moral and physical strength. Surrounded by all the horrors war brought along, some of them would've given up fighting, even for their own life. Dick had definitely to find a reason to fight.

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She loved her job, and she was great at it. Sure she was, or she would have never become a Captain. Yes, she was a Captain. One of the most respectable. Probably, her degree in history and philosophy got in Harvard had its importance. She knew she was made for that job and working for the Intelligence turned out to be the best choice she had ever made. She was so proud of herself: all the women working in the Army were nurses and all the men would be so rude when they were around, slapping their butts when none of their COs was looking. That could not happen to her: they had to behave. They had to show respect to her, or she would have had their butts in front of Colonel Sink as fast as they could say ''hey chick''. She thought of herself as a role model, for all the women, and for her men too. Anyway, she was not so eager to pull out her rank to everyone. Nixon could simply call her ''Bea''. He was just like her: he came from a wealthy family, attended one of the best University of the entire Country. His wasn't real rudeness, but just the way he was. It was expression of his well-known irony, and of his perspicacity. Lieutenant Nixon had never called her Captain. Actually, she was a sort of ''spiritual guide'' to him, as he called her. On the other side, Nixon would've cheered her up and she really started to consider him a sort of big brother.

There was nothing exciting to do that day, at least at the Intelligence Office. She was looking an Officer yelling orders to his soldiers. She wondered how he could find the voice to keep on doing it. Then, those soldiers didn't seem to be so upset about his voice tone. Fierce, strong, they did whatever he was demanding for. There was a chuckle on their lips and a light in their eyes. She smiled: those men loved what they were doing. Maybe, they admired their CO too.

''Good Morning, Captain''. She turned to see a sweaty and dirty redhead in her office.

''Hello Dick! How was your day?'' she smiled at him.

''Well…it could've been better. How was yours?''

''Kinda the same…too boring.'' She sat on her chair, playing with her pencils. Dick was inspecting every corner of the room.

''Are you looking for something, Dick?'' she asked.

''Actually, someone. Lewis. Is he here ?''

''Obviously not. I told him to bring me some coffee. Guess he needed a break from this stressful day, you know'' she said wryly ''anyway, he'll be back soon, I hope. You can wait for him here, please have a seat'' and she pointed at the chair which was in front of her desk.

''Thank you, Captain'' he answered, and then he sat. Beatrice stopped playing with her pencils and looked oddly at him. It seemed like he wasn't at ease with being there, still looking around.

''So, Dick, how are things going with your CO? I heard you had a sort of battle simulation today. Everything good?''

''Well…'' he paused, holding his breath for a moment ''No. Definitely not, everything's a mess with him. We failed. Major Horton was so mad at Sobel, but he had this great idea of saying that we were the ones to blame, that it was our fault. Believe me if I say it was his fault, leading us into our enemy's clutches.'' He looked frustrated. It was not the first time this happened. He looked down to his feet and to his dirty shoes.

''Don't be mad. It's everyone's first time for everything in the Airborn division. It's normal he makes some mistakes. He will learn soon'' she said, in order to reassure him.

''Can I tell you a secret?''

She looked suspiciously at him ''Yes, of course you can'' she quipped.

''I'm afraid. You know, I had this illusion that maybe I could've get out of this war, that I could've made it. Now, I'm sure I'm not going to get through it. I picture myself and my men lying on the ground and some Krauts stealing from us whatever they can. ''

She leant forward, studying the look on his face. What was it? Fear? Embarrassment?

''Dick, that's a shared fear. Everyone has it. It's normal.'' She leant back, than tried to put up a facial expression that would reassure him ''you what? That's stupid. You signed up for this. You all knew what was coming, so what's the point ? You'll die, anyway. The way I see it, it's better to die on a battlefield defending your Country, than dying in a bed. Ambitiosa morte. Do you know what I'm talking about? It was a real value for the Romans, it was a part of their Mos Maiorum. They were eager to end their life in that way, rather than simply disappearing. '' She believed in what she had said, it was the way she saw it. Those ancient values were her ''something'', the only guarantees she really got. Anyway, she was teasing him. She wanted to know why the hell he was there, and what he would've lost dying.

He raised his head to look at her, incredulity running all over his face ''surely this should be what every soldier is supposed to think. Reality is quite different.''

''Tell me something, Dick: what are you afraid to lose the most?''

He had to think about it. He missed his family. He missed his land. He missed his life before the war.

''My family. My country. Even Nixon.''

''You want your life back. Your family, your friends, the things you did before all this mess had begun. I'm telling you something Dick: you're fighting for them. You're dying for them.''

He was astonished. How rough she had been. Now he looked definitely lost in his thoughts.

''C'mon Dick'' she said, standing up ''let's go for a walk. I don't know where the hell Nixon is.''He didn't answered, just followed her out of the room, still confused.

They sat on a hill, watching the same soldiers Beatrice was observing through her window. In silence, they enjoyed the cool breeze and those atypical rays the English sun was offering.

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''Do you always do it?''

She looked curiously at him ''Do what?''

''Being so…rational.''

She laughed. That was a question heard so many times she had already the answer.

''No, Dick. Absolutely. I only think sometimes fears take over us and that's not good. Don't get me wrong, it's totally normal to have fears, but they should never ruin us. So, whenever this happens, you have to make your mind clear, you have to think of a rational solution to shut your fears.''

''Oh, our philosophical Captain!''

''This is why I made boys run away from me when I was in high school'' she chuckled.

''Really? I thought everyone was eager to hang out with America's Next Plato''

''Oh no, believe me. I was ugly back then. I could not watch my reflection into the mirror…you know, teenagers.''

''I would never thought it, you know,you're so self-confident. I envy you, sometimes.'' She didn't say a word. She was not.

''So, Captain'' he turned to his right to look at her ''what holds you to this planet?''

''Like you said: my family, my friends and my boyfriend.''

''Oh right. Your boyfriend. How is he doing?''

''Job offers don't seem to come, in this time. Anyway, he's holding on.''

''He'd better do, if he wants to…you know, have a family, with you'' he said, a blush of embarrassment on his face.

''My salary is good, anyway.''

She laid herself flat, feeling the grass still wet from the last storm. She didn't care. It's better to feel something, rather than to feel nothing. Right.

''Dick, what do you think about betrayal?''

''It's amoral'' he answered directly.

''Of course it is. Anyway, are there…any kind of betrayal that might be considered a bit…less amoral?''

''Betrayal is amoral.'' She got it.

''I don't think so…you know. Things are different, talking about a relationship.''

''Are they? Love is based on honesty.''

''Love, however you all considered it, is so damn racist. I've got a larger view.''

''What does that even mean?'' he looked at her perplexed.

''I mean…there are plenty of fishes in this damn sea…how the hell am I supposed to consider one of them my only twin soul? It's just because I met him, maybe there are other fishes I've never known about that would be much better.''

''I see what you say'' he paused, considering her idea. ''Anyway, what you say goes against the concept of twin soul, who should be the only person in the world you could ever love and the only one you can feel complete with.''

''Yeah, anyway…how can you understand that the man, or the woman, in front of you is your twin soul? Maybe there's something better. Maybe, all this ''Love thing'' is only a creation of one of those fucking ancient poets.''

''What do you feel when you're looking at your man, Captain?''

She paused. The truth was she didn't exactly know what she felt when she was with Jesse. He was cute, he had a great attitude. She liked him a lot, but she wasn't completely sure she loved him.

''I don't even remember the shape of his face'' she took off of her pocket a pack of cigarettes. She knew she didn't have to offer him any. ''So currently, I don't even remember what love should mean. I was told it's important, so maybe I should think it too. But, honestly, you know what? The only guarantee you have in this absurd world is that there are no guarantees. Even about yourself. You'll never know what you truly feel, what you truly are, don't even dare to discover it because you'll never succeed. So, what is love, then ? How could you give love a definition when you're not able to define yourself first?''

''When you feel butterflies in your stomach. When you feel your blood rushing faster into your veins at the touch of the one you love, when everything around has not a meaning anymore because your lover is right in front of you. When you can see the light even in this war, because there's love inside your eyes. I think this might be considered love.'' He answered, gazing into space.

''Do you say it by experience?''

''Well…let's just say yes.''

''So, you see a light in this war''

Now he stared at her. Her eyes were closed. He blonde hair seemed to shine bright like the sun. She looked like an angel, surrounded by the infinite green grass of that glimpse of paradise.

''Let's say yes, sometimes, Captain''.

''Please, Dick, call me Bea.''