Steele Can't Deny It
Addition/Adjustment to The Steele That Wouldn't Die Part I
Los Angeles, CA. 1987. Steele's condo. It's about an hour or so after Laura and Remington's wedding guests have gone and they're left alone to prepare for their upcoming enforced honeymoon. It also gives them an opportunity to wrap their minds around the fact that they are now married. Laura, currently in Steele's bedroom with the door closed, finally gets a chance to freshen up and Steele takes this time to prepare a simple dinner. Both do a little reflecting.
Finally. I thought I'd never start to calm down. After a steaming shower and some fresh clothes, I'm starting to feel a little better. I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's only temporary and, more importantly, it's not legal – not real. Thank GOD. He won't expect anything of me tonight and I don't expect anything of him either. Actually, he seems to be as annoyed by the situation as I am. Funny. HE's annoyed. The guy has some nerve. But that's nothing new. Anyway, I'll just go home and get a few things for the night.
That's another thing, where are we going to live for the next two years? What am I saying? I'm not living with him in a pretend marriage for two years; that's lunacy. I can't; it's just unthinkable. Me and him, living together? - Under the same roof? -Day in and day out, without a break? -The same bed? Surely, he won't expect me to share his…no, this 'two years' business is not going to happen.
Anyway, I'm sure he's rethinking this whole scam and has come up with some alternative to this "happiest couple in America" production. I mean, yes, we've pretended to be husband and wife in the past, more than once, but this is different in many ways.
The least of which is if we don't pull this off, he could be deported.
And I'll be…left without him, without the person who's been by my side through hell and high water for the last four years. In the back of my mind, I've always wondered how we would finally end this dance of ours. I mean, because it had to end at some point didn't it? And now, it's as though I'm frighteningly close to finding that out.
His departure from my life would be as abrupt and unexpected as his arrival, and equally as life-changing. I can admit that. I should admit that. I do admit it. Without him I'd be lost. I'm quite sure I'd be fine eventually; I'm a capable woman. But being fine and being happy are two totally different things. I'd miss him. Hell, I find myself missing him when he's out of the office for a day. A thing which I am not proud to admit – like I'm some lovesick teenager.
But all pride aside, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm not just talking about the agency. I can't let him get deported.
Oh my, this is crazy. I'm crazy. I mean, I don't even know what he's thinking, or feeling for that matter. Why hasn't he taken off for blonder pastures? Why do we remain in each other's lives? Why haven't we gone our separate ways? Why am I willing to give up my life, my freedom for the next two years just to keep him around?
It's all so ridiculous…
Meanwhile
That woman. I don't know whether to lock her up and throw away the key or to thank God for bringing her into my life - what already seems like a lifetime ago. She can be most difficult to deal with, on a good day, but today, she's downright impossible.
She agrees to marry me for convenience sake and then promptly runs me over the coals now when it's time to actually live out the situation. Does she find the idea of being my wife so unsatisfactory, that much of a colossal chore? I mean, if she didn't want to do it, why did she? I had everything planned out.
I'd found Clarissa who was perfectly willing to stand in as my bride, no complaints. She understood it was all for show and that it would be for the length of two years and that we'd have to live together and appear happily married to all outsiders and that despite all of that, Laura and I would continue to be…us. Granted, she appeared thoroughly confused when I attempted to explain the nature of the relationship between Miss Holt and myself, but I'm pretty sure she understood the gist of it. Anyway, the point is, she didn't complain.
But for some reason, the woman who claims to care about me won't stop long enough to draw a breath before continuing her tirade concerning our latest predicament. I don't get it. I don't get her. She volunteered to do this, presumably because she didn't want to see me deported. I'm sure she realized what a detriment that could and most likely would be to the agency.
And as for our being together, yes it would certainly put a damper on that too. But as it stands now, the agency will remain intact and our relationship will live on and we can continue to do what it is we…do. It's a good thing too. (Softening) I don't quite know what I'd do if I weren't permitted to be near her.
I've grown accustomed to our living on the same continent. I know I haven't always lived an honest lifestyle and I've always had a troubling thought in the back of my mind that someday I'd have to pay for that in some form. When I learned that the INS was on my back, I was sure that day had arrived. My first thought was that it was time to pay the piper Harry old boy and that payment would end with my being separated from the woman I love.
I've been in some tight situations in my life, even some where death threatened, but I've always been blessed with the ability to remain calm in those situations and construct a way out. When this Immigration problem arose it was reminiscent of such times but for some unknown reason, instead of calmly assessing the situation and coming up with a fix, I panicked. The thought of losing her before I'd even had her really was too much for this former con artist to process. All I knew was: I couldn't let it happen and I couldn't let her find out.
Honestly, I thought of asking her to marry me but my gut told me she wouldn't go for it. And I couldn't blame her; we've barely begun to scratch the surface of our true feelings for one another. Just because if she happened to ask me to marry her I'd do it in a heartbeat, doesn't mean she'd return the sentiment.
The woman I love. Wouldn't she get a kick out of hearing that? She probably wouldn't even believe me now after all that's happened. She'd think I was just saying it to get on her good side. Never mind the fact that I've stood by her for the last four years, dreaming of nothing more than the opportunity to show her how much I love her. How long I've loved her. I can't even remember now when it all started but it seems like it's always been there – my love for her. I don't remember what it feels like not to. Why haven't I ever told her that? I know why, what if she didn't return the feeling? Fear of rejection – the great leveler.
I had better go and check on her. We did have quite a go at each other in round three of our shouting match for today. Hopefully there won't be a round four.
Steele leaves the kitchen and heads for the bedroom. "Laura?" he calls softly after knocking.
"Come in" she answers.
That's a good sign he thinks to himself, slightly relieved.
"Hi." he eyes her trying to assess her mood.
"Hi. Coming back for round four?" she offers with wariness.
That, however, was not a good sign, he thinks.
She watches the hint of disappointment flicker across his face. "Sorry. I didn't mean that. I don't want to fight with you" Laura sighs wearily.
"Good. I don't want us to fight anymore either. You hungry yet? I've got dinner waiting. It's nothing fancy - soup and salad."
Laura looks at him and can tell he's unsure, worried, tired and a host of other emotions that she herself could claim. Her heart aches – for him, for herself…and for them together. They always seem to be so close yet not close at all. She wanted to be close to him. In one movement, she placed herself in his arms. "Thank you. Soup and salad sounds perfect."
He held her tightly, closed his eyes and wished from the depths of his soul that he knew what to do or say that would keep her in his arms like this always. He said nothing.
After a moment, she leaned back and looked at him – "Shall we?"
As he looked into her eyes and held them with his own he hesitated for what seemed like an eternity to Laura and then stepped aside allowing her to lead the way to the dining room.