Today's the day. It's now or never. A year ago today, me and Sara separated ways. I was going off to war and she was going on a world-wide book tour. Nothing made me happier than seeing her happy, and nothing made her sadder than to see me taking off on that plane, knowing that I may or may not come back. We said our goodbyes in this spot, by the forgotten fountain in the park. The park grew around it, the shrubbery decorated itself accordingly, and the animals planted acorns far from it. Over time it weathered, but with each passing day it grew more rustic and beautiful. It was here that my curiosity lead me. It led me to a young woman resting her body upon the gray, weathered statue. The woman who I slowly came to love and adore. The woman who slowly captured my heart with every smile, every love note, every kiss, and every blink of an eye. She had been admiring me from afar, writing detailed notes about every single one of my features. From my short hair, to my button nose. From my square jaw, to my gummy smile, a smile that would later on only belong to her. She was so smart, so humble...so beautiful. Every aspect of her was marvelous to study under a microscope. It would take years before I finally burned every curve, every line of hers into my memory.
Every day I would make sure she was well tended, well rested, and well loved. She was broken beyond repair, but so was I, and that's what made us come together. We were broken just so that we could meet one day and fix each other with every kiss and every hug. We made love every day, with our words, and with our bodies. Her skin was so soft when I touched her for the first time; never had I touched silk as fine and rich as her skin. When she touched me, every finger left a burning path in its wake. Every kiss was more fascinating than the last.
Sara...there wasn't a day that went by without me saying her name, the way her name only belonged to me. What had I done to deserve such an intellectual being like her? She mended and fixed every one of my broken scars. She cut me up and correctly put the pieces where they belonged. What had I done to deserve someone as caring as her? There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't put me on a pedestal. She loved and admired all of my imperfections, none of them made her run away. What had I done to deserve someone as loving as her? From the breakfasts, the candles, and tender hugs, I had unknowingly caught the love bug.
There she laid her tired body upon the statue. She rested her eyes and sat in deep concentration with notebook and pen in hand. Her red cardigan seemed dark in the lamp's dim light, making it come off as maroon. Her dark skinny jeans clung tightly to her long legs. Her chocolate locks flowed to the left right behind her ear. Never had I been so bold to approach someone the way I approached Sara. It was a cold night that night, I could tell by her slight shiver now and then. I stayed behind the bushes for what seemed like hours while I tried to muster up every single ounce of courage I had in me. I quietly got up from my knees and moved closer to her resting figure. I weaved through the scattered autumn leaves, desperately trying not to pop them under my sneakers. I sat down next to her and leaned in close, staying inches away from her face. She had a tiny scar under her chin, the most amazing lips, and the cutest nose in the world. A slight wind from the west came and blew her bangs out of place, yet she still remained with her eyes closed shut. Supported by my left hand, I move my right hand up and along very face, tucking her bangs back in place. She opened her eyes in a dash and grabbed tightly onto my wrist. She looked at me with her mesmerizing hazel orbs. Had it been only seconds ago that we met for the first time? Or was it minutes? Hours? How long had I been living without her? Years? Decades? Or had I just started living seconds ago, when she opened her eyes and stared at me? She slowly rested my hand to cup her jaw and she leaned into the touch. She nuzzled against my cold palm, instantly warming it up. She moved it towards her lips and kissed my knuckles, she kissed them with so much warmth. I was so nervous, the first words she ever spoke to me were, "Don't be afraid." I slowly leaned in and captured her lips for a kiss. She cupped my jaw and kissed back tenderly, afraid she was going to hurt me, but how could she? I grazed my tongue across her bottom lip, asking for entrance. She parted her lips and soon our tongues were dancing among flames underwater. I could feel her hands reach around my neck and grasp the tiny hairs on the nape of my neck. I slowly pulled back and asked her, "Where have you been all my life?"
Never in my life had I ever experienced a connection like that. It was so deep, so true, and the emotions were raw and escalating so quickly. She rested her forehead onto mines and closed her eyes, her grip on my tiny hairs becoming tighter. The first of many tears soon began to fall, and she asked me, "Where have you been when I needed you most?"
The ache behind her voice was too much for my heart to witness. It wasn't long before I started to cry, but she was there to capture every tear. We laid there in each other's arms for hours.
"When will I get to see you again?" I asked her, hoping she would tell me the next day, or in the next few hours. She never responded. She was fast asleep in my arms. So I laid there, and held her until my eyes grew weary and could no longer keep themselves up.
I woke up alone the next morning. A red cardigan was covering me; her notebook and pen were by my side. A page was sticking out; it looked so misplaced that I figured I was meant to see it. I took it out and read it.
Dear stranger,
If it's meant to be...it's meant to be.
SKQ.
For years I carried that letter. Whenever I thought I had finally found her, I would present the letter to the girl, but she would stare in confusion. For years I ached for her tender touch, her caressing lips, but no pillow could ever bring me the safety that I felt in those few minutes I spent with her. Her initials were my mission in life...who was SKQ? Where had she gone? How did she escape from my grasp so easily?
For years I cried myself to sleep, hoping that one day I would get to see her again. She put me through such misery, because I knew I would never find someone like her. I became so angry at her; how could she be so dumb? So naive! My friends couldn't believe it. They thought I must've been on one of my crazy nights and imagined it all. No matter how hard I searched, I never found her. I traveled around the world, because that's how desperate I had become. I wanted my other half, she had no right to neglect that from me, she had no right to take herself away from me. Three long years I waited by the cold, snowy windows, and out in the hot sun.
I found her in India. She was buying local produce, and I was asking for directions. I couldn't believe it was her. I was in such denial that I didn't even go up to her and introduce myself again. I walked away and back to the hotel room, much to the dismay of the local vendor who was trying to sell me a pair of shoes. The next day, when I headed out to the city, she was there...playing the guitar with some locals, calmly strumming to the beat of stomping feet. On her feet was the pair of shoes...the pair of shoes from yesterday. She looked up and caught me staring. I felt like a deer caught in headlights. I was on the other side of the street, staring at her in disbelief. This was the second time I'd seen her, so I couldn't be imagining it...could I? She took off the guitar and carelessly made her way across the street and to me. Luckily, there were no cars to run her over, but in that moment I wish there were. She made me go through so much hurt...so much aching and pain. Did she ever think about me? Did she cry herself to sleep with thoughts about me? Were my last words to her her lullaby?
"Hey there Beautiful." She said with a smile in her eyes. I was too overjoyed to feel vindictive now. I've waited so long for this moment, and now I finally have it, and this time I'm not letting go. I quickly grasp her hand, holding tightly to make sure she won't go again. Every tear that I shed for her in the past three years resurfaces, and in an instant, I'm sobbing hysterically in the middle of the sidewalk. She wipes away every single one of them, but when they become too much, she starts kissing them away.
"Why did you leave me?" I ask her, once I'm able to formulate a coherent sentence.
"Why didn't you keep me?" She whispers lowly with her head hung. I was keeping her! I held her in my arms for the whole night in the park!
"Why did you leave me?!" I ask again, furious with her question.
"Beautiful...I-I was hurt. Scared. I was terrified of the idea of love. You caught me in one of my lowest moments, and you fixed me in your short embrace. Did I know you were the one for me? Yes. Why did I leave? Because love isn't that simple. I couldn't believe that it was that simple, that it could only take a few minutes to fall in love with someone. I was afraid. I needed some time." She paused to wipe her tears away. I intervened and glided my hand across her soft cheek. I slowly collected every tear she ever shed for me in that moment.
"Did you read my note?"
"Yes." I reach behind me and grab the crumpled note from my pocket. It was stained with tears, remains from runny noses, food stains and other miscellaneous things. I start tearing up at the sight of her handwritten words,
Dear stranger,
If it's meant to be...it's meant to be.
SKQ.
I look back up at her, fresh tears streaming down my face.
"Is it meant to be?" I'm afraid of her answer. She's capable of hurting me in so many ways, I'd probably die on the spot if she says no.
"You kept the letter...of course it's meant to be."
Now here I am. Standing beside the statue, staring into the water-less fountain. We promised each other that after exactly a year, we would come back to our place at 3:00 PM. I start to feel the weight in my pocket become heavier and heavier. It's 2:59 when I see her come into view. She's holding her coffee cup in her right hand. The army jacket I gave her as something to remember me by in her left. She looks tired and weary, weary from all the readings she's given and all the autographs she's signed. She's still the Sara I fell in love with. Her hazel eyes never seem to bore me, her nose is as cute as ever, and her hair has grown about an inch. She's wearing her red cardigan, and black skinny jeans, just the way I found her five years ago.
By the time my watch strikes 3:00, she's standing a foot away from me. She sets the things down and stares at me, reading me like an open book.
"Hello Beautiful." She says a smile slowly taking over her face. I love my nickname.
"Hello Sasa." I never bothered to give her an adjective as a nickname. After hearing a kid in India mispronounce her name and calling her "Sasa" I stuck with it, as a reminder of us finding each other.
I take her hands into mine and get down on my knee. The gravel underneath me is rough, and scratchy, but I don't mind. Sara stares down at me, tears streaming down her face. I feel so comfortable asking her this question. I knew I was meant to ask her this question the first time I held her in my arms. The shrubbery encloses us in an oval, leaving an open walkway to my left. To my right stands the symbol of our deep love and devotion to one another, the rustic statue and the weathered fountain. I reach deep into my pocket, pulling out the box containing the golden band.
"Since I held you in my arms the first time, I've felt so relaxed and at ease with myself. Everything in my life was finally starting to make sense. In the three years you went away I cried every single day, hoping that one day I would meet you again. After the second year, I started to give up hope. Maybe you were a fragment of my imagination...something to keep me going for at least two more years. But how would I explain the note...the cardigan. The cardigan you're wearing right now...it's not yours. I bought it after I saw it at the clothing store. I brought home the whole rack and cut them up. I sewed a quilt and using your cardigan, I cut up a heart and sewed it in the middle. Every night I slept in your heart, and hopefully every night from today. There are no words to describe what you're doing to me. If I did, it would take our whole lives, because there's not a day that goes by that you don't surprise me. You're my everything...life without you, just isn't life at all. So having said that...Sara Kiersten Quin, will you make my life a little brighter and take me anywhere with you? Will you marry me?
"Yes! Yes, a million times yes! Tegan I will be your wife!" I took the ring out of the box. Engraved on it were the words, Don't be afraid...If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I slide the ring onto her ring finger, taking my time and savoring the moment. She pulls me up by the arms and wraps her arms around my neck. She stares deeply into my eyes, leans in and kisses me with so much passion. In that kiss were the kisses that she should've given me in the past year. I love her more than anything, and with that thought I pull her down into a movie-style kiss, making sure not to let her fall.
The birds chirp, providing a soundtrack to the moment. The sun starts to shine brighter, illuminating the unnoticed flowers in the shrubbery. The statue slowly gets younger, every single hole filling itself to reshape the woman, a woman who has unknowingly been witness to the blooming of our love.