A/N: Happy AkuRoku Day! I hope you enjoy this funny little fic

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom hearts

One average day that just so happened to be August 13th, at the castle-that-never-was, Axel was feeling very horny; even more so than usual. Of course this was before AkuRoku day existed, so he couldn't just walk up to Roxas and ask him to have sex with him.

…Right?

No, he couldn't do that, so instead, he went to Vexen. No, he wasn't going to ask Vexen to have sex with him. That can't happen in an AkuRoku day fic. As far as YOU know!

"Vexen!" Axel yelled as he barged into his lab. "I need your help!"

Vexen's head popped up from behind a mess of test tubes. "Yes yes, what do you need Axel?"

"I need something that will make Roxas fall in lust with me!"

Vexen had a puzzled look on his face. "…In lust with you?"

"Yeah, lust."

"Why, pray tell, would you want that?"

"Well I feel really horny right now, and I can't just rape the kid, I've already been to court enough this year."

"…I don't even want to know."

"And I don't want to talk about it."

"Good."

"Well, if you insist, it started on a cold January evening-"

Vexen held up his hands. "Stop right there. Now tell me, Axel, why do you want to have sex with Roxas so bad? If it's just for the sensation, then why don't you ask Marluxia? He'd throw himself at you."

Axel's face scrunched up in disgust. "Yeah, but Marluxia's gross."

"Point taken. But why Roxas?"

"Well I'm number 8 and he's number 13 and it's 8/13 today, so…"

"So you are telling me that the only reason you want to fuck Roxas is because of the current date?"

"Uh-huh. Tomorrow's Xion's turn."

"…Alright, back to Roxas. You want him to fall in lust with you?"

"Yes." Axel nodded his head excitedly.

"Well I don't have any lust potions." Vexen stated, walking away.

"Aw…"

"HOWEVER!" The scientist began, turning around quickly and dramatically. For extra effect, lightning flashed behind him. "I do have something that will make him fall in love with you."

"Love's no fun… You have to hold hands and say a bunch of mushy lines and stuff." Axel complained.

"You need to fuck him for it to work."

"Lay it on me, brotha!"

"Ok, first of all, it's pronounced 'brother' and second of all, neither of us has any family and are in no way related."

"Oh shut up and give me the stuff."

Vexen pulled a tube out of his sleeve. "This is my own special brand of 'Love Lubricant'. Just use this when you have sex with him and BOOM! He's in love with you."

"Ok, I'm not even gonna ask why you have that. But you're saying that I have to rape him to get him to love me?"

"Well technically, it won't be a rape because he'll love you and probably like it. Thus, you stay out of jail."

"Oh. Ok." Axel said, snatching the lube out of Vexen's hands. "Thanks Vexy!"

## One pedo-rape later ##

Axel had now acquired the nickname 'Fire Crotch', a new blonde boyfriend, and a whole bunch of new fangirls who totally supported his overactive sex life.

###

And now for some science with Vexen. How to make 'love lubricant'.

Step One: Take some Sea Salt ice cream.

Step Two: Put it in a cup.

Step Three: Put said cup in a microwave.

Step Four: Set the timer for two minutes.

Step Five: Wait.

Step Six: Take out the cup and you have your love lubricant!

…What do you mean that doesn't make sense? It makes perfect sense! It works on more people than just Roxas! …Probably.

A/N: And there you have it! This is the true story of how AkuRoku day came to be. Yay Love Lubricant!

Oh, and sorry if you were expecting a lemon. Or Roxas actually saying anything or really appearing in the story. Hehe.

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