Still special!, a X-Men + X-Force Crossover fanfic

Author's ramblings:

This will probably be another story without many readers; there are not many fans of the old X-Force left.

That's why I consider us the few, the proud.

Please to whoever reads this and enjoys it or has some constructive criticism:

Review it. I receive so few reviews, even though I see that I do have readers. It is hard to keep on writing these without some recognition for my efforts.

As you can see in this story and my Cable/ Domino story "Crash/ hit reboot" I am a fan of certain couples, certain friendships and I have no problem with declaring that I absolutely despise what Marvel has been doing with the X-Books in the last few years.

There is no love for most of the characters, no respect for them or there history and the storylines are so full of cynicism and brutality that they make the grim eighties look nice.

The new X-Force title is probably the worst of them all. I am just happy that both Jimmy and Domino are no longer part of it.

Enough of that.

Speech is indicated by this ""

Thoughts are indicated by this "" as well, plus they are in cursive,

Bold is used to accentuate words.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the used characters, Marvel does.

Marvel has all rights.

At least until the Kirby family wins their court case.

Still special:

"How's this supposed to help me, if I just feel worse every time we're doing this?"

It was a high-pitched, female voice, a bit hard to understand and at this moment Sam Guthrie aka "Cannonball," leader of the "New Mutants" squad of X-Men, could not attach it directly to a person.

Yeah, there were less than 200 active Mutants left, but if you added their families and the few human scientist currently on the island it was no wonder you couldn't recognize everybody instantly.

Besides Sam's mind was already occupied with more stuff that is personal.

He was on his way to his quarters after a tenuous training session.

One again Dani had criticised every order, every task he set the team.

She really was becoming a nuisance, with her constant challenges.

Okay, she was one of his oldest friends, but even back when they were kids there had been this rivalry between them, ever since they had been co-leader of the than really new "New Mutants."

"Dumbest thing the professor ever did, if ya ask me."

He thought to himself. The problem was that he did not know what exactly Daní was to him now. Friend? Team-mate? Rival? Something more? Or all of the above?

When a second voice answered the other's question, he had no problem identifying the person who had spoken then.

"Well my dear. Even one as skilled as I am can only work with the tools and materials on hand. "

As usual, the voice of Emma Frost was cold and aloft, expressing very clearly the former White Queen's opinion, that almost anybody was her inferior.

"What's that supposed to mean?" the first voice, speaking at an even higher tone now.

Moreover, Sam had an inkling now of who the talking woman was, his enlightenment accompanied with guilt that he had not recognized it after the first syllable.

Frost's voice managed to became even colder, if that was actually possible, and her timbre was an affront in itself, giving the impression that a) the White Queen was extremely bothered by even having to talk to this person and b) that the person to whom the first voice belonged must be disgusting in every possible way.

"Well my dear and I try to keep it simple here because I want you to understand what I'm telling you. Telepathic therapy depends, not counting my exceptional talent, on the treated person actually being able to think.

I assume that even you know that there's not much of an intellect behind your pretty little face."

Sam chuckled to himself, now Frost was in for it, she would have to suffer with a retort by the most talkative and highly excitable…

A loud gasp stopped his train of thought, followed by quieter sobs and then a small, pretty blonde stormed out of the room.

Both hands were covering her mouth to suppress the crying, tears streaming down her face.

"Tabby?…"

However, she was already rushing past him, turning her face away, so that he could not see it.

"Tabitha! Boom Boom, wait! Can I help…?"

He did not finish his question, because talking to an empty corridor was not part of his favourite pastimes.

Undecided he pondered a moment on wether to follow her or continue back to his room.

He decided on the latter, but not without giving Frost a piece of his mind to chew on.

He walked through the still open door into a middle-sized room with a thick carpet on the floor, several comfortable armchairs, a couch, a desktop and a small wooden table. The walls were almost totally covered by bookshelves, that and the warm lighting made the room seem comfortable and friendly.

An impression more than countered by it is now sole occupant.

The voluptuous blonde sat in a comfortable armchair in one corner of the room, a small side table beside her, on which a few magazine and books rested.

As always she whore tight, white clothes revealing too much of her skin and curves.

Her breasts were almost jumping out of the wide cleavage that seemed one or two sizes too small to contain her massive breasts.

When he was younger, Sam would have been blushing furiously by now and in the following discussion, he would have had to avert his eyes and still he probably would not have been able to say much besides nervous stammering.

But those times definitely were over; he had no problem with Frost's overbearing sexuality, apart from thinking it was vulgar and in bad taste.

His usually calm blue eyes focused on Frost.

"Emma."

"Guthrie."

And she continued.

"You don't have to say it Guthrie, I already know.

In addition, I do not value your opinion at all when it comes to how I treat my patients.

Maybe when I want to start raising cattle I'd ask for your advice."

"Doesn't matter Emma, you'll have ta listen just the same.

Now Tabitha is a sweet person, a nice person and if she came to you for help, I can understand even less what you just did.

Just what possessed you to insult her like this? There is no therapy involved in it, it is just your usual grandstanding, constantly putting down anybody, you deem lower than yerself.

A group that consists of the whole human race plus 99% of the surviving mutants."

The former White Queen despite, having claimed otherwise, seemed surprised about Sam's rather aggressive action.

While he talked to her, he walked up to her until he stood with his full impressive size in front of her. His arms crossed before his chest, he gazed down at her, maybe not menacing, but certainly challenging.

Well, Emma Frost had no problem reacting to challenges and she certainly would not let this hick talk to her like this.

She was in the process of rising from her armchair, when she replied.

"You think that I'll…"

"Just shut it." he interrupted her, pushing her back on the chair.

He leaned forward and put his hands on the armrests, so that his face was close to Emma's.

"I'll only say this once. I don't care how great you think you are, if you ever attack one of my friends like this again, you'll have to answer to me."

Emma was actually a bit shocked, not only by his words, but more so about the aggressive way in which he acted.

"Guthrie, don't you dare try to intimidate me. I've already been better than you at this, when you were still shagging your cousins in the haystacks and I won't..."

"I'm not interested in arguing with you. I meant what I said, don't hurt mah friends!"

He turned around, proceeded to leave, when he stopped in the doorway, and turned around again.

"So much for the cool exit!"

He quietly chuckled to himself and addressed Emma Frost again, albeit in a much calmer tone.

"What is up with Tabitha anyway? Why did she ask for your help?"

Frost regained her composure, stretched lascivious in her seat and shrugged her shoulders.

"So, now you're asking me that?Maybe the next time you will ask your questions, before you threaten the person who holds the information. "

"Just tell me. This is not the time for one of your power plays."

Frost really savoured the moment, after Guthrie's strong reaction made her loose her usual lofty calm.

"There is something like confidentiality, between me and the people I try to help with my telepathy. If you want to know what ghosts plague your former girlfriend, you will have to ask her yourself."

Sam felt the anger rising inside again, but regained control before acting up again.

"Then I might just do this. Thanks for nothing, Emma."

He turned and left the room again.

It took Sam quite some time to find Boom-Boom's room.

He felt a bit ashamed that he did not even know where his former long time girlfriend lived these days.

Of course, he could have resorted to excuses.

His work with his squad, crisis after crisis, loss after loss.

Once again, he had lost one of his oldest friends and mentor as Nathan sacrificed himself for Hope.

Even knowing it had been Cable's decision, he found it hard to forgive the girl, who had cost the remaining mutants so much.

Scott had actually asked him to talk with the girl, about their mutual loss, but Sam had declined.

He had rather chosen to get together with Dom and James for a drinking spree; they had even collected Terry from X-Factors Offices, although the ex-alcoholic of course stuck to alcohol-free beverages.

This carried a tinge of guilt as well, because none of them had thought to invite Tabitha, even though she was a member of Cable's team longer than anyone else was.

No, Sam maybe could have resorted to excuses, but he felt he really had no right to.

Sam used the "doorbell", a button that delivered a visible and audible signal, to announce would-be guests, coupled with small intercom.

With a crackle, the COM channel opened.

"Who is it? I don't want to be disturbed."

Her voice sounded stressed and he just knew she was still crying.

"It's me Tabby, Sam."

"What the hell do you suddenly want from me? I didn't think you still remember me, seeing how long it was that you last talked to me."

"I know, Tabby. And I know it's true. You're right and I'm sorry, but… Look, couldn't we continue this conversation face to face?"

"I don't even wanna have a conversation. Beat it, Guthrie!"

It was easy to hear the strain in Tabitha's voice.

"Tabby, we've two options here.

One, I use my force field to open this door or two, you open it."

The blonde did not answer, but a few seconds later the door opened.

The room looked quite nice, albeit a bit fancy; it was as individualized as a room on the artificial island could be.

A computer table, two small armchairs, a coffee table, and a queen-sized bed made up most of the furniture.

The bed was in the farthest corner of the room, as seen from the door.

Tabitha sat on the edge of the bed, dressed in a really large t-shirt, with the print of some childish cartoon animal on it and short dark leggings.

Sam's lips curled upwards in amusement about what still seemed the blonde's favourite casual attire.

The young woman's face had a distraught, forlorn expression. The new Mutants leader could see that she had been crying until now, and was just trying to hide it from him.

"W-why do you want to talk to me Gu… Sam?"

Sam walked over to the girl, considered fetching one of the chairs and instead decided to just squat beside the girl. Considering how small she was compared to the tall Kentuckian, they were almost at eye level now.

He looked inquiringly in her blue eyes, but she averted her face from his gaze.

"Ah've seen ya storming off from your session with Frost. I- I just want to see if I can help ya somehow."

Tabitha's eyes flickered to him for a moment, her face carrying a mixture of shame and anger.

"You saw? I- I- it's none of your business, Sam. You've got some nerve coming here, after you basically ignored me ever since our X-Force disbanded."

Her eyes were blazing with anger now, as she continued.

"When was the last time you exchanged more than a greeting with me?

Wh-what do you want from me now? Do you get a kick from seeing how miserable your ex is?"

Sam was really taken aback by this, even a little hurt.

"You can't seriously think this, Tabby. I don't gloat. You're important to me. Ah just don't want to see you so down."

The blonde snorted in disbelief:

"I'm important to you? You don't give a shit about me, none of you does.

You all treat me as if I don't exist anymore."

She was openly crying now, squeezing out the words between sighs and sobs.

"I try to hide it, but I feel so alone. No one of my friends cares for me anymore. I see Terry, Rictor and 'Star more often than I see you and Berto.

Why? Why? What did I do that all my friends deserted me?

I've as much right as anybody else to be in your squad.

But no! Tabitha is not good enough for the great New Mutants Squad.

Shit, Sam! I get almost killed and I've nobody to talk to, except the queen bitch."

She pushed herself backwards on her bed, until she rested against the wall, pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on it, looking down and crying quietly, as if this little outburst took away what was left of her strength.

The new Mutants leader tried to find an answer, something to defend himself, but found nothing.

He was sure he and the others didn't have any bad intentions, but what Tabby said was basically right.

Besides what was that, about her almost being killed?

It felt as if something tightened in his chest as guilt suddenly washed over him. He got up from his crouched position and moved onto the bed to sit beside the blonde girl.

She backed away from him, until she was sitting in the corner, still crying, still not looking at him.

"You're right, ya know? It's all true, except for the part that it was intentional

Ah can't really argue with you there an' Ah can't really explain it.

Ah've have no excuses. Ah can't speak for Berto, Dani and James, but for me I've no excuses.

Somehow, it seems as if only New Mutants that were trained by the Professor are allowed as part of the team.

This isn't a conscious decision, Tabby. It's more like God made a bad editorial decision (Hehe!). It just sorta happened that way."

Tabitha snorted derisively through her tears.

"Great! Fucking great! That means I'm sidelined, while you have Magma on the team who has fought us almost as often as she's fought by our side. Then there's Karma who left the team again and again and Doug Ramsey who returned as a murderous Zombie.

You know what, Sam? That's fantastic! I have been part of this team as long as the three of them put together!"

Sam coughed, this was really uncomfortable.

"Ah am really sorry, Tabby. Ah can't offer you much more certainly no explanation that makes any sense. Maybe we can talk about you joining the Squad when things have settled down a bit for once.

If it even is muh squad then."

"Forget it Sam! It's not like I'd be a valuable addition to the team anyway in the state that I'm in."

She turned away from him again, but not before he saw that, there were already new tears in her eyes.

Sam gently caught her face in his hands and forced her to face him again.

"Tabby, Ah already told you that one thing hasn't changed.

Ah do still care for you and ah want to be there for you from this moment on…"

Ah want to help you, can't you tell me what happened?"

She shuddered and shook her head, as if trying to shake off a bad memory with it.

"You probably heard that I've been kidnapped by the "Leper Queen" some time ago?"

Sam nodded, he had heard about that in one of Scott's briefings, and he had heard that not all the victims had come out of it relatively unscathed.

Tabitha hugged herself even tighter and seemed almost to push herself into the wall, as if for protection.

"What you probably didn't hear, because it concerned Scott's private killer troop, his new X-Force, was that I was saved by X-23 when she and the others returned from fighting yet another Stryfe with Cable in the future.

What I didn't know at first, was that Laura returned a short time before they had originally travelled to the future."

She stopped talking and Sam saw that she was still fighting the tears.

"You see Sam, James told me that Cyclops had sent them to the future, before they could save me and the others, without their consent.

He was pretty sure that I had already been killed and was only saved because of X-23 appearing directly behind the Queen."

Sam was shocked. So shocked that he was almost unable to speak. He had to concentrate hard to find the words.

"He did what? Scott did what? What! He left you to die."

He jumped off the bed on his feet.

"I should smack that visor off his face. Just what is wrong with him sometimes?"

He started pacing up and down before the bed, unable to stand still.

"The decision's he's forcing onto me, onto everyone. That is one thing, but this? Look at the toll protecting Hope took. And he been ready to sacrifice us for her sake even back then?

I just don't know if this was worth all the losses and what it takes from us to make these decisions…"

He stopped, not wanting to add his own problems to Tabby's.

She had already dropped her head on her knees and he could hear her stifled sobs again.

"H-he pr-pro-probably th-thought, sh-she w-was w-well worth l-loosing three C-class mu-mu-mutants." She whimpered, stuttering.

Without thinking about it, he sat down beside her and took her in his arms.

Instantly she clung to him as if she was drowning, her small frame shaking from crying.

He ran his hands through her hair and tried to reassure her, to calm her down. To sooth her tears.

It felt a little awkward to hold her like this again and even though she was in a real bad way, it still brought back lots of good memories.

Good Memories, of course, but given his current emotional turmoil over the fate of the children and his part in it…

The kiss he would shared with Dani, the way she, one of his oldest friends, thought about him now. Not all this exactly leaded to him trusting his reactions at this moment in time. Still, this was not about him.

Tabitha needed a friend most of all now and if he could not do more, at least he could be this friend.

"Tabby, you know you're not C-class or anything like it. You are important to many people.

Ah know this must be very hard for you. Yet, in truth, it did not really happen. The outcome was changed; we've experienced things like this before. You probably shouldn't worry about it so much."

With her face still nuzzled into his ever-wetter t-shirt, her voice arrived in his ears only muffled.

"That's easy to say, if it's not you yourself who is affected.

I know you're basically right, Sam. Still, this doesn't help me keep the nightmares away I have on an almost daily base. Where the Leper Queen puts a gun against my temple and blows my brains out.

I can't get it out of my head, Sam. I can't"

"So ah guess that is why you're being treated by Emma?"

"Yeah! When Cyclops heard the whole story he told me to."

Sam looked down at her blonde head in surprise.

"The whole story? There's more?"

She shuddered and nodded her head, while her hands clawed themselves even harder in his shirt.

"A-after she saved me Laura… X-23 lost consciousness and I was pretty much out of it as well.

Th-then some soldiers arrived, claiming to be from H.A.M.M.E.R.

At first, I thought they were here to help us and they actually acted this way. They tranquilized Laura, but she had you know, a still smoking gun in her hand. I tried to tell them what happened, but I still couldn't think straight. Then most of them left with Laura a-and I-I was still so out of it I couldn't help myself. Much less, help X-23.

T-the two soldiers who stayed with me, where talking about how they wouldn't even need a gun to get rid off me."

She raised her head from his soaked through shirt and her blue eyes met his and some was hit by how desperate she looked. Her eyes were practically screaming for help.

All he could do was hug her even closer, pulling her body against his and hope she felt a bit safer with his arms around her.

After a moment she continued, fighting each word out of her throat.

"I couldn't do anything, Sam. I couldn't fight; I couldn't talk or even think.

Then one of them… he said I was rather good looking for a mutant freak; that it was all over now.

He said he might as well have some fun with me… before…

If Jimmy hadn't arrived then, he… he"

She couldn't bear it any longer, buried her head in his chest again, and said in a whisper.

"He would have raped and-and killed me, Sam."

Sam was shaking inside. No wonder she was as rattled as she was and he didn't know anything about it.

Tabby was his one big love. They had been together for years, seriously considered marriage and kids. Now she could easily have been dead without him knowing anything. Anything.

Nobody had even bothered to tell him she was kidnapped in the first place.

He was suddenly feeling really angry.

"Why didn't that Idiot James tell me about this? Why didn't you come to me, Tabby?"

"She moved away from him and pushed him back.

"Are you kidding me, Guthrie? How was Jimmy supposed to know you'd care? How would I know, if you treat me like I don't exist for most of the time?"

Her old temper flared up and she yelled at him.

"I never thought you could be such an asshole, Sam! Now you decide to act like a friend again, as if you give a damn? Piss off, Guthrie! Leave me alone! I don't need you! I don't need anybody."

His own anger seemed to melt away instantly before her fury and pain.

Sam reached out to her again, hoping to comfort her, but she slapped his hand away.

"I'll deal with this alone, like always. You can go back to your precious New Mutant Squad and to fooling around with Moonstar.

Just like when you left me for Cheney again."

Her words really hurt, but the worst part was, that a lot of it was simply true.

Sometimes it felt like, for some unknown reason he acted like a total stranger. Acting like and doing things that the "normal" Sam Guthrie would not dream about doing.

His voice was audibly shaken when he answered.

"I'm sorry, Tabby. It's just that I'm feeling really terrible about this. Not to mention I feel a whole lot guilty, because most of what you are accusing me of, is right. But believe me Tabby; I do still care about you. A part of me will always love you, kiddo."

Tabby actually seemed to calm down at his words, with a strange expression on her face as she smiled a sad little smile.

"Kiddo. You remember when you used to call me that, Sam?"

Sam simply nodded.

"Of course I do. All our issues and troubles back then, but I was happy. You made me happy. You were so funny and upbeat and so cute."

She smiled sadly and shook her head.

"It was the best time of my life, Sam. Before you left to join the X-Men, before I made the mistake of starting something with 'Berto. Before everything broke apart… Before I lost you for good."

"You didn't…"

"Please don't say I didn't lose you, because I did sooo lose you.

We were practically engaged at one time and now moths pass and we hardly speak a word."

Maybe he did not like it, being shoved this blunt into his face, yet she was right again.

"Can't Ah still try to help you though, Tabby? Please! Ah don't want you to go through this alone, just with that b… witch for "help.""

She really seemed to consider it at least, judging by her expression, then she asked.

"How could you help me, Sam? What can you do? I' can't even sleep because I've terrible nightmares every night. I try to keep up the act and play the brainless, happy "valley girl," but I'm slowly falling apart."

Tentatively he reached out to comfort her again, afraid she might reject it, but instead she let him hold her again.

He sighed inwardly; perhaps it was not such a good sign when Tabitha Smith lost her thick-headed stubbornness.

"Why don't you try talkin' to me, when it hits you hard? Or we could go out and have some fun to get ya to think about other stuff.

Heck ah could even sleep in the same room; perhaps that might help against the nightmares, when you aren't alone."

She smiled at him, her eyes still misted over with tears.

"No way, Guthrie! You're not getting into my pants again this easy."

Nothing like that, Tabby. Ah just thought ye might feel safer with somebody you trust in the same room."

She pouted and let the air blow sharply out of her mouth.

"So you really think, I'd still trust you?"

He was taken aback by the hint of real contempt in her voice.

"Ah sure do hope so. Even after all that happened you should still know you can trust me with stuff like that."

"I think I'll just let that lie… Okay, Sam. It would be great to talk with somebody from time to time who doesn't treat me like I'm either the dumbest bimbo or the biggest slut."

She curled her pretty lips in contempt.

"As if she's the one to talk like that."

It made him angry to hear that. Just what was wrong with Frost?

If she wasn't the meanest, most manipulative… woman, he'd ever known.

He tried to concentrate on just dealing with Tabby's problems, but his anger about Frost nagged at him.

Shifting around to rest beside her on the bed, he searched for a comfortable position and spend the next few hours just listening and talking to his former girlfriend.

At first, she hesitated and acted reserved, but with time, she slowly opened up to him again.

At times, she ranted, other times she cried. In the end, Sam felt as if it had helped her at least a bit.

Maybe it was strange, but somehow Sam even enjoyed it a bit.

Enjoyed feeling this close again, with someone who had once been a team mate and one of his best friends, felt good, even under these circumstances.

He wondered again, how it was possible for them all to drift so far apart.

Not only him and Tabitha, but also Dom and James, even Rahne as well.

Not to mention Terry, Ric' and 'Star. At least most of them were part of the New X-Factor, still…

You might say this is just what happens with friends sometimes, but that didn't make it less sad.

Tabby was right. He liked Amara, Doug and X'ian, but he had spend much more time with his team mates in X-Force, Julio and Tabby had even already been New Mutants as well for quite some time.

All this sort of drifted around in the back of his mind, while he listened to Tabby.

Finally, she sighed and presented him a little smile.

"Guess I'm all talked out now. Thanks, Sam. I was great to be able to open up to someone again, even if it was only for today."

"It's not only for today, Tabby. At least not if you don't want it to, kiddo. Ah promise, that ah won't leave you alone with this. If you need any help or want to talk, just give me a call."

She threw him a curious glance, mixed with something he could not quite make out.

"You know, Guthrie? I might even dare to trust you again and accept this offer."

After a little pause, she added quietly.

"Just… just don't… don't abandon me again, Sam. 'Kay? I would… just don't, please?"

"Don't worry, Tabby! I won't."

She smiled and then could not stifle a small yawn, her sapphire eyes looking at him apologetically.

"Sorry, Sam. I feel totally spent. Guess I'll turn in early again."

Sam lifted his long form off the bed.

"All right, kiddo. I'll let you sleep then. And don't forget, if you need me, just holler."

He was almost out of the door when he heard her whisper in a small and timid voice, as if she was afraid to be rejected.

"S-sam? You… I mean… Would you sleep here with me like you offered? Just because of the nightmares?

Maybe I could get a full night's sleep then for once.

You could use the couch. It's a fold-out."

He sighed inside again. He already had a long day. Yet it would not stand to let her down already.

"Sure, Tabby. No problem."

After she handed him some blankets and a pillow, she vanished into her

Small bath and he was left to prepare his bed.

He had just finished with it, when she appeared again, wearing a short pink nightgown and, unbelievable bunny slippers.

He could not suppress a chuckle and she shot him an angry glance.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing but the fact that you're still wearin' these."

"They are comfy and I like them, so what?"

"It's really nothing, Tabby. Ah think they are kinda cute."

She frowned at him, but blushed in a deeper shade of pink than her nightie.

"Hurry up into the bath and stoop goofing around, Guthrie. I want to sleep."She quickly hid her attire under her blankets and scowled at him until he closed the bathroom door behind him.

She flipped the bird at the closed door and nestled herself into her cushions.

The room was completely dark when Tabitha turned off the lamp on her bedside table and Sam actually managed to stumble over the edge of the bed before his eyes could adjust to the darkness.

Boom Boom used a time bomb to illuminate the room and could not stop laughing when she saw him spread over his makeshift bed, a sheepish expression on his face.

"Well, Sam. If that wasn't a reminder of the time when you were all legs and arms and lankiness, then I don't know what."

Sam grumbled angrily, while he fought against his sheets.

"It's not like there ain't enough embarrassing secrets hidden in your past."

"And what embarrassing secrets might that be?"

Sam began counting on his fingers although he was pretty sure, she could not see it.

"One. Your Haircut when you, Ric', Dusty and Skids joined the team.

Two. Your first costume when we became X-Force.

Three. How even a broken and wired jaw couldn't stop your endless babbling.

Four. Your second costume, the pink one you created with X-Factors costume designer…"

"Shit! Don't remind me of that! I was young and I love pink. Okay, it was garish, but… Just don't mention it.""Oh, Ah don't know. Ah thought it had some redeeming aspects…"

"Which were?"

"Well, your legs and your behind showed off extremely nice in it and the rest of your body looked great as well.""My goodness, Sam! These are some bold statements for a boy from a small, backwater, mining town in Kentucky. Thanks anyway!"

"What for?"

"I decided to take your comments as a compliment, because it's probably the best I'll get from you."

He blushed; these days were long behind him.

"Don't say that, Tabby. You are every bit as beautiful as you were then. Ah sure was a lucky guy…"

He interrupted himself and an uneasy silence filled the room, until Boom Boom announced.

"Okay! I'm gonna try to sleep now, so stop yapping."

"Tabitha Smith is tellin' me to stop yappin', that's rich. Now I've heard everything."

He thought to himself.

Then his mind wandered back to what he had said a few moments earlier.

He really had been lucky to find someone like Tabby and no other relationship had been as deep and satisfying as his first real life.

Not even with Lila. With Lila, it had been a boy's crush at first and when he came to her again, after X-Force disbanded, it felt more like a safe haven than a real commitment, which was probably the reason it ended quite fast.

Dani came to his mind and the passionate kiss they shared.

Not that it had not been a great kiss, but the demise of the children had probably ended the chance for it to grow into anything more than that.

He was not really upset about this though. Dani was one of his oldest and best friends; sure, there might have been some tension between them now and then but, his feeling toward the young Cheyenne Warrior were more along the way he felt for one of his siblings, than anything else.

Sam sighed he just wasn't one to act like a player, like 'Berto did. All flirty and manipulative, to some extent, everything to ensnare his current victim, in this case Amara.

He just hoped there was more than that in regards of the advances made towards the young "Nova Romani"

Because even after all this time, Amara still seemed quite a bit naïve when it came to passion and sex.

Sam's thoughts wandered around these themes for some time and when he finally managed to lay them to rest, he heard Tabitha's even breathing, suggesting that she was already asleep.

The young X-Men resorted to some of the meditative practices techniques he had learned from Prof. Xavier to relax enough to drift into sleep as well.

Seemingly, just an instant later he was yanked out of his rest again, by a panicky yell from the bed.

He jumped from his makeshift bedstead and stumbled through the dark towards her bed. Seconds later the small bedside lamp alighted, revealing Tabitha Smith's scared features.

Her eyes were wide open, her face a hectic red.

Sam, thankful he did not fall over anything in the dark, eased himself on the sheets beside the young blonde.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he asked.

"Are you okay Tabby? It was just a nightmare."

Her blue orbs turned to him, a strange expression on them, as if she was not quite sure who he was. "Uh-Uh."

She finally uttered, her voice shaken.

"No for crissake, I'm not okay. I can't even remember when I last slept through a whole night without waking up screaming. Every! Goddamn! Night!"

Calming down a bit, she rested her head on his shoulder, before she spoke again.

"I'm sorry to ask, but couldn't you sleep here, with me? Maybe it would help."

And after another hesitating pause.

"I'll probably feel safer with you sleeping beside me."

"Sure, Tabby. No problem. As long as it is okay for you. Oh, and I'll stay on the covers to be safe."

She nodded quietly, snuggled into her sheets and nestled up against him.

Tabby slipped surprisingly easy back into sleep.

For Sam it took some time, because the warm body, the sweet familiar smell of her short blonde tresses so close to him, made it a bit hard to relax.

For a while, he drifted into and out of sleep, not quite able to let go.

After a while, he could hear Tabby's quiet snoring.

He wondered how often they had slept like this, with her petite body in his arms, while he listened to the cute little sleeping sounds she made, before sleep claimed him as well…

He always found the little noises she made so endearing and in no way a bother.

A certain unexplained pain in his chest made itself known.

It made him realize that he yearned to have this again.

Perhaps what was missing in his life, what made him feel adrift without a compass, was Tabby.

Perhaps not having her around was what led to him being so unsure of his decisions, why some of them in hindsight seemed as if somebody else must have made them.

He must have dozed off again, because he was awakened by somebody calling his name.

"Yes Tabby? What is it?"

He asked, still half asleep, but got no answer.

Sam turned around to her and saw that she was still sleeping.

Her face looked calm and relaxed, happy even.

Then she whispered his name again.

"Sam."

A shiver ran down his spine, he knew the way she had said his name, had heard her say it like this many times.

It sounded just like when they were lovers. It sounded as if she said it with love in it.

Could it be that she still loved him, after all that happened? After he'd left her for another woman? And after he had basically ignored her for months?

And why did it make him feel so happy because she said his name like that?

His reaction showed that somewhere inside him, there were strong buried feelings for her and now they were coming to the surface again.

As he lay there, looking at her sleeping face it did not bother him at all.

Slowly he started tracing her jaw line with two fingers, before he gently cupped her cheek.

Still sleeping Tabby pressed her face into his hand and smiled contently.

Her mouth opened slightly and he could not stop staring at her enticing lips.

They looked as if they screamed to be covered by his.

Slowly he inched his face closer to hers, until he felt her sweet, warm breath on his face.

Sweet and minty, like chewing gum.

He smiled when he remembered that her favourite mouthwash tasted and smelt like this.

Her eyelids fluttered and two sleepy blue eyes met his.

She smiled happily.

"Sam."

Before he could pull back, her arms embraced his neck and pulled him closer so that their lips met.

In the short moment when his brain still worked, he considered ending this, but her soft, sweet kiss ended any thoughts in this direction.

Soon, much too soon it was over.

His eyes were drawn to hers and the expression in her sparkling blue orbs reminded him of their first real kiss in the cellars below the destroyed X-mansion.

She had known she loved him, before he was aware of his own feelings.

That same love had shown out of her eyes back then.

"I love you."

She breathed and drew him into another kiss, more passionate this time.

He knew this was wrong, she probably was not even really aware of what she was doing. In addition, she was not exactly stable after what had happened to her.

Yet the lure of her eyes, her lips was so strong, he could not think of anything else he would rather do.

Then Tabitha seemed to come fully to her senses again.

She jerked away from him and moved as far away as was possible on her bed.

Staring at him, her hand moved to her lips, touching them as if to check wether it really happened.

"Oh, my god! We didn't… I… We… We didn't, did we?

I was… you… Why?"

Her eyes filled with tears again and she started to cry with hopeless little sobs.

"H-how could you do this to me, Sam? How… You must have known I w-wasn't aware of… Why did you let me kiss you? S-so c-cruel! D-do you hate me so m-much?"

She covered her face with her hands and curled her body together.

Her whole body shaking.

"Why? Y-you just told me you care for me and now this! Why?"

It was heart wrenching to see her like this."Tabby, Ah do still care for you, Ah swear. More than I thought possible.

That's why I didn't stop you.

I wanted this so much. How could I have stopped you?"

The shaking stopped and she slowly lifted her face again. Her tear-stroke eyes bore into his face intensely.

Uncertainty was etched on her features and she touched her lips again with two fingers.

"Y-you wanted?… Pl-please don't play games with me, Sam.

You know how much I'm hurt inside. I couldn't cope with…"

"I don't. I wouldn't do something so cruel, least of all to you. Ah'm sorry Ah didn't stop you, but I'm glad I didn't.

Ah wouldn't have had the guts to kiss you myself.

Even though just looking at your sleeping face made me want nothing more than to hold you in my arms again."

"Sam."

Her voice sounded so insecure.

"Please, Tabby."

He crawled closer to her. She stared at him, but didn't move at all, like a deer caught in the headlights.

He wrapped his arms around her thin waist and pulled her closer to him.

She whispered again, unbelieving.

"Sam?"

Sam bent forward and gently kissed her forehead.

She shivered.

"Sam, don't."

It tasted salty when he kissed away the tears, then he gently stroke her hair.

Her shivering increased.

Sam kissed her lips tenderly.

Reacting to that, she almost fell into him. Clinging to him with all her strength.

Like earlier today, she pressed her face in his chest.

"I missed you so much, Sam."

She cried and he kissed her hair and stroke her back to comfort her.

"It hurt so much when I saw you again, when we fought the Skorrn.

But nowhere as much as it did when you left afterwards, without so much of a word.

I carried on, but I really don't know why."

"Shh, kiddo. Don't sell yourself too short; I know how strong and tough you are."

She sniffed into his shirt.

"I know. But no matter how tough I am. You are the only one I ever really loved.

Losing you… You know I really wanted to kill Lila.

I hated Storm when you joined her X-Men team.

I worked with Cable and Dom against Weapon X to keep my mind busy, just to be brainwashed as I learned later on.

Nothing prepared me for how bad it would hurt when I returned to the X-Men again. I saw you all the time, yet you barely seemed to see me. And as if this wasn't enough torture, all this other shit had to happen."

Lifting her head from his shirt, she re-established eye contact again.

"I swear, Sam. If this isn't real, if you are playing games with me… I'll time bomb your ass to kingdom come."

Sam smiled and gently took her chin in his hand, lifting her face up, so that he could reach her lips in a passionate kiss.

Her body melted against his, and she moaned quietly, when he gently bit her lower lip.

Getting bold, he used this opportunity to let his tongue slip into her mouth. Her tongue met his and started to play with it.

Soon, too soon they had to end the kiss to get air into their lungs.

"Whoa, Tabby. That was intense! Ah think I could get used to this again, how about you?"

Growling she pushed him flat on the back and straddled his hips.

"It's nowhere near enough, Guthrie."

She groaned and bent forward to devour his lips hungrily.

Buried her hands in his hair and pulled him closer into the kiss.

Then she moved her hips in a circular motion and felt his reaction instantly. She smiled, but wanted more.

Tabby pressed her body against his and through the thin fabric of his shirt and her nightgown he could feel the swell of her ample, supple breasts on his chest. Her hardened nipples pressing into him.

When she let go of him this time, Sam could swear he already had dark shadows before his eyes from the lack of oxygen.

Boom Boom got into an upright position again and smiled seductively.

Her hands moved to the hem of her nightie and in one smooth motion; she pulled it over her head and discarded it onto the floor.

The dim light of the small lamp threw shadows over her naked glory, showing just enough to draw a gasp from Sam's mouth.

Her eyes shimmered from reflective light as she looked at him challenging.

"I'm not going to beg, Sam."

Sitting up he pulled her onto his lab and kissed her again. His left wandered to the small of her back the other cupped her cheek to add to the kiss.

She let him conquer her mouth easily and he started to explore all the well-known and missed places.

Tabby grabbed the collar of his shirt with both hands and ripped it apart with some effort. Sam let go of her just long enough to slip out of the rest.

Then she ran her nails down his chest and stomach moving down to his shorts and her finger started to fiddle with it.

He caught her hands for a moment and looked into her eyes.

"Tabby, are you sure? Isn't this much too soon."

She shook her head wildly, a trace of fear in her eyes again.

"No, Sam. No! I need this. Show me that you love me! Show it to me."

He kissed her gently, letting all his pent up feelings flow into the kiss and soon it turned into more."

Later they lay naked under her blankets relaxing in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

Tabby was curled up against him, in his right arm. Her hand running playfully over his chest.

He smiled at her and kissed her gently.

"So, what's next, kiddo? Want me to kick 'Berto of the Squad and choose you to replace him?"

She giggled and answered in mock seriousness.

"Sure, Sam. You do that and while you are at it get rid of the witch and the translator zombie as well. They both give me the creeps."

Sam could not help but laugh.

Oh Geez, Tabby. That sounded just like… It sounded like we were still in the bunker under Jimmy's reservation and any minute Cable would storm in and start screaming at us, because we were foolin' around instead of training unarmed combat with Dom.

"Yes. And in the background you could hear Ric' bickering with 'Star and the sound of Jimmy smashing Terry's bottles."

He smiled ad her and kissed her again before he continued.

"I swear you could hear everything in this bunkers and that when there were earth and rock in abundance around the rooms."

"You forget that there were no doors. No doors at all."

Sam smiled again; this was fun.

"To come back to our previous fooling around.

As usual 'Star would have no Idea what Ric' was talking about and ignore him while continuing training."

"And Feral would sit there, watching him, probably eating a poor little desert mouse."

"Ah, yes Feral… You heard that she and her sister were killed by Sabretooth some time ago?""You know Sam; I can't say I'm too unhappy about this. I never liked the bitch anyway, not after what she did to you. Poor Lucia though, she did never have her sisters killer streak. A-and I guess no one deserves to be killed by that monster.

Whenever I hear his name it brings back really bad memories."

The nostalgic fun was definitely over, as they both remembered what Tabby was talking about.

From there Sam's thoughts wandered to all they had lost.

And he had thought that this was forever lost as well, but now he had found his love again. Therefore, he did not want the mood to get too bad.

"Yeah. There are some bad memories, but also lots of good ones. At times, the team was like a real family. Even with Wisdom, there were moments like this. There were good times."

Boom Boom moved in to kiss him again.

"I just hope we get to make lots more, Sam."

"Sure thing, Kiddo! We'll have lots of opportunities for it."

She snuggled closer to him, let her head rest against his shoulder, interlaced the fingers of her left hand with his right and closed her eyes.

"You know, Sam? I don't remember if I used to care for it much, but now I just love it when you call me kiddo."

"Then Ah'll do so first thing each morning'."

Authors Ramblings:

So, I hope it was enjoyable. I swear there is no other pair I miss as much, not even Cable/ Domino.

What I would not give to see these two together again in the comics or at least acknowledge their past together and interact again.

And yes, I never liked Feral, sorry for the two guys who do.